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Sex is not a three-letter word for love, writes sex educator Carol Cassell. Love that is real is a developing emotion, slow and steady....[It involves] a willingness to invest time and effort in developing the potential of a relationship.1 A young man explains, I thought that sleeping together would deepen our relationship. But we just didn't know each other well enough. It turned out we were too different. I was sorry, and I felt guilty. Twenty-three-year-old Kim recalls, I was sixteen and a virgin when I started dating Brian. He was great looking, older, sophisticated. I thought about him every minute. I was completely in love. After a few weeks, we were having sex-in fact, we did it every time we had a chance to be together. At first, I was so happy being with him, but then I got scared and upset. I was afraid he would leave me, and I felt kind of guilty. Here I was sleeping with this guy, and I was starting to figure out that he didn't feel about me like I did about him. I was so sure I loved him, but I realize now that I didn't really know him. I didn't know then what it means to really know a guy. The truth is that, after a while, the biggest thing between us was sex. One night when he brought me home, he said goodbye in this kind of heavy, serious way. I could just tell he meant it was all over. I was so scared, but I couldn't, you know, talk to him about it. Can you believe it? We'd been intimate sexually all those weeks, and I still couldn't really have an intimate conversation with him about us. For months, I felt awful and depressed. I listened to this suicidal music and stared into space for hours. I was completely confused about who I was and what I had done.... Then I met Allen. I was so desperate for affection or love or attachment that I started sleeping with him after a couple of weeks. It was exciting for a while, and I told myself I loved him, but I didn't really. I just needed to feel loved. It didn't last long, and I ended up feeling even worse about myself. I really wish I hadn't had sex so young. It made me feel bad about myself, and it made me feel like I made stupid decisions. I don't know if I've really gotten over feeling bad about me. I wish I'd waited till I was older.
