Tears and Tantrums: What to Do when Babies and Children Cry

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Publisher's Weekly
Solter, a developmental psychologist and author of The Aware Baby, upends many common responses to crying in children. Her premise is that crying serves the important function of releasing stress and leading to resolution of conflict or trauma. Instead of attempting to stop a child from crying, Solter advocates allowing the child to cry (after making certain he or she isn't in physical pain) with the expectation that the child will draw on his or her own resources to solve the problem the crying is a response to. Feeding (including nursing), distracting and rocking, Solter argues, only inhibit the release of stress. Instead, she believes parents should gently hold their child while making eye contact, "accepting" the crying so that the youngster will benefit from its physiological and psychological benefits (which Solter describes in detail). Solter's approach may be hard to entertain for parents of the hug-and-cookie school, but its close fit with the principles of Parent Effectiveness Training adds substance to her arguments. Her emphatic urging that parents not shame or punish children for crying could relieve much of the tension about crying and tantrums suffered by both adults and children. (Feb.)
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780961307363
  • Publisher: Shining Star Press
  • Publication date: 2/1/1997
  • Pages: 177
  • Sales rank: 614,903
  • Product dimensions: 5.52 (w) x 8.51 (h) x 0.43 (d)

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Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 5, 2000

    Enlightening and encouraging book

    A profound, clear and very convincing book about the importance of crying and tantruming in children. Once I read it, many things that confused and frustrated me fell in place. Aletha Solter's arguments about an importantce of the emotional discharge through crying, raging and tantruming are very convincing and make a lot of sense. I have been coming back to this book often during last 3 years and every time it makes more sense and rings more true. Without a doubt this is not a simple technique 'to produce delighful children'. Accepting children's distress is never easy and can be emotionally overwhelming for parents. Often we find ourselves trying to supress children's frustration by any means available: nursing, rocking, distracting, threatening, punishing and isolating. We try to avoid strong emotions in children at every cost, because often they trigger our own strong emotions. This book helps me tremendously in understand and addressing some of my children's genuine needs. And in a process (which is challenging at times) I'm rediscovering a better self.

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