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The Sumptuous Spare Rib
4 This is the account of the heavens and the earth when they were created.
When the Lord God made the earth and the heavens-5 and no shrub of the field had yet appeared on the earth and no plant of the field had yet sprung up, for the Lord God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no man to work the ground, 6 but streams came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground-7 the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
8 Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed. 9 And the Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground-trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
10 A river watering the garden flowed from Eden; from there it was separated into four headwaters. 11 The name of the first is the Pishon; it winds through the entire land of Havilah, where there is gold. 12 (The gold of that land is good; aromatic resin and onyx are also there.) 13 The name of the second river is the Gihon; it winds through the entire land of Cush. 14 The name of the third river is the Tigris; it runs along the east side of Asshur. And the fourth river is the Euphrates.
15 The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."
18 The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
19 Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field.
But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."
* Stream (girl)
* 3 trees
* Tree of Life (girl)
* Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (guy)
* Bird (girl)
* Hyena (guy or girl)
* Monkey (small guy)
* Spray bottle filled with water for stream
* Piece of fruit for tree of life
As the scene opens ...
The two trees should be onstage seated, with Adam lying between them.
In the beginning God made the heavens and the earth, but there was no rain to water the ground. So a stream rose up and ran around spreading her water all over the ground. [She enters from the audience with her water bottle, spraying into the air as she enters.] As she watered, several trees sprang up and spread their branches, forming a beautiful garden. In the middle of the garden were two trees: the tree of life, which stood tall, its arms stretched to the sky, and the tree of knowledge of good and evil, which stood rubbing its hands together, letting out a loud sinister laugh. In between the two trees there was a formless man, who lay there like he was part of the ground.
Suddenly the breath of God blew across the stage so powerfully that both trees were knocked to the ground. At that, the man started shaking, stood up, and celebrated his new form by making muscleman poses. The trees got to their feet-uh, their roots-and oohed and aahed. Then the audience oohed and aahed. The man's name was Adam, and he began immediately searching around the trees for food because he was very hungry. The bad tree yelled "Over here!" and reached out one of its branches, knocking Adam to the ground. The good tree reached out its branches, helped Adam up, and gave him a piece of fruit. Adam ate; but he still craved more.
God saw Adam's craving, so he made some animals that came running onstage and stood at attention in front of Adam. Adam pointed at the first animal and said, "Bird." The bird immediately celebrated her name by chirping and flying offstage. Then Adam pointed at the second animal and said, "Hyena." The hyena began to chuckle. Then he began laughing uncontrollably, fell to the ground, and rolled offstage. Adam pointed to the third animal and said, "Monkey." The monkey jumped on Adam's back and began picking through Adam's hair, searching for fleas. Adam dropped the monkey to the ground and shooed him away. The monkey ran offstage making loud monkey noises. After he named all the animals, Adam was still lonely, so he lay on his back and cried.
God put Adam into a deep sleep, and while Adam snored, he removed one of Adam's spare ribs. Suddenly a beautiful woman appeared. When Adam woke up and saw her, he stood up and said loudly, "Whoa!" Then he said, "Man!" Then he said both words together in a very loud voice. Eve smiled, pointed to herself and said, "Woman." Adam pointed to himself and said, "Man." They held hands and gazed into each other's eyes. That day Adam's craving ended.
Excerpted from Spontaneous Melodramas by Doug Fields Copyright © 1996 by Doug Fields. Excerpted by permission.
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Posted July 11, 2011
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