Sisters You Don't Have to Settle!

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Sisters You Don't Have to Settle is a straight forward guide to encourage women to seek God first when desiring a mate and principles to follow to help avoid the common pitfalls the enemy uses to keep them from experiencing God's best for their lives. This book promotes holy & righteous living and the value of a relationship with the Lord. It equips the believer for the challenges of singleness and getting into relationships. In the age we live, many women are faced with the worldly images that do not ...
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Sisters You Don't Have to Settle is a straight forward guide to encourage women to seek God first when desiring a mate and principles to follow to help avoid the common pitfalls the enemy uses to keep them from experiencing God's best for their lives. This book promotes holy & righteous living and the value of a relationship with the Lord. It equips the believer for the challenges of singleness and getting into relationships. In the age we live, many women are faced with the worldly images that do not represent godly standards. This Book not only addresses that, but it also gives insight into the spiritual battle and how to avoid the traps. This book will inspire women to be holy women of God set apart for the master's use and answer the need of every woman who keep looking for love in all the wrong places. This book gives godly insight into many relationships women have found themselves into and empowers them to make wise decisions that could impact the rest of their lives.
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What People Are Saying

This book is a blessing. It is a self-help book that is so needed today. It will help women have the courage to live for God and not settle for less than His best.
Norco, CA
This is book so needed by women today. My sister has three children all by three different men. She has been looking for love in all the wrong places….
The Book is awesome. It gives practical advise to not only single women but to married women as well. I recommend it to all of my friends and even to the singles ministry at my church.
Corona, CA
This book is right on time. I am a divorced woman who was in an abusive marriage and I needed this message of God's love
Vancouver, Canada
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781411603424
  • Publisher: Samaritan Press
  • Publication date: 3/10/2004
  • Pages: 92
  • Product dimensions: 6.00 (w) x 9.00 (h) x 0.22 (d)

Read an Excerpt

After two failed marriages, I found myself single again. I had married the same type of man the second time around. I really had to take time to soul search. I felt I was a good person and worthy of "love". I only wanted what "every girl" wants: To be loved by her prince charming, have children and live happily ever after. Obviously, it sounds like a Cinderella story, but as women, we still hold on to that fantasy. We all want to become Cinderellas.

What if marriage, children or even wealth is not God's plan for you?

Would you be willing to settle for less than God's Best in order to fulfill your own desires?

Is there such a place called destiny?

I believe there is. Jeremiah 29:11 it states: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God is our Creator and He is also the Creator of our destiny. As Christians, we owe it to ourselves to find out God's plans for us instead of seeking our own.

I can recall something the Lord gave me a long time ago. I understood it then, but I did not think it applied to me until now: "Whatever you assume would bring you ultimate happiness, success or perfection, you will spend a lifetime trying to attain it; What if your assumptions are based on illusions? Your whole life will have revolved around a lie and you will never attain ultimate satisfaction."

When I looked into this further, I could see how many are victims of this world's illusions: "The American dream", "Pie in the sky", "Riches & Fame", just to name a few. All around us, the print media, television, music and even our culture, help to define, create and feed those illusions.

So, what is a Christian woman to do with all these influences of the day? My answer to you is to walk with God, in truth and in knowledge. Eph. 5:1-21 sums it up so well: We live in an evil time. A time in which evil is called good and good is called evil. People are most likely to go with the flow instead of stopping it.

As Christians, God expects us to be different. He expects us to be like Him. Even in today's society we still have Christian people getting into relationships for all the wrong reasons and doing things they ought not do, all for the sake of Love, Wealth, etc. We have young girls, who do not value themselves or their God enough to wait for marriage before giving up their virginity and older women, who do not teach by example to be holy, chaste women of God. Keep in mind, we still have women who do. Nevertheless, society's norm is, do whatever it takes to get whatever you want.

When we revisit Jeremiah 29:11, God tells us that the plans He has for us, are His. So stop wanting and start praying. Seek God's will for your life and let Him show you His plan. You will find that He has truly taken thought to what is best for you and what will fulfill you in every way, but you must wait on Him. It is too bad we can't have smooth sailing in our course of life. There is always opposition. But those that wait on the Lord will have renewed strength and will soar like Eagles unto the higher plans of God. (Ish.40: 31) It is my prayer that you will not settle for less than God's best. "Come, O house of Jacob, let us walk in the light of the LORD."(Ish.2: 5)


I was very young and still in high school when I met my first husband. There were so many choices at that age and choosing which guy to date was difficult. I chose a guy who was older than I and not a player. He had a stable family and seemed to be in control of everything including me.

I did not know what I was doing. I just figured those things were important to me. After all, he seemed like a good guy who was sincere with his feelings. We eventually married and through the physical and mental abuse, jealousy, possessiveness and isolation, I was blessed with two beautiful children. I was on a dead-end course with no way out. Then I remembered something my mother had taught me as a child; she taught me to pray. I prayed to God to deliver my children and I from that very real hell. He heard my cry and answered my prayer. My children and I were on a plane headed for California within two weeks, leaving everything behind. "Thank you Jesus!"

It took me a long time to get over that ordeal and I just knew I would never get married again. Through the love of the Lord, God restored me and gave me a new life. I was on my way and determined to raise my children unto the Lord as a single mom dedicated to the work of the Lord. Years had passed and people would ask me, why I was not thinking about marriage? I told them I was waiting on the Lord. In actuality, I did want a second chance at love but I was too afraid to risk being hurt again. Then I met husband #2. He was an older man, a minister in my church and was very well respected. He had a good job, very stable and most of all he said he was the one for me. I felt he must be the one. After all, he was in the church and even a minister. I just knew he would do right. So I took a chance on love again, but this time I hoped it was for keeps.

Unfortunately, my dreams were shattered as he shared with me on the same night of our wedding, something that would haunt me throughout the marriage. He said," I am just like your first husband." What a blow to my heart! I was devastated. Even though he was cruel and abusive, I tried to love him and be a faithful Christian wife. I felt that because I was married as a Christian now I had to make it work at all cost. Unfortunately, it only prolonged the years we were married, but it did not stop his behavior. I prayed and prayed for God to change him but he was fully set in his ways. I would see how God would deal with him but he would not listen. Eventually, God delivered my children and I again. " I thank the Lord!"

I can remember asking God, why where things so wrong when I tried so hard to be so faithful to God in serving my husband? The Holy Spirit gave me this scripture: "Unless the Lord builds the house they that labor, labor in vain." (Ps. 127:1) Even though I thought I trusted the Lord to build my house, the evidence still remained, an un-built home.

With that understanding, I had to accept the fact, I had made another bad choice and this was not God's plan for me. The scripture holds true: "We perish due to lack of knowledge". If I would have known what I know now, I would not have experienced those things, but thanks be to God for not allowing any experiences to be wasted.

It is by "experience", I share this book with you so you can have the tools necessary not to settle for less than God's best. To get the full benefit out of this book please read the Scriptural references.

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First Chapter

The Power of Persuasion

"The Passionate Pursuit of Persuasion" should be the quote of the world today. We are constantly being persuaded about something. From the clothes we wear, to the car we drive. We all are subject to the power of persuasion. On a daily bases, we are persuaded to accept the media's view of the world instead of God's view; and to accept the illusions of success, happiness and fulfillment from a worldly point of view instead of being fully persuaded in Christ. People also pursue us with ungodly agendas, seeking to persuade us to compromise our Christian standards for a promise of the illusion they created. It is so disheartening to know that there are people who choose to be deceptive and self-serving. We live in a sinful world, so we must not be blind. The Bible tells us in Eph 6:12-KJV: " We wrestle not with flesh and blood but spiritual wickedness in high places." All the enemy needs is a willing vessel.

This is how it works: first comes the preconditioning-the setting of the stage; they tell you what they think you want to hear. Then comes the assumptive behavior; they treat you as if you have committed to the relationship without your consent. Some get overly physical too fast and even try to persuade you it is okay because you both are made for each other. From this point, all their conversation is suggestive and fleshly; They try to sell you on the illusion as they drop settle hints to insinuate how things could be or will be when you_____ etc. I am sure you can fill in the blank. Then, they bring you to a point of decision and this is when you must decide whether to serve God or Man.

Let us review!

1)Preconditioning- creating the illusion
2)Assumptive behavior
3)Suggestive conversation
4)Sells you on the illusion and asks you to make hasty decisions.

P a s s!

Pass is what we must do, because it is a trap and will get us sidetracked from God's true path.

Meet Silvia & Matt:

Silvia and Matt were co-workers. Everyday, Matt would join Silvia and other co-workers for lunch. Everyday, Matt would tell the group about himself and his plans to become a doctor. He also went on to say that his job was just a way to help cover some of the cost of medical school. Day after day, he would share about his struggles as he was pursuing his medical degree. Silvia, of course, was impressed with the young, moderately attractive promising doctor to be; who was directing all his attention to her.

So, Silvia decided to get to know Matt better and agreed to spend some time with him. Every time they went out, Matt would take her to very expensive restaurants and talk about himself and the plans he had for their future. Silvia was very intrigued by Matt and soon took hold of the vision Matt had shared for them both. She started to see herself as the Doctor's wife, living in a big house, having children and living happily ever after. Silvia was on cloud 9 and she felt Matt was the Prince charming of her dreams.

Matt was a charmer. He showered her with compliments and treated her with the utmost respect. He was the perfect gentleman. He would even go to church with her and said he was a Christian. Silvia was a well-respected Christian woman who had a lot going for herself. Because she had bad experiences in the past with men, she wanted to be very cautious with Matt. She decided to allow God to show her the way. Matt continued to take her to expensive places and even took her to look at rings and houses for their future. Silvia asked Matt, where would they get the money to afford those things? Matt said, he had a rich family. Matt had all the answers.

Silvia noticed that when Matt talked to her on the phone, his behavior would change. His voice sounded very sensual and sexy. He would then try to get Silvia to engage in sexual fantasies about the two of them and then tell her, he couldn't wait to get married. Silvia, still caught up in the whole fantasy, didn't really mind. She was feeling really special and blessed to have someone like Matt.

Silvia and Matt loved music, so one day Matt gave Silvia a collection of CD's to listen to. He dedicated some songs just to her. When Silvia listened to the songs, they were love songs. They were very soft, very sensual and very fleshly. This really sent Silvia over the edge. She took the songs to heart and related them to what Matt must be feeling about her. She was convinced that Matt really loved her and he was the one. When Matt saw that he had all of Silvia's attention, he suggested that they go to Vegas to get married. Silvia refused, stating that she wanted a church wedding. Silvia also felt that if Matt was the one, she needed to know about his personal life a lot more than just by what Matt had said.

In her quest to confirm the things Matt told her, she found out that the car Matt drove was not his own, it belonged to an old girlfriend; Matt stayed in a rented room in the home of a couple that lived in a trailer park. Silvia had never been to Matt's house and had no idea until the lady of the house called her questioning the telephone number that appeared on the phone bill. Matt had been calling Silvia from the couple's phone.

This blew Silvia away. She wondered why Matt did not tell her the truth. She did not care if Matt had money or not, after all, he was going to be a Doctor someday. She was looking forward to a promising future with a man who was so impressive. He was affectionate, respectful and thoughtful. He had made such great plans for the both of them. She was still sold on the promises and was still considering marrying Matt.

On one occasion, Matt tried to talk to Silvia about something but he could not. All he would say was that in time, he would share. He was tearful and confirmed his love for her. Silvia did not understand but she felt she must continue to dig a little bit deeper.

Silvia called the school Matt said he went to and they said Matt was not enrolled and had never been. She was shocked. Her dreams were shattered. He was a deceiver. She never called Matt again and did not accept any of his calls. Soon Matt stopped calling. As quick as he came, he went; leaving her feeling like a fool and confused.

A flood of thoughts and questions came to her mind. What if she had compromised herself, had sex with Matt, and even got pregnant? What if she would have married Matt in Vegas in haste? Silvia wondered, what were Matt's true intentions? Silvia was very happy she stayed true to herself and true to God. She cut him loose and did not look back. She did not have any loose strings attached and all she lost was time.

As you can see in this real life story, Satan used Matt to pull out the heavy artillery to break Silvia down and to keep her from fulfilling her destiny. She was tempted by the illusion that was created: a bright financial future, security, affection, marriage, romance and affluence. The realty was, Matt was unsaved, busted, broke and looking for a woman to support him.

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As women today, we are faced with many things that can leave us in a state of singleness. Whether you are divorced, separated, widowed or have never married, we all can be faced with the challenges of "Singleness".

If you are single, God cares and He has a message for you.

This Book has a down to earth approach with a heavenly message. It will have you laughing and sometimes crying as the message of God's Love and Mercy rings clear. Let His power set you free! Start by asking yourself these questions:

  • Why do I suffer time after time with men that are not good for me?
  • Why do I go from relationship to relationship looking for Mr. Right?
  • Why do I keep looking for Love in all the wrong places?
  • How can I get the love I need?
  • Does God care about my needs?

Let us now break bread together! It is my prayer that this book will empower and inspire you not to settle for less than God's best.

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Customer Reviews

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 28, 2004

    Pastoral Recommendation

    'Sisters you don't have to settle is seasonal for the times.Any young lady and even young man for the most part who wants to take an intropect of themselves and make the necessary adjustments to become a compatible person, this book will provide the means to measure and correct themselves. Like a mirror on the wall, this book really gives a true reflection of how you are suppose to be. It will open the eyes of many.'

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 21, 2004



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