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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved
     

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved

4.2 10
by Lundy Bancroft, JAC Patrissi, Jac Patrissi
 

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A guide to making the ultimate relationship decision from the author of Why Does He Do That?

In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward—with or without

Overview

A guide to making the ultimate relationship decision from the author of Why Does He Do That?

In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of Why Does He Do That?, and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward—with or without their partners.

Women involved in chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationships will learn to:

• Tell the difference between a healthy-yet-difficult relationship and one that is really not working
• Recognize the signs that their partner has a serious problem
• Stop waiting to see what happens-and make their own growth the top priority
• Prepare for life without their partner-even as they keep trying to make the relationship work

Editorial Reviews

Theoretically, ending a painful relationship should be decisive, but many of us anguish back and forth, never quite resolving our feelings about people we once loved for who don't seem to care about us. This new book by two communication specialists is designed to address specifically the differences between a healthy, yet difficult relationship and one that is beyond repair. Should I Stay or Should I Go? not only answers its title question; it offers valuable pointers about the positive steps you can to avoid rebounding back to ex. Life-changing counsel for women and men on the ropes.

Publishers Weekly
Relationships usually reach the point where one partner must decide whether to leave or keep trying to make it work. This decision becomes more difficult as women (the book's target audience) negotiate relationships with partners who are abusive, mentally ill, addicted to drugs or alcohol, or seriously immature. This comprehensive book helps women learn how to establish boundaries, recognize the signs of these behaviors, decide how much they want to support their partners through their personal growth and finally, if they decide to leave, how to do so safely and effectively. Bancroft (Why Does He Do That?) and women's advocate Patrissi provide checklists that highlight behavioral differences between unhealthy relationships and those with normal communication and negotiation patterns. Though they briefly touch on the possibility that the woman is the problematic half, the book focuses on men with demonstrable issues. Women needing to check in objectively on their relationship's health will find this book quite useful, but those looking to improve an otherwise decent relationship will find scant details. (Nov.)
From the Publisher
Praise for Why Does He Do That?

“Bancroft has opened a window into the thinking of abusive men, and his book helps open a door out of abusive relationships.”—Gavin de Becker, New York Times bestselling author of The Gift of Fear and Fear Less

“This is without a doubt the most informative and useful book yet written on the subject of abusive men.”—Jay G. Silverman, PhD, director, Violence Prevention Programs, Harvard School of Public Health

“Jargon-free analysis is frequently broken up by interesting first-person accounts and boxes that distill in-depth information into simple checklists. Bancroft’s book promises to be a beacon of calm for many storm-tossed families.”—Publishers Weekly

“Bancroft boldly asks—and brilliantly answers—the most important questions of all: Why do so many men abuse women? What can be done about it? This book is desperately needed and long overdue.”—Jackson Katz, creator of the award-winning video Tough Guise: Violence, Media and the Crisis in Masculinity

“This is essential reading for those in the helping professions and highly recommended.”—Library Journal

“At last—the straight scoop on men who abuse women. This is a book not just for abused women and domestic violence professionals, but for everyone who wonders why there’s so much violence in America. Read it.”—Ann Jones, author ofWhen Love Goes Wrong and Next Time, She’ll Be Dead

“Bancroft helps women who feel trapped in unhealthy relationships make sense out of what is happening.”—Sarah Buel, JD, codirector, Domestic Violence Clinic, and lecturer, University of Texas Law School

“A compelling read about a tough topic. What you read here will come back to you long after you put the book down.”—Angela Browne, author of When Battered Women Kill

“An informative and necessary read.”—Susan Weitzman, PhD, author of Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages

Library Journal
Writing with the abused woman in mind, domestic violence specialists Bancroft (Why Does He Do That?) and Patrissi (founder, Vermont Victim Assistance Acad.) have written a comprehensive book that readers in troubled relationships can use to assess whether to stay or leave and steps for getting out. The authors help readers analyze the root issues—immaturity, addiction, mental health—and determine the gravity of the problem. They then guide them through setting rules for changing a salvageable relationship and even prepare them for what to expect when the relationship improves. The last section of the book details how to begin a new period of freedom, choose a new partner, and create a new relationship. Excellent guidance from respectable sources.

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780425238899
Publisher:
Penguin Publishing Group
Publication date:
11/01/2011
Pages:
432
Sales rank:
132,854
Product dimensions:
8.94(w) x 5.98(h) x 0.92(d)
Age Range:
18 Years

Meet the Author

Lundy Bancroft has over twenty-five years of experience in the fields of abuse, trauma, and recovery. He has published five books, including the bestseller Why Does He Do That?, Daily Wisdom for Why Does He Do That?, When Dad Hurts Mom, The Batterer as Parent, and Should I Stay of Should I Go?. Lundy has worked with over 1000 abusive men in his counseling groups. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness, and has presented to 350 audiences across the U.S. and abroad.

JAC Patrissi is the founder and former director of the Vermont Victim Assistance Academy. She facilitates the Growing a New Heart Retreat series for women healing from destructive relationships.

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? 4.2 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 10 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This is by far the best book about abusive relationships that I've ever read. It is full of great advice and good ideas for finding peace and finding yourself again after abuse. It's more than just a book to read; it's practically an interactive book, with lots of exercises that really get to the heart of any situation. I've read it twice, recommended it frequently, and am just about to purchase yet another copy for a friend of mine.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book gives options, questions and online even has work for your partner if they are willin. It guides you to examine and repair your relationship. If thats niot possible itprepares you to move forward.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I read this book in 4 days. It is better to take it in small steps. For me it enabled me to take a look at things and set boundaries for change. My relationship was annoying but not trxtbook abusive. So its kind of a guide and if you take steps to make things heslthy and it doesnt work..at least you know you did take those steps before you leave.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Lundy is a leading expert in teaching about abuse. If you are a woman who even suspects slightly that she is in a controlling, uneven, abusive relationship - this book is a wealth of help. Well spoken and studied, the teachings are excellent, but relevant to an abused female only. I tried reading it through, but found it was not applicable to female abusers with a male victim. There are just so many hardwired and cultural differences between men and women, that the causes, expression, methods, treatment, and solutions are too different for a book with this topic. IF they ever get around to properly addressing male victims of abuse, I look forward to reading what books come as a result.
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