Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder [NOOK Book]

Overview


Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are "walking on eggshells" to avoid the next confrontation?

If the answer is "yes," someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ...

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Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

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NOOK Book (eBook - Second Edition)
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Overview


Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are "walking on eggshells" to avoid the next confrontation?

If the answer is "yes," someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD). Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research and includes coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD sufferer in your life.

This compassionate guide will enable you to:

  • Make sense out of the chaos
  • Stand up for yourself and assert your needs
  • Defuse arguments and conflicts
  • Protect yourself and others from violent behavior
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781608820467
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
  • Publication date: 1/1/2010
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Edition description: Second Edition
  • Edition number: 2
  • Pages: 288
  • Sales rank: 16,992
  • File size: 992 KB

Meet the Author


Paul T. Mason, MS, is vice president of clinical services at Wheaton Franciscan Healthcare in Racine, WI. Under his leadership, the mental health and addiction care service line has expanded the number of inpatient services and outpatient programs it provides for patients, family members, and loved ones affected by borderline personality disorder (BPD). His research on BPD has been published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology and his written work has appeared in the news and print media.

Randi Kreger has brought the concerns of family members who have a loved one with BPD to an international forefront through her website, bpdcentral.com, and the Welcome to Oz online support community. Through Eggshells Press, she offers family members a wide variety of more specialized booklets and other materials. She was also instrumental in the formation of the Personality Disorders Awareness Network (PDAN), a not-for-profit organization. Kreger is author of The Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook and The Essential Family Member Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. She speaks and gives workshops about BPD internationally.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Prologue xiii

Introduction: Intimate Strangers: How This Book Came to Be 1

Part 1 Understanding BPD Behavior

Chapter 1 Walking on Eggshells: Does Someone You Care About Have BPD? 9

Chapter 2 The Inner World of the Borderline: Defining BPD 21

Chapter 3 Making Sense of Chaos: Understanding BPD Behavior 49

Chapter 4 Living in a Pressure Cooker: How BPD Behavior Affects Non-BPs 67

Part 2 Tacking Back Control of Your Life

Chapter 5 Making Changes within Yourself 83

Chapter 6 Understanding Your Situation: Setting Boundaries and Honing Skills 107

Chapter 7 Asserting Your Needs with Confidence and Clarity 135

Chapter 8 Creating a Safety Plan 159

Chapter 9 Protecting Children from BPD Behavior 177

Part 3 Resolving Special Issues

Chapter 10 Waiting for the Next Shoe to Drop: Your Borderline Child 199

Chapter 11 Lies, Rumors, and Accusations: Distortion Campaigns 213

Chapter 12 What Now? Making Decisions about Your Relationship 225

Appendix A Causes and Treatment of BPD 237

Appendix B Practicing Mindfulness 243

Appendix C Reading List and Resources 257

References 257

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 77 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(37)

4 Star

(21)

3 Star

(14)

2 Star

(2)

1 Star

(3)

Your Rating:

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 77 Customer Reviews
  • Posted January 23, 2011

    more from this reviewer

    Must read!

    I borrowed this book.

    Borderline Personality Disorder is a complex, difficult to deal with and highly undiagnosed mental disease. While the idea of the unstable girlfriend or boyfriend is common enough to be a comedy (and horror) stereotype, this book explores a very real disorder that might be behind the actions. And unlike many books on the topic, it focuses on the supporters, caretakers, or those who have been scarred by the actions of a BPD person.

    This book is very clear, easy to read and includes a ton of resources for those struggling to handle the seemingly manipulative and contradictory (and sometimes outright dangerous) behavior of a BPD-afflicted person. Referrals to other books or related topics, online communities and loaded with anecdotes this book is a support itself, and practically screams "We understand. You are not alone." (Which those struggling sometimes need desperately to hear.)

    It's not perfect, as it focuses more on identifying and explaining behaviors and the anecdotes mostly center on displaying situational BPD behavior, not on the coping side of the book. But it is a handy, comprehensive addition to mental health libraries or a useful guide for those trying to handle the effects of BPD. In fact this is an excellent place to start in a quest to both understand and recover from the damages that this emotionally crippling disease can cause.

    12 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 13, 2008

    Surrounded by BP & Eggshells

    My BP daughter has spent 10 years in therapy, misdiagnosed and mis-medicated. It's not the doctors' fault, this condition is sneaky and age has a part. After so many failed attempts at med-therapy, worsening symptoms, substance abuse and her resistance to behavior therapy, we tested further and found BPD, still with several comorid's. I didn't totally believe it. Since there was no childhood abuse, I found many of the hallmarks not quite fitting. I wondered if we really had the right diagnosis this time. Then I read this book. If I had to rely only on the clinical points, I would say she fit 50-60% but when you read the feelings of people with BP and their families, you see the real deal. I am confident now that our diagnosis is correct and that my mother also has this condition. I have walked on eggshells all my life trying to keep peace and be logical. I am only a few chapters into this book but I can't wait to finish it and get a clue. I even sent a copy of it to another family member so they will understand as well. This has been so enlightening, and appreciated.

    9 out of 11 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 15, 2003

    A must read if you love someone with BPD

    This is a must read. I am Anthony Walker, author of The Siren's Dance : My Marriage to a Borderline: A Case Study, a personal memoir of living with someone with BPD. Throughout my relationship I fumbled in a psychological darkness looking for answers in dealing with the difficult behaviors and situations. All the texts available at the time were heavy duty clinical texts and dealt with the condition itself. The book to help the loved ones and partners of the BPD person had not been written. This book is it. It sets out specific easy to understand guidelines, and is particularly strong with regard setting boundaries. Treatment requires not only treatment for the BPD but help for those who love them as well. Well done Mason et al. A. Walker, MD

    6 out of 7 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted August 24, 2000

    This book explains so much!!

    My relationship with my mother has tormented me for many years. This book has opened up so many doors of knowledge and understanding for me. I have never been able to understand my mother's behavior, because it is usually so illogical. At times she seems perfectly normal and charming, other times she does the most bizarre things that don't even make any sense. She would continually contradict me and even herself! Sometimes I felt that I was losing my mind because I couldn't remember some of the conversations she said we'd had. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has someone in their life who makes them feel this way. There is an explanation!! Better yet, you can learn skills to better deal with this disorder. My relationship with my mother has slowly improved since I read this book.

    5 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted February 21, 2010

    Love the title!

    Good basic book on BPD, and provides a foundation to understand the various manifestations of this condition.

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted May 6, 2007

    A reviewer

    For who ever reads this, this is one of the best books i have ever read. it helped me understand how my mother is and how she acts by reading this book i could relate and feel the same things. i could say Hey that happened with me and my mother and could actually relate i could feel the feeling that the writers were writing. please get this book it is well written.

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted February 8, 2001

    Life Saving Work

    This book has saved the lives of myself and many of my good friends. This book allows NonBPs (those in relationships with someone with borderline personality disorder) to make informed decisions about the future of their relationship with the person having the disorder. No less than three online communities of Nons exist primarily because of this book. These communities consist of hundreds of Nons who have benefited from this work and from interacting with each other. If you know someone who might have borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder, you must read this book and join one of our online communities!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 13, 2009

    Very helpful

    I haven't finished this book yet, but so far it is very informative. It explains the many mood swings, etc. that I have been living with for so many years. It has made me realize that the person with BPD has the issues, not me. I can't wait to finish the book!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 6, 2007

    Help for the Rest of Us

    I had never heard the term Borderline Personality Disorder before I was referred to this book, but in the first few pages I found a frighteningly accurate description of my wife and her mother, and many of the symptoms rang true for others in my life as well, including my own mother. This book helped me understand the sudden rages, bizarre outbursts and baseless accusations that I was facing on a daily basis. Better yet, several effective strategies are provided that helped me regain control over my own life and (to a lesser degree) our household. If you think you are involved with, or related to, someone who suffers from this under-diagnosed disorder, this book is a must-read.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 12, 2001

    Very Helpful. I had no clue till I read this book. Scary how accurate!

    This book is a must for non-BPD, especially if you have no clue about BPD. A friend who was a long term best friend of my BPD recommended this book to me and I will be eternally grateful. I am free (other than having to co-parent with)from my BPD. This book helped me realize that setting MY boundries, being firm, and consistent was the key. How my BPD responded was not my problem. The book is clear, easy to understand and full ofr help, at least it was for me.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 4, 2000

    A book of wisdom

    I would recommend this book to anyone who is currently involved with someone who has or is suspected to have borderline personality disorder. I did not discover this book until my relationship deteriorated beyond repair. This book helped me thru the emotional roller coaster, and self doubt I was experiencing. It also explained alot of unanswered questions about the behavior of my now ex fiance. I so wish I would have known about this book and this disease. So much pain could have been prevented.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 29, 2014

    This book set my soul free. It was recommended by my psychiatris

    This book set my soul free. It was recommended by my psychiatrist in order to make me understand what I have been through and finally stop carrying the blame, shame, and low self steem of a relationship with a BPD. This is the kind of book that only a Non-BPD will understand. I start crying non-stop for the first 3 chapters because it was put into words all my pain, fears, and traumas from that horror movie that was my relationship with a BPD. If someone rate this book low it's because they have no idea how true that can be and only someone who have been there will recognize the value of this book. To me is amazing!!!!! Thanks Paul and Randi for helping me to set my soul free again and to recover and heal from that tragic past.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted January 22, 2014

    Absolutely terrible book. It treats the BPD patient as a non-hum

    Absolutely terrible book. It treats the BPD patient as a non-human, as well as makes generalizing statements about borderline patients. Not all BPD patients are guilty of manipulation and emotional abuse. In fact, that's not even a listed symptom in the DSM criteria. So why is there an entire book dedicated to, "Are you being emotionally abused? Maybe your loved one is borderline!" That's not how borderline works, and assigning labels to people who are harmful ends up hurting those who have these disorders and aren't guilty. Thanks to books like this, people with borderline are treated as sub-human trash. Thanks to books like this, there is stigma, which puts blame on victims and keeps them from seeking treatment.

    0 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 12, 2013

    Highly recommended

    This book was a great starting point for me. It has truly helped to clear a great deal of confusion. It's so great to be able to finally put a name to the dynamic.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted March 8, 2013

    Most insightful

    Easy read. A very helpful book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 28, 2012

    A great tool!

    A book that finally got my husband to see what he's really like, and that it just wasn't me. This book saved our marriage.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 10, 2012

    I think this book has changed my life...

    I am so emotional, so relieved to learn there is hope and help for me in dealing with my BP partner. Already, by applying the principles in the book, life has been calmer, and my boundaries are holding. I have a sense about how to handle the next crisis, which I know will come. I have begun to ask myself tough questions and listen to my honest answers. Will I stay or will I go? I don't know, but whatever I decide to do, this book has given me the information I need to do it as peacefully as possible. I am eternally grateful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 7, 2012

    Bartholomeow

    Kits and queens den

    0 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 7, 2012

    Very Highly Recommended, if you know someone suffering with this disorder.

    I still haven't made it through the whole book yet - I keep going back and forth in it reviewing and re-reviewing parts of the book for guidance and understanding.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 12, 2010

    Useful

    It was like they had lived my life the past 5 1/2 years

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 77 Customer Reviews

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