Read an Excerpt
Talks Your Dad Never Had With You
By Harold D. Davis, Kathryn Hall
Moody PublishersCopyright © 2008 Dr. Harold D. Davis
All rights reserved.
Daddy's Little Girl
Here's the Deal ...
When you entered this world, I was the first man, other than our doctor, to touch you. I was amazed when you were wrapped in a blanket and given tome so that I could take you to the nursery. That was a big responsibility to carry my new born child to the nursery. Today you are a big girl, but I want you to know that I still have a strong sense of responsibility to protect you in every way and help you maintain two of the most important things about you—your integrity and your virginity. Let's talk.
FROM THE beginning of time dads have struggled with the idea that boys become sexually interested in their daughters as they grow up. Most dads who have been blessed with beautiful daughters cringe when they consider the thoughts that young men think about their prized possessions. You cannot understand this because it takes a father to know how another man thinks.
God made the role of fathers to provide a covering for their daughters. This makes the premature loss of virginity a major concern that a dad has for his daughter. I want you to know that my job as it relates to you is to provide for you and to protect you from anything or anybody who would hurt you. That includes defending your purity. As a protective dad I will not allow any boy to disrespect and abuse your emotions. I will do whatever is necessary to protect you—even if it means showing a boy that I'm willing to act a little crazy—if that's what it takes to get my point across to him.
With this in mind, I need you to help me stay out of trouble by using wisdom when interacting with the opposite sex. Because you are young and just learning about boys, you will need help in assessing their character. Promise me that when a boy shows an interest in you, you will always let him know that you have a dad who cares about you. In fact, tell the young man that you want him to meet your father. You may be surprised how this may help to keep his intentions in check.
The reason he needs to be aware of my presence is in case he is up to no good; knowing that I am watching over you will help deter him from disrespecting you. In some cases it won't help, but in most cases it will. Promise me that you will always remember this: before you spend any serious time with a young man, I want to meet him! Please don't think that doing this sounds lame and decide it's not worth putting your reputation with your friends on the line. God made you strong to stand up for what is right. He wants you to be a leader among your friends and let them know that they can also have the courage to choose right from wrong.
Most young girls don't think very clearly when they are interested in a young man, so they don't even realize that they need advice from someone who is older and has more experience. Please don't take this as a put-down; it's just the fact that young girls haven't had enough time to learn about the differences between boys and girls and what to watch out for. In fact, before they begin to explore their sexual urges, both girls and boys need to understand that love and infatuation are powerful emotions that need some serious boundaries.
Let me also say that many older girls don't think very clearly when they are interested in young men either; they need a second opinion too. It's not about how old you are when it comes to making good decisions on getting involved with boys. The truth is, people of all ages need help thinking through these issues. When you are just learning about boys, you need guidance in figuring out why boys think and behave the way they do. It will help you find out whether they are really sincere or if they just want to use you for a good time. That's where your dad's help becomes so important.
If a boy ever disrespects your desire to stay pure, drop him before you get hurt. Baby, I need you to talk to me about what is going on in your life. Throughout history, women have been protected by men. Human nature has not changed. Women still need to be protected, if not physically, then emotionally. If we communicate and you let me know what is going on, then I will be able to help you through your weak times. Everybody needs help through their weak times.
Growing up comes with its own set of challenges to face, such as the changes that take place in a girl's physical body, not to mention the social pressures that she also has to deal with. When she has to cope with these hard things without the guidance of a strong, positive father image to turn to for help, problems seem even more difficult to handle. Situations like these sometimes cause young girls to look for love and affection in the wrong places, which opens the door for them to get caught up in serious trouble. You may know of a girl who was abused by someone she trusted. That person really didn't care about her and only wanted to take advantage of her. She will most likely have big regrets that will stay with her for the rest of her life.
In fact, when girls grow into womanhood, the choices they made as young girls can still have an effect on them. It takes a lot of prayer and trust in God to overcome the mistakes that could have been avoided at a younger age. That is where the guidance and protection of a loving father can make a huge difference. Baby, I want you to know that I am here for you. I'm willing to help you in any way that I can as you work through this phase of your life.
You know, the Bible refers to the church as the bride of Christ because there is going to be a marriage one day between Jesus and His bride. This is the message that the apostle Paul taught in 2 Corinthians 11:2 because he wanted the church to live up to God's expectation and remain unpolluted so that Christ could marry a pure virgin. Paul compared the deep love that God desires us to show toward Him to a pure maiden who saves her love for one man only—her husband.
One major thing most dads are concerned about is their daughters being polluted by some slick dude who would like the opportunity to rob a girl of her virginity. It is a father's job to help his daughter avoid them. An earthly father wants the privilege of presenting his daughter as a bride untainted to her future husband just as the heavenly Father is planning to receive the church as the bride of Christ. You see, when we live our lives according to God's plan, God is pleased and we will reap the immense blessings God has as a reward for our obedience to Him. Our children and grandchildren will prosper also.
Besides the spiritual reasons for doing things God's way—which are the most important—there are practical reasons for living a pure life as well. With all of the diseases in the world today, taking a chance by having sex before marriage is just not worth it. In fact, because it is the right thing to do, young men should also be aware of the need for maintaining their purity and should be committed to wearing a ring of purity too. Your brother is going to get a ring and the same lecture, but my heart is with you in a different way than it is with him. I believe that females get hurt the most from premarital sex. They are hurt more emotionally, psychologically, and physically.
Making good choices will not only benefit you; it will also bless your mother and me. That is why the Bible tells you to "honor your father and mother." Ephesians 6:2 teaches that this is the first commandment that comes with a specific promise. When you give honor to your mother and me, you are opening the door for good things to happen in your life. That will bring us great joy and satisfaction, and God will reward you with a long and fruitful life.
Baby, if for no other reason, I want you to stay a virgin because this is God's desire for you, and I want you to live your life in a way that pleases Him. I have tried to do my part by living a godly life in front of you, and with God's help I have made good moral decisions. All I am asking is, on your wedding day you allow me the privilege to walk you down the aisle as my pure daughter. What do you say?
Think About It
1. Did this chapter help you understand how fathers feel about their daughters? Yes___ No___ Why? Or why not?
2. If your father is present in your life, do you have a good relationship with him? Yes___ No___ How has this affected your attitude about remaining pure until you are married?
3. Have you discussed the subject of purity with your father or a father figure? Yes___ No___ Why? Or why not?
4. Do you think that TV programs present the same attitude about sex as a father who is concerned about his daughter does? Yes___ No___ Why? Or why not?
5. Would you introduce your boyfriend to your dad or father figure in the beginning of the relationship? Yes___ No___ Why? Or why not?
6. Do you feel that introducing boys to your dad would end your social life? Yes_ No_Why? Or why not?
7. Do you talk to your father, mother, or some other responsible adult about what's going on in your personal life? Yes___ No___ Why? Or why not?
8. Have you ever had to stop seeing a boy because he pressured you for sex? Yes___ No___ Why? Or why not?
9. If you've already lost your virginity, did you know that God will forgive you and you can regain your purity?CHAPTER 2
Our Special Agreement
Here's the Deal ...
It dawns on me that you are growing up. I am aware that boys are really starting to notice you, and I also understand why they are noticing you. I realize that it is time for the two of us to discuss some important issues. So I plan an evening out at a fancy restaurant where we can talk. You are at the age when you do not talk a lot to Dad, so I have to pump you for conversation. Here is how the evening goes.
BABY, I WANT you to know that I enjoy being your father. You have brought me joy ever since you were born. I remember the first time I held you in my arms and thanked the Lord for you. I promised Him that with His help I would be a good father. I have also worked hard to keep the commitment I made to your mother when we got married, and the Lord has blessed me to be faithful. Now that you are moving into young adulthood, it is your turn to make a commitment to me, and with God's help, you will be faithful.
I take your left hand and point to the ring on your finger and ask you, "Where did you get that ring?" You respond that your mom gave it to you, and you also mention that it is gold plated. I reach in my pocket and present a ring to you and tell you that this ring is not gold plated, but solid gold. I continue to explain that I chose gold because gold is a precious metal that represents a precious promise. At this point, your face lights up and your mouth opens in surprise as you take the old ring off and put the new one on.
The ring that I just gave you is a promise ring that represents a covenant of purity. It stands for a special agreement between me and you. The agreement is that you will stay pure until your wedding day. Every time you look at this ring you should be reminded of that promise. On your wedding day, I will beam with pride as I walk you down the aisle. When the pastor says: "Who presents this woman to be married?" I will say: "Her mother and I do." Then you will take the ring off and give it to me and step over next to your soon-to-be husband. I will then keep this ring and cherish it until the day I die. Baby, I assure you that you can keep this promise, and I want you to always remember to pray, "I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).
As a young lady, you should realize that the Bible has three positive classifications for women.
The virgin. This is a young lady who has never been sexually active, and her purity should be preserved until she marries. I feel that every man should protect and defend his unmarried daughter's purity. In ancient Israel, the virgins were guarded and protected from those who would exploit them.
Since a virgin is a girl who has not experienced sex, she is innocent. Her body has not been contaminated with the bacteria of another person, and she is considered pure. Her mind does not have an actual sexual memory to recall, so her thoughts about sex are not based on experience but on her imagination. Because she honors and respects God, her father, and herself, a girl who desires to remain pure will be careful not to allow any male to persuade her to have sexual relations before she is given in marriage. In fact, the Word of God goes so far as to say that until she is married her love should be for Christ alone
The married woman. This is a woman who is committed to her husband, and she is expected to be sexually active with him. The Bible commands it and encourages that married couples have sex on a regular basis.
The widow. This is a woman who may be young or old but whose husband has died. Widows are not to be sexually active unless they remarry. Young widows are encouraged to get married again if it is possible.
You, my dear, fall into the category of a virgin, one who has not become sexually active. I fall into the category of the father who is to protect you until the day when another man promises to take you as his wife and protect you always.
I hope you understand that maintaining your purity is a critical issue for a young lady. It may be a bit of a struggle sometimes, but it is well worth holding on to it. And you can overcome every obstacle that comes your way. Always remember that your promise ring is something for you to see and feel when you are confronted with temptations and trials.
God is pure and we are made in His image. First John 3:3 reminds us that since we are the children of God, we must live morally pure lives, just as our heavenly Father is pure. Just as I do, God wants you to remain pure until the day that your marriage commitment is fulfilled between you and your future husband.
If you keep your focus on Him, God will not fail you. There are a countless number of young ladies and young men who can attest to this truth. Don't believe the hype; it is possible to keep yourself pure until you are married in spite of the temptations that society offers to do otherwise.
I want you to promise me that you will stay pure until your wedding day. Is it a promise? (You look at me and say yes.) Because you've decided to keep this special promise, the Bible is very clear that this is a serious decision. That means God has a part in this agreement too. You can rest assured that He will keep His word, which says, "You must carefully obey everything in this agreement so that you will succeed in everything you do" (Deuteronomy 29:9).
Baby, if you ever need to talk, if you ever feel pressured, I want you to come and talk to me. Is that a deal? You respond: "Yes, Dad, it's a deal."
We continue to enjoy our evening reflecting occasionally on the commitment we just made. We conclude our evening of sharing good food and fun conversation.
Think About It
1. Have you made a covenant (or promise) with anyone about your purity? Yes___ No___ Why? Or why not?
2. If you haven't already, would you like to make that covenant? Yes___ No___ If yes, with whom would you like to make the covenant?
3. How long should a young lady agree to wear a ring of purity?
4. Do you feel that it is possible to remain pure until you are married? Yes___ No___ Why or why not?
5. Do you feel that it is fair for a parent to expect a daughter or son to stay pure until married? Yes___ No___
Explain your answer__________________________________
6. Do you feel that you could keep a purity agreement if you made one? Yes___ No___ Why or why not?
7. Name the people in your life who would be excited to know that you have made a commitment to purity.
8. Can you name anyone who would be disappointed by your decision to stay pure? For example, a young man who could be planning to use you for his pleasure.
9. Are you committed to walking down the aisle as a virgin on your wedding day? Yes_ No_ Why or why not?
Excerpted from Talks Your Dad Never Had With You by Harold D. Davis, Kathryn Hall. Copyright © 2008 Dr. Harold D. Davis. Excerpted by permission of Moody Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.