Read an Excerpt
1
soothe your stress
Are you stressed? In our busy world, it's almost a badge of honor to walk around saying, "I'm so stressed out!" Can you imagine calling a friend and saying, "Everything is great. I'm calm pretty much all of the time. Life is a breeze"? Your friend would probably say, "Who exactly is this on the phone?"
In our busy, overscheduled lives, it's almost a given that we're walking around frazzled. On my holiday tour, I might hit 30 cities in 30 days, but that's what I love to do. Nothing makes me happier during the warmth of the holiday season than sitting down at the piano in front of all my fans and playing my songs along with some Christmas classics. Am I stressed that I have to leave the theater, hop on a plane, avoid a snowstorm, deal with missing luggage, and then figure out where the heck the hotel is in the middle of a dark night in Portland? Of course I might be juggling a lot, but the truth is, I'm a pretty happy guy doing what I believe I was born to do. So, to answer my own question: I'm crazy busy with my life, which can be stressful at times.
I was talking with a woman at one of my concerts the other day and she told me that she took a buyout from her company during the recession. She remarked how suddenly stress-free her life was these days. "What are you up to now?" I asked her.
"Well, I'm gardening and going to my club five days a week. I've been doing yoga. That's pretty much it," she said, sounding a little guilty as she rattled off her daily list. Her regular life in the past included traveling, working weekends, and regularly dealing with Chicago O'Hare shutdowns because of snowstorms. I wanted to know: Was she feeling guilty for being forced to remove the stress from her life? "Jim, I do feel kind of bad about it. I tell my friends who are juggling kids and jobs how I actually have free time. It's like they don't want to hear about it. One of my friends even said, 'How nice for you. I gotta go.'"
how do you know if you're stressed?
The other day I decided to try a little experiment to see how stressed I was. I've read so much about how nature is naturally de-stressing, so I went for a walk with a friend--a friend who is much more Zen than I am. It was one of those beautiful spring days when the air is cool but there's just a hint of a warm breeze. We grabbed some lunch and took a walk past trees in bloom all around us. "Hey, look at that cute little puppy," said my friend. "Huh?" I remarked because I hadn't even noticed the dog. "The petunias are blooming. They really look nice," said my friend. Petunias? What petunias? Oh, right, those petunias over there . . . and over there . . . and over there. I hadn't really noticed them.
soothe now
Ask yourself: Are you so focused on your "stuff" that you don't see what's happening to you?
There is a good chance you're stressed if you walk around caught up in your own head and don't really see much around you. I have a way of being in my head even when I'm seemingly enjoying what's around me. I'm a pro at coasting absent-mindedly through every moment or mindlessly remarking about something without really looking at it and certainly not finding joy in it. I can converse with someone else while thinking about other things. I can't help it. My mind races as I try to problem-solve and multitask even while on a supposedly de-stressing walk.
Try spending time with a Zen friend and practice pushing away whatever else is in your mind. Let yourself look for the details: those purple flowers, the lady with the weird floppy hat, that young couple having a picnic and making out in the grass. Instead of thinking, Oh, cute young love. But I really have to get to the bank and I wonder why Mom is calling--I hope she's okay, force yourself to think just about the couple. How old are they? What is their story? What is she wearing? Is this a new relationship? An old one? Do I have that? Do I want that?
Experts agree that when you get out of your own head and focus on someone else or something else, your entire system takes everything down one notch and you truly begin to relax. In fact, helping others is a great way to get out of your own headspace of negativity and stress. Of course, I'm not saying that you should do good things just to reap the benefits yourself!
This reminds me of a remarkable young man named Zach Sobiech, 17, who was diagnosed with a rare form of bone cancer and was told he had only months to live. Instead of dwelling on his own situation and focusing on the obvious stress, Zach did something that took an incredible amount of courage. He thought of the others in his life, the people he loved, and put those feelings into a song called "Clouds," which is about hope and promise. Through his story, he knew he could inspire others going through hard times, and he could have a meaningful impact on this world.
After he died, I did a concert in Minnesota that benefited the Zach Sobiech Osteosarcoma Fund. That night, Zach's family attended and came up on stage to perform Zach's song "Clouds." This touching experience compelled me to record a version of "Clouds" for my last album. I wanted to honor Zach's legacy, wanted to help him send out into the world this song that taught us that even in the darkest moments, there are ways to take the focus off what's bad and find what's good and positive. I love the lyrics of his song: "And we'll go up, up, up / But I'll fly a little higher / We'll go up in the clouds because the view is a little nicer / Up here my dear."
How trivial my stress seemed when I was immersed in getting this important young man's message out. I can't thank Zach enough for putting things into perspective and reminding me of what's truly important. I know that during the days in which I was recording "Clouds," I didn't allow life's minor annoyances to shake me.
What might you accomplish when you get out of your own drama, or when you see how you can be of service to others by honoring them, helping them, or passing on their important message?
To read more about Zach Sobiech's story and to hear "Clouds," visit SootheYourWorld.com.
signs of stress
Here's a quick cheat sheet when it comes to deciding exactly how stressed you are. Remember that stress can cause mental and physical health issues, including high blood pressure and heart-related issues. Here are a few physical symptoms of stress and anxiety that you should pay attention to in your quest to figure out how stressed you are:
You might be stressed if:
.You have frequent headaches. When you're stressed, you clench your jaw or tense your facial muscles. You also tense your neck and shoulders, which leads to headaches. You might also grind your teeth. Check with your doctor if symptoms persist.
.It hurts all over. Maybe you don't have a headache, but after a stressful day, you feel like you just had a major workout at a gym. Your muscles ache and you might think that you're coming down with something. The next day you're fine. This could be stress, which works on your nervous system. When you're stressed, your natural flight-or-fight response kicks in and then blood rushes to major muscle groups. This muscle tension causes you to clench up and your muscles to tighten. This makes them feel sore and painful later on or stay tight, which is painful.
.Your stomach aches. You were feeling fine, and suddenly your stomach starts churning and you feel a killer stomachache developing. Kids will often seem fine in the evening but in the morning say they have a tummy ache and don't want to go to school. A lot of the time, the pain your kid is feeling is real and he or she is not just making stuff up to stay home and play video games--he or she might be stressed! Many people find that their stress transitions into stomach cramps, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, and a generally upset stomach.
.Your face breaks out. Why do teens break out so frequently? Some believe it's their stress levels. This also explains why middle-age people can also suddenly have a few zits. Stress ups your level of the hormone cortisol, which then produces more testosterone. This has been known to cause acne.
.You have reddish skin and eczema. When you're stressed, your skin can reveal it. Why? Stress leads to inflammation, which can cause a reddish complexion and even eczema.
.You feel sweaty. Stress causes us to sweat, which might just stress you out more. Sweat is a result of your flight-or-fight response, which triggers hormones such as adrenaline.
.You can't sleep. It's well known that stress not only gives you restless sleep, which leaves you exhausted and more stressed out, but also increases rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and thus decreases your slow-wave or deep sleep. The result? Your body doesn't get to do cell repair, which leaves you weaker, vulnerable to diseases, and exhausted.
.You invite disease. When you're really stressed, your hormones run amok and your immune system is compromised. What happens next is that your body has trouble producing the white blood cells that fight off diseases and infection. This leaves you susceptible to all sorts of illnesses.
soothe expert:
Dr. Drew Ramsey on Stress
I can't say enough about Dr. Drew Ramsey, who is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at Columbia University and a frequent guest on my radio show, Your Weekend with Jim Brickman. He studies how the brain functions and has written several books about it, which makes him a perfect Soothe expert. He also has a clinical practice in which he helps patients find greater happiness by focusing on what is causing their brain to stay happy and eliminating what's making them not so thrilled about life. Here are his tips for dealing with daily stress.
MANAGE YOUR STRESS
Stress is unavoidable. The main focus for all of us should be how to manage stress in better, more effective ways. We can intervene in a biological way to make sure we have a brain that is reacting to our stressors optimally. A good example is to imagine yourself running out of the house in the morning, having had no breakfast. You're too busy for lunch. It's two o'clock in the afternoon now and you haven't eaten a thing. The kids are crying. You're driving in traffic. And you're more reactive than ever and more irritable or on edge. Talk about a bad mood. Are you stressed? The truth is, you're probably hungry, which is making you irritable. So in this case, we can say you're stressed because you're hungry. Remember that biology drives your stress because your brain is either managing stress or not.
DEAL WITH STRESSORS
You really need to develop your own personal psychological toolbox, which is why the tips in this book are great. All of us have to pay our bills. We have to say difficult things to another person. Most of us deal with bosses. Things break in the house. People die. The road of life is paved with bumps. That is a given. But there are ways to raise your awareness and mindfulness and learn how to soothe yourself.
SOOTHE YOURSELF
I am in New York City and see some of the most overscheduled people on the planet. Sometimes people will focus on everything but themselves, and they also avoid the truth. I saw a man recently who told me he was a good father figure. I asked him how much time a month he spent with his son, and he told me on average about one day a month--hardly a model parent. People like to avoid really sitting with themselves and their feelings. Our modern lives and addiction to electronics help us be avoidant. You can't avoid soothing just because life is stressful.
The first thing I do when I find myself in a stressed state is to think about what nourishment I've taken in that day. I collect the data. Let's say I went to a party the night before and feel bad the next morning. I know I need breakfast and hydration. The next time you're stressed, ask yourself: "Am I hungry? Angry? Lonely?" Then remedy that problem, and as you directly address the source, you might just find your stress melting away.
QUELL HUNGER TO FIGHT STRESS
I hate the idea of "stress eating," as you need the right fuel to combat stress and take on life's challenges. Eating can be a wonderful tool to combat stress. During times of stress, I make sure to give myself a healthy snack like a kale salad, a piece of dark chocolate, or a handful of almonds. Nourishing foods help shift your mental state. I also like spicy foods when stressed. A black bean taco with extra hot sauce is soothing in the afternoon when your energy is low and you need nutrients and energy.
DON'T PANIC
My number one tip for immediate de-stressing and soothing? Stop the catastrophic thinking. It's not the end of the world. The thing I see the most in my office is catastrophic thinking. Your house won't be foreclosed on because a payment is late. It's usually not bad news from the doctor when the phone rings. Just because the school called doesn't mean there was an accident--maybe your child won an award. Keep it all in context and remember that it's usually not the worst-case scenario.
soothe now
WITH MINDFUL BREATHING
When I asked for his favorite way to soothe patients who are particularly stressed out, Dr. Drew cited mindful breathing as a tool that's particularly useful. Some people call this a cleansing breath. It doesn't matter what you call this technique. It works, and it can be done anywhere at almost any time.
• Inhale through your nose (through one nostril if you can by blocking one nostril with your finger). Inhale to a count of four beats.
• As you inhale through your nose, feel your abdomen, lungs, and chest fill with air.
• Focus on your breath alone. If random thoughts (Bills! Kids! Layoffs!) happen to drift into your head, treat them like unwanted interruptions and let them pass.
• Purse your lips and exhale through your mouth to a count of eight beats.
• Repeat on the other nostril (or again if you didn't block your nostril).
