Smart Love

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Smart Love shows how putting a child's inner happiness first, not his outward behavior, actually will make hima better behaved, and in the long run, more confident and responsible.

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Boston, MA 2001 Trade paperback New. Book is New! Trade paperback (US). Glued binding. 249 p. Audience: General/trade.

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1999 Trade paperback New. No dust jacket as issued. New, unread book. Book is clean & tight, text unmarked. Has remainder mark. Trade paperback (US). Glued binding. 249 p. ... Audience: General/trade. (KMC-122) Read more Show Less

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Smart Love shows how putting a child's inner happiness first, not his outward behavior, actually will make hima better behaved, and in the long run, more confident and responsible.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
"Excellent suggestions on how to be nurturing and compassionate, so that you can help your child become well-adjusted and happy." - Ann Landers
Sally D. Ketchum
Smart Love teaches parents how to nurture from infancy to adolescence. Enlightened readers can now make the best decisions for their children.
ForeWord Magazine
Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Though the term "smart love" seems strangely incongruous, some parents may find the theory attractive, especially those who have been unsuccessful or uncomfortable with such popular parenting methods as using negative consequences, rewards or time-out periods. The Piepers (she is a psychotherapist, he is a psychiatrist) focus on the parent's understanding of the child's developmental stage and instruct the parent to react to the child's behavior in a manner that is "compassionate rather than coercive." Punishments and rewards are both unadvised. Though the smart love "guidelines" referred to throughout the text never crystallize in a complete list, the main premise involves preserving the child's "inner happiness" by using "loving regulation" (reacting to the child without making her or him feel unhappy or rejected). The Piepers disagree with such practices as letting a baby "cry it out" and claim that time-outs cause kids to feel angry and self-rejecting. Oddly, however, they suggest weaning the baby at 11 months, rather than letting the child take the lead. While many parents may find the Piepers' advice a bit too demanding of their attention and patience, others may happily grasp the advice to "go the extra mile" for their child.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781558321823
  • Publisher: Harvard Common Press, The
  • Publication date: 3/28/2001
  • Pages: 272
  • Product dimensions: 6.14 (w) x 9.14 (h) x 0.77 (d)

Read an Excerpt

A Child Is a Child Learn to see the world through your child's eyes. Give up the illusion that your child is a miniature adult. You promote a child's growth better by embracing immaturity than by fighting it.

Foster Optimism A child brings loads of hope and good cheer into this world. Teach your child to look life's obstacles squarely in the eye, but never, ever scare your child into becoming a pessimist.

Cultivate Inner Happiness The greatest gift you can give your child is a sturdy fortress of inner happiness. Outward happiness always will be fleeting and uncertain without this inward foundation.

You Are Your Child's Ideal If you come across as perpetually unhappy with your child, always acting tough and talking negatively, then your child will expect and want that unhappiness—and will do whatever it takes to get more of it. Do not teach your child to seek unhappiness.

Happy Children Behave Parenting is not "behavior modification." Cultivating your child's inner happiness is what really leads to good behavior. Chances are your child will behave better if you spend less time trying to change his or her behavior.

Provide Quantity Time On one side are all the reasons you do not have any to give. On the other are the great rewards you and your child will reap when you manage to do so. Make the effort. Quality Time does not make up for a lack of Quantity Time.

Attention Breeds Independence Lots of loving attention will make your child independent. Let go of those worries that you will spoil your child, or make your child needy and dependent, by providing too much attention.

Capture the Middle Ground No parent should feel stuck between being a pushover and a disciplinarian, between letting everything go and relying on the "quick fix" of discipline. You can find a happy medium.

Use Your Head and Trust Your Heart Always remember: Your parenting instincts are good ones. If your head tells you that tough discipline is necessary, but your heart is not in it, take heed. The foremost expert on parenting is the one you see in the mirror.—This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Table of Contents

Introduction: What Is Smart Love?
1 The Basics of Smart Love 1
2 Smart Love in Action 15
3 Recognizing and Reversing Children's Inner Unhappiness 44
4 The First Year: Smart Loving Your Baby 74
5 Ages One to Three: Smart Loving Your Toddler or Preschooler 101
6 Ages Three to Six: Smart Loving Your Young Child 147
7 Ages Six to Twelve: Smart Loving Your Older Child 178
8 Smart Loving Your Adolescent 201
9 Special Circumstances 222
Afterword: Smart Love: Your Companion on Your Child's Journey to Adulthood 233
Notes 235
Glossary 237
Index 243
About the Authors 251
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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 9, 2002

    Smart Choice

    The most compassionate and smart book out there about raising children of any age.

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