Marriage is like a violin.
When the sweet music is over, there are still strings attached.
My wife is an angel.
She's always flying around the house harping about something.
"Doctor, doctor, my wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?"
"No, you idiot! This is her husband!"
Why are married women heavier than single women?
Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge, and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what’s in bed, and go to the fridge.
When a man opens the car door for his wife, either the car is new—or the wife is.
I married Miss Right.
I just didn’t know her first name was Always.