Sex with Kings: Five Hundred Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge

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Overview

Throughout the centuries, royal mistresses have been worshiped, feared, envied, and reviled. They set the fashions, encouraged the arts, and, in some cases, ruled nations. Eleanor Herman's Sex with Kings takes us into the throne rooms and bedrooms of Europe's most powerful monarchs. Alive with flamboyant characters, outrageous humor, and stirring poignancy, this glittering tale of passion and politics chronicles five hundred years of scintillating women and the kings who loved them.

Curiously, the main function of a royal mistress was not to provide the king with sex but with companionship. Forced to marry repulsive foreign princesses, kings sought solace with women of their own choice. And what women they were! From Madame de Pompadour, the famous mistress of Louis XV, who kept her position for nineteen years despite her frigidity, to modern-day Camilla Parker-Bowles, who usurped none other than the glamorous Diana, Princess of Wales.

The successful royal mistress made herself irreplaceable. She was ready to converse gaily with him when she was tired, make love until all hours when she was ill, and cater to his every whim. Wearing a mask of beaming delight over any and all discomforts, she was never to be exhausted, complaining, or grief-stricken.

True, financial rewards for services rendered were of royal proportions — some royal mistresses earned up to $200 million in titles, pensions, jewels, and palaces. Some kings allowed their mistresses to exercise unlimited political power. But for all its grandeur, a royal court was a scorpion's nest of insatiable greed, unquenchable lust, and vicious ambition. Hundreds of beautiful women vied to unseat the royal mistress. Many would suffer the slings and arrows of negative public opinion, some met with tragic ends and were pensioned off to make room for younger women. But the royal mistress often had the last laugh, as she lived well and richly off the fruits of her "sins."

From the dawn of time, power has been a mighty aphrodisiac. With diaries, personal letters, and diplomatic dispatches, Eleanor Herman's trailblazing research reveals the dynamics of sex and power, rivalry and revenge, at the most brilliant courts of Europe. Wickedly witty and endlessly entertaining, Sex with Kings is a chapter of women's history that has remained unwritten — until now.

Editorial Reviews

Booklist
“Herman’s spirited history of royal “mistresshood” is certainly a catchy read.... History made as buoyant as fiction.”
More Reviews (1) Fewer Reviews
From The Critics
“An irresistible book… Deliciously bawdy, outrageously entertaining… Herman’s writing sparkles off the pages.”

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780060585440
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 4/5/2005
  • Edition description: Reprint
  • Pages: 320
  • Sales rank: 175,065
  • Series: P.S. Series
  • Product dimensions: 5.40 (w) x 7.94 (h) x 0.81 (d)

Meet the Author

The author of Sex with Kings and Sex with the Queen, New York Times bestselling historian Eleanor Herman has hosted episodes for the National Geographic Channel and the History Channel's Lost Worlds. Born in Baltimore, Maryland, she is married and lives in McLean, Virginia.

Read an Excerpt

Sex with Kings

500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge
By Herman, Eleanor

William Morrow & Company

ISBN: 0060585439

Chapter One

Sex With The King

When there's marriage without love,
there will be love without marriage.
-- Benjamin Franklin

We picture the royal mistress as, first and foremost, a sexual creature. She has a heaving bosom, a knowing smile, eyes sparkling with desire. Ready to fling her velvet skirts above her head at a moment's notice, she offers irresistible delights to a lecherous monarch. The entreaties of his anguished family, the bishop's admonitions, his own sense of royal sin and guilt, are useless against the mistress's enticements when compared to those of the woodenly chaste queen.

Indeed, the horrifying state of most royal marriages created the space for royal mistresses to thrive. A prince's marriage, celebrated with lavish ceremony, was usually nothing more than a personal catastrophe for the two victims kneeling at the altar. The purpose of a royal marriage was not the happiness of hus-band and wife, or good sex, or even basic compatibility. The production of princes was the sole purpose, and if the bride trailed treaties and riches in her wake, so much the better.

Napoleon, franker than most monarchs, stated, "I want to marry a womb." And indeed most royal brides were considered to be nothing more than a walking uterus with a crown on top and skirts on the bottom.

Disaster at the Altar

Princesses were brought up from birth to be chaste almost to the point of frigidity, thereby ensuring legitimate heirs. While virtue could be taught, beauty could not. Ambassadors, selling the goods sight unseen to a prospective royal husband, inflated the looks of the princess with hyperbolic praise, often bringing a flattering portrait as evidence.

In 1540 Henry VIII was duped by the portrait trick in his search for a fourth wife. He wanted to cement an alliance with France and wrote François I asking for suggestions. François graciously replied with the names and portraits of five noble ladies. But Henry was not satisfied. "By God," he said, studying the flat, unblinking faces on canvas, "I trust no one but myself. The thing touches me too near. I wish to see them and know them some time before deciding." He wanted to hold a kind of royal beauty pageant at the English-owned town of Calais on the north coast of France where he would personally select the winner after close inspection.

The French ambassador replied acidly that perhaps Henry should sleep with all five in turn and marry the best performer. François sneeringly remarked, "It is not the custom in France to send damsels of that rank and of such noble and princely families to be passed in review as if they were hackneys [whores] for sale."

Chastened, Henry returned to perusing portraits and decided on a Protestant alliance based on a lovely likeness of Anne of Cleves. But when the royal bridegroom met Anne he was shocked at how little resemblance there was between this hulking, pockmarked Valkyrie and the dainty, smooth-faced woman in the portrait. The king was "struck with consternation when he was shown the Queen" and had never been "so much dismayed in his life as to see a lady so far unlike what had been represented." He roared, "I see nothing in this woman as men report of her, and I marvel that wise men would make such report as they have done." He continued, "Whom shall men trust? I promise you I see no such thing as hath been shown me of her, by pictures and report. I am ashamed that men have praised her as they have done -- and I love her not!"

Try as he might, the king could not extricate himself from the marriage to his "Flanders mare," as he dubbed Anne. The duchy of Cleves would be offended if Henry returned the goods. Two days before the wedding, Henry grumbled, "If it were not that she had come so far into my realm, and the great preparations and state that my people have made for her, and for fear of making a ruffle in the world and of driving her brother into the arms of the Emperor and the French King, I would not now marry her. But now it is too far gone, wherefore I am sorry."

Henry went to his wedding with less grace than many of his victims had gone to their executions. On the way to the chapel, he opined to his counselors, "My lords, if it were not to satisfy the world and my realm, I would not do what I must do this day for any earthly thing."

The wedding night was a fiasco. The morning after, when Lord Thomas Cromwell, who had arranged the wedding, nervously asked Henry how he had enjoyed his bride, the king thundered, "Surely, my lord, I liked her before not well, but now I like her much worse! She is nothing fair, and have very evil smells about her. I took her to be no maid by reason of the looseness of her breasts and other tokens, which, when I felt them, strake me so to the heart, that I had neither will nor courage to prove the rest. I can have none appetite for displeasant airs. I have left her as good a maid as I found her." The rest of the day he told everyone who would listen that "he had found her body disordered and indisposed to excite and provoke any lust in him."

True to the double standard of the time, no one asked Anne what she thought of the king's appearance. Her royal bridegroom boasted a fifty-seven-inch waist and a festering ulcer on his leg. Anne was quickly divorced and glad to depart with her head still on her shoulders. But Lord Cromwell felt the full force of Henry's wrath in the form of an ax cleaving his neck ...

Continues...
Excerpted from Sex with Kings by Herman, Eleanor Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments xi
Introduction 1
1 Sex with the King 13
2 Beyond the Bed--The Art of Pleasing A King 33
3 Rivals for a King's Love--The Mistress and the Queen 55
4 Cuckold to the King--The Mistress's Husband 81
5 Unceasing Vigilance--The Price of Success 103
6 Loving Profitably--The Wages of Sin 131
7 Political Power Between the Sheets 155
8 Red Whores of Babylon--Public Opinion and the Mistress 171
9 The Fruits of Sin--Royal Bastards 183
10 Death of the King 195
11 The End of a Brilliant Career and Beyond 211
12 Monarchs, Mistresses, and Marriage 237
Notes 257
Bibliography 271
Index 275

First Chapter

Sex with Kings
500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge

Chapter One

Sex With The King

When there's marriage without love,
there will be love without marriage.
-- Benjamin Franklin

We picture the royal mistress as, first and foremost, a sexual creature. She has a heaving bosom, a knowing smile, eyes sparkling with desire. Ready to fling her velvet skirts above her head at a moment's notice, she offers irresistible delights to a lecherous monarch. The entreaties of his anguished family, the bishop's admonitions, his own sense of royal sin and guilt, are useless against the mistress's enticements when compared to those of the woodenly chaste queen.

Indeed, the horrifying state of most royal marriages created the space for royal mistresses to thrive. A prince's marriage, celebrated with lavish ceremony, was usually nothing more than a personal catastrophe for the two victims kneeling at the altar. The purpose of a royal marriage was not the happiness of hus-band and wife, or good sex, or even basic compatibility. The production of princes was the sole purpose, and if the bride trailed treaties and riches in her wake, so much the better.

Napoleon, franker than most monarchs, stated, "I want to marry a womb." And indeed most royal brides were considered to be nothing more than a walking uterus with a crown on top and skirts on the bottom.

Disaster at the Altar

Princesses were brought up from birth to be chaste almost to the point of frigidity, thereby ensuring legitimate heirs. While virtue could be taught, beauty could not. Ambassadors, selling the goods sight unseen to a prospective royal husband, inflated the looks of the princess with hyperbolic praise, often bringing a flattering portrait as evidence.

In 1540 Henry VIII was duped by the portrait trick in his search for a fourth wife. He wanted to cement an alliance with France and wrote François I asking for suggestions. François graciously replied with the names and portraits of five noble ladies. But Henry was not satisfied. "By God," he said, studying the flat, unblinking faces on canvas, "I trust no one but myself. The thing touches me too near. I wish to see them and know them some time before deciding." He wanted to hold a kind of royal beauty pageant at the English-owned town of Calais on the north coast of France where he would personally select the winner after close inspection.

The French ambassador replied acidly that perhaps Henry should sleep with all five in turn and marry the best performer. François sneeringly remarked, "It is not the custom in France to send damsels of that rank and of such noble and princely families to be passed in review as if they were hackneys [whores] for sale."

Chastened, Henry returned to perusing portraits and decided on a Protestant alliance based on a lovely likeness of Anne of Cleves. But when the royal bridegroom met Anne he was shocked at how little resemblance there was between this hulking, pockmarked Valkyrie and the dainty, smooth-faced woman in the portrait. The king was "struck with consternation when he was shown the Queen" and had never been "so much dismayed in his life as to see a lady so far unlike what had been represented." He roared, "I see nothing in this woman as men report of her, and I marvel that wise men would make such report as they have done." He continued, "Whom shall men trust? I promise you I see no such thing as hath been shown me of her, by pictures and report. I am ashamed that men have praised her as they have done -- and I love her not!"

Try as he might, the king could not extricate himself from the marriage to his "Flanders mare," as he dubbed Anne. The duchy of Cleves would be offended if Henry returned the goods. Two days before the wedding, Henry grumbled, "If it were not that she had come so far into my realm, and the great preparations and state that my people have made for her, and for fear of making a ruffle in the world and of driving her brother into the arms of the Emperor and the French King, I would not now marry her. But now it is too far gone, wherefore I am sorry."

Henry went to his wedding with less grace than many of his victims had gone to their executions. On the way to the chapel, he opined to his counselors, "My lords, if it were not to satisfy the world and my realm, I would not do what I must do this day for any earthly thing."

The wedding night was a fiasco. The morning after, when Lord Thomas Cromwell, who had arranged the wedding, nervously asked Henry how he had enjoyed his bride, the king thundered, "Surely, my lord, I liked her before not well, but now I like her much worse! She is nothing fair, and have very evil smells about her. I took her to be no maid by reason of the looseness of her breasts and other tokens, which, when I felt them, strake me so to the heart, that I had neither will nor courage to prove the rest. I can have none appetite for displeasant airs. I have left her as good a maid as I found her." The rest of the day he told everyone who would listen that "he had found her body disordered and indisposed to excite and provoke any lust in him."

True to the double standard of the time, no one asked Anne what she thought of the king's appearance. Her royal bridegroom boasted a fifty-seven-inch waist and a festering ulcer on his leg. Anne was quickly divorced and glad to depart with her head still on her shoulders. But Lord Cromwell felt the full force of Henry's wrath in the form of an ax cleaving his neck ...

Sex with Kings
500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge. Copyright © by Eleanor Herman. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
Customer Reviews
Average Rating 4.5
( 51 )

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  • Posted September 5, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Historical Smut is always the best

    At time I too felt that this book was disjointed, however, that doesnt mean it wasnt a good read. I truly enjoyed this book, its fun to get into the nitty gritty of things at times. I've used Herman's books as well as Farquhar's books to occasionally break up my more serious reading. You will learn a lot reading these books, but its fluffier than some other books. I look forward to reading her book about the female pope!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted June 3, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    Its fluffy fun

    This book is The Star of history books... which is perfect for me! I think too often people try to be overly academic in the history writing and research; history should not always be glorified they had their drama everyday as us. This book is great for relaxed and enjoyable reading. Its incredibly entertaining. At times it seems disjointed in its presentation, however, its not so bad as to detract from the book or her great deal of research. I look forward to reading more of her books!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 26, 2007

    Sex with Kings: Five Hundred Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge

    Okay! I have finished this book and loved it. I highly recommend it if you are interrested in the behind the sceens life of the royalites. I'm going to pick up Sex with a Queen as soon as I leave work!!!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 11, 2007

    Sex with Kings: Five Hundred Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry, and Revenge

    I have not even finished this book yet and realy love it. It is very informative and entertaining. I read a lot of historical fiction on the monarchs and just about every story includes one mistress or another. This book takes you deeper into the functionality of the mistress and how she got to her status and/or may have lost it.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 26, 2007

    A very entertaining book!

    Entertaining and well researched. A guilty pleasure you won´t want to put down.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted September 2, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    The Royal Bedrooms

    An intimate glimpse into the boudoirs of some of the kings throughout history, Sex with Kings investigates their liaisons outside the marriage bed. There were lots of meaningful and trivial facts, but the subject matter was well-researched and in most cases, intriguing. It was easy to feel sympathy for the kings, the queens and the mistresses, as accepted practices throughout the years were not optimal for the fairy tale love I'd read about in storybooks of my youth. Definitely worth the romp, if you enjoy royal history!

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  • Posted March 30, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    eBook Review: Extremely well-formatted, but full page pictures missing

    Because B&N doesn't support line breaks in reviews, my lengthy review for the (5-star) content of this book can be found elsewhere online. This review will focus on the formatting of the eBook at time of writing (03/30/2011). This eBook is extremely well-formatted - I never noticed any errors in the text nor in the table of contents links. However, the paperback copy of this book has several full page color pictures of the kings and their mistresses, whereas in the eBook format the pictures have apparently been left out entirely, which was disappointing. Otherwise, this is an extremely well-formatted eBook with no major flaws.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 20, 2010

    Great Beach Read

    I really enjoyed this book! It was sometimes difficult to follow because Herman jumps around in each chapter to different monarchs and mistresses, but I'm not sure there would be a better way to organize her points. I thought it was well researched and Herman's writing style keeps you engaged, and of course the subject matter does too! Perfect for your beach vacation or a lazy weekend afternoon!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 20, 2009

    Fun Historical Non-Fiction

    I really like the perspective of this book, since women in history are so rarely written about or even remembered. She covers all aspects of these women's lives: the good, the bad, the politics, the sex, the social aspect, the scandal, everything.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 20, 2005

    cute

    I got a kick out of this book, and not just from the eyebrows raised when people saw it in my bookshelves. It is a fast, easy read that details the life and times of some of the women behind 'great' men. I found it incredibly eye opening, especially from a standpoint of fiscal (ir)responsibility. I found the book to be a tad redundant in some places...the same mistress and her story was mentioned multiple times with no new information. But, overall, I recommend this book to people who enjoy somewhat obscure niches of history.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 18, 2005

    Fun, but lacking

    I found this book to be a fun little ditty. The relatively short chapters make it good light reading. The intriguing title made me want to read, but I was greatly disappointed. I agree with a previous reviewer when she stated that more in depth research could have made this a better book. I also found the book to be repetitive in many places, restating facts (ex. pompadour was a sickly women)in practically every chapter. Additonally this book lacked organization, which made it harder to read. One was constantly jumping around from country to country and over many different time spans. The chapter headings are clearly not enough to make this mess organized. Overall this was a fun book, but nothing I would recall a year from now.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 29, 2004

    Delightful and Insightful!

    Who says history has to be a dry, dusty trudge through a desert of dead factoids? Ms. Herman's witty, eloquently written tour of the naughty girls of history proves that the past was a living thing wrought by lusty human beings with needs and desires that directed the course of events. If, like me, you have always been curious about the sex lives of the great monarchs and their mistresses, SEX WITH KINGS will enthrall you from first page to last. You will encounter the most powerful women in Europe; women whose sexual liasons with kings brought them to the forefront of political life and enmeshed them in the machinations of state. Fascinating and meticulously researched, this magnificently illustrated and arranged volume is compulsively readable--impossible to put down! I have purchased several copies to give to my friends. Written with great flair, intelligence and humor, SEX WITH KINGS is for everyone who enjoys a good book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 19, 2004

    Looking for more

    I thought the author could have done more. what drives a powerful man to adultery? What sexually satifed these powerful men? What about some dirty little bedroom secrets of the most powerful men of there time? As readers we were only given the most mundane of sexs acts ' one dirty little Frenchmen with a toe fetish' there has to be more. I also could have used a little more of the authors personal views her voice not unlike an automated phone answering machine 'just the facts mam'. I removed the dust jacket so as not to look like a perv reading somthing with the word SEX in four inch red letters. This is probly a good coversation starter at the local starbucks but with out the depth this subject could have the book left me looking for more.

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    Posted July 2, 2010

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    Posted September 21, 2010

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    Posted March 2, 2009

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    Posted January 21, 2012

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    Posted November 3, 2011

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    Posted March 30, 2011

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    Posted June 18, 2011

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