Sexscopes: How to Seduce, Stimulate, and Satisfy Any Sign

Sexscopes: How to Seduce, Stimulate, and Satisfy Any Sign

4.6 27
by Stuart Hazleton

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Looking for the heavenly body of your dreams?

Have you ever longed to get a chatty Gemini to stop talking and start kissing? Do you wish you could lure that shy Cancer out of his shell and into your bedroom? What's the best way to coax a fun-loving Sagittarius into getting serious between the sheets? Wonder no more — Sexscopes reveals the secrets to


Looking for the heavenly body of your dreams?

Have you ever longed to get a chatty Gemini to stop talking and start kissing? Do you wish you could lure that shy Cancer out of his shell and into your bedroom? What's the best way to coax a fun-loving Sagittarius into getting serious between the sheets? Wonder no more — Sexscopes reveals the secrets to seducing the object of your desire based simply on his or her astrological sign, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

Sexscopes exposes each sign's sexual proclivities and pet peeves, providing tips and tricks for attracting a particular sun sign. For instance, did you know that Virgos are turned on by class, while Taureans get excited by cash? That Capricorns like to dominate, while Pisceans love to be possessed? That Scorpios get off on giving orgasms, while Arians prefer to get them? The sexual landscape of every sign is explicitly explored in tantalizing detail, including:

-Pick-up lines that actually work
-Erogenous zones, and how to work them
-Compatibility ratings between each sign, in and out of bed
-Favorite sexual positions, sex toys, flavors — and more!

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
Matthew "Dr. Matt" Abergel author of Work Your Stars and Gay Stars Thank your lucky libido Sexscopes has arrived. More fun than an inflatable doll, more titillating than a pair of tight jeans — open this book and get ready for a good time.

Thelma Balfour author of Black Sun Signs and Black Love Signs Stuart Hazleton has written a saucy and sassy sexual astrology book that teases, titillates, and entertains.

Charlene Lichtenstein author of HerScopes: A Guide to Astrology for Lesbians Yowza! Stuart has penned the ultimate sexual manual of the zodiac. Use this guidebook to attract (and keep) the person of your wet dreams. It's great for those born under any sign, from Aries to Virgo to Pisces to "Slippery When Wet."

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Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

Why I Wrote This Book and How to Use It

When my fascination with astrology began, it blew my mind how on target the info it provided was. It was like I'd suddenly been handed a psychological road map explaining the motivation that drove my enemies, friends, and family. Within months, I realized why a certain Sagittarius in my life saw fooling around behind his spouse's back as A-OK and why an Aquarian bud was great at giving advice but when it came to putting her words into action, well, that was a totally different story.

Fast forward a few years and I got my first job writing astrolgy advice at Bolt, a website for older teenagers ( My editor there was one of the coolest people I've ever met. Instead of trying to downplay my somewhat over-the-top writing style, she told me to run with it.

"If you want to write about a wet dream, do it," she said, and the sense of freedom she gave me opened my eyes further to what this too-cool tool could do for others. I could share what I knew in my voice, without trying to edit out all the controversial bits I'm notorious for. My philosophy, which is pretty damn liberal, came through full force. Bolt was happy and I was happy.

I wanted to do more though. I wanted to give sexual strategies that weren't really appropriate for the "Omigawd, did you watch Buffy last night?" age group. That's where Cosmopolitan stepped in. The staff there wasn't embarrassed by my trash-talk: They actually liked it. My own wet dream of saying whatever the hell I wanted to was coming true. As Cosmo's astrologer, I could talk about bumping uglies, blow jobs, or whatever else popped into my bawdy brain. I still couldn't actually say blow job though, since I still had to mask my sexual stuff with Golden Girls-style innuendo. I didn't lose sleep over it though: Being Cosmopolitan's astrologer gave me access to opportunities I'd been hoping for. Along with Cosmopolitan, Cosmopolitan: All About Men, and CosmoGirl!, I've also written about astrology for the Lifetime network.

One thing was still missing though. When I talk, whether it's to my spouse, best friend, or Joe Blow at the corner 7-Eleven, I can't help but communicate like a truck driver. Who knows: Maybe I share some DNA in common with Jamie Lee Curtis, but I figure why say "Yeah," when "Fuck, yeah!!!" feels so much easier slipping off my tongue. It's not that I'm thinking about sex 24/7, it's just that I've always been an earthy kind of guy. Meanwhile, when doing research for a Cosmo pull-out book, I realized that most books about sexual astrology are almost as exciting as reading the ingredients on a chewing gum wrapper. The info between the pages might be great but if it's written in a dull and dry manner, who the hell is going to read it? After weeks of complaining to my editor about the lack of pulse-pounding smutty astrology, she finally said, "Well, Stuart, why don't you get off your ass and write one yourself?" I took her advice, got off my ass, and wrote the book you're holding in your hot little hands.

Some words of warning: I believe in calling the shots as I see them and though many find this offensive, I've discovered that a lot of people talk the same way I do. In our country, it's cool to see someone's head chopped off in a Friday the 13th flick but forbidden to watch people bumping uglies. Why is this? I'm not sure but it's pretty damned ignorant: While almost everyone thinks about or engages in sex, unless you're a serial killer it's probably not all that important that you see someone's head severed from their bod. Don't get me wrong: I love horror flicks almost as much as I like sex. I just think that to allow seventeen-year-olds in to see American Psycho while the Ellen show is rated MA is amazingly lame. I mean, Showgirls sucked but the idea that jiggling tits or an erect dick is going to somehow corrupt America is so behind the times it's not even funny.

Astro 101

I wrote this book for everyday people, not the astrological elite. If you know what adjunct, sextile, and cusp mean put this book down because it's way too elemental for you. But if you're wanting a quick, sexual analysis of any sign — whether you're aiming for an awesome one-night stand or a lifelong commitment — this is the book for you. With that in mind, there are still a few things that deserve explanations before you jump in.

First, what the hell is a Sun sign? It's easy to figure out once you understand how astrology works. Based on where the Sun was at the time you were born, you're one of twelve different zodiac signs. Each has its own basic psychology and sexuality and each is decidedly different from one sign to the next. Once you've figured out the birth date of the object of your affections, track down the corresponding chapter. Once you're there, I give you all the information you need to impress and understand them. I even elaborate on things further: Each Sun sign is broken down into three groups, called decanates. This can help to refine your sexual strategy even further. Instead of trying to be super specific — which isn't what astrology is all about — I work in generalities. To accompany the sexual secrets, I also add psychological information about each sign and decanate. It's hard to be 100 percent certain that your Pisces will be going down on you on the first date but after reading the lowdown I've dished out, at least you should have a damn good idea. I also give pointers on how to get what you want from your in-the-sack conquest, but don't worry: You won't have to read between the lines to know exactly what I'm saying.

A few other things worth mentioning are that each sign is from one of four groups. I don't make a big deal out of this, just casually mention it in passing during each chapter, but if you want a quick lesson, here it is.

There are four elements and each holds three signs from the zodiac. Fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius) are go-getters who love to take action. Earth signs (Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn) are sensible and practical. Air signs (Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius) tend to have their head in the clouds and love to talk. Water signs, meanwhile, (Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces) are passionate with a strong sense of intuition.

Okay, lesson over — and that wasn't so difficult, was it? Now, get to work: Look up your lover — or lover to be — in the pages between this tome: Although my writing style might be soft, we want to make sure something gets hard.

The Nitty-Gritty

Okay, if you're aiming to get your rocks off tonight, I'd skip this part, but if you want to fully understand everything I'm going to explain in future chapters, skimming over this blueprint will help illustrate what every section details.

1. Sex Stats: These lists are detailed compilations of everything that could possibly warm the form of your intended sign from their favorite drink to their ultimate sexual position.

2. Do You Know What You're in For?: This is where I deliver the dirt on every sign. Like Aries guys always seem to miss the toilet when they're pissing and if you're going to dump a Scorpio female, you'd better make damn sure you don't break the ties that bind in a public place. Get it? 'Nuff said.

3. Five Surefire Ways to Break the Ice: These are pickup lines that actually work. Forget lame intros like, "I wish you were a plastic horse outside Kmart so I could drop a quarter in you and ride you all night long," and use these sexual strategies instead.

4. Refining Your Sexual Strategy — The Subrulers: The plot of your intended amour thickens in this area as I break down each sign into three different sections. Depending on when the Capricorn in question was born, you might be faced with a chica who's 100 percent businesswoman or a girl who's got a wild streak a mile long.

5. Sexual Synergy: So how's the sex going to be between you and your intended? I tell it like it is in this section and explain if your coitus will be more fun than a trip to Disney World, just okay, or more boring than a Who's the Boss? marathon.

6. Exploring Their Erogenous Zone: Here's the skinny on the fastest way to get your lover's libido revving on all eight cylinders. Pisces like their feet tickled while Scorpio would rather you explore a more intimate region. Wanna know what it is? Turn the pages to find out.

7. Come Again? If you're like me, that Jacqueline Susanne novel Once Is Not Enough is written all over your face the minute you've gotten off. I've found begging for more usually doesn't work so these are my tips for getting your other half to gun for a round two without having to explicitly ask.

8. But Will It Last? If you're just looking to scope out a fast and furious fuck, forget this section — but if you want to know your odds at a long-term love affair or the big M, keep reading.

9. Celebs: Celebrities I've picked who exemplify the traits of their sign.

Copyright © 2001 by Stuart Hazelton

Meet the Author

Stuart Hazleton is the Bedside Astrologer for Cosmopolitan and has contributed astral advice to the Lifetime network and Cosmopolitan: All About Men. This is his first book. He lives in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

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Sexscopes 4.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 27 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Stuart Hazleton rocks, and I would take his advice, astrological or otherwise, any day. Buy his book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
well written and the information was surprisingly on target. i wasn't a believer before but I am now--a great read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I was shocked to see how applicable this book is. Not only was it right on the money for me and mine, but we could understand it. Avoid buying the archaic books that are too vague to understand. This book is funny, real, and useful. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Silly, sassy, funny and interesting. Not everything was on target but for the most part I thought this book was a great read. Some advice made my partner and I laugh out loud--other, more erotic info made us interested in doing things that aren't appropriate to discuss in  public. Read it before bed--but don't count on getting much sleep that night: You'll be busy doing other things!
FFN More than 1 year ago
This book really awesome, helpful - and quite true. . . No need to be offended and if you are - it's only because it's true! LOVED THIS BOOK - Be ready for a good laugh and insight to seducing your favorite signs :)
Ali Reasoner More than 1 year ago
Very good and very accurate!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is an awesome book. It could easily cross over to the self-help department because now I understand some of my own 'special' behaviors... and I like it! This guy's writing is so enjoyable to read. FINALLY.. a guy who's funny, serious, and sexy. I'm buying it for all my friends. I recommend it for yourself and as a gift (probably for the closer friend). I'll throw a party so my friends can all discuss it over cocktails! Cheers!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is not only on target astrologically most of the time, but is a lot of fun to read. I'd recommend it for anyone who wants better sex, or can't figure out why their partnet does what he/she does. It will help! Yes, it's graphic sometimes, but in a fun way, and, look at the title. Were you expecting Martha Stewert?
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is a must have for those astrology lovers out there. The author is witty, but straight up. He gives you the postive plus the negative. He gives you how you are compatiable in bed and if the relationship part can last. The reading is fast and enjoyable. This is the the most read book for relationships, on my book shelf. This book has helped me understand my partner. This book has also helped me explain to others their own relationships.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book made me a true believer in astrology. It's witty, but it's also so on target it amazed me and my family. If you're ready for a great book buy this now! What are you waiting for??
Guest More than 1 year ago
Reading this book was like discovering a psychological road map that gave new insight into understanding myself, my mate and my friends. It was wittily written and fun to read but, more importantly, the info it provided was so on target I was honestly amazed. An excellent book!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I love this book, I got my Virgo out of his shell he wants me every night. This book is a must buy. It's right to the point no beating around the bush and it's stuff you can use. I gave a copy to all my girlfriends. It's between us girls. Our husbands don't know whats going on they just love whatever we do. Buy this BOOK!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I just had to send in a review of this book. My boyfriend bought me because he couldn't belive how true about us it was. He hates astrology and used to say it was bull until one of his friends took this book to work and read to him about his sigh. He said he had to buy it on his lunch bread (which is only 30 minutes) that day. It's really almost freaky how true it is! I swear this Stuart Hazelton a true psycic or whatever you call it. And it's also quite fun to read alone with your boyfriend.
Guest More than 1 year ago
my best friend made me read this book and its great. the ideas are really sexy and inovative
Guest More than 1 year ago
I was searching for a good book about the signs and this has to be the best book out there. This book holds nothing back, and it tells it as it is. A must have
Guest More than 1 year ago
Couldn't put it down. After reading about my lover's and my sign--interest was piqued to find out about love techniques in every astrological sign. Fun and on target. Imagine the possibilities?
Guest More than 1 year ago
I just read this book, it's accurate and fun and very raunchy...... but it's guaranteed to keep you reading..and gives great suggestions to keep you LOVE SIGN addicts....happy !!!!!
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