Smart Love: The Compassionate Alternative to Discipline That Will Make You a Better Parent and Your Child a Better Person

Overview

An Enlightened Approach to Raising Happy and Successful Children

"Excellent suggestions on how to be nurturing and comapassionate so that you help your child become well-adjusted and happy." -- Ann Landers

Every parent wants to raise confident and caring children. Now, with Smart Love, parents can avoid common childrearing mistakes, and obey their natural desire to ensure their children's perfect happiness and emotional well-being. In this revolutionary new parenting book, ...

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Boston, MA, U.S. A 1999 Hardcover First Edition New in Near Fine jacket 1st Printing. 8vo-over 7?"-9?" tall. New, unread copy in near-fine (some wrinkling to up back jacket), ... mylar-protected dust jacket. N. Read more Show Less

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Overview

An Enlightened Approach to Raising Happy and Successful Children

"Excellent suggestions on how to be nurturing and comapassionate so that you help your child become well-adjusted and happy." -- Ann Landers

Every parent wants to raise confident and caring children. Now, with Smart Love, parents can avoid common childrearing mistakes, and obey their natural desire to ensure their children's perfect happiness and emotional well-being. In this revolutionary new parenting book, Martha Heineman Pieper, Ph.D., and William J. Pieper, M.D., show that the key to raising happy children is giving them unconditional love and support. The renowned parenting experts draw on their scholarly and clinical work helping parents and children, as well as on their own experience raising five children, to show that Smart Love is the most loving and effective way to parent.

Children secure in their parents' understanding and support have the emotional security and inner resources to meet every situation with confidence and an unshakable sense of well-being. As simple as this sounds, Smart Love is the first parenting book to advise that parents respond to every situation with love and warmth. Every baby is born an optimist, they argue, convinced that his parents love him perfectly and want only his ideal happiness. Thus, traditional parenting disciplinary techniques, which use punishment or reprimands to guide children's behavior, teach children that their parents desire this pain for them. Children learn to seek pain and unhappiness in the belief that this is the ideal their parents chose for them. It is only by always responding sympathetically and positively that parents can be sure their children have an strong foundation of happiness and contentment and that they will grow up with the desire to maintain this happiness for themselves.

No longer must parents ignore their instincts to love and nurture their children! The most up-to-date experts prove that "tough love" and punishment are harmful to children's development. Discipline controls children's behavior, but smart love helps parents take effective emotional care of their children, so that children learn to govern their own behavior. This comprehensive and sympathetic approach to parenting is optimistic, encouraging, and emotionally rewarding. Smart Love shows that with love and understanding, parents can raise responsible, healthy, happy, and confident children.

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Editorial Reviews

Sally D. Ketchum
Smart Love teaches parents how to nurture from infancy to adolescence. Enlightened readers can now make the best decisions for their children.
ForeWord Magazine
Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Though the term "smart love" seems strangely incongruous, some parents may find the theory attractive, especially those who have been unsuccessful or uncomfortable with such popular parenting methods as using negative consequences, rewards or time-out periods. The Piepers (she is a psychotherapist, he is a psychiatrist) focus on the parent's understanding of the child's developmental stage and instruct the parent to react to the child's behavior in a manner that is "compassionate rather than coercive." Punishments and rewards are both unadvised. Though the smart love "guidelines" referred to throughout the text never crystallize in a complete list, the main premise involves preserving the child's "inner happiness" by using "loving regulation" (reacting to the child without making her or him feel unhappy or rejected). The Piepers disagree with such practices as letting a baby "cry it out" and claim that time-outs cause kids to feel angry and self-rejecting. Oddly, however, they suggest weaning the baby at 11 months, rather than letting the child take the lead. While many parents may find the Piepers' advice a bit too demanding of their attention and patience, others may happily grasp the advice to "go the extra mile" for their child.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781558321427
  • Publisher: Harvard Common Press, The
  • Publication date: 3/11/1999
  • Pages: 288
  • Product dimensions: 6.40 (w) x 9.50 (h) x 0.93 (d)

Table of Contents

Preface
Introduction: What Is Smart Love?
1 The Basics of Smart Love 1
2 Smart Love in Action 15
3 Recognizing and Reversing Children's Inner Unhappiness 44
4 The First Year: Smart Loving Your Baby 74
5 Ages One to Three: Smart Loving Your Toddler or Preschooler 101
6 Ages Three to Six: Smart Loving Your Young Child 147
7 Ages Six to Twelve: Smart Loving Your Older Child 178
8 Smart Loving Your Adolescent 201
9 Special Circumstances 222
Afterword: Smart Love: Your Companion on Your Child's Journey to Adulthood 233
Notes 235
Glossary 237
Index 243
About the Authors 251
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Sort by: Showing all of 3 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 2, 2000

    A SUPER PARENTING BOOK!

    My shelves are sagging with parenting books, but this is the very best -- and it applies to all my children from the baby to the pre-teen. Wonderful heart-warming advice about a new and better way to manage your children's behavior. Try it, you'll love it!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 21, 2000

    WOW-THIS BOOK OPENED MY EYES AND IT WILL OPEN YOURS!

    I have three children and I was following the experts' advice to give them consequences and time-outs when they didn't behave. When my baby didn't sleep, I followed advice to let her cry. Then I read Smart Love and I realized that these seemingly benign responses were harming my children, interfering with the close relationships I want with them, and thwarting my parenting goal of having them grow up to be caring, altruistic, happy adults. Smart Love gave me alternate ways of keeping my children safe and out of trouble that work and fit with their developmental stages. This is a brilliant book -- the best parenting book every. See for yourself!!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 11, 2000

    Not what I expected . . .

    I expected psycho-babble from a PhD and an MD ¿ but was delightfully surprised to find a down-to-earth, realistic book. I agree with the authors basic premise that we need to be positive, loving parents to raise great kids. The authors do an outstanding job in the area of infants, babies and preschoolers. HOWEVER, I think they fall very short for older children. The ideas are waaayyy too permissive for me! EX: Page 184 ¿ if your child doesn¿t like a certain chore ¿ don¿t make him do it; if he has an `off¿ day let him skip his chores. Page 185 ¿ If your 7-yr-old son fusses over taking a bath ¿ let him bathe only once a week. (that¿d be one seriously dirty kid if it was mine!) Pg 199 ¿ if your child is a bad sport, stop the game and play something else with him that doesn¿t have a winner/loser so he doesn¿t get upset. These ideas put ¿immediate gratification¿ over life-long discipline ¿ which I think is a big mistake.

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