Solemate: Master the Art of Aloneness and Transform Your Life

Must read for everybody - single or attached. Great book!

This is a must read for anybody, single or attached; to really understand your past and what is keeping you from becoming the person you were "meant to be". It is well-written and a good read as Lauren Mackler shares her own experiences and introduces her clients' stories. It's about becoming the partner you seek. Mackler is very compassionate in this topic, and gives readers practical step-by-step exercises at the end of each chapter. Mackler writes that if you discover "the person you really are beneath the layers of your life conditioning--and living in a conscious and deliberate way so you can achieve the results that you want from life and feel complete and happy on your own." She clearly articulates what I have been feeling. I always believed that feeling happy is a process which takes focus, strategy, and commitment. Mackler is very resourceful in giving great advices on keeping focus and sustaining a commitment. Her book made me feels reenergized to focus on my vision and work towards that goal. I recommend this book as a gift to yourself and also friends!

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Happy Living Alone? You Can Be

A FirstLook: www.BasilAndSpice.com

America has changed. 95.7 million Americans are single (43%)--many because of divorce, widowhood, or never married. More women today are living without a spouse rather than with one. (Approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce; women outlive men an average of seven years.)

In the past, it was typically considered not the norm for an adult to live alone, and be happy. Today, that attitude is changing.

Lauren Mackler knows firsthand what it's like to overcome this stereotype and become the person she was meant to be. Following a drawn out divorce in her early thirties in Europe, she flew home to the United States to restart her life as a penniless single mother. Mackler sunk into a depression and asked her own parents for help at the point of a mental breakdown. "That moment," she writes "would prove to be a major turning point in my life."

Lauren Mackler is an authority on personal transformation, relationships, and professional performance.

Her new book, Solemate is divided into two sections--Part I: Uncovering Your Authentic Self and Part II: Liberating Your Authentic Self. The first sentence, "This book is about you."

These life experiences and her successful recovery have made her stronger, enabling her to give compassion and understanding to the reader through her book, Solemate.

Solemate is about how to become the person you were "meant to be." Mackler asks the reader to keep a journal, read the book, and perform the exercises at the end of each chapter, which will enable the reader to:

*Embrace his/her aloneness--find something good about the situation
*Uncover the conditioned self--learn why and how you behave the way you do
*Manage fear--a whole chapter on this subject
*Live deliberately--choose wisely, everything we do has consequences
*Reclaim innate wholeness--identify your true passions and life's purpose; move toward wholeness
*Become the partner you seek
*Create a life vision--visualize the ideal life
*Build inner and outer support systems--addresses professional support, relationships,
*Bring that vision to life--several exercises in this different type of chapter
*Sustain a commitment--avoid feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, and back sliding

Solemate helps one uncover and retrieve his or her authentic self--"the person you really are beneath the layers of your life conditioning--and living in a conscious and deliberate way so you can achieve the results that you want from life and feel complete and happy on your own."

Mackler originally developed the ideas behind Solemate in a Mastering the Art of Aloneness workshop (1998).

Feeling happy on one's own does not happen overnight, but is a process, Mackler insists. The keys to the art are focus, strategy, and commitment. Using her own example, Mackler focused on her own emotional problems, addressed the beginnings of her "lifelong restlessness," and began the road to recovery through a return to education and a commitment to her children and studies. The author also includes examples from her clients' lives.

A well planned and useful resource, Solemate includes a Resource Guide, Glossary, and an Appendix of Sample Action Plans. Solemate is a book for the majority of us, who at some time in our lives, willingly or not, will live alone. Take action and learn to be happy by discovering now who you really are inside.

1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

Solemate Hits Home!

The first 2/3rds of this book really helped me dig deeper into my relationship with myself, and I will definitely "work it" several times more because of the benefits I've reaped. Mackler pulls from good/trustworthy psychological resources, and has a knack for condensing it down for easier absorption. She is a "hands-on teacher" who urges you to keep a record of your progress. I hate to admit it, but her pushing kept me focused and moving forward.

The last few chapters, which address "Action Steps" to create external "support systems", were a bit advanced for me. The progress is necessarily slower than the read. But I think that's natural and a good challenge to have. Because of Mackler's warm writing style and delivery, I will keep this book and my journal fully active in my life.

With the help of my therapist, I'm still processing the earlier sections of the book - which are essential in order to fully move into the last chapters. So...like everything good in life, this "mastering the art of aloneness" takes time. With Lauren Mackler as a virtual friend, urging me on...someone who lived through this and came out the other side...I am in good company. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to master self love.

I love this book! A must read!

What a wonderful book! I feel that this is a must read book for everyone regardless of age, gender, or relationship status. Yes, with the clever title, one might think it is only for people looking for a relationship, or looking to better the one that he or she is presently in, and, it is. However, it is truly a book for anyone looking to make positive, and lasting changes in his or her life. I am a happily married mother of two young boys, who works part-time, and this book has truly changed how I live my life day to day, how I interact with those around me, how I parent my children, and how I treat myself.

This book is tremendously insightful, and very well written. It is filled with a compilation of all of the tools (as well as the theories behind them) to take concrete, doable actions to move forward in your life and to live true to who you are. I think that so many of us know that we want "more" yet we don't always know what that "more" is, why we want "more", and how to get "more" out of our lives. Many of us just walk around doing the same old thing day in and day out, or as Lauren Mackler calls it, living life by default. She gives us the tools to live a more deliberate life, one that we have outlined for ourselves, and one that is more in line with our authentic selves.

What I love about this book is that it truly gave me a comprehensive step-by-step guide for personal transformation. I found that the book broke things down into manageable pieces for me to read, with corresponding exercises/activities for me to do. Each one built upon the next one, and at the end of the book, I had a life vision statement that empowered me, excited me, and energized me. And, even better, it is realistic!

I also love that Lauren Mackler is upfront about this work. She reminds readers that this is a process, not something to be achieved overnight, and not something that comes along merely by positive thinking alone (although she does use visualization). Yet, this work is transformative, and its results are life changing and long lasting.

I have given this book to many people (I can't bear to loan mine out as I reference it a lot!), and they have all loved it as much as I have.

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