Teen Love, On Relationships: A Book For Teenagers

Teen Love, On Relationships: A Book For Teenagers

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by Kimberly Kirberger

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Love is often a mystery to teenagers - sometimes painful, other times glorious, always challenging. This book will help them understand and sort out their myriad feelings and experiences. Rather than merely offering one adult's opinions or reflections on love, Kirberger deftly combines material from teens dealing with firsthand adolescent love with that from adults


Love is often a mystery to teenagers - sometimes painful, other times glorious, always challenging. This book will help them understand and sort out their myriad feelings and experiences. Rather than merely offering one adult's opinions or reflections on love, Kirberger deftly combines material from teens dealing with firsthand adolescent love with that from adults sensitive to the special needs of teens. She includes original letters she has received from teens, along with her responses to their questions, concerns and confusion. This blend provides a wide-ranging perspective on love and relationships. It will enable teens to gain wisdom and choose more wisely when making decisions in love and relationships.

This book is designed to guide teens through the maze of love and relationships in a gentle, understanding and compassionate way. It isn't a dos-and-don'ts manual, but rather a how-it-is-in-love guidebook. Teens will come to treasure it as a wise and loving counselor and companion. On the roller-coaster ride of teen love, this is one book no teen can afford to be without.

Check out the companion book, Teen Love : A Journal on Relationships, co-authored with Colin Mortensen of MTV's Real World/Hawaii.

Product Details

Health Communications, Incorporated
Publication date:
Teen Love Series
Sales rank:
Product dimensions:
5.50(w) x 8.50(h) x (d)
Age Range:
13 - 17 Years

Read an Excerpt

First and Foremost:
You Gotta Love

Each relationship you have with another person reflects the relationship you have with yourself

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
Oscar Wilde

Before we get started with relationships, let's take a look at the most important relationship we will ever have..., the one with ourselves.

When asked if they like/love themselves, most people would respond with a quick yes. However, were they to examine their feelings further, these people would come to the same conclusion that I have. I am my own worst enemy. I would not tolerate anyone treating me the way I treat myself. I would leave the room or hang up the phone if anyone dared to say the things to me that I say to myself. I second-guess myself, lecture myself, judge myself and sometimes even punish myself. As for compassion, I tend to save that for my friends. At least that's how it used to be. My approach to myself is improving because I have consciously started to change it.

The first step to changing anything is to be aware of it. We must be honest about how we treat ourselves.

For example:

How do you talk to yourself?
Are you confident?
Do you speak kindly to yourself?
Are you secure and peaceful in most situations?
Do you like the way you look, act, are?

If you are like most of us, you think you could lose some weight, have better skin, have a more exciting life and a smaller nose. We pick at ourselves. We think that everyone else is happy with the way he or she is. We think that security is something other people have, and we are the ones who missed out. Here's a little secret. Everybody is insecure. Everybody judges himself or herself harshly, and everybody struggles with even the concept of loving himself or herself.

The good news is that once we become aware of the way we treat ourselves, we can change it. The most worthwhile goal you can ever set for yourself is one of self-love and self-acceptance, Once we begin to strive for self-acceptance, once we realize that we are supposed to accept ourselves, our lives will begin to change before our very eyes.

Let's start by looking at some of the obstacles we put in the way of self-acceptance. First, we think love is something that has to be earned. We look at ourselves and say, "I will love myself when I am thinner. I will love myself when I stop messing up so much. I will love myself when I stop being so insecure. I will accept myself when I can be like so-and-so, or I will accept myself when I am no longer the way I am."

We all engage in this kind of thinking, but do you see how silly and absurd it is?

What if I told you that the more you love yourself the more lovable you will be?

The best possible person that you can be ... can only be when you love yourself completely.

Would you say to your best friend, "I can't love you until you lose weight"?

Would you say, "I don't love you because you aren't perfect. You keep messing up"?

Of course you wouldn't. And yet this is how we speak to ourselves.

Have you ever had the experience of being nice to someone who was feeling down? Have you ever complimented someone and then seen that person transform right before your eyes? He or she instantly becomes more attractive or funnier. You say something nice to someone and his or her face glows and his or her eyes get a little sparkle. This isn't your imagination. This is true transformation. The very same thing will happen to you when you compliment yourself. Try it....

My heart is with you as you begin to work on accepting yourself. Remember that loving yourself can open the door to a whole new life, one that has as part of it relationships of the very best kind.

Is There Someone Out There for Me?

A person's looks are never going to make you love them or like them.
Drew Barrymore

Dear Kim,

I am feeling really depressed lately. All my friends have boyfriends and I have never had one. Honestly, I don't think any guy will ever like me. I am a little overweight and not what you would call a beauty. The sad thing is, I would really like to have a boyfriend. I am too embarrassed to talk to my friends about guys because I am afraid they will just feel sorry for me. What should I do?

You know, the great thing about love is that there is someone for everyone. I think there are two important things for you to think about.

The first is loving yourself. I know it sounds like something that people just say, but people who love themselves are very attractive to other people.

The second is: Not all people judge others by their looks. If you take good care of yourself—exercise and eat well and feel good about yourself, just as you are—I promise there are guys who will be interested in you.

Sometimes, things don't happen when we want them to, but sooner or later you will have a boyfriend (and a new set of problems). Don't worry: Everyone finds love. Those who have to wait a little longer just appreciate it more when it comes.

The Guy I Like Has A Girlfriend

Dear Kim,

I am in love with a guy who has a girlfriend. He told me he doesn't really love her, but he is afraid to leave her. He is afraid of what she will do (as in hurt herself or be really upset).
Should I wait for him?

When I was in high school I went through something identical to this. I was so in love with this guy. Because I loved him so much and wanted to be with him so badly, I actually believed his lies. I ended up hurt and alone, but I recovered quickly and I ended up with much better after him.

This guy is handing you some bull. I don't know how much, but some for sure. If he doesn't want to be with "his girlfriend," then why is he staying with her? Why is he telling you he loves you when he is involved with someone else?

Obviously the thing for him to do would be to break up with his girlfriend if he doesn't love her. Then, and only then, should he talk to you about his feelings for you. Don't support this kind of behavior, okay?

Now, he may not be a total jerk. There may be truth in this and he may be stuck, but whatever you do don't wait for him to sort it out. Remember that self-respect thing. What would someone do who had self-respect? Bingo!!!!

You can be his friend, have a life, and if and when he is a single guy...then you can think about whether or not you want to be with him.

If you are in love with him and you are going to wait no matter, then at least don't tell him that you are waiting...and please don't mess around with him before he sorts out his life.

We Make Out...and Then It's Over

Dear Kim,
I have the worst luck when it comes to guys. I have wanted a boyfriend for a long time now, but it never works out.

Every time I like a guy the same thing happens. He will ask me out or we will hang out at a party, but then he disappears. The thing that bothers me the most is I feel like all they want is to make out with me and then once we do they dump me. What should I do?

Your question makes me sad. All of us want to be loved, and we all have times when we feel like we would do anything to get that love. The problem is we can't make another person love us, no matter how hard we try.

Let me back up a little here. You meet a guy at a party, and you like him. It sounds to me like the next thing you do is make out with him. Although it is easy for something like this to happen, I think this could be the problem.

Guys like the chase. They will often try to kiss and make out as soon as possible, but this is not the best way "to get" a guy. Even though it sounds like "adult advice" and you are probably thinking that all adults say that, it is true.

What's the hurry? When you meet a guy, it is fine to let him know you are interested. It is fine to flirt with him and make plans with him for the next day or weekend. But if you want him to stick around, don't hook up with him right away.

Sometimes we think, "If we kiss then it will be official." Not so. This is a "girl thing." Guys don't think that way. They don't feel obligated simply because they kissed you. Trust me on this one - no need to rush.

(c) Kimberly Kirberger, 1999. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission of Health Communications, Inc. from Teen Love®: On Relationships, by Kimberly Kirberger. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.

Meet the Author

KIMBERLY KIRGERGER is the coauthor of the #1 New York Times bestsellers, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II, as well as Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul Journal and the upcoming (Fall 1999) Chicken Soup for the College Soul. Based out of Pacific Palisades, California, Kirberger is also president of Inspiration and Motivation for Teens (I.A.M. for Teens), a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting and helping teens.

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Teen Love, On Relationships: A Book For Teenagers 4.1 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 27 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I just got this book and i think its a great book for me and my girlfriend to read and really figure out what love actually is besides just txting. I hope we will realize a greater meaning in love itself.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is amazing im so glad that i found it and started reading it. One of the best books i have ever read and gives lots of inspiration and guidance. Reading this book gave me so much more confidence. I didnt hesitate to purchase this book and neither should you. It was definately worth the money and im glad i bought it.
Olivia Johnson More than 1 year ago
This is such a good book definatly amswered all of my questions. Musg get
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Go to shop serch shy its the first result
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
my boyfriend writes me these poems all the time and he told me to go get this book from the library... he said he loves the book... he thinks they are the best poems he has ever read... and when i read them they made me cry because they were so cute... i love this book and so does he... love, Jackson and Ashley
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book is outstanding it goes through all the easy and hard times of a relationship and how to act of it
Guest More than 1 year ago
I was going through a recent breakup and as I read the book, I had learnt to except myself more and deal with the depression. As I read the book it was just like the author was there pouring her heart out, the book was well put together and it is definately a keepsake.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I own a copy of this book and I read it all the time. I really like the stories that people write in it because at times you can go and read them and relize that your not the only person with that one problem if you have one. At other times it gives you good advice about stuff. From loving yourself all the way to break ups and then starting over. I would highly recommend this book to young people.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book really shows what teenagers go through while in love. I really believe any one looking for advice on realtionships should read thi book. My favorite part about this book was the poems. They were so touching and real and I've experienced all those feelings. I could not put this book down it really relates to me and my friends and I love that. I believe that this book gave me a better perspective about realtionships and I really enjoyed all the heart-touching stories.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Teen love: on relationships was the greatest book i have read! It gives amazing advice that works and is written in kind words. Kimberly Kirberger really relates to teens in this book - i thought it was an incredible book filled with love stories from teens, poetry and great helpful advice that anyone can use! i recommend this book to teens that want a heartfelt reminder about how great love is and that they're not alone! I can't wait to read Teen love: on friendship!! :)
Guest More than 1 year ago
I think that this book was a great thing. I read it because of things that were occuring in my life and it was a great guide. By the end of my basketball season, everyone on my team borrowed it and loved it as much as I did. More books like these are needed.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This the best book anyone has ever written about teenages and their problems with relationships. This books helps in everyway. From giving you advise on how to break up with you boy/girl friend to how to tell if he/she likes you. I read this book twice. I recommend that every teen reads this book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Even though I have just started reading this book this is one I can't put down and I really don't like to read! It relates to my life so much I feel as if they were writing about my life. But me and others my age everywhere have problems like this and it can really help you make the right choice and to help you through those rough times you believe you can't make it through! This book helps you to believe in yourself and that there is a 'perfect mate' waiting for you or you might even already know them!
Guest More than 1 year ago
When I heard about this book coming out, I knew I had to buy it right away. I read the whole thing on a train ride to visit some friends. I had been marking pages that I had wanted them to read, and before I knew it I had marked almost every page! The book really helped me to see that I am not the only teen facing problems in my relationships, and the stories helped me deal with them, as well. I bought the book for 3 of my best friends for Christmas, and they loved it, too! I cant wait for another one!!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I highly recommend this book to all those teens who have questions about love and need an answer. This book answered alot of my questions about love and made me feel secure about all the feeling I felt. Although it doesn's answer all of my questions, it answered many. This book takes experiences from real teens lives and answers them in a totally unbiased way. It's not a book saying, ' Don't do this because it's bad;' It tells the reader to follow their gut feeling and to follow your heart. I highly recommend this book because off all these reasons!mended!!! Enjoy!!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I found this book to be so helpful and also enjoyable to read. I read it through once and now I have gone back to read sections of it many times when I had a question or just wanted some comfort. This book is different than the Chicken Soup books but it certainly is as good. It deals head on with specific questions that I think everyone has. I also bought the journal and am filling it out.
Guest More than 1 year ago
This book gives alot of good advice. Becca Wolf, one of the submitters, is going places!
Guest More than 1 year ago
i love reading this kind of book with real like info thanks Jessica
Guest More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
For Christmas I was given Teen Love On Relationships and the Journal for Teen Love. They are the greatest books I have ever read. Eveything I've ever felt about my boyfriend and me is in these books. They seem to understand what no one else does about being in love. I have almost finished writing in the Journal and don't want it to end!
Guest More than 1 year ago
This is book is soooooooo good! I'm in a relationship right now and i've never been in a serious relationship before and it's helping understand about it. I appreciate my boyfriend so much more after reading this book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Guest More than 1 year ago
Always on the prowl for good hip books for my teen girls when I came across this, I wanted to read it for myself! I love this one and so do they. This book is not preachy but gives the greatest insight into how to cope with teenage love and still maintain your own self worth. Usually a really difficult task for teen girls. It also lets them know their feelings are real and need to be delt with. Very uplifting.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Ur such an unpopular loser.u no nothong about hollywood and u woodnt surviv