Stop Spoiling That Man!: Turn Your Needy Guy into an Equal, Loving Partner

Overview

How do you love a man without spoiling him? In the past, you've complained that your husband or boyfriend demands too much and gives back too little. He's evasive. He's a hypochondriac. He can't pick up after himself. But have you ever thought that perhaps it's you who's to blame for the spoiling? Or, at the very least, that you're unconsciously rewarding the very behavior you've been complaining about all along?

In Stop Spoiling That Man!, psychologist John B. Arden reveals how...

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Overview

How do you love a man without spoiling him? In the past, you've complained that your husband or boyfriend demands too much and gives back too little. He's evasive. He's a hypochondriac. He can't pick up after himself. But have you ever thought that perhaps it's you who's to blame for the spoiling? Or, at the very least, that you're unconsciously rewarding the very behavior you've been complaining about all along?

In Stop Spoiling That Man!, psychologist John B. Arden reveals how you can develop the skills to unspoil the man in your life and encourage him to be a more equal giver. With the help of his wife Victoria Arden, Dr. Arden explains how to you can:

  • Distinguish between a truly spoiled man and one who really isn't,
  • Dissect the various ways that a spoiled man can control you, and
  • Deal with such a man using a wide range of methods from Dr. Arden's counseling practice.
With practical suggestions, quizzes, and real-life vignettes, you can focus on enhancing your relationship and protect yourself from your man's whiny ways. With this book in hand, you can cut those apron strings once and for all.
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Editorial Reviews

Library Journal

Aiming to help women whose men demand too much and give back too little, psychologist Arden (America's Meltdown: Lowest-Common-Denominator Society) and his wife, Victoria, an arts educator who has worked in the mental-health field, describe how lopsided relationships are begun and how to turn them around. Using lists, quizzes, and real-life vignettes, they detail how to spot red flags, remain optimistic with a pessimist, ask more of a passive partner, and avoid destructive arguments. A particularly helpful chapter guides readers in refusing to walk on eggshells and pamper oversensitivity. A book complete in sound theory and practicality that will undoubtedly appeal to many women; highly recommended for public libraries.


—Deborah Bigelow
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781598693287
  • Publisher: F & W Media Inc
  • Publication date: 12/1/2007
  • Pages: 258
  • Product dimensions: 5.50 (w) x 8.50 (h) x 0.54 (d)

Meet the Author

John B. Arden, Ph.D., is a psychologist with thirty years of counseling experience, twenty of those years in counseling couples. He is the director of training for mental health for the Kaiser Permanente Medical Centers in Northern California, overseeing the largest mental health training program in the nation. He has taught in colleges, professional schools, and universities. As the author of five previous books, he has been interviewed by Fortune, Real Simple, Redbook, Cosmopolitan, CBS Market Watch, the San Francisco Chronicle, many nationally syndicated radio programs, and several other media outlets. John's wife, Victoria Arden, M.A., is an arts educator and has worked in the mental health field. They live in Sebastopol, CA.
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Table of Contents


Introduction     xii
Breaking down the characteristics of spoiled men     1
Identifying Spoiled Men     3
Unspoiling with the CODE     22
Seeing Red Flags     43
Roles men take to get you to spoil them     57
Challenging the Victim     59
Sheltering from the Emotional Storm     75
Remaining Optimistic with a Pessimist     90
Walking above Eggshells     108
Detaching Sympathy from the Hypochondriac     126
Avoiding Destructive Arguments     140
Taking a stand against spoiling     157
Asking More from Passive Pete     159
Holding Slippery Sam Accountable     175
Humbling Magnificent Mike     192
Transforming Traditional Tom     209
Conclusion     229
Answer Key for Checkup Questions     231
Index     235
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Sort by: Showing all of 2 Customer Reviews
  • Posted February 28, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    A Practical Book for Codependent Spouses

    First book I have encountered since "Codependent No More" (many years ago) which struck me as a prime example of combining information, examples, remedies and encouragement so readily available to the seeking reader. Has helped a few acquaintances whose level of denial and automatic negative response to their spouses has been firmly entrenched for 20+ years, which is quite an accomplishment. Excellent for those serious about self-help.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted December 16, 2008

    more from this reviewer

    Love your man, don¿t spoil him

    Every fulfilling and satisfying relationship requires a bit of give and take. However, if you are responsible for all of the giving and he is enjoying all of the taking, you¿re guilty of spoiling your man. Spoiling is not the same as nurturing or loving. Instead, it places his needs above your needs. The spoiled man is happy to let you make all of the decisions, do all of the work and bear the responsibility for maintaining all aspects of your relationship. This unhealthy imbalance will eventually leave you feeling unsettled, unsatisfied and unloved. If your mate has taken up permanent residence on the couch in front of the TV with a snack and a beer (that you gave him), getAbstract suggests that it¿s time you read this book. Here, you¿ll learn how to recognize the ways in which he manipulates and controls you. You¿ll also find strategies to launch an ¿unspoiling¿ campaign. Although some of the maneuvers recommended by husband and wife authors John B. Arden and Victoria Arden seem a bit devious, they might just be what your spouse needs to be a mature man, not a pouting prince.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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