At long last, there is a clearly written, optimistic, yet practical guidebook for single women who are considering or have chosen motherhood. Jane Mattes, founder of Single Mothers by Choice, has finally compiled the wisdom and experience she has garnered in 13 years of being a single mother by choice and counseling others as solo parenting became a national trend.
"Single Mothers by Choice" is geared to the three categories of women involved in SMC: the thinkers, tryers, and mothers who are wrestling with the decision or the logistics or the practicalities and hard questions of single mothering.
Part One: Making the Decision and Carrying It Out, describes the single mother by choice and then explores becoming an SMC by conception or adoption. Characterizing being an SMC as "an adventure through relatively unchartered territory," Jane tries to illuminate the various paths and emphasizes the empowerment making such a choice implies.
Throughout the book, Jane underlines the "crucial" aspect of a good support system for an SMC, during all three stages of the process. An SMC is unmarried, but cannot effectively raise a child alone. An SMC must learn to let people help.
Part Two: Being a Single Mother by Choice, deals with pregnancy, birth and postpartum, the "Daddy issue," child development issues, legal and moral aspects, and the social life of a single mother by choice.
Useful suggestions for dealing with family, friends, co-workers and strangers are included, as well as a thoughtful comparison of the differences between an SMC family and a single parent family created by divorce.
The "Daddy issue" is so important, and Jane effectively discusses the approaches to take with children at different developmental stages. She clearly distinguishes the concept of a "daddy", which is a social role, and "father", a biological one. Resolving any guilt remaining for not having a father for the child is essential in answering your child's questions in an appropriate and supportive way. The latest research findings which indicate the children of SMCs fare well should help in this area of concern.
Useful case study examples and anecdotes offer insight into SMC issues. Appendices include a list of sperm banks and adoption resources, agreements to be used with a known donor, a list of support groups, and a terrific bibliography.
This book is a must for women who are contemplating or enjoying single
motherhood.
