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The Rules? Puhleeze! Any real black woman can tell you that when it comes to African-American men, The Rules is about as good as Monopoly money in Macy's. Waiting three days to return a brother's phone call will get a black woman nothing more than a warm spot on the couch by herself with an empty bag of corn chips and the remote.A sister needs her own special set of rules for finding a brother even when it seems that there just aren't that many good ones to go around. Millner says they are out there but sistahs ...
The Rules? Puhleeze! Any real black woman can tell you that when it comes to African-American men, The Rules is about as good as Monopoly money in Macy's. Waiting three days to return a brother's phone call will get a black woman nothing more than a warm spot on the couch by herself with an empty bag of corn chips and the remote.A sister needs her own special set of rules for finding a brother even when it seems that there just aren't that many good ones to go around. Millner says they are out there but sistahs need to drop their materialistic, brother-in-the white-Benz fantasies and pick up the right vibes for finding a genuine brother who's worth keeping around. The Sistahs' Rules gives black women commonsense guidelines for landing in a healthy relationship with a makes-your-toes-curl brother, including:
Get to know his mama, get to know him
Use what you got to get what you want
Girlfriends are everything, but they don't know it all
With warm stories and practical advice from black mamas and papas who've been there and done that, and sistahs and brothers in the mix, The Sistahs' Rules is a sassy, hip, step-by-step guide to finding Brother Mr. Rightand having fun in the process.
Be proud to be you.
Don't ever let your quest to attract a black man drive you to try to squeeze your thick nose,your kinky hair, and that round bottom intowhite folks' beauty standards — because they'll never, ever fit, no matter how hard you push and shove.
It's pretty obvious, after all, that God didn'tmake that Cindy Crawford mold with a sistah inmind.
But we spend an awful lot of time trying toget into it, don't we? We'll give our last dollar foradvice on how to flatten our butts, how to getrid of those "thunder thighs," how to slather on the best relaxers to get our hair the straightest it can possibly get — and then beat the hell out of ourselves when Cindy failsto magically appear in our mirrors.
Get over it, girls. We are no more able to transform ourselves into bone-thin, blond-haired, blue-eyed beauties than she's able to transform herself into a dreadlocked chocolatehoney with dark brown eyes and an hourglass figure that'd make the Commodores leave Ms. "Brick House."
Besides, most black men would rather fatten up that bony-butt Cindy with a big plate of greens and cornbread than date her, because for them, to be too thin is a sin.
The simple fact is that a good black man will like you just the way you are — big butt, thick thighs, blackness, and all. The sooner you accept and appreciate your unique beauty, the sooner it will be obvious that you are proud of being you. The sooner you carry yourself as if you are the fiercest creature to walk this earth since Foxy Brown, the sooner will come a black man who thinks the same about you.
Posted December 27, 2003
I get nervous when general cultural phenomnoms, like woman finds husband, have to be reinterpreted for black people. I don't see the dating game any different for black women as it is for anyone else in the mainstream. Demand high standards and you either get them or your time won't be wasted. I find the advice in this book to be contradictory. On the one hand we are told to consider men who don't make a lot of money since rich (black) men may not have morals, but then we are told he's a keeper if he wears Armani suits. Well, that's alright then. In the author's constant quest to convince us to prioritize asset challenged men on our dance cards, the author tells us about the (bitter) sweet tale of her parents: Her father who is an honest, hardworking yada, yada man who married her mother. Thirty years later, while he's paying two mortagages and a few other necessities, the author tells us her 57 year old mother still has to work to make ends meet. And, she's very happy, the author reassures us. What I want to know, what is that second mortage that her father is paying on for? In one chapter, the author tells us that black men don't like women who play games. She doesn't define gameplaying, but I define it as doing something that you don't want to do at that moment but will do for some long term gain. The author makes a direct attack on the The Rules (by Sherrie Fein and Ellen Schneider). The author doesn't agree that one should turn down a Saturday night date on Wednesday; but she does advocate turning down a Saturday night by Friday at lunch time. What should I do then if I want to see this guy on Saturday night and he has called just after I have eaten my lunch? She also advises women to leave the guy's house immediately after you have sex with him. The reason she gives for this is that you will show him what a strong independent woman you are. Excuse me? Has she contemplated the security risk that she has created for anyone who wants to do a runner in the night. And wouldn't this also be classified as 'gameplaying' as most people prefer semi-civilized habits like sharing breakfast after doing the deed and before parting. This is an awful book. It does nothing to increase the self-esteem of black women. She never advocates interracial dating (in fact, she advises us to set our targets lower because black men don't make as much money as white men do) but then if she did, the book may not have been published. I just don't particularly care for being put into a group or 'special needs.' For the record, I am black American and I don't need to validate what I have just written by telling you what level of education that I have attainted or that I am a corporate lawyer or purusing any other profession.
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