Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man

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Overview

In the instant number one New York Times bestseller Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey gave millions of women around the globe insight into what men really think about love, intimacy, and commitment. In his new book he zeros in on what motivates men and provides tips on how women can use that knowledge to get more of what they need out of their relationships, whether it's more help around the house, more of the right kind of attention in the bedroom, more money in the joint bank account, or more ...

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Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man

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Overview

In the instant number one New York Times bestseller Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Steve Harvey gave millions of women around the globe insight into what men really think about love, intimacy, and commitment. In his new book he zeros in on what motivates men and provides tips on how women can use that knowledge to get more of what they need out of their relationships, whether it's more help around the house, more of the right kind of attention in the bedroom, more money in the joint bank account, or more truth when it comes to the hard questions, such as: Are you committed to building a future together? Does my success intimidate you? Have you cheated on me?

In Straight Talk, No Chaser: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man, Steve Harvey shares information on:

How to Get the Truth Out of Your Man
Tired of answers that are deceptive? Harvey lays out a three-tier, CIA-style of questioning that will leave your man no choice but to cut to the chase and deliver the truth.

Dating Tips, Decade by Decade
Whether you're in your twenties and just starting to date seriously, in your thirties and feeling the tick of the biological clock, or in your forties and beyond, Steve provides insight into what a man, in each decade of his life, is looking for in a mate.

How to Minimize Nagging and Maximize Harmony at Home
He said he'd cut the lawn on Saturday, and you may have been within reason to think that that meant Saturday before ten in the evening, but exploding at him is only going to ruin the mood for everyone, which means no romance. Steve shows you how to talk to your man in a way that moves him to action and keeps the peace.

And there's much more, including Steve's candid answers to questions you've always wanted to ask men.

Drawing on a lifetime of experience and the feedback women have shared with him in reaction to Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Harvey offers wisdom on a wealth of topics relevant to both sexes today. He also gets more personal, sharing anecdotes from his own family history. Always direct, often funny, and incredibly perceptive, media personality, comedian, philanthropist, and (finally) happily married husband, Steve Harvey proves once again that he is the king of relationships.

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Editorial Reviews

Essence
“One of our most successful and sought-after relationship gurus, the man women trust to tell them the truth about, well, everything.”
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061728969
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 8/28/2012
  • Pages: 256
  • Sales rank: 34,583
  • Product dimensions: 5.20 (w) x 7.90 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Steve Harvey

Steve Harvey is the author of the number one New York Times bestsellers Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man and Straight Talk, No Chaser. He is the host of his daily talk show and the game show Family Feud, in addition to his nationally syndicated Steve Harvey Morning Show on the radio. The Emmy Award winner is also the founder of the Steve and Marjorie Harvey Foundation.

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Read an Excerpt

Straight Talk, No Chaser


By Steve Harvey

HarperCollins Publishers

Copyright © 2012 Steve Harvey
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-06-172896-9


Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

The Making of a Man


I didn't have any business being married at twenty-four. Yes, I believed wholeheartedly in the idea of marriage; after all, my parents had been married for sixty-four years before my mother passed away. And I had every intention of duplicating what they had: a stable relationship in a home filled with love, strength, perseverance and wisdom. It was all I knew to do. So it made all the sense in the world to give a ring to the woman I loved and say, "I do."

And that was where the problem began.

In the weeks leading up to my marriage, I didn't have a steady paycheck to support my soon to be wife. In my heart of hearts, I knew this wasn't right. I'd even said as much to my mother; I told her I was going to call off the wedding because I wasn't working and it didn't feel right. My mother, being a woman who wanted to see her child married and knew how devastating it would have been to my fiancée to call off her dream wedding, talked me out of canceling the big day. Invitations had been sent out. People were looking for the show.

Who was I to rain on this festive parade?

Years later, my mother apologized and admitted she would never have talked me into getting married if she'd known how unprepared I was to be a good husband. By then, we were able to put our finger on what was missing - what was dooming my first marriage even before the spit on the stamps we put on those invitations was dry: I didn't know who I was, what I would do with my life, and how much I was going to make doing it. As I explained in Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, everything a man does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes). These are the three things every man has to achieve before he feels like he's truly fulfilling his destiny as a man and if any one of those things is missing, he will be much too busy trying to find it to focus on you. He won't have it in him to settle down, have children, or build a life with anyone.

In my first marriage, I didn't have these things lined up by any stretch. I had dropped out of college and went to work at Ford Motor Company. Later I was laid off and didn't get a job until a month after we married. It was a way to make some cash, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted out of life - that it wasn't my calling. And I was frustrated by it. How could I get a wife to buy into me and my plans for the future when even I wasn't enthused by them myself ? How could she know me if I didn't know myself ? How could she benefit from what I did and how much I made if I wasn't doing or making anything? I was frustrated, our financial outlook was in shambles, and we were always at it - always fighting about something.

Because I wasn't a man.

Sure, she'd married a member of the male species and I had some good traits. I was kind and trusting; I was a very good protector; and I made no qualms about professing to anybody coming and going that she was mine and I was hers. And some good, a lot of good, came from our union: my daughters Karli and Brandi and my son Steve. But I wasn't fully a man. And it cost us.

I wish my father would have warned me, would have sat me down and schooled me on the particulars of marriage. Perhaps he could've told me that a time comes when one needs to cut out all the foolishness - the screwing up in school, the fooling around with a bunch of different women. I wish he would've told me that if I didn't stop acting foolish by a certain age, there would be a cost associated with my lack of focus, with deferring my dreams of being an entertainer. Had he done so, a lot of pain would have been spared for everyone all around. He didn't share with me his thoughts on when a boy needs to focus on maturing into a man. He didn't tell me, "Steve, listen: you got a couple years to date a few women while you figure this thing out, and once you decide who you are, what you want to do, and how you want to make your money, go get a partner who can help you accomplish these things."

That would have been a great lesson for my father to teach his son. But this isn't the way of men.

We are neither the greatest communicators nor sharers of information. There's no manual that says we should know sometime between ages twenty-five and twenty-seven what we want to do with our lives and by ages twenty-eight through thirty, we should be settling down with a woman who is as committed to helping us achieve our goals and dreams as we are to helping her achieve hers. What we constantly hear, instead, is "You're young - sow your oats, enjoy yourself, have a good time, don't get tied down, don't get serious with any girls." And by the time we finish setting ourselves up financially and convince ourselves we're ready to settle down, we've fumbled through countless "relationships," leaving women by the wayside, some of them shattered and bitter because we thought it more important to add a notch to our player belts than to act honorably. We've gone for that gold star some men award each other when they have more than one woman at a time. And for your trouble? We get pats on the back - told over and over again that this is what we're supposed to do if we're real men.

Men hardly get pats on the back when they get married. Even more, married men, whether they're happily married or not, are constantly sharing the horrors of marriage with us, forever pointing out that all the freedoms single men enjoy come to a screeching halt when the ole' "ball and chain" gets attached to a man's ankle - that marriage is some kind of death sentence. Indeed, among men, conversations related to the ins and outs of marriage become conversations based on bravado and jokes, rather than the truth, which is that a marriage - one built on love, respect, loyalty, and trust - is the best thing that could ever happen to a man. Hill Harper pointed this out on a relationships roundtable we did together on Nightline; Hill, an actor who's written a few outstanding books on communication between men and women, insisted that single men would benefit greatly if married men admitted publicly that behind closed doors, they are saying to themselves and their wives, "Thank God for marriage. Thank God for my family. Thank God somebody supports me and patches me together so I can go to work the next day. This marriage thing is pretty all right." It is, for sure, the completion of manhood.

And it's high time we started teaching this to our young men early. We need to pull them aside and explain that there comes a time in which they need to cut out the foolishness. Because once we do we can get back to the business of finding one another, falling in love, creating a family, and spending a lifetime supporting and dreaming and growing - together. This is not something a woman can teach; a man who is twenty-two or twenty-three years old cannot have his mother sitting him down and talking to him about what it takes to be a man; she has no idea of the competition level on which we operate, what drives us, and what we face every time we head toward the front door and out into the world - no more than a man can possibly fathom what it means to be a young woman. We love and admire our mothers to death, but they can't walk in our shoes; men and women are much too different, and she will miss the mark - from the simplest things, like how to shake after you pee, to the most complex situations, like how to square off against another man and, without anyone getting hurt in the process, still be able to walk away with your dignity intact.

Of course, I realize that telling women they can't teach boys how to be men isn't helpful; the world is full of single mothers going it alone while the fathers of their children run from the awesome responsibility of raising them. And it seems that many men who commit to their families by staying the course are often psychologically absent, lost as they are in their work. But it's imperative that boys who do not have their fathers around to show them the ropes get acquainted with some positive, smart, strong male role models - an uncle, a counselor, a coach, a teacher, a neighbor - so that they have someone to talk to and that someone is vested in making sure that our sons learn the most important lessons.

For sure, I've been teaching this to my own sons, Wynton, Jason and Steve. And that training starts the moment I open my eyes in the morning. Every day, I have my sons wake up the same time as me - no matter what ungodly hour in the morning it is. If I'm hitting the treadmill and weightlifting at 4:30 a.m., so are they. If I'm going into the office at 5:30 a.m. and I'm working by 6:00 a.m., they're dressed and on their way somewhere too. \f they've got school or their study workload is a little heavy, they still have to wake up and, before they get themselves ready, text me their plans for the day - what they're working on and what chore they'll be completing before they sit down for breakfast.

This is what typical morning texts from my sons look like:

7:06 AM (JASON): Soon, I will be an official Harvey Academy graduate. I take one more test next week and then I'm off to make you proud of me. Today I will sweep the front courtyard and study. Love you Dad, talk to you later.

7:10 AM (ME): I'm already proud. Just give me something to brag about. Give your dad some great moments for his twilight years.

7:11 AM (JASON): Yes, sir. Looking forward to making that happen. And when they mess up, I bring the pain, too. Like just this morning, all of them were supposed to be front and center down in our family gym at 4:00 a.m. to do a group workout with me. Hey, if I'm going to wake up and get on my grind before the sun rises so that I can provide their lifestyle, the least they can do is keep me company while I'm doing it. Well, 4:10 a.m. rolls around and I'm well into my workout and all of my sons were still knocked out; when I called Steve's cell phone, he told me they'd all "forgotten" the plan. I sent a text to Jason first, reminding him that just like in the jungle, the gorilla (me) is always on top of his game and the gazelles (my boys) aren't swift or strong enough to keep up:

7:59 AM (ME): Gorilla Silverback, 2, Gazelles, 0

8:00 AM (JASON): How'd you score two?

8:01 AM (ME): Gorilla takes what he wants. I get two points.

8:02 AM (JASON): I'm going to take one back this afternoon. Your Bible is in my room— LOL.

8:02 AM (ME): I told Ms. Anna to put it there. Now you can figure out why. Gorilla 3, Gazelles, 0.

8:06 AM (JASON): Dad how do you keep scoring all the time?

8:15 AM (ME): I never stop coming. This is from your insides, your guts, you hear? Your sinew. Your will to win. Your desire to show up and be counted. Your pride. Where is your pride for doing what you said you're going to do? If I didn't do what I said I was going to do, you all wouldn't respect me. My desire to be respected is so great in me that it pushes me to excel. Where is your pride?

I needed them to know that their father is cranking - that while they were sleeping, I was downstairs doing wind sprints and abs, and then at work earning a solid paycheck so that I could pay our bills to ensure we all have a roof over our heads, beds to lie in, and food on the table - a home. For me. For their mother. For them.

For all of us.

And I talk to them - constantly talk to them - about what it takes to be a real man. If more men truly understood what that means, it would really eradicate so many of the negative relationship issues we grapple with - fatherlessness, low marriage rates, divorce. The list goes on. My dad didn't talk to me a lot, but he showed me by example what it means to be a dedicated father and husband, taught me about hard work and the importance of using it to take care of your family; respecting your significant other and requiring your children to do the same; and being the best father you can be to the babies you make. Did I get it right? Not all the time. I failed at two marriages before I found my relationship stride. That is human. But each time, I drew lessons from the darkness - from the failures. And then I vowed not to let them happen again, not only for the sake of my wife and our marriage, but also to be that example to my children - my sons and my daughters - who are watching me and, like I did with my dad, using my example to get clues about how they should treat a love interest, and certainly how they should expect to be treated by that love interest.
(Continues...)


Excerpted from Straight Talk, No Chaser by Steve Harvey. Copyright © 2012 by Steve Harvey. Excerpted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Introduction xi

I Understanding Men

1 The Making of a Man 3

2 Dating by the Decades: A Guide to How Men Feel About Relationships in Their Twenties, Thirties, Forties, Fifties, and Beyond 17

3 Are Women Intimidating? Myths Versus Facts 37

4 Every Sugar Daddy Ain't Sweet 55

II Finding a Man

5 The Standoff: He Won't Commit, You Won't Leave-Now What? 69

6 Let's Stop the Games: Asking Men the Right Questions to Get the Real Answers 93

7 Presentation Is Everything: Don't Let Your "Off" Day Be Her "On" Day 109

III Keeping a Man

8 The Cookie: More on Why Men Need It, Why You Should Keep It 127

9 The "N" Word: How to Get What You Want Without Nagging 145

10 Show Your Appreciation: A Little Bit of Gratitude Goes a Long Way 161

11 Dollars and Sense: How to Handle Money Problems with Men 177

12 The Art of the Deal: How to Get What You Want Out of a Man 193

IV Questions and Commandments

Ask Steve: More Quick Answers to the Burning Questions You've Always Wanted to Ask 213

For the Men … Ten Commandments to Pleasing a Woman 229

Glossary of Steve's Terms 233

Acknowledgments 235

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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 336 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(165)

4 Star

(58)

3 Star

(48)

2 Star

(26)

1 Star

(39)

Your Rating:

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 338 Customer Reviews
  • Posted December 8, 2010

    READ THIS BOOK!!!

    PASS THIS BOOK TO YOUR LOVED ONES TO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND!!!


    THANKS STEVE!!

    11 out of 12 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 26, 2011

    highly Recommended

    who knew Steve had all this inside?????? I thought his first book was good but this one is excellent. As I reflected on all my failed relationships, I could see clearly where I went off the track each time. this is a must read for anyone who is still willing to listen, learn and be honest with themselves. loved it !!!!!!

    9 out of 9 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted September 28, 2010

    I Also Recommend:

    If this book is anything like the last one...

    ...then I can't wait to read it. Steve Harvey is the best! In the mean time, I'd also like to suggest "When God Stopped Keeping Score," an intimate look at the power of forgiveness and yet, it's about so much more. I loved every minute of it. Given the chance, it could change your life.

    7 out of 10 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 4, 2012

    Um where the hect is my book

    I just purchased this and my pages are coming up blank. I am not happy right now

    4 out of 6 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted July 4, 2011

    Well spoken....

    This book is truly a blessing. It is a must read for all women. Steve is awesome and his willing to "tell it how it is" is an eye opening experience.

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted May 27, 2011

    ANOTHER MUST HAVE OF STEVE HARVEY...

    I must say that I thought his first book, At Like A Lady, Think Like A Man was good but this one is even better. Once again, if you're ready for the truth, both of his books are worth getting and reading!

    4 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 17, 2011

    Save ur money

    I must say that I was quite disappointed with Mr. Harvey's second book. I loved his first one but this seems preachy and at times arrogant. It seems like he's believing his own hype. I was able to get a few things from the book but overall it was not worth the money. If you want to read this book, borrow it from a friend or get it from your library.

    4 out of 5 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted August 21, 2011

    Good read!

    Steve Harvey did a good job sharing the truth with women. A must read!

    3 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted December 13, 2010

    A better understanding.

    I have a better understand about man. I ask my guy friends and they just said it was all true. I laugh because they think I'm very wise. They thought I really did understand men. Now I do but still they though I have always understand men. I will say read this book. You will get something out it as well you will see things differently in life.

    3 out of 4 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted October 31, 2012

    Great advice

    I read this book in two days, great advice that can be used. Very helpful in understanding how men think.

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 1, 2012

    This is a life changer...a real eye opener!

    Just when you thought you had him figured out. BAM! Steve comes along and shows you how wrong you were! This is an absolute must read! Learn to negotiate. Life is so simple after you figure out what you and they want! Thank you Steve for "outing" men. You rock man!

    2 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 4, 2011

    He should stick to comedy

    I'm about 80% done with the book and while he does make some good points, he just keeps repeating the same stuff over and over. Actually, I think he comes off a bit chauvanistic even. It's entertaining but he should really stick to comedy and not love advice in my opinion.

    2 out of 3 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 1, 2013

    Amazing

    Great book with lots of insight. Learned a lot of different things that I will be able to apply to my relationships. Highly recommended!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted June 23, 2013

    Highly Recommended

    This book is so good don't want to put it down. I read it as I was getting y hair done, doing the dishes, everywhere everyone should read it.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted November 7, 2012

    I Also Recommend:

    Real info, live and direct. He spoke the truth and it really is

    Real info, live and direct. He spoke the truth and it really is good and very useful information. Steve does it AGAIN!!

    I also recommend another book, The Single Woman's Guide to Loving Herself, another great book. Gets straight to the point and has REAL info too.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted November 21, 2011

    I Also Recommend:

    Good one Steve

    This was a good read. It was a perfect fit for our bookclub meeting and helped me on my quest to find love. I would also recommend The 411 by Kinder Jackson...

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 26, 2011

    5 Stars

    Very good book. Must read for single and committed. I received as a Christmas gift and I think it was a ver good gift. I will re-read this book again.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted January 22, 2011

    'THE COOKIE'

    This book had some interesting points gleaned from life experiences Steve Harvey had. He uses these experiences to almost 'type cast' men in general. Overall the book was a quick read with the bottom line being if you want a man to behave the way you need him to supply the 'cookie' fequently.'l

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted December 30, 2010

    Great follow up to the first book

    This book was interesting. I found things that helped me in my relationship. This book helped me understand a mans logic much better.
    I agree with the standards he suggests to have in place for both men and women. I believe if a lot of single folk looking for their mate and folks in a committed relationship will follow ALL of the suggestions in this book, followed up by what is already pleasantly working for them, their relationships would turn out much better. This book suggests ways to make finding and keeping a True mate less stressful.

    THANK YOU STEVE!!
    Thank you B&N

    1 out of 2 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 28, 2013

    Swirlingstar

    Hmmm. I was woder my provhecy means.

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 338 Customer Reviews

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