Stand by Her: A Breast Cancer Guide for Men

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Every year, more than a million women worldwide are diagnosed with breast cancer. They are shocked, depressed, and terrified—and they shouldn’t have to fight this battle on their own. They are going to need support from their families and close friends, and in particular from husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, and other men in their lives. But as brave and strong as those men want to be, they too are facing what may be the challenge of a lifetime—and they are going to need help. Based on the author’s personal ...

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Overview

Every year, more than a million women worldwide are diagnosed with breast cancer. They are shocked, depressed, and terrified—and they shouldn’t have to fight this battle on their own. They are going to need support from their families and close friends, and in particular from husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, and other men in their lives. But as brave and strong as those men want to be, they too are facing what may be the challenge of a lifetime—and they are going to need help. Based on the author’s personal experiences and extensive research, Stand by Her is both a practical guide and an uplifting, inspirational work.

Advance Praise for Stand By Her

“John Anderson takes the reader through the terrifying, frustrating, and unfamiliar world of a woman’s breast cancer diagnosis with humor, frankness, and practical advice gleaned from experts and a lot of personal experience. Anyone supporting a loved one with any kind of cancer will benefit from this book, but it should be required reading for the men in the life of a breast cancer patient, whether they be husbands, fathers, brothers, ex-spouses, sons, or close friends.”

Hala Moddelmog, President and CEO, Susan G. Komen for the Cure®

“This book is an amazing resource. Informative, funny, moving, and always brutally frank, it is a must for men (and women!) trying to understand the world of breast cancer.” — Barron H. Lerner, MD, Professor of Medicine, Columbia University, and author, The Breast Cancer Wars

Stand by Her is an accurate and heartfelt description of the emotions and feelings a spouse goes through during discovery and treatment of breast cancer. If you have already gone through the process, it makes you feel like you’re not alone. If you are about to, it will give you an excellent understanding of what to expect.” — Frank Fiorina, husband of cancer survivor Carly Fiorina, ex-CEO, Hewlett-Packard

John W. Anderson is an Emmy-nominated director for Lifetime Television’s “Stop Breast Cancer for Life” campaign and an award-winning writer whose work has appeared in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, the Nation, and many other publications. He has helped his mother, wife, sister, and a close friend in their battles against breast cancer. He lives in Roanoke, Virginia.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

“With wit and openness, [author] writes about women's feelings and how men should respond…excellent title for the males…women will gain perspective as well.” -- Library Journal

“…a guideline, a war strategy, a resource guide and an emotional support system eloquently...that should be read by every man.” -- Our Health magazine

"No woman should have to face this diagnosis alone. Stand by Her gives a man the tools he needs to be a stand-up guy." -- Energy Times

“…wealth of insight as he guides men to an understanding of the meaningful role they can… play in a woman's treatment and…recovery.“-- New York Daily News

“…very compelling read…a precious gift and powerful weapon in the fight against breast cancer. Well done, Mr Anderson!” -- Help4NewMoms.com

“A great read for anyone…just learning someone they love has breast cancer.” -- Banton Rouge Parents Magazine

“…this book is wonderful!...I'm so happy that Anderson has put together this great book for other men going through the same thing.” -- MomontheRandom .com

“This is the MUST-READ book for men.” -- An Island Life

Selected by Wall Street Journal as one of 2009 best health books. “…walks men through all the physical and emotional challenges women will face during treatment…”

"...an invaluable guide to support. A must for both health collections and personal consultation.” -- The Midwest Book Review

"...pages...seep with joy and remorse, humor, comfort and wisdom from one who has seen the battle from the front lines.”-- Roanoker

Selected by Library Journal as one of the Best Consumer Health Books of 2009

Foreword magazine
Such candor as one finds here, along with page after page of sound practical advice and empathic counsel for every stage of this fearsome disease, make Anderson's book an undisputable choice for a place on the shortlist of guides for caregivers.
Our Health magazine
...a guideline, a war strategy, a resource guide and an emotional support system eloquently tied together that should be read by every man.
Energy Times
No woman should have to face this diagnosis alone. Stand by Her gives a man the tools he needs to be a stand-up guy.
West Coast Woman
Attention men: If breast cancer strikes, she's going to need you like never before. And you're going to need help...Stand by Her is written to help these men be the very best supporters they can be, combining solid practical advice with emotional guidance.
Two Hands
. . . an excellent resource for any man who needs help in overcoming the fears and frustrations of seeing loved ones diagnosed with breast cancer...I don't normally endorse products on my blog, but this is a great resource.
Library Journal
Writer and TV producer Anderson saw his wife, his mother, his sister, and his mother's best friend diagnosed with breast cancer. With wit and openness, he writes about women's feelings and how men should respond. Most important, he says, men must be honest and sincere about their own feelings. An excellent title for the males, but women will gain perspective as well. With an extensive e-resource list.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780814413913
  • Publisher: AMACOM
  • Publication date: 10/7/2009
  • Pages: 272
  • Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 0.80 (d)

Meet the Author

JOHN W. ANDERSON (Roanoke, VA) is an Emmy-nominated director for Lifetime Television’s “Stop Breast Cancer for Life” campaign and an award-winning writer whose work has appeared in The New York Times, Rolling Stone, The Nation, and many other publications. He has helped his mother, wife, sister, and a close friend in their battles against breast cancer.

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Read an Excerpt

INTRODUCTION

Someone very clos e to you, right now, is either undergoing

treatment for breast cancer or has just been diagnosed. It

could be your wife, your mother, your sister, your daughter, your

girlfriend, your grandmother, your aunt, your cousin, your friend, or

your office mate. No matter who she is, she needs you. That’s why

you’re holding this book in your hands.

Every three minutes, a woman in the United States is told she

has breast cancer—over 184,000 in 2008. That translates to one in

every eight American women. Worldwide, approximately 1.2 million

cases of breast cancer were diagnosed in 2008, according to the

World Health Organization. There are currently over two million

breast cancer survivors living in the United States.

The Journal of Oncology Practice reported that cancer diagnoses will

increase significantly over the next twenty years, owing to the evergrowing

population of Americans sixty-five years and older, a number

expected to double between 2000 and 2030. The American Society of

Clinical Oncology has expressed concern that there is a critical shortage

of oncologists, despite the fact that there are over 25,000 practicing

members today. The National Cancer Institute (NCI) plans to add fifteen

more cancer centers across the country over the next five years to

bolster the sixty already in existence. TheNCI budget topped $5 billion.

For these reasons, and many more like them, Dr. Susan Love’s

Breast Book: 4th Edition, by Susan Love (Da Capo Press, 2005) is

the Amazon.com number-two best-seller on the subject of women’s

health. Yet there is not one comprehensive guidebook available

today that talks directly to men on what to do when the women in

their lives get breast cancer—until now, with Stand by Her.

This book is written for men who want to be there for their

loved ones when they are diagnosed with breast cancer. Stand by

Her provides strategies and guidance on the countless medical and

emotional minefields men face, every day, as husbands, fathers, sons,

brothers, cousins, friends, and coworkers of breast cancer patients.

Each chapter is a stage in the process, with its own unique color that

symbolizes the feelings you are having and will face.

Combining personal anecdotes (I have stood by four women who

went through this experience: my wife, my sister, my mom, and my

mom’s best friend) and the experiences of others, with information

from professionals in medical, psychological, family relationship, sexual,

and financial areas, Stand by Her is a step-by-step program targeted

to men who want to become invaluable caregivers for their

loved ones with breast cancer, while also helping men address and

overcome their personal fears, frustrations, and anxieties that are

caused by this disease. (All names other than the ones of those who

are part of my personal story have been changed to protect the privacy

of the patients and their loved ones.)

This book is just the beginning for caregivers, for there’s also

an accompanying website, www.standbyher.org, where readers

can share their experiences anonymously. Stand by Her is also for

breast cancer patients, for it offers women insights into the difficulties

and challenges that their caregivers will face during the

course of this disease; and it’s also helpful for breast surgeons,

oncologists, radiologists, nurses, and others among the support

staff who treat patients with this disease every day. Indeed, discussions

are currently under way with doctors and hospitals across

the country to find ways to integrate Stand by Her methods into

the breast cancer treatment system, so as to make caregivers a

greater part of the treatment process.

Chances are, you’ve just received the bad news. And you’ve got

a problem, a big problem: you have no idea what to do next. You

are about to be initiated into an exclusive men’s club, a group millions

strong of men who have traveled the difficult journey you are

about to undertake. Welcome to the Stand by Her brotherhood. We

begin with the first step: diagnosis.

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Table of Contents

CONTENTS

Foreword by Ruth Oratz, MD, FACP vii

Acknowledgments xi

Introduction 1

Chapter 1

The Abyss: ‘‘I Have Breast Cancer’’ (Black) 7

Chapter 2

Breast Cancer War: Assembling Her Armed Forces (Gray) 41

Chapter 3

The Battle Begins: Surgery (Purple) 83

Chapter 4

Chemotherapy: The Shot Felt Round the World (Red) 113

Chapter 5

Warning: The Radioactive Emotional Fallout (Blue) 155

Chapter 6

The New Normal: Rebuilding Her Life and Yours (Green) 181

Chapter 7

The Great Unknown: Will It Return? (White) 215

Chapter 8

The War Is Over: Five Years Later (Pink) 239

Web Resources 245

Index 249

About the Author 257

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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing all of 7 Customer Reviews
  • Posted August 25, 2009

    A 'MUST HAVE" addition to every household !!

    I've had the privilage of previewing this upcoming release. This book is without a doubt an essential addition to every household. This is one you will want to read immediately and have in your home on your shelf for when the need arises...and it will. There is not a household anywhere that has not or will not be touched by a diagnosis of Breast Cancer for family member or friend. Not only is this book extremely well researched, but has the added, and possibly more important, first hand experiences of the author. This truly gives the men out there a trail to follow as opposed to floundering in a desperate attempt to blaze their own.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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