Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay: And Other Things I Had to Learn as a New Mom

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Overview

The moment the second line on the pee stick turns pink, women discover they've entered a world of parenting experts.

Friends, family, colleagues, the UPS delivery guy — suddenly everybody is a trove of advice, much of it contradictory and confusing. With dire warnings of what will happen if baby is fed on demand and even direr warnings of what will happen if he isn't, not to mention hordes of militant "lactivists," cosleeping advocates, and ...

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Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay: And Other Things I Had to Learn as a New Mom

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Overview

The moment the second line on the pee stick turns pink, women discover they've entered a world of parenting experts.

Friends, family, colleagues, the UPS delivery guy — suddenly everybody is a trove of advice, much of it contradictory and confusing. With dire warnings of what will happen if baby is fed on demand and even direr warnings of what will happen if he isn't, not to mention hordes of militant "lactivists," cosleeping advocates, and books on what to worry about next, modern parenthood can seem like a minefield.

In busy Mom-friendly short essays, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay delivers the empathetic straight dirt on parenting, tackling everything from Mommy & Me classes ("Your baby doesn't need to be making friends at three months old — you do! But not with people you'll meet at Mommy & Me") to attachment parenting ("If you're holding your baby 24/7, that's not a baby, that's a tumor"). Stefanie Wilder-Taylor combines practical tips with sidesplitting humor and refreshing honesty, assuring women that they can be good mothers and responsibly make their own choices. A witty and welcome antidote to trendy parenting texts and scarifying case studies, Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay provides genuine support, encouragement, and indispensable common-sense advice.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
When Los Angeles comedian and television writer and producer Wilder-Taylor got pregnant, she feared undergoing this process: "a perfectly sane woman who swigs Jack Daniel's, never goes to sleep before eight a.m., and has had at least one STD gives birth and suddenly becomes a different person... [who] subscribes to three dozen parenting magazines, thinks a wild night is tossing back two O'Doul's, and never hits the hay after eight p.m." Of course, now that the author has a daughter, she's smitten; the child "grew on me every day, and by six months I was definitely her bitch." Hoping to be the voice of reason amid a cacophony of parenting advice (in the form of books, mothers-in-law and others), Wilder-Taylor dishes on sharing the parenting responsibilities with your husband ("I felt like saying, `Didn't you get the memo? WE'RE PARENTS NOW! LOOK ALIVE!' "), breast feeding ("it hurts like a rhesus monkey biting your nipples"), meeting other new mothers (only they can answer questions like "How the fuck does this Diaper Genie work?") and other aspects of new parenthood. Crass but reassuring, Wilder-Taylor succeeds in putting fears at rest. (Apr.) Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781416915065
  • Publisher: Gallery Books
  • Publication date: 3/28/2006
  • Edition description: Original
  • Pages: 240
  • Sales rank: 154,471
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.20 (h) x 0.60 (d)

Meet the Author

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is the author of Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Naptime Is the New Happy Hour. She has written and produced more than thirty television sketch, clip, and variety shows, and been featured on the Today show, Oprah, Dr. Phil, Larry King Live, The Dr. Oz Show, and the award-winning PBS show Real Savvy Moms. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three young daughters. Visit her website at StefanieWilderTaylor.com.

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Read an Excerpt

Mommy and Me, Me, Me

There came a time when my baby was about six months old that I realized that a trip to the grocery store didn't constitute a full day of activity in the outside world for either of us, even if one of us was sneaking samples from the bulk section. The brief walk around the block later in the day wasn't adding much either. (I'd try to make it around the whole neighborhood, but my cell phone kept running out of juice.) So, while sitting in my living room for the tenth straight day, I realized the time had come to consider some alternate entertainment options.

Up until this point I'd avoided organized baby activities. I've never been much of a joiner, and in the beginning I had a ready-made excuse — I could barely get the baby in and out of the car in less than an hour. Plus, I'd always been a bit closed-minded about these types of things. I'd hear people talking about Mommy & Me, and judging by the name alone it sounded like something I'd have absolutely no interest in. I couldn't help but think, Your baby doesn't need to be making friends at three months old — you do! But not with people you'll meet at Mommy & Me.

I imagined the worst: magenta-colored walls with enormous yellow suns painted on them, and mommies as perky as preschool teachers, nuzzling their little cuties in their laps, singing cherished children's songs that I wouldn't be able to recall even if there were a gun to my head. Especially if there were a gun to my head! A lot of women taking their mothering very seriously.

So I looked into some alternatives, and as it turns out, there's no shortage of organized activities for you and your cherub — provided you have unlimited time and money. You can sign your infant up for tiny baby gymnastics, Itsy Bitsy Yoga, dance classes, music classes, and, if you live in New York, you can sign your six-month-old up for Broadway Babies, so they can learn to drool their way through Rent. If you decide that a trip down your birth canal isn't enough of a workout for your newborn, there's even a swimming class that offers lessons for one-day-old babies. What the hell? That just seems like a waste of money. You know how newborns are, by the time the kid is thirty-six hours old, he'll have forgotten everything he learned.

After I reviewed my various options, Mommy & Me started to sound more and more tolerable, so I reluctantly signed up for a class at a local temple, put on my fanciest drawstring pants, and hoped for the best. Maybe I'd make a friend.

It turned out my initial fears were not unfounded.

The group consisted of about twelve women and their babies arranged in a big circle on large colorful mats on the floor. Each mat had a face depicting a different mood and the name of that mood, such as HAPPY, SAD, SHY.

I scanned the room for my best discreet exit strategy, and then planted myself and my baby on a GRUMPY mat nearby.

The woman who sat down on my right had a baby approximately the same age as mine, so we struck up a conversation, which immediately proved difficult because of an unfortunate neon sweatband around her forehead. After a few minutes of not knowing where to look, I turned to the woman on my left. It was then that I made a truly frightening discovery — she too had a neon sweatband! Imagine the Vegas odds on two out of twelve women in the same room having on the exact same fashion atrocity.

Luckily, right about the time I'd run out of places to focus, our "leader," a woman whose pleasant personality made up for a lack of expertise of any kind, asked who among us had "baby issues" they wanted to discuss. She hit pay dirt with this crowd. It seemed plenty of moms were champing at the bit to hear the advice a group of equally inexperienced women could give them regarding certain pressing concerns. My attitude was getting poorer by the minute.

We spent the next forty-five minutes exchanging information on scintillating topics such as Is Diaper Rash Really a Rash?, The Pros and Cons of Spending Extra Money on Dreft Detergent, and Are Pampers Really Better for Girls? If there hadn't been a leader present, perhaps we could have discussed more important mommy issues such as How to Clean Your Bathroom Without Actually Cleaning Your Bathroom, or Finding Time to Masturbate, but this was definitely all about the babies.

One woman giddily suggested that it might be a fun mommy activity for all of us to drive about forty miles out of town later that week to watch her get her new child car seat installed, and unbelievably, a few women actually seemed genuinely interested. I momentarily considered inviting everyone along for my next Pap smear but was scared I'd get some takers.

During this time my mind started to wander a bit. I glanced around to see if there were any moms who felt as out of their element as I did. I noticed one woman was wearing a pink tank top with the words "Brody's Mommy" spelled out in sequins, like she was some sort of Brody groupie. I wondered what this was all about. I love my baby too, but I've never felt the need to shout it from my breasts. Hey, I own my home, but I don't have that information bedazzled on the seat of my pants. Plus, I've never seen anyone wearing an I HAVE HERPES T-shirt. Yet I happen to know that one out of every six people carries the virus. Wouldn't that be much more helpful personal advertising?

It also occurred to me that I could get a group of mothers with babies around my baby's age together at one of our houses or a park — for free. This is officially called a playgroup. For a lot of women this is ideal; but I had to be realistic. I can't figure out how to fit a vegetable in with a pasta dish. There was no way I would be organizing a group of women and their babies to be in the same place at the same time — with snacks — on a weekly basis.

I snapped back to attention as we shifted to the entertainment portion of the class. Our leader opened her set with a couple of baby crowd-pleaser songs: "Open, Shut Them" and "Wheels on the Bus." It was as I'd feared; I didn't know any of the words to these songs and felt self-conscious and out of place. But as I scanned the room to see if anyone would notice if I snuck out, I finally caught the eye of a woman who looked as ill at ease as I did. She smiled at me and rolled her eyes. There, I'd made a friend. My work here was done. I figured I'd try to get my new buddy to ditch this group and go to the mall.

But when I looked down at the little wriggly baby in my lap, I saw that she was loving it: the atmosphere, the songs, the other babies. My little sweetie's eyes were lit up like Paris Hilton's in a Fendi shop. My heart melted, and I knew I was in for the long haul. She giggled her way through every baby song, clapping game, and nursery rhyme. I leaned in close, nuzzling her ear, and whispered, "You do know this means you will not be putting me in a home when I get old, right?"

Just when it seemed it couldn't get any cheesier, a couple of bird hand-puppets made an appearance. I think they were supposed to be birds, because of the "Two Little Blackbirds" song that accompanied them, but it was difficult to make a visual ID. These puppets looked like they'd been sewn by someone in the midst of a seizure, on a train...during an earthquake. Yet the babies responded like a bunch of sex starved blue-hairs at a Tom Jones concert. I could swear a couple of the babies were so excited they threw their Pampers into the middle of the room. It was downright embarrassing.

And then I realized something even more troubling. I was kind of into it in spite of myself, smiling and laughing along with my baby. I couldn't pinpoint the exact moment I'd gone over to the dark side, but it had happened.

Later in the parking lot it really sunk in as I strapped my exhausted baby into her car seat and yelled "See you next week" to Brody's mom as she drove away in a huge white Lexus with a vanity plate surrounded by flashing lights that read, naturally, BRODYSMOM. I knew with certainty that this wouldn't be the last time I'd be sacrificing my dignity in the name of motherhood. Yes, I'd be back at Mommy & Me next week. And the week after that.

But I wouldn't rule out a little private weekly playgroup with my one new Mommy & Me friend at the nearby El Torito — free except for the price of four margaritas.

Copyright © 2006 by Stefanie Wilder-Taylor

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Table of Contents

CONTENTS

Introduction: Prepartum Obsession

Love at First Sight

Lactose Intolerance

The Magic Number(s)

Your Baby Doctor

Stroller Wars

Cheer Up, You Just Had a Baby

Cry Baby

You'll Never Sleep in This Town Again

The Feeding Frenzy

Baby on Bored

May I Introduce You to...Your Babysitter

Nanny Nurturing

Advice: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Developmental Breakdown

Your Postbaby Social Life

Park Politics

Married Mommy, Single Friends

Good-bye, Hot Wifey; Hello, Mommy

Taking Off the Baby Weight

Mommy and Me, Me, Me

Out and About with Your Baby

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Little Brainiacs

Women Who Love Their Babies Too Much

Birthday Parties and Other Events I Don't Want to Be Invited To

Name Calling

Much Ado About Doo

Ain't Misbehaving

X-treme Parenting

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 33 )
Rating Distribution

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 33 Customer Reviews
  • Posted May 27, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    I want to like it, buts it's so inaccurate and negative about breastfeeding. Most of the writing is down to earth and funny.

    I thought for sure I would love this book. And actually I really want to love this book because Stefanie is so funny, crass and down to earth. Not to mention it got some really great reviews. Almost every page made me actually laugh out loud hysterically. MY problem with this book is I really don't like the way she handled the breastfeeding and doula chapter. Which was chapter 2 I believe, kind of jaded the whole thing for me. "whether you breastfeed or not, you need to be prepared to encounter the Tit Terrorists" or "If you are going to breastfeed, take lesson from experienced folk:You and your baby should work out a 'safe' word to deal with this kind of self imposed pain" And other things like "If you want to stop breastfeeding you must never call the LLL, they keep you on the line for a creepy amount of time and you almost think they are trying to trace the call to dispatch a lactation consultant right over" That said, if it wasn't for that chapter I would absolutely LOVE this book and give it to all my pregnant friends. I don't have anything against people who choose formula but, I just don't think something that portrays breastfeeding so inaccurately and negatively is something I would give to a first time mama.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 28, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    Great Read!

    This was an awesome book. I am newly pregnant and truthfully was getting sick of information overload from pregnancy books. Stefanie is so witty and funny and really tells you straight. Obviously I haven't gone through childbirth yet, but I'm actually looking forward to it. She made it more funny and less intimidating. Even if you're not pregnant, have no intentions of becoming a parent, or have been a parent for years, this is a great read!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 22, 2012

    Loved it!

    A must-read for all new moms! The honesty is refreshing and most new mother's will related to what the author is going through.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 13, 2012

    Love this book

    One of the best books i have ever read . Stefanie puts into words what so many new moms like me are hoping are true facts. I love her sense of humor and found it very refreshing to read about another woman's journey into motherhood who doesn't take life too seriously. I was actually disappointed toward the end because i wanted it to keep going! I immediately purchased her next book regarding toddlers.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 4, 2012

    Love it

    A funny read for new moms.

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  • Posted June 1, 2009

    i LOVED it

    i thought it was absoulutely hiliarious! it was all about stuff that you wish you really could do when you have kids, but you know you never would. i just sat there and read it and laughed out loud! This isn't an advice book, just a fun to read and relate book!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 22, 2008

    Laugh Out Loud Funny

    What a great book. I couldn't put it down and read it cover to cover in one day. The entire book was hilarious but also contained great advice that is real-life practical and useful. I think I've found a new 'congrats you're pregnant' and baby shower gift! Highly recommended!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 15, 2008

    Erma Bombeck passes the torch!

    My daughter was having the baby blues and I thought that The Grass is always Greener over the Septic Tank by Erma Bombeck would lift her spirits, but unfortunately what was relevant 30 years ago doesn't quite relate to the modern woman. I bought Sippy Cup for her based soley on the clever title and my choice was excellent. She called me hysterically laughing and began reading sections to me. What I learned from Bombeck, my daughter is learning from Wilder-Taylor. To hear her laugh again and be able to put her own life in perspective, is a joy. I would recommend this book to the entire new generation of mothers. They will laught until they cry!!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 28, 2007

    Funny and Fun

    This book is a fun read. It's relief from all the other pregnancy and motherhood prep books I was reading while going through my first pregnancy. I received it as a gift from one of my girlfriends and read it in one day.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 28, 2007

    A reviewer

    I dont think there was a page in this book that didnt make me laugh hysterically and/or exclaim, 'That's sooooo true!!!' I am not one to write reviews for these types of things, but I've made an exception in this case. There isn't a baby book out there (that I've found, and I've read them all) that tells it like it is, and in such an entertaining way..... The book is brutally honest (which is very refreshing), sarcastic, touching and very real. I've never read about a baby experience that so closely resembled my own. Stafanie is my hero :)

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 13, 2007

    Loved it!

    A hilarious take on entering into the world of motherhood. I find it rare to laugh out loud at a book and was very hesitant when a friend gave me this book because I thought most of these comedic motherhood books would be too cheesy and I wouldn't relate... BUT this was definitely an exception. I think the best comedy is when someone clearly articulates what we've secretly been thinking or worrying about. The author does this perfectly. I drove my husband crazy reading excerpts aloud from this book. I will send this to every pregnant friend I know.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 12, 2007

    Hilarious and Very True!

    I loved this book. The author comments on every aspect of new motherhood with humor and realistic viewpoints. Her stories brought me joy and relief to know that everyone else has been feeling the same way I felt as a new mom. Very reassuring and much needed comic relief for those stressful times throughout motherhood.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 20, 2007

    Saved my sanity!!!

    I read this book when I was at my wits end to give me a break between all the Dr. Sears, Spock, and Love & Logic and Babywise and breastfeeding books etc. etc. It made me laugh so hard I cried and put everything into perspective. It's like I had my best friend giving me a peek behind the curtain of new mommy reality. It was after reading this book that I quit my moping and gloomy overly scheduled demeanor and set out to take this role on whole heartedly with a smile on my face... because of all the laughing! I recommend for all new moms and a great shower gift!!!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 16, 2006

    This was funny

    I thought this book was funny and informative. I could relate to a lot of what she was saying. It was nice to read from someone like me.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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    Posted October 8, 2013

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    Posted May 26, 2010

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    Posted July 27, 2010

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    Posted January 21, 2010

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    Posted December 22, 2009

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    Posted March 30, 2009

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 33 Customer Reviews

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