The Starter Wife

( 35 )

Overview

There are starter jobs, starter cars, starter houses, and then there are starter wives.
From the bestselling author of Maneater comes The Starter Wife, a sexy, savvy, and wickedly funny novel about life after divorce and one woman redefining herself after years of marriage to a Hollywood studio head.

When her husband Kenny dumps her by cell phone mere months before their ten-year wedding anniversary, Gracie Pollock finds herself reeling. Though...

See more details below
This Paperback is Not Available through BN.com
The Starter Wife

Available on NOOK devices and apps  
  • NOOK Devices
  • Samsung Galaxy Tab 4 NOOK
  • NOOK HD/HD+ Tablet
  • NOOK
  • NOOK Color
  • NOOK Tablet
  • Tablet/Phone
  • NOOK for Windows 8 Tablet
  • NOOK for iOS
  • NOOK for Android
  • NOOK Kids for iPad
  • PC/Mac
  • NOOK for Windows 8
  • NOOK for PC
  • NOOK for Mac
  • NOOK for Web

Want a NOOK? Explore Now

NOOK Book (eBook)
$10.93
BN.com price
Note: This is a bargain book and quantities are limited. Bargain books are new but may have slight markings from the publisher and/or stickers showing their discounted price. More about bargain books

Overview

There are starter jobs, starter cars, starter houses, and then there are starter wives.
From the bestselling author of Maneater comes The Starter Wife, a sexy, savvy, and wickedly funny novel about life after divorce and one woman redefining herself after years of marriage to a Hollywood studio head.

When her husband Kenny dumps her by cell phone mere months before their ten-year wedding anniversary, Gracie Pollock finds herself reeling. Though her nine-year role as the wife of a semifamous Hollywood studio executive often left her dry and she never fully embraced the "status" (according to Kenny), Gracie has grown accustomed to the unique privileges afforded by Tinseltown's brand of power and wealth: reservations at Spago on a Friday night; beauty treatments by dermatologists (Arnie), manicurists (Jessica), and colorists (Cristophe) to the stars; line-jumping at Disneyland with her daughter and Ugg-wearing celebrity offspring. And despite the fact she had consented to name their daughter Jaden in a (failed) attempt to lure Will Smith to one of Kenny's productions, Gracie believed she and Kenny were different from other Hollywood couples. She never thought she'd be a starter wife. But now that her marriage is over, her phone isn't ringing, her mailbox is empty, and it's only through a faux pas by her world-class florist that she learns her husband has upgraded: Kenny is dating a pop tartlet.

With images of Kenny's 'tween queen everywhere she turns, Gracie seeks refuge at her best friend's Malibu mansion for some much-needed divorce therapy. Soon she's associating with all the wrong people, including a mysterious hunk who saves her from drowning, the security guard at her gated community, and -- God forbid -- Kenny's boss, one of Hollywood's better-known Lotharios.

With her signature wit, sassy style, and cameos of the rich and famous -- and wannabe rich and famous -- Gigi Grazer tackles the most delicious and dastardly details of a divorce and recovery, Hollywood style.

Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781437698039
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group
  • Publication date: 4/4/2006
  • Pages: 448
  • Product dimensions: 5.20 (w) x 8.20 (h) x 1.20 (d)

Meet the Author

Gigi Levangie Grazer
Gigi Levangie Grazer wrote the screenplay for Stepmom, the Columbia TriStar movie starring Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon. Her previous novel, Rescue Me, is being developed into a film at Fox Searchlight. Grazer lives in Los Angeles with her two young sons and three miniature dachshunds.

Biography

Gigi Levangie Grazer has written numerous screenplays, among them the movie Step-mom, starring Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon. Her first novel, Rescue Me, was published by Simon and Schuster in June 2000. Her next novel, Maneater, was published by Simon & Schuster in June 2003. The Starter Wife her third novel, was published in June, 2005. Her fourth novel, Queen Takes King, came out in June, 2009. She is a proud mother of two young boys, proud stepmother to two grown children, and proud auntie to three nephews and one niece. And yes, she is tired. Biography courtesy of Author's website.

Good To Know

In our interview, Grazer offers some tips for her fans:

"I like chocolate. A lot. See's, preferably. Bring some to book signings."

"I like margaritas. A lot. Patron, gold. Bring a pitcher to book signings."

"I like babies. A lot. Do not bring them to book signings. (I'm kidding!)"

Read More Show Less
    1. Also Known As:
      Snoopy DeLongpre ("My porn star name")
    2. Hometown:
      Los Angeles, California
    1. Date of Birth:
      January 2, 1963
    2. Place of Birth:
      Los Angeles, California
    1. Education:
      Degree in Political Science, UCLA, 1984

Read an Excerpt

Chapter 1: Married, with Onion Rings

Cellulite massage is not for the faint of heart. Which is what Gracie Pollock was thinking as her thighs were pounded by the grunting Russian woman who left her bruised, swollen, and otherwise disfigured every other Monday at three o'clock for the last five years. Gracie's calendar was filled with benign-sounding yet brutal "treatments": Tuesdays were hair (blow-dry, cut, and highlights, if needed), Wednesdays were waxing or plucking, Thursdays belonged to dermabrasion or acid peels or any variety of activities involving needles and the hope of Insta-Youth, Fridays were off days, save for the second blow-dry of the week, when Gracie would compare her week of treatments to her friends' week of treatments over lunch at The Ivy.

You want irony? For the privilege of emerging from a session with Svetlana looking like she'd been locked in a freak dance with Mike Tyson, Gracie would write a check out to "Cash" for $250 and hand it over with shaking hands.

Svetlana left the room, leaving behind an imprint of garlic cloves and generations of suffering on the air. There were countless other Wives Of to punish, those who bought into the myth of defeating the onslaught of age with a pair of hardened Russian fists. Gracie groaned and leaned up from the damp, tacky massage table (a nice way of putting the modern equivalent of the rack) and onto her elbows. She willed her eyes open, her lids feeling like the only part of her body that had escaped Soviet vengeance. She slowly twisted her head to the side to assess the damage in the veined, mirrored tile lining the walls. Mirrored tile, Gracie thought, all the rage when Sylvester, the lisping Supreme Ruler of Disco, was at the top of the charts. "For a tax-free two-fifty a pop," Gracie muttered, "Svetlana the Terrible could swing a subscription to Elle Decor."

But the veined tile with the mirrored surface served its purpose. Here's the scoop. Gracie Pollock looked ridiculously good in that her polished exterior straddled the territories claimed by both adjectives, ridiculous and good. Each time Gracie peered at her reflection, she was startled, as though she had run into a formerly plain-wrapped high school friend who had transformed herself into a middle-aged version of Jessica Simpson. What are the odds of looking better at forty than at sixteen? Gracie thought to herself. About the same as crapping a gleaming pile of Krugerrands.

Let's start with the hair. Said hair being the color of that expensive European butter no one can pronounce. Domestic butter, according to Gracie's colorist, not being, well, buttery enough. And this hair was thick. Thick, as though somewhere in the Hamptons, Christie Brinkley had awakened looking like Michael Chiklis with hips. Gracie's original mousy brown, tongue-in-light-socket chicken wire had been colored and wrestled and yanked and stretched and stretched again into submission by a fine-boned man of unknown sexual and other identity named Yuko, then brightened with highlights every three weeks and lengthened with extensions, rewoven every twelve weeks. Her forehead was as unlined as the hood of a new Porsche, due to the same poison found in warped green bean cans she was warned about as a child. Her lips were soft and full. Thank you, the pitiless Collagen God. The teeth? Straight and white. The teeth were hers. The teeth, she'd grown herself.

I did grow those teeth myself, right? Gracie thought.

Yes, Gracie reassured herself as she bared her teeth like a rich blond rottweiler into the veined mirror. Those are my teeth.

She growled at her reflection.

Let's move on. The breasts were a perfect full B cup. Gracie had given birth and breast-fed -- and yet her nipples pointed due north. Nature? Or the magic hands of Dr. Barbara Hayden? You decide.

The tummy, save for the bumpy scar which Gracie had not yet "done" above her pubic bone, was hard and as hard earned as the diamond on her left hand. The arms, brown and muscular and hairless as newborn Chihuahuas. The legs, Gracie's bĂȘte noir throughout her teenage years, were as sleek and taut as the skin on an apple.

Just looking at them made her weary.

Maintenance was a Mother Fucker.

Gracie stuck her tongue out at her reflection. The blond, green-eyed, perky-breasted woman rudely assessing her was not related to the soft-fleshed, brown-eyed girl she'd been more or less satisfied with for thirty years.

This Gracie, by all accounts, appeared perfect. Media friendly. Easy on the eyes and hard on the 401(k).

Then she looked down at her hands. Good Lord, not the hands, Gracie thought. The dead giveaway. The Dorian Gray painting in the attic. The skin on her hands was changing. Freckles that had once been a badge of youth and vigor were now a sign of encroaching age -- the inevitable, inexorable spiraling into the Martha Raye Terra In-firma.

Gracie hadn't told anyone, not even her close friends, but in the last two years, she had failed the pinch test. Failing the pinch test is something best kept close to the bustier -- if Gracie pinched the back of her hand (which she did several times an hour), the skin no longer snapped back. It slid back.

Eventually.

And those freckles. What could blast them out? Gracie hovered over her hands with a critical eye. What could possibly eliminate the speckled insurgents? Laser, acid peel, that pricey SPF 1,000 Greek sunscreen, bleaching creams, fotofacial, collagen, harvested fat cell shots. She had tried everything. And still the pinch test failed. Still the freckles persisted.

Gracie tucked her hands away, hiding them like a dreaded family secret. She sighed. And then she thought about her elbows. Gravity is a bitch, she thought.

"Do not" -- she wagged her finger at her reflection -- "appraise the elbows!"

Gracie felt her body was a time bomb, just waiting to jump back into its normal state, should the narrowest opportunity appear. She lived in a world where people fought their natural condition on a daily basis -- every day in L.A. was Halloween. Those weren't masks she'd see in the women's dressing area at Saks or in the salon chairs at Cristophe or suspended over glass noodles at Mr. Chow -- those were faces. Gracie feared she'd wake up one day and the skin around her face would be pulled into a bow in the back of her head.

Gracie was on the precipice. Was she going to be the recently Asian Joan Rivers, or what once was Brigitte Bardot? She'd have to make a choice.

One pull of the pin, Gracie knew as she peered over her shoulder at her proto-human reflection, and the whole thing would blow.

The trouble started with the earring. This wasn't just any earring -- like that silver Celtic cross Gracie had lost in a public toilet at Santa Monica Beach because she was so freaked out by the thought of homeless people wandering in while she peed in a doorless stall. This wasn't one of the pair of pink diamond and platinum three-carat studs Gracie and every other stuck-in-a-loveless-marriage-but-with-a-generous-allowance Wife Of had her eye on at the Loree Rodkin case at Neiman Marcus, aka Needless Markup, just waiting for her husband to slip up for an excuse to buy. No, this wasn't just any earring. This was a delicate gold-wire hoop suddenly attached to her husband's heretofore unadorned, exhibiting middle-aged tendencies (more hair, additional length) right earlobe.

File Gracie Pollock's story under "hindsight is twenty-twenty," with the understanding that her sight was definitely up her hind end at the time. But how was Gracie to know that the demise of her nine-year, ten-month, three-day, eighteen-hour marriage could have been foretold mere weeks ago by a tiny piece of metal in a middle-aged man's ear?

Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Average Rating 3.5
( 35 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(11)

4 Star

(9)

3 Star

(8)

2 Star

(1)

1 Star

(6)

Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Noble.com Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & Noble.com that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & Noble.com does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at BN.com or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation

Reminder:

  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & Noble.com and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Noble.com Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & Noble.com reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & Noble.com also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on BN.com. It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

 
Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 47 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 28, 2011

    price?

    why is the paperback of this book 3 dollars and the ebook is 12? Isn't buying an ebook supposed to be cheaper? I think ill just wait for my library to get this one.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 1, 2013

    Yawn

    To much filler.. needless flashbacks to what a "wife of" was.. and it wasnt even entertaining flashbacks either. Maybe the auther or editor was running out of time but it didnt even begin to pick up until half way through. If you can call the second half picking up.. yawn

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 26, 2013

    more from this reviewer

    Good enough to keep me reading the book all the way through! Se

    Good enough to keep me reading the book all the way through! Seemed to be a bit slow at times. Not her best book - but still like this author.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 15, 2012

    Really fun and Care free

    I really enjoyed "The Starter Wife". It really served it's purpose well for me; an easy, let loose, fun read to lose myself in.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted September 11, 2012

    Really good

    Really good

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted August 2, 2011

    Beach read

    This was the perfect quick summer read. I read it right before the short-lived television series came out.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted February 12, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Funny and enjoyable

    I listened to this on cd and I have to say that Susan Ericksen is a fantastic reader. She brought the characters and story alive! The story was funny and enjoyable. I nice easy ready for a lazy sunday afternoon.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 4, 2009

    Fun

    I love love love love love this book!! I laughed out loud, it was just so real. Not a bunch of BS, truly a great read, made me wish I had watched the show.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 23, 2009

    Good Chick Lit

    I picked up this book on a whim at the store. When I was reading it I found myself laughing out loud. I read it every opportunity I had. Was pleasantly surprised at how good it was. It left me wondering if the show was just as good. Definitely recommend it.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 4, 2009

    Great Via Audio - Susan Ericksen Is A Star

    I almost didn't get this because of what was said in the reviews here...BUT...I'm so glad I did it anyway! What a fun story! I just loved the characters and the way it all ended up. I did listen to this as an audio book; maybe that is the difference in perspective? Susan Ericksen is such a great reader & kept me entertained all the way through. Ms Ericksen has a fantastic way of giving 'life' to a great story. Adding her enthusiam to an already great read made The Starter Wife simply - AMAZING!!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 16, 2007

    Wow!

    After watching the mini-series, I decided to read the book. The Starter Wife book was even better than the mini-series, darker and edgier. The story may seem to be totally Hollywood, but in reality, it's about middle-aged (eek!) women everywhere and from all walks of life. The lesson is so true -- don't depend totally on someone else and don't spend your whole life living for someone else.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 22, 2007

    Book Worm

    The Starter Wife has to be one of the worst books I have ever read. The story had no depth and neither did its characters. It was a complete waist of time!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 6, 2007

    Poor

    Flat, waste of time, no depth, the USA Network's TV series based on this story was fun and far more entertaining than the book, the screenwriters that adapted the story for TV did an excellent job and surpassed the author (thank God)

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 4, 2007

    Don't Bother

    I agree with everyone that has said this book is boring, boring, boring. Too bad because her first book 'Maneater' is hilarious and I could not put it down. So, I was looking forward to reading her second book and was terribly dissapointed. Maybe her third one will be better. If there is a third one.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 27, 2007

    Great book

    I bought this book along with 10 other books a month ago. After I got home, I went to this site and checked all the titles of the books I bought to see what other readers thought of my newly purchased books. I saw that this book wasn't rated so high so I decided to read it first to get it out of the way. I don't know why everyone hates this book because it was REALLY good! Other reviewers said that Gracie, the main character, was shallow and what not but I did not get that at all. Gracie is going through a divorce and it shows the reader that a person can make a new and better life for themself, even after such a rough time. I hope that the other 9 books I bought are as good as this one.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 10, 2007

    Very good

    Easy to read and entertaining. Interesting characters. Laugh-out-loud funny at times.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted August 20, 2006

    Save your money

    May well be the worst book I have ever listened to on CD. Tho I had a long car ride, I decided the static on the radio was better and did not bother listening to the last 1 1/2 CDs.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 23, 2006

    GOOD READ

    I enjoyed this book immensely. The slight edge of L.A. was in evident display. Would recommend.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 10, 2006

    A Shallow Empty Tale

    It was impossible to like this book, let along get through it. The main character and starter wife, Gracie, came across as shallow as the twit who dumped her at the beginning. So how can anyone empathize with her? I kept reading for a while in the vain hope that Gracie might have an epiphany and decide there's more to life than building it ENTIRELY around having a perfect body and finding a replacement husband. Alas, if she did, I never found out--just couldn't muster the interest to keep reading.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 27, 2005

    Don't bother picking this up.

    I could not make it past the first chapter of this book. This is the first book I have read by this author and don't think I will go back for anymore. I am always happy with the books that barnesandnoble.com recommend to read after a title you like but this one was not a good pick.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 47 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)