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But Shakespeare will have the last laugh. He is chronicling every mortifying detail in his memoir, the writing project each senior at Shakespeare's high school must complete. And he is doing it brilliantly. And, just maybe, a prize-winning memoir will bring him respect, admiration, and a girlfriend . . . or at least a prom date.
This bold and bawdy first novel introduces Shakespeare Shapiro, whose very name seems to destine him for a life of farce (that his parents offer changing but invariably embarrassing explanations for his whacko moniker merely compounds matters). Now that he's taking the memoir-writing class required of all seniors at Ernest Hemingway High, he seizes the chance to frame his life as a darkly comedic series of humiliations, from being born on Hitler's birthday ("Whenever I did anything wrong, my father would call me Adolf") to his father's blackmail techniques ("I'm about ten seconds away from telling you things [about our sex life] that will haunt you for the rest of your life," his father cheerfully threatens an 11-year-old Shakespeare) to his misadventures in masturbating. Wizner knows just how to set up his outrageous jokes and how far to push most (not all) of them; and nothing seems off-limits, neither religion nor sex nor bowel movements. This author demonstrates an equally sure approach to sober themes: as his memoir assignments win him increasing respect and interest from his classmates, Shakespeare slowly realizes that the role of comic victim is one he has chosen in order to avoid challenging himself. Exceptionally funny and smart. Ages 14-up. (Sept.)
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My mom used to tell me that she and my father put the names of history’s greatest writers and artists and musicians into a bowl and decided I would be named for whoever they pulled out. “I was hoping for van Gogh,” she said.
“Didn’t he cut his ear off?” I asked.
“Yes,” my mother said dreamily, stroking the side of my face. “To give to the woman he loved.”
My dad remembers that he and my mom always talked about giving me an “S–H” name to match the “S–H” of our last name, Shapiro. “We thought about Sherlock, Shaquille, and Shaka Zulu before we settled on Shakespeare.”
“You really wanted to make my life miserable, didn’t you?” I asked.
My father licked the rim of his martini glass. “That was the plan.”
The worst was the time my mom came running into my room and told me she finally remembered how she and my dad had come up with my name.
“We did crazy things when we were younger,” she said.
“Is this going to traumatize me?” I asked.
“Sometimes we would dress up in costumes.”
“I don’t want to hear this. You’re an insane woman.”
“We were doing a scene from Shakespeare on the day you were conceived.”
“I’m calling Child Services!” I yelled, running from the room.
Her voice shrilled after me. “Your father was Othello!”
Take a moment to consider the implications of a name like Shakespeare Shapiro. It’s the first day of middle school. Everybody is trying hard not to look nervous and self-conscious and miserable. I have intense pains in my stomach and begin to wonder if it’s possible to get an ulcer in sixth grade.
“Good morning, everyone,” the teacher says. “Please say ‘here’ when I call your name.”
Michael and Jennifer and David and Stephanie and all the others hear their names and dutifully identify themselves.
“Shakespeare Shapiro,” the teacher calls out.
The class bursts into laughter.
“Here,” I squeak.
She looks up. “What a fabulous name. I’ve never had a student named Shakespeare before.”
Everybody is staring at me and whispering. If the teacher doesn’t call the next name soon, the situation will become critical. Already I can see some of the more ape-like boys sizing me up for an afternoon beating.
“I bet you’re a wonderful writer, Shakespeare,” she says kindly.
I begin to wish for a large brick to fall on her head.
She looks back down at her roster.
Come on, I think. You can do it.
Her head pops back up.
“Just read the next name!” I blurt out.
And so, less than ten minutes into my middle school career, I’m already in trouble, and all because of my ridiculous name.
This is the story of my life, which has been a series of catastrophes, one after another. I’d like to say there have been some happy times, too, but the reality is that with seventeen years down, nothing much has gone right so far. As I begin my senior year of high school, here are the facts I wake up to each morning and go to sleep with each night:
1. After six years of elementary school, three years of middle school, and three years of high school, I have only two close friends: Neil Wasserman, whose favorite thing to do is discuss his bowel movements; and Katie Marks, whose favorite thing to do is tell me how pathetic I am.
2.I have never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, and spend most Saturday nights watching TV with my parents before whacking off to Internet porn in my bedroom.
3.My younger brother—two years younger—has a girlfriend, is extremely popular, and will definitely lose his virginity before I do.
I should warn you. Some of the material you’re about to read is disturbing. Some of it will make you shake your head in disbelief. Some of it will make you cringe in disgust. Some of it might even make you rush out into the stormy night, rip your shirt from your body, and howl, “WHY, GOD, WHY?”
Then again, maybe you’ll just sit back and smile, secure in the knowledge that your name is not Shakespeare Shapiro, and this is not your life.
Shakespeare Shapiro hates his name. It is one in a long line of things that his parents have done to make his life miserable. The rest of his life isn't going very well either. Shakespeare actually describes his life as a series of catastrophes. Now he is beginning his senior in high school, has never kissed a girl, and has only made two friends. His younger brother, Gandhi, is popular and has a girlfriend. And his parents, well, they are a unique force to be reckoned with.
Now that he is in the twelfth grade, Shakespeare has to do his school's senior project; write a memoir about his life so far. The good news is that Shakespeare is a skillful writer. The bad? How truthful would you want to be if your life was made up of mortifying, embarrassing moments?
In addition to his memoir, Shakespeare is also dealing with the usual high school issues: girls (or a lack of them), sex (or a lack of it), popularity (againâ¿"a lack of it), and family. And now his two best friends, Neil and Katie, are hooking up.
SPANKING SHAKESPEARE is a hilariously funny look at the life of a very unique teenage boy. It is written in a dual style; a narrative of Shakespeare's everyday life combined with chapters from his memoir. Author Jake Wizner takes readers through the life of one of the smartest and funniest characters in young adult fiction today. SPANKING SHAKESPEARE will have you laughing out loud.
1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.bookfreak01
Posted January 21, 2012
this book is one of the best comical book ive ever read, but the humor iscrude and is intended more for teenage boys, i loved this book i couldnt get through one page without laughing my butt off.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.I have to say, this is by far the funniest book I've ever read.
It got me in a great mood. Personally, 150 pages is a little short for me, but this book was definitely worth it.
I would recommend this book to anyone above the age of 12.
7716538
Posted March 7, 2011
This was a fun read with quite a few laugh out loud moments. The author's devil may care style of writing was spot on and really help bring his version of high school to life. I will totally read this again.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.this book was a heck of a lot of fun to read.I never wanted to put it down. If you have read works by Ned Vizini, Judy Bloom, Meg Cabot, or any adolecent aurthor, than i recodmend this book for you. i am a 16 year old girl and happed to love it. it is very humorous, and it keeps you entertained. if you looking for an easy going, easy to reed book, then i suggest you buy this book.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted July 13, 2010
I Also Recommend:
If you get offended by crude humor or religion this book is not for you. That being said if you like that kind of humor you will love this book! It is easily one of my favorite books. I laughed from start to finish. As a junior in high school the characters are easy to relate to. They are very real and accuratly portrayed. That's not to say thought that adults wouldn't like this book as well. It has a few twists but is mainly straight forward. Shakespeare (an amazing writer) writes about his life (which is stringed together by embarising if not uncomfortable events) up until that point. This book is a great page turner. If you ever need to laugh just pick up a copy. I would definitly recomend for anyone over the age of 15.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 12, 2010
This book first caught my eye while i was browsing through books with my friend. I picked it up and read the first couple of pages and couldn't help laughing out loud. It was funny and ridiculous. I was looking for a funny read at the time and this book seemed perfect. It absolutley did not disappoint as i read more of it. It's definitely a book to read if you're looking for something with humor.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.I thought this book was hilarious! I didnt expect it to be that good. As soon as you pick it up, you just want to keep reading untill the end. I have recommened it to all of my friends and they all loved it!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.seraphim14
Posted May 30, 2009
I Also Recommend:
Spanking Shakespeare was not what I expected when I first picked it up. I thought it might be okay with a touch of humor and I'd eventually grow bored. Jake Wizner seems to have proven me wrong. This book was hilarious, from Shakespeare's parents' embarrassing stories of his conception to his visit with a sex doctor, his quirky points of view lead you through his life at high school and the laughable events of his childhood. I look forward to more of Jake Wizner's exceptional and questionable humor.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Seriously, this novel is hilarious. I definitely would recommend it to anyone who likes a raw and crude sense of humor. The characters witty banter through his unique and "charismatic" writing (if you will), show the perverted side to your average teenage guy. This novel is real, honest, and by far, now, one of my favorite teen books.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted April 29, 2009
When I say airplane read, I'm not talking abut a giddy trip to the sunny shore- I'm talking about the red-eye, 14 hr flight to Europe when you have nothing to do and you can't force yourself to sleep.
This book kept me attached, and it over-all wasn't that bad-- I really liked the style this author used, and it had it's sweet moments. But the whole theme of a boy starving for sex just doesn't appeal to me. I only truly liked 2 characters, but the rest of them were really corny.
Secondly, I didn't find the humor so humorous. "Then when I was 6 I had an experience with a wall" 'HAHAHAHAHA oh wow! That's so original and funny! Gee I love this book!' Seriously? So, most of the chapters of Shakespeare's memoir I just skipped (because I couldn't be less interested).
If you like sexual innuendo, sexual content, and just good ol' sex, this book is for you.
But if you are debating between this book and another, I would go with the other book.
ab420
Posted March 25, 2009
This book is histerical. Shakespeare is a senior in high school who is going through high school trying to find a girlfriend, trying not to be jealous of his little brother, and more all while writing his senior project memoir that tells all of the extremely odd, but hilarious experiences in his life from his first plane ride alone to his grandmothers, to his drunken experience with his father in Italy. Its an amazing book, and anyone who loves comedy and wants to laugh should read this book. Actually, everyone should read this book whether you like to read or not. I usually dont read a lot of books but i could NOT put this book down. I finished this within a matter of a few days. I truly recomend people to read this book.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.2nds2mIdnighT
Posted March 20, 2009
Shakespeare Shapario is one of the dorkiest kids in his highschool. His parents blessed him with that title the moment they named him Shakespeare.HIs dad is an alcholic and his mom hates to do anything. They fight constantly. SHakespeare has a gift though. He is a genius when it comes to writing. His two best friends are right by his side all the way. Niel Wasserman is obsessed with his bowel movements and Katie Marks love calling them both freaks. This book was by far one of the funniest books i have read all year.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.THIS BOOK IS SO HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! Its like this book was written for me. Its an awesome story with nice twists. Bravo!
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted May 22, 2008
I totally encourange you too read this wonderful hilarious story
0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted May 7, 2008
This book is absoloutly amazing! Spanking Shakespeare had me rolling, it was hilarious and sometimes highly innapropriate. But that is what made it great. I definately recommend this book to any high school student needing a good laugh.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted February 8, 2008
At my school, we get books that aren't out yet so the publishing companies can see if we like them. I picked up 'Spanking Shakepeare' because the title itself made me laugh. As I got further into the book, I realized how outstanding it was. I highly recomend this book to any highschooler who wants to laugh and read something a little crazy.
Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.Anonymous
Posted January 11, 2008
This debut novel from Jake Wizner is an absolute must-read for anyone in high school, as well as for anyone who can still remember that four year experience. Wizner demonstrates an uncanny understanding of the teenage mind, and his writing style is sharp and peppered with self-effacing sarcasm and humor. The novel moves alternately between the main character Shakespeare's daily life and his English writing project - Shakespeare's own memoir entitled '17 Down' which is nothing short of pure hilarity, as Shakespeare recounts life experiences that would make most of us cringe 'or die from embarrassment'. Through his writing, Shakespeare comes to terms with who he truly is, and learns some valuable lessons about life. Wizner's debut novel is pure genius. While readers will frequently find themselves laughing 'sometimes uncontrolably' out loud, 'Spanking Shakespeare' is also strangely touching. A terrific debut - I hope to see more of Jake Wizner soon.
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Posted October 15, 2010
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Posted June 27, 2010
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Overview
SHAKESPEARE SHAPIRO HAS ALWAYS hated his name. His parents bestowed it on him as some kind of sick joke when he was born, and his life has gone downhill from there, one embarrassing incident after another. Entering his senior year of high school, Shakespeare has never had a girlfriend, his younger brother is cooler than he is, and his best friend's favorite topic of conversation is his bowel movements.But Shakespeare will have the last laugh. He is chronicling every mortifying detail in his memoir, the writing project each senior at Shakespeare's high school must complete. And he is doing it brilliantly. And, just maybe, a prize-winning memoir will bring him respect, admiration, and a ...