She Loves You, She Loves You Not... [NOOK Book]

Overview

Seventeen-year-old Alyssa thought she knew who she was. She had her family and her best friends and, most important, she had Sarah. Sarah, her girlfriend, with whom she dreamed with about the day they could move far away and live out and proud and accepted for themselves, instead of having to hide their relationship.

Alyssa never thought she would have to make that move by herself, but disowned by her father and cut off from everyone she ...
See more details below
She Loves You, She Loves You Not...

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK Study
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$7.99
BN.com price

Overview

Seventeen-year-old Alyssa thought she knew who she was. She had her family and her best friends and, most important, she had Sarah. Sarah, her girlfriend, with whom she dreamed with about the day they could move far away and live out and proud and accepted for themselves, instead of having to hide their relationship.

Alyssa never thought she would have to make that move by herself, but disowned by her father and cut off from everyone she loves, she is forced to move hundreds of miles away to live with Carly, the biological mother she barely knows, in a town where everyone immediately dismisses her as "Carly's girl." As Alyssa struggles to forget her past and come to terms with her future, will she be able to build a new life for herself and believe in love again? Or will she be forced to relive the mistakes that have cost her everything and everyone she cared about?

National Book Award finalist Julie Anne Peters has written a compelling novel about coming out, finding love, and discovering your place in the world. Alyssa's story will speak to anyone who has known the joy and pain of first love and the struggle to start over again.
Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
When 17-year-old Alyssa's homophobic father kicks her out, she goes to live with the mother she barely knows, a stripper who her father suspects to be a "high-class hooker." But Alyssa has her own secrets, including what exactly happened with her ex-girlfriend the night "it all came crashing down." Peters (Rage: A Love Story) interweaves flashbacks about Alyssa's relationship with Sarah with her new life in Colorado, where she waitresses at a greasy diner, develops a new crush, and learns about past traumas her mother has packed away. There is an excess of plot points to track, and some characters feel scripted—such as Alyssa's gruff, wheelchair-bound boss—but readers will appreciate Alyssa's honesty as she slowly reveals the details of her desperate break-up with Sarah, after which Alyssa's behavior veered into stalking ("I have no control over myself; not then, not now. Even though I knew it was over, I just needed to hear the words from her own lips"). Readers will also respect Peters's choice to give Alyssa new hope without tying up all the loose ends in her life. Ages 15–up. (June)
Booklist
"The story of friends, family, and lovers will pull readers into the deeper themes of trust, rejection, and intimate secrets revealed."
The Bulletin
"Compelling, taut, and heartbreaking."
School Library Journal
Gr 9 Up—When Alyssa's father discovers her in a compromising position with her girlfriend, the 17-year-old finds herself banished to the fabulous Colorado home of Carly, the mother she barely knows. Though Alyssa is disgusted with her father for being judgmental and homophobic, she makes some of the same morality judgments about her mother's exotic dancing and her other job as a supposed masseuse/personal trainer with clients who call at all hours. Asserting her independence, the teen lands a summer job at the Egg Drop Inn, where everyone seems to recognize her as "Carly's girl." Slowly she begins to build an extended family with the owner, Arlo; with the customers; and especially with an attractive young waitress, Finn, all the while struggling to work out her relationships with her parents. Told mainly in a first-person narrative, with somewhat intrusive second-person flashbacks explaining the past year, this soap-opera tale juggles themes of first love, coming out, friendship betrayal, homophobia, abandonment, grief, and forgiveness. While it's difficult to juggle so many balls without dropping a few, She Loves You is still an entertaining read.—Betty S. Evans, Missouri State University, Springfield
Kirkus Reviews

Kicked out of her father's house for being a lesbian, Alyssa adjusts to small-town life with the mother she barely knows.

Carly, who had Alyssa when she was a teenager, works as a stripper and lives, to Alyssa's suspicion and surprise, in a $4 million house. Carly's profession disturbs and angers Alyssa for reasons that are never fully explored, and Alyssa is initially hostile toward Carly and irritated when nearly everyone she encounters in their small town of Majestic, Colo., recognizes her as "Carly's girl." Alyssa takes a job at a local diner, working for gruff but kindly Arlo, one of relatively few characters in teen fiction to use a wheelchair, and alongside Finn, who instantly pings her gaydar and piques her interest. Flashbacks, some written in second person, describe Alyssa's relationship with Sarah, her last girlfriend, and the complex and frustrating dance of hiding the relationship from Alyssa's father and stepmother. The issue of stalking receives subtle treatment; Alyssa is afraid she cannot be trusted with a phone, and flashbacks show her texting and calling to excess. The adult characters, particularly Carly and Arlo, are unusual and well-drawn, and the intimacies and betrayals of the relationship with Sarah ring painfully true.

A warm and substantive character study and a welcome addition to stories about LGBTQ teens. (Fiction. 14-18)

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780316175531
  • Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers
  • Publication date: 6/1/2011
  • Sold by: Hachette Digital, Inc.
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 288
  • Sales rank: 175,550
  • Age range: 15 - 18 Years
  • File size: 821 KB

Meet the Author

Julie Anne Peters is the critically acclaimed author of Define "Normal," Keeping You a Secret, Pretend You Love Me, Between Mom and Jo, It's Our Prom (So Deal With It), and Luna, a National Book Award finalist. She lives with her partner, Sherri Leggett, in Lakewood, Colorado.

Read More Show Less

Read an Excerpt

She Loves You, She Loves You Not...


By Peters, Julie Anne

Little, Brown Books for Young Readers

Copyright © 2011 Peters, Julie Anne
All right reserved.

ISBN: 9780316078740

Prologue

The night Sarah and Ben showed up out of the blue. You should’ve known or suspected something was wrong. The vibe was weird, but then it had been for a while, and Sarah was… Sarah. Up in your room even, when she kissed you and you lost yourself in her. The moment it all came crashing down.

On the plane ride here, to the vast unknown that is Carly, the stupidest thing kept running through your brain. That toy in Dad’s office. You learned at some point it wasn’t a toy, that it had a name: Newton’s swing. Steel balls in a row suspended on a frame. When you pulled balls back on one end and let them go, the same number of balls swung out from the opposite end. The harder you let go of the balls, the farther out the balls on the other side flew. You even remembered the principle, that for every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction. How many hours did you spend in Dad’s office playing with those balls? He’d say, “Cut it out, Alyssa. You’re driving me nuts.”

The physics law works not only on objects but on people. Because of Sarah’s action, her force and thrust on your life, you went flying into space and spinning out of control.

Chapter 1

What does a stripper keep in her closet? The left side is packed with low-cut tops, short skirts, and dresses. No real skankwear. The clothes don’t reek of smoke or booze. Carly has this silk kimono with an embroidered lotus on the back that’s very cool. I take out the robe to hold it up to me in the mirror, and then I hear the front door open. Quickly, I stuff the kimono back in the closet and slither out of Carly’s room.

“Alyssa. You’re up,” she says as I casually saunter down the stairs from the loft. Does she think I sleep all day? She sets her workbag on a chair in the dining room and digs into the front pocket for her cell.

“You got a lot of calls,” I tell her.

“Here?” She peers over her shoulder at the cordless in the kitchen.

“I didn’t answer them,” I say. “I only saw a couple of IDs. Someone named Geena?”

“Did I forget to charge my cell again? I keep doing that. Spacey.” She knuckles her head.

“And Mitchell.”

Carly sighs. “Did the phone keep you up?”

“No. I wasn’t asleep.” I wish I could sleep, but every time I close my eyes, I think of Sarah.

Carly slips off her high heels and pads across the dining room to listen to her messages, checking to see how many johns have called. I’m just guessing. She fishes through her purse, finds her cell, and plugs it in. “You’re welcome to have people call you here,” she says. “I can get you a separate number or switch over your cell service so it’s free.”

“That’s okay.” I don’t want to tell her no one would call me; no one wants to talk to me ever again. Besides, I won’t be here that long.

At the wet bar she pours herself a glass of wine. “Why don’t you give me your cell number, and I’ll give you mine.”

“I don’t have a cell,” I tell her.

She arches her eyebrows as she sips. Swallowing, she says, “Why not?”

I hesitate. “Dad took it away.”

She lowers her wineglass. “Why?”

I don’t want to tell her.

She shakes her head. “He’s such a prick.”

I’d like to agree, but Dad was right to take my phone. I have no control over my impulses.

“Have you eaten?” Carly asks. “I don’t even know what you like to eat. What do you like?”

“I’m not hungry.”

She cocks her head at me like, I know you’re lying. With her long fake fingernails, she presses the telephone number pad. I wander over to the French doors, my back to her, watching her reflection in the glass. She removes a hoop earring and sets it on the counter.

“Geena, hi,” she says into the phone. “I just got in, so I want to eat and shower before tonight. Go ahead without me. I’ll see you at Willy’s.” She listens and then laughs. “Hey, girl. It’s a living.”

I take in the view—the bare side of a mountain. If I remember right, Carly called it Caribou Mountain. I feel her eyes on the back of my head, so I twist around and force a weak smile. She pulls the scrunchie from her ponytail and, shaking out her hair, says, “You have my eyes. You should let me give you eyelash extensions.”

I stifle a gag.

Her phone rings again, distracting her from me. Her business card says she’s a massage therapist and personal trainer. I know it’s a cover for how she spends her days. She doesn’t even try to hide that she’s a stripper by night.

She ignores the caller and turns back around. “You need your brows shaped too.” From her bag, she retrieves a leather case. She unzips it, and inside are fake eyelashes and glue and makeup. She pulls a chair out at the dining room table and motions me to sit.

When I don’t obey, she juts out a hip and fists it.

I want to say, Don’t tell me what to do. You’re not my mother. Except—she is.

She pats the back of the chair. “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

“No, thanks.” It comes out kind of snotty. As I pass in front of her, I resist the urge to check out her eyes.

The only time we’ve spent together before now was an occasional Saturday when she was passing through town on her way to New York or Miami or wherever she was working at the time. She’d drop by out of the blue to take me for the day. It always pissed Dad off. He hates Carly.

And now his hate extends to me.

“I’m going to work out for a while before dinner,” she says, stretching her arms over her head, interlocking her fingers. “You could join me. We could talk.” She smiles.

Does she think I’m fat? I’m not as tall and thin as she is, although I’ve probably lost fifteen pounds in the last month, with being sick and the trauma around Sarah.

“Would it be okay if I watched TV?” I ask.

“Of course. You can do whatever you want, Alyssa. Consider this your home.” She opens her arms to me, like Come get a hug. I won’t go running to her just because she’s here now and I need her. A lump rises in my throat, and I don’t want to lose it in front of her.

The plasma TV is in the formal living room, so I veer off that way. Carly says, “Not in there.”

The sharpness of her voice stops me cold.

“There’s a high def in the family room and one downstairs in my exercise room.” The trilling of her cell snags her attention again. As she slides it open, she hustles up the stairs to the loft.

I watch TV for, like, ten minutes and get bored. Up in my room, which is actually a guest room, not my room, I plug in my nano earbuds to listen to my music. I must fall asleep, because when I open my eyes, it’s dark out. Goose bumps prickle my skin.

She keeps the air-conditioning on Siberia. In stocking feet, I make my way to the panel in the downstairs hallway, the electronics control center, and punch off the fan. There’s a note on the dining room table, propped up against a bowl of floating daisies.

ALYSSA

OFF TO WORK. SORRY WE HAVEN’T HAD A CHANCE FOR A REAL GIRL-TO-GIRL. IF YOU GET HUNGRY, THERE’S SALAD OR YOU CAN ORDER OUT.

XO CARLY

She left me her American Express card.

I feel weird spending her money, eating her food. Just… being here.

This grip of loneliness begins in my stomach and crawls up my chest and lungs and throat. I pick a daisy out of the bowl and hold it to my nose, closing my eyes, and the bitter odor reminds me of Sarah and home and… everything.

I pluck a petal. “She loves you.” I drop it in the bowl and pluck another. “She loves you not….”

A volcano of hurt erupts inside, and I burst into tears.

Virginia Beach

Last September, first day of junior year

You saw Sarah in the hallway. You didn’t know her name then; you’d never seen her before. She glanced right, then left. She turned in a circle. You recognized that first-day panic. You told M’Chelle and Ben to go ahead and you’d catch up. “Um, can I help you?” you asked.

“Yes!” she cried. “I’m so lost. I thought I knew where my next class was, but it’s not here. It should be right here.” She pointed to a wall where a GO WILDCATS banner was taped. “Is this like a tricked-out school or something, where doors appear and disappear?”

“That would actually be interesting,” you said.

She laughed. You took her class schedule and immediately determined the problem. “You want 104B, not C. I don’t know why they numbered the rooms exactly the same in every wing. It’s confusing.”

“I’ll say.”

You handed back her schedule, and she smiled into your eyes.

At the time you thought she looked young, with her braces and ponytail, her too-new jeans and brand-new layered tops right off the back-to-school rack. You remember how terrified you were the first day of freshman year. You said, “I’m going that way if you want me to show you.”

“Would you? God, I’d love you forever.”

The gauge on your gaydar jumped a few notches. Down, girl, you chided yourself.

She was cute. Too much to hope she might be a lesbian. Too young for you, anyway.

As you walked down the corridor, she said, “I’m Sarah.”

“Alyssa.” The late buzzer sounded, and you had to hustle to find her class and then get to yours in the adjoining wing. The next time you saw her was in the gym during club week. You and M’Chelle volunteered to man (make that woman) the Gay/Straight Alliance table. You were supposed to talk to people about what the GSA was, the goals and mission, hand out information and permission slips. Was Ben there? He might’ve had to man (make that girly man) the Gaming Club table.

“Ooh, I love to recruit,” M’Chelle said, checking out the freshmen who were trickling in. She rubbed her hands together. “Fresh meat.”

“Stop.” You elbowed her.

She slapped a rainbow sticker on your forehead, and you immediately removed it.

Almost everyone made a wide berth around your table. Except her. She headed straight for you.

“Hi, Alyssa,” she said.

She remembered your name. “Um, hi.” You didn’t remember hers.

“Hi,” she said to M’Chelle, “I’m Sarah.”

Sarah. That was it.

“I was hoping there’d be a GSA here. We had one in my middle school.”

“Cool,” M’Chelle said. “Where’d you go to school?”

“Bethel.”

You’d never heard of it. Having a GSA in a middle school was pretty progressive, especially in Virginia.

She took the information sheet M’Chelle handed her. “You don’t have to identify as queer—LGBTQ—to join,” M’Chelle told her. “That’s why it’s called Gay/Straight Alliance?” M’Chelle tilted her head to emphasize the inclusiveness.

“Oh, I know.” Sarah smiled at M’Chelle and then at you. She had this turquoise shade of blue eyes with flecks of silver. You have a weakness for blue eyes. Alyssa, you admonished yourself. Jailbait.

Still, if she was lesbian.

“It’s basically a social group, but this year we’re going to do more with diversity issues and tolerance. And we always do Day of Silence.” M’Chelle was our newly elected president of GSA, acting all presidential.

Sarah said, “I can’t believe we need our parents’ permission.” She rolled those baby blues at you.

“It’s so stupid,” M’Chelle said.

To M’Chelle you went, “On three. One, two…” In unison, you chanted, “Forge the sig!”

All three of you laughed. M’Chelle said to her, “Are you interested?”

Her eyes held yours, and you felt that hitch in your lower belly.

“Oh, yeah,” Sarah said. “Definitely interested.” She flattened the info sheet, with permission slip, to her chest and then wandered off, eyeing you over her shoulder.

M’Chelle about died laughing.

“What?” You blushed. “Quit it.”

M’Chelle wheezed. “Fire up the barbie. We got us a smokin’-hot rack of baby back ribs.”

I rip the daisy to shreds. If I could only go back and erase every moment, every memory of Sarah’s existence. If I could only figure out what went wrong.

Carly’s makeup kit is sitting next to a freestanding mirror on the table. I press the button on the base of the mirror and it lights up, illuminating my face. I’m someone I don’t know anymore. A reject. A throwaway person. Little girl lost. Sure, Sarah. I should never have helped that little girl lost find her way.



Continues...

Excerpted from She Loves You, She Loves You Not... by Peters, Julie Anne Copyright © 2011 by Peters, Julie Anne. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 18 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(13)

4 Star

(5)

3 Star

(0)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

(0)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 18 Customer Reviews
  • Posted June 8, 2011

    I love it

    This book was really amazing. Very touching and delightful. A truly easy read, I could not put this book down.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 17, 2012

    LOVE IT<3

    i understand this girl alyssa she is ike me im araid to tell my parents of being lesbian but i hope not to go waat she went through lovs the book thoe <3

    3 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 25, 2012

    loved it

    I absolutely love any book that Julie Anne Peters has written for teens. Her book are an inspiration to many young teens struggling to find where they stand and who they are. She's done it again. Happy reading :)

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted April 8, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    A great read that draws you in. Alyssa learns to get over her ex

    A great read that draws you in. Alyssa learns to get over her ex Sarah while solving the mystery of her mother Carly, meeting Finn, working for Arlo, and still dealing with her father disapproving of her sexuality.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 31, 2012

    Love This Book

    This book is one of my favorite from Julien Anne Peters. Great book,couldn't put it down.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted June 13, 2012

    she loves you, she loves you not

    I liked the book. I think that it had some pretty good vocabulary in it and it is young adult so their is some bad language in it. Otherwise it was a good book. Very easy read.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 25, 2012

    loved it

    Sorry i wrote the above comment and meant to give it a five star not a four lol :)

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 18, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 29, 2014

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 3, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 16, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted April 16, 2012

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted June 23, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted December 13, 2013

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted November 30, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted June 24, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted September 9, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 18 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)