Shadow Of A Soldier

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Overview

The laughter still rings through her home, the smell of his room, the trophies displayed on his shelf, the little pieces of paper with friend's numbers scattered in his top drawer. Every word she has ever spoken for the past 21 years plays over and over in her mind. Her dreams stacked in a neat little pile in the corner of her room, for her dreams would be on hold while she lived through the eyes of her son. A knock on the door defined her future. Her life now a manifestation of her past, for her future would ...
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Overview

The laughter still rings through her home, the smell of his room, the trophies displayed on his shelf, the little pieces of paper with friend's numbers scattered in his top drawer. Every word she has ever spoken for the past 21 years plays over and over in her mind. Her dreams stacked in a neat little pile in the corner of her room, for her dreams would be on hold while she lived through the eyes of her son. A knock on the door defined her future. Her life now a manifestation of her past, for her future would repeat every 11th day of the month, a reminder of the dreadful knock on her door. A flag draped coffin her son would arrive on a snowy December day. The tears that fall from a mother's heart, her sorrow, her memories and her love will linger in your soul.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781463444570
  • Publisher: AuthorHouse
  • Publication date: 8/23/2011
  • Pages: 76
  • Product dimensions: 0.20 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 8.50 (d)

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SHADOW OF A SOLDIER

By Beth A Goncalo

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2011 Beth A Goncalo
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4634-4457-0

Chapter One

GOLDEN COIN

I never believed in goodbye, I always whispered I will see you later
The meaning now surfaced into something so much greater
I appear to live on a golden faith paved road
However for sunshine and laughter a golden coin is owed
My life is full of every when and bends
All the stars I sit and watch them ascend
I rest outside and the wind it churns
The emptiness follows, that being the hardest to learn
My recollections appear to all have purged
While the birds sing in the distance, quietly they still can be heard
Silently I stare and the golden bricks they gleam
Sometimes life only portrays what it wants to seem
The golden bricks I rest and stop to admire
But the twist and turns I never do desire
The days are slow but time never does stop
It arrives in circles with one great ticking clock
The night time draws and then again light
The twist they come with one hell of a golden might


REFLECT

I can remember you running in the park far from two
And thanking God that he blessed me with you
I drive down Bedford Street passing the park
You would run those bases until it was dark
I kept you close for as long as I could
You had an innocent thought process like a young child should
I can't help myself my life is in reverse
I remember your first dance and how we would rehearse
Slow dancing you just needed to know
Impressed she would be you would put on a show
The night of the dance being more nervous than you
The smile on your face I knew you had made it through
I remember the first time I let you walk to the store
You left with Andrew as I watched from the door
I remember our first visit to the beach
Don't get to close I would always preach
Shells and seaweed sprawled around
We collected the sea shells everyone that we found
I still have them in a container in the drawer
I never thought those sea shells I would hold to the core
I remember the spring day I asked if you wanted once again go to the shore
You looked at me like we never did this before
That's the year you grew your wings and learnt how to fly
All grown up I would sit and cry
But I knew in time the middle would draw near
And all the memories we would revere
That's the moment you did not want to be treated the same
A beautiful little boy and a man you became


FRIENDSHIP

When Ethan left for Boot Camp, it was surreal. I was so happy that he and his childhood friend Tyler Andrade joined
together. It was scary when Ethan left for his Afghanistan deployment and we worried like all parents do. But we were
fortunate, Tyler had Ethan and Ethan had Tyler they deployed together, just adding one more adventure to their list they
being the duo that never separated. Their friendship was always a strong bond. In their childhood they played in the park
together, rode their bikes, as adults they crossed oceans into foreign lands they had a bond that will forever be sealed.


STRIFE

He stands along the road as he was told
Multiple times be prepared to reload
The wind and sand blows with every gust
In the distance a child full of dust
Dirty and hungry he seems to be
But the sands in his eyes and it's hard for him to see
Can he trust, he is just a child
His thoughts are clicking like a jet dial
He's looking hungry and skinny how could this be
Is he a friend, what is it he see's
His human side, he wants to help
But he knows he must stay within himself
Is he here for him to help in life
Or will this day turn to a terrible strife
Holding a coin in his hands
Mixing with the cold world falling sand
Hungry, poor and dirty for sure
The coin for him is this the lure
Calling him over to stand by his side
Hoping he will strive and abide
The sand and mountains, his eyes do a scan
Calling the Captain on his LAN
He asks himself, is it this child who really needs me
Or will my life end for such a small fee


THE ANGELS

The protector's task has immediately changed hands
Although this was not in the life plan
Sorrow and God are intertwined
An Angel discovered he watchfully cries
Revealed in the light an Angel materialized
Off to heaven they all do rise
Every day of the week it's said the Angels do appear
Helping wipe away the broken hearted tears
All that occurs linking morning and night
Some don't recognize the Angels are in flight
The winds will blow through your hair
Their strength and character will appear
The leaves will shutter with the breeze
There protection they send will appease
The rain will come with great force
Helping diminish the pain and keep you on course
The smell of the grass freshly cut down
The aroma of an Angel is reaching the ground
The falling of the snow gently touching the world
Affectionately covering your pain with a beautiful pearl
The waves crashing to a delightful sound
They're trying to transfer the burden so it can never be found
The sun will throb across your head
There message proceed with life is what is trying to be said
The birds will gently sing in the spring
The will power per Angel they will bring
The flowers will grow with great glee
Hoping to hear laughter they all agree
How does this happen year after year
It has become apparent the Angel wipes away the tear
The Angels help not to live in distress
Lending a hand so there is no regress
They bring the freshness to the sky
Clarity appears and memories come alive
Complete a life and an Angel is found
The wings appear and sweep the ground


WHY

My knees slowly touch the ground
Flags are flying, life can be so profound
Teardrops and footprints lead the path
I walk alone on this lonely lath
Harmonies beat free in the bind of a scroll
The recollection elapse my inner soul
Be not a day that I can't help but gaze
I'm on my knees, staring in a daze
Life can exist even when faith and pain are twisted
A love to hold onto so tightfisted
The pain will be felt throughout many lifetimes
The road is long given the mountain I climb
The rage that was brought down to be free
I look around and so many are like me
Trying to let the heavens wash away the hurt
But the difference be, I'm forever standing on the dirt
Waiting with anticipation he is coming home
My hearts seemingly now one big open tome
Yet the wonder how can life be so cruel
The faith becomes an internal duel
The mountain I climb stopping at the peak
Some climbs in life become lonely and meek
I accordingly live but inside will never again be alive
He's coming home; a flag draped box is how he arrived
Hearts stop beating and freedoms achieved
Hoping someday I will stop and believe
Privacy is null the media insist
His name they honor but just another on the list
The winds expand when calling out his name
Some would think who you are going to blame
I have to keep on believing or I will fall
It will come with strength and show as a squall
Little comfort as I say goodbye
Our hearts are broken as we look to the sky
Why do the years seem consequently vast
Yesterday and tomorrow with such contrast
Seeding with absence for years to come
Living a life that is totally numb
Someday life's resolve unbolts the door
I will look to the sky and see so much more
The gusts are whipping time after time
They say don't find doubt and my heart will be fine
Take a breath and flip through the blue
His final exhale has been given for you


FINGERPRINT

I look at your pictures on the wall
They hang in a row down the hall
It's all I have as I touch your face
My fingerprints present is the only trace
A smudge and a fingerprint on the glass
A tear that drops a reflection of the past
I look to your trophies all in a row
A touch from you, your fingerprints they all glow
I sit in hope fingerprints eternally mold
A stroke and a glance and a memory is told
Your fingerprints I gasp and thought for a while
Your fingerprints have been a million miles
They clasped my hand for a summer stroll
I warmed them up when you were cold
A song and a dance then you counted to ten
Your fingerprints were present once again
They reached for the future full of grace
The world was yours set at the perfect pace
I sit in your room that is where I reflect
Treating your things with the upmost respect
A new year is starting without you here
The beautiful memories I will always hold so near


THE CLAIM

On the eleventh you entered an eternal sleep
They tried and tried and now we everlastingly weep
All my appeals to God he could not hear
The eleventh's phenomenon, a potent fear
It is hard and I still have trouble to believe
He has so much more he still needs to achieve
We quietly cry the eleventh you claim
Who needs to live in a soldier's fame
I look for you everywhere, this can't be real
Bring him back; I would sell my soul for this deal
Every photo I see that smiling face
And I try to think you're in a better place
A glance into my life it use to be so serene
You can recognize what a parents love truly means
Memories stream throughout my mind
I try to think of all our happy times
The pictures show the wonderful person that you were
But a reminder to us what we have to endure
All those photos bring tears to our eyes
And the eleventh it became our biggest demise
I can picture you standing at the back door
The memories of you watching TV lying on the floor
I should be happy for the time us three had together
But I and Dad wanted you forever
Tender words and prayers they help to console
They pray for you and your beautiful soul
I selfishly sit I want you back I cry
I believe in the heavens but still ask them why
I ask them to return you to me on the eleventh and on the twelfth my soul I will give
For he has many more years he has to live
We miss him so very much
He was special so many lives he still has not touched
Grant us please one more eleven
For he cannot leave us for the heavens


THE ELEVENTH

A month has passed since you departed
Every eleventh I'm twice the broken hearted
A month was a month now twisted forever
Life without you has been such an endeavor
Time is moving yet standing still
The days are long, it's so up hill
The months flew pass; now seem so few
Forever I thought I would always see you
Every month a day will turn to eleven
A reminder, the gates opened and you rose to heaven
Even though I have to believe the day has come
It's a motionless dream and I still feel numb
How did the months become my forever
I always thought there would be a never
I miss your voice, your silly smile
I miss your whole childish style
At times I see you standing there
But then I turn and there's only air
You made me smile when no one else could
You listen to my rants when no one else would
I couldn't believe when you went away
I woke up this morning and the eleventh's today
There is no tomorrow to be shared
Although I know your everywhere
Embedded in my heart are memories that will live forever
Twenty one years, I have many to treasure
Each night I stop and look to the sky
I ask them why we have to say our goodbyes


SHADOWS

As the sun follows the twist and turns of our life road
Shadows will trail or so we are told
Some start short then taller they grow
Some would say the shadows are our soul
They walk the path we all recognize and go
The light it shines and the shadow will show
Tranquil hour that hits at noon
The night will come but the shadows immune
The stars gleam brightly, but the morning sun will shine
The shadow will assemble becoming an instinctual design
When the shadow is absent and weary it grows
Left on earth is the memories we sew


MY DREAMS

I listen for your voice in my dreams
And that beautiful smile that always beamed
I dream wishing they all move very slow
Therefore I have a moment to witness your beautiful glow
They seem so quick, in a flash your image is gone
I wake to see that it is already dawn
Over and over I keep telling myself
All these memories, couldn't be bought with any amount of wealth
Never did I imagine I would be here and you so very far away
But I thank God; I thank him for the memories of yesterday
I thank him for letting me dream of you
When I wake giving me the strength not to be unglued
I carry your smile within my heart
Without your beautiful memories I would fall apart
The loss words could never explain
It's all the memories with a broken chain
For now we will walk in shadows that are two
Through the skies that are shinning down so blue
Instantly I knew time is always borrowed
I never realized there is no tomorrow


SON

I miss you Son, the hurt in my heart, I just can't explain
The pain from day to day is always the same
Every day I feel the pain in two pieces my heart just tore
The love is running through my veins and the tears only pour
I see your beautiful face, that smile, what will life be without you
One day it's a dream and the next it is actually true
Someone says the words and it rushes to my heart
Time, I can't turn it back if only time could stop
I'd stop the time on the night before and you'd be here again
If God would only let me close my eyes and count to ten
I'd count to ten and my wish would come true
At the end a dream it would be and I would have you


NOT A SOUND

Windy quite and bitter cold
The love in my heart a lifetime of memories you hold
Picture perfect, not a sound to be heard
Trees perched above the road no leaves they all disappeared
Rows and rows, but none so heart aching
Still and wondering why they took you for the taking
Flowers placed in neat little rows
The sun is out but the snow still seems to blow
No sounds to be heard then I whisper your name
I hope you feel the love and know that I came
I tried to protect you from your ups and downs
But the road of life sometimes goes round and round
I have to believe you are everywhere I stand
Although our family has just been disband
There is not a beat of my heart which does not beat for you
Until my last breath there will always be some part of this that seems so untrue


PRAYING FOR RAIN

If the rain could wash away the pain
I'd find a cloud and pray for rain
With the wind the pain would subside
The sound of thunder would reassure it's been a lie
A lighting strike would turn back the time
The sun would come and always shine
Overwhelmed with missing you and it's hard to comprehend
Were living a life but can't distinguish between real and pretend
The leaves left from the fall are blowing all around
And the trees are budding but you still can't be found
The flag on the porch is blowing with every gust of wind
A reminder of a life that just started to begin


A REMINDER

The stars belonged to everyone now they beam for you
The moon that brightened all the skies now it shines down blue
The rainbows shined from a distance they streamed across our eyes
The distance no longer required it can be seen through the tears that we cry
The rain falling from above swiping across the earth
The wetness puddles all around a memento of life's worth
The clouds they wander floating through the city and hills
The reminder of what life's about not the silly frills


LIFE CAN BE UNFAIR

I miss your smile your eyes that gleam
It's like I am living in some horrific dream
It can't be true waiting for you to arrive
My heart is full of sorrow covered with a blanket of pride
Why does God always take the best
And leave us to live with all of the rest
Words can't explain the pain in my heart
I never thought we would all have to be apart
The pain is swirling from my head to my toes
Why was it you that had to go
My mind is trembling with great fear
My heart with sadness, eyes full of tears
It isn't fair I wish God would have first took me
It would be the normal order we all could agree
Standing and praying on the cold hard ground
The wind is whirling and my cries are the only sound
I miss you Ethan echoes through the air
How in the world could life be so unfair
Time is suppose to heal and cover our pain
But with you not here, it can never be the same
There is not a minute you're not on my mind
I think of our lives and you blessed my heart you made it shine
The emptiness that surrounds us is beyond any words
I write on your face book it seems sometimes so absurd
But I look through the pictures and read all the quotes and there so sincere
For a moment I forget and the pain just disappears


BELIEVE

I can hear your heart beat within the trees
I can feel your soul through the leaves
I can listen to your laughter in the wind
I can watch the flowers blossom and you are with me again
I can hear the birds singing your favorite song
I can smell your scent in the flowers so very strong
I can catch a glimpse of the sun on a rainy day
I can gather the clouds and portray them as a bouquet
I can touch the air where the mountains rise
I can sit on top and feel your eyes
I can breathe your warmth through the summer sun
I can feel you letting me experience the heavens as one

(Continues...)


Excerpted from SHADOW OF A SOLDIER by Beth A Goncalo Copyright © 2011 by Beth A Goncalo. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
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