Gift Guide

She Looks Just Like You: A Memoir of (Nonbiological Lesbian) Motherhood [NOOK Book]


After ten years of talking about children, two years of trying (and failing) to conceive, and one shot of donor sperm for her partner, Amie Miller was about to become a mother. Or something like that.

Over the next nine months, as her partner became the biological mom-to-be, Miller became . . . what? Mommy's little helper? A faux dad?

As a midwestern, station wagon-driving,...
See more details below
She Looks Just Like You: A Memoir of (Nonbiological Lesbian) Motherhood

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 7.0
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK 10.1
  • NOOK HD Tablet
  • NOOK HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK eReaders
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$16.99 price
(Save 31%)$24.95 List Price


After ten years of talking about children, two years of trying (and failing) to conceive, and one shot of donor sperm for her partner, Amie Miller was about to become a mother. Or something like that.

Over the next nine months, as her partner became the biological mom-to-be, Miller became . . . what? Mommy's little helper? A faux dad?

As a midwestern, station wagon-driving, stay-at-home mom—and as a nonbiological lesbian mother—Miller both defines and defies the norm. Like new parents everywhere, she wrestled with the anxieties and challenges of first-time parenthood-including neurotic convictions that her child was chronically ill and the muddled confusion of sleeplessness. But unlike most mothers, she experienced pregnancy and birth only vicariously. Unlike biological parents, she had to stand before a judge to adopt her own daughter. And unlike most straight parents, she wondered how to respond when strangers gushed, "I bet Daddy's proud," or "She has your eyes."

Miller began searching for a role that would fit her experience, somewhere in the unexplored zone between mother and father, gay and straight. Sometimes she felt like a dad in drag, other times like a lesbian June Cleaver. Through it all, she and her partner became something new—even as the presence of a baby rattled the bones of their eighteen-year relationship.

Part love story, part comedy, part quest, Miller's candid and often humorous memoir is a much-needed cultural roadmap to what it means to become a parent, even when the usual categories do not fit.

From the Hardcover edition.
Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
Writer Miller and her longtime partner thought that they were ready for parenthood. But when her partner got pregnant and gave birth, they faced many issues that straight parents do not. How would their daughter distinguish between "Mama" and "Mommy"? Miller humorously describes this and other "simple" situations.
Kirkus Reviews
In this poignant debut memoir, Miller explores the meaning of motherhood, family and the "gayby" boom. Rather than approaching the issue of gay and lesbian parenthood from a political angle, the author takes up the emotional and sociological aspects of nonbiological lesbian motherhood, providing a fresh, insightful perspective. After nearly 20 years of commitment, Miller and her partner decided to have a child. The obstacles and joys they faced-some expected, others unthinkable-provide the meat of the narrative. Miller attempted to get pregnant for two years, then handed the reins to her partner, who promptly got pregnant on the first artificial insemination. The first half of the book is dedicated to the process of impregnation and the pregnancy itself, with the author revealing her hopes, fears, insecurities and attempts to navigate her place in the future child's life, neither as the biological mother nor as the father. Following the birth, Miller had to undertake the process of becoming an equal parent, both legally and emotionally. She faced many of the same problems as heterosexual couples-guilt over working, guilt over staying home, lack of sleep, etc.-and others particular to her situation as a lesbian: What should she say, if anything, when people assume she is the biological mother? Will her daughter's preschool be tolerant of nontraditional families? Rather than providing abstract philosophical musings on such questions, Miller unveils deeply personal reflections on the meaning of parenthood in a rapidly changing society. An introspective work that lays open the inner workings of lesbian parenthood while effectively demystifying parenthood in general.
From the Publisher
One of the greatest celebrations of true family values you will ever read. Funny, warm, and wide-open honest.—Ariel Gore, founding editor of Hip Mama

"Miller's vivid storytelling as the 'unpregnant' partner simultaneously captures the unique challenges of lesbian motherhood in the twenty-first century and emphasizes the undeniable universality of first-time parenthood.—Abigail Garner, author of Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is

"Why would a straight dad like me love this memoir so much? Mainly because it's superbly written and passionately insightful. But also because I discovered that lesbian moms like Amie have something to teach me, and all of us, about how to survive, and perhaps even thrive, as twenty-first-century parents."—Jeremy Adam Smith, author of The Daddy Shift

"Mothers as well as fathers will recognize themselves in Miller's brave, poignant, and funny memoir about parenthood. She Looks Just Like You is both unique and universal, and Miller's honest and hopeful voice shines a bright light on the adventures of creating a family in the twenty-first century."—Jennifer Finney Boylan, author of She's Not There and I'm Looking Through You

"[A] humorous and strikingly original contribution to parenting literature."—Library Journal

"Take one big heart, a heap of talent, and a whole lot of courage and you get Amie Miller's She Looks Just Like You. Miller is a graceful, witty, compassionate guide on the journey that is lesbian parenting. By offering a glimpse of her passage from perfectly happy spouse to perfectly spellbound parent, she reminds us that, gender schmender, it is love that makes a family."—Harlyn Aizley, editor of Confessions of the Other Mother: Nonbiological Lesbian Moms Tell All

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780807004708
  • Publisher: Beacon
  • Publication date: 5/4/2010
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

Amie Klempnauer Miller is a frequent speaker about gay and lesbian families, and her writing has appeared on Salon, in Brain, Child and Greater Good magazines, and elsewhere. Miller works as a development con­sultant to the public media industry and lives with her partner and daughter in St. Paul, Minnesota.

From the Hardcover edition.
Read More Show Less

Table of Contents

1 Babymaking 1

2 No Waiting, Womb Two 30

2 Segues 65

4 Mise en Garde 97

5 Shock and Awe 113

6 Mommy and Me 143

7 Words 159

8 First Floor, Maslow's 172

9 Flight 185

10 Shards 197

11 For Better or For Worse 203

12 Anniversary 219

Epilogue 225

Acknowledgments 231

Resources 233

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star


4 Star


3 Star


2 Star


1 Star


Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation


  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 1, 2012

    I went to a local bookstore, and came across this book by accide

    I went to a local bookstore, and came across this book by accident. Instead of the biography section, I found it sitting on a shelf, placed across from the children’s summer reading section. The first thing that caught my attention was the cover, and then the title. I haven’t read many biographies in my life, least of all one about a Lesbian mother. My first impulse was: I have to buy this book, and read it. The problem: Maybe, it is because I was standing in a bookstore located in a small South Carolina town, but I felt like I was holding something akin to porn. Something taboo, a book that I would have to carry to the checkout counter, and pay for in front of everyone. The first day I say it, I left it on the shelf. On my second visit, I left it. On my third visit, I bought it, along with a few other biographies, which fell within the LGBT and living with disabilities theme. The person at the counter looked through my purchases as she placed them in the bag. She told me to enjoy the books, and I walked out with my collection. I LOVE this book, and I hope the author writes more in the future. This book is about two people growing, and expanding their family, and the difficulties, and joys that come with it.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 14, 2012


    It was a joy to read this book! Amie wrote about all the struggles that I've been faced with as a non bio mom. Beautifully written and funny!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 21, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)