Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship

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Overview

In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washingto— made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict—with more than 90 percent accuracy—whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love ...

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Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship

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Overview

In 1994, Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the University of Washingto— made a startling announcement: Through scientific observation and mathematical analysis, they could predict—with more than 90 percent accuracy—whether a marriage would succeed or fail. The only thing they did not yet know was how to turn a failing marriage into a successful one, so Gottman teamed up with his clinical psychologist wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, to develop intervention methods. Now the Gottmans, together with the Love Lab research facility, have put these ideas into practice. In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans share this vital information so that couples can develop the skills to turn their relationship problems around and create strong, lasting unions.What emerged from the Gottmans’ collaboration and decades of research is a body of advice that’s based on two surprisingly simple truths: Happily married couples behave like good friends, and they handle their conflicts in gentle, positive ways. The authors offer an intimate look at ten couples who have learned to work through potentially destructive problems—extramarital affairs, workaholism, parenthood adjustments, serious illnesses, lack of intimacy—and examine what they’ve done to improve communication and get their marriages back on track. Giving an insider’s view of the Love Lab, the Gottmans take the reader step-by-step through the couples’ conversations, before and after they are counseled. The authors also provide an analysis of the couples’ interactions, identifying their core problems and offering suggestions for resolving them. By “listening” to the discussions in this way, you will learn to detect the most common stumbling blocks of a relationship and—most important—how to avoid them. Hundreds of thousands have seen their relationships improve thanks to the Gottmans’ work. Whether you want to make a strong relationship more fulfilling or rescue one that’s headed for disaster, Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage is essential reading.From inside the famed Gottman Institute, aka the “Love Lab”: ten scientifically proven, practical ways to strengthen your marriage“We don’t feel close anymore.”“You never talk to me.”“We only have time for the kids.” “All you do is work.”“You don’t care about my dreams.”Do you recognize yourself, or your spouse, in any of these statements? If so, Dr. John Gottman and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, say you shouldn’t be surprised. In fact, their decades of scientific research have shown that most couples face these and other serious problems—but what the Gottmans have proven is that such difficulties don’t have to lead to a broken relationship, or even divorce.In Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, the Gottmans provide vital tools—scientifically based and empirically verified—that you can use to regain affection and romance lost through years of ineffective communication. You’ll strengthen your relationship and make it the most fulfilling it can be.

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Editorial Reviews

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Doctors John and Julie Gottman have published hundreds of academic articles and several scholarly books, but the media knows them best as the founders of the Washington-based "Love Lab," where couples learn to navigate through the outer banks of relationships. 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage enables readers to retrace the learning steps of ten couples who "graduated" from the Gottman Institute. A refreshing tutorial on a troublesome subject.
Library Journal
Husband-and-wife clinical psychologists John Gottman (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) and Julie Schwartz Gottman observe spouses at their famed Seattle "Love Lab" to predict which might be divorce-bound and why. Each of the ten couples profiled here illustrates a principle that the authors believe can strengthen a marriage that is suffering from such factors as overwork, affairs, and preoccupation with children. Completing each chapter are quizzes and exercises that will help readers apply the principle to their own lives. The authors' advice, though basic, is thoroughly thought out. Of course, no single book can provide truly in-depth information on such a complicated topic, but couples can start to examine their own relationships with the Gottmans' guidance. (See also their appearance in Malcolm Gladwell's Blink.) Written in a conversational style, this book will certainly find a readership in public libraries.-Kay Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD Copyright 2006 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781415934968
  • Publisher: Books on Tape, Inc.
  • Publication date: 1/22/2008
  • Format: MP3
  • Edition description: Unabridged
  • Sales rank: 970,286
  • Ships to U.S.and APO/FPO addresses only.

Meet the Author

John M. Gottman, Ph.D.,and Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., are the founders and directors of the Gottman Institute and the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle. The bestselling author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and The Relationship Cure, among other books, John Gottman is a professor of psychology, an elected fellow of the American Psychological Association, and the recipient of numerous awards and commendations. His research and findings have been featured in the Wall Street Journal, Time, the bestselling book Blink, and in the broadcast media. Julie Schwartz Gottman established the Gottman Institute’s Marriage Clinic and serves as its clinical director. A clinical psychologist, she is in private practice in Seattle, where the couple lives.

Joan DeClaire is a writer specializing in psychology, health, and family issues.
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Read an Excerpt

Introduction

From Predicting Divorce to Preventing It: An Introductory Message from John and Julie Gottman

It's been more than a decade since John and his colleagues at the University of Washington (UW) first announced their discovery: Through the power of careful observation and mathematical analysis, the team had learned to predict with more than 90 percent accuracy whether a married couple would stay together or eventually divorce. This discovery captured the imagination of many. If research psychologists could now pinpoint specific behaviors that lead to divorce, then perhaps people in troubled relationships could change those behaviors and save their marriages.But as any weatherman can tell you, the ability to predict trouble is not the same as the ability to prevent it. It's one thing to detect a storm brewing on radar; it's quite another to make those storm clouds disappear.

And yet that's the kind of work we at the Gottman Institute have been doing. Since 1994 we've been developing tools to help couples identify problems that are proven to destroy relationships--and to turn those problems around. By experimenting with various forms of therapy, we've been learning how to help husbands and wives improve their marriages and prevent divorce.

Through our workshops, therapy sessions, and books, couples are gaining the tools they need to build stronger friendships and manage their conflicts. As a result, they are learning to work through a whole host of problems common to marriage--problems such as these:

•the stress of caring for a new baby

•exhaustion from working too hard

•loss of interest in sex and romance

•health problems

•recovering from an extramarital affair

•struggles with depression

•arguments over housework and finances

•changes that come with retirement

•the loss of a job, an identity, or a lifelong dream

And once again we're achieving some exciting results. Our studies show that 86 percent of people who complete our marriage workshops say they make significant progress on conflicts that once felt "gridlocked." And after one year, 75 percent of husbands and 56 percent of wives who attend our workshops and therapy sessions feel their marriages move from a broken state to a functional one. Even simply reading our books can make a difference. One study showed that 63 percent of husbands and wives who read John's 1999 bestseller, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, reported that their marriages had changed for the better and were still improved a year later.

These numbers are a big improvement over other forms of marital intervention. For example, acclaimed marriage researcher Neil Jacobson conducted an evaluation of one of the most highly regarded therapy methods and showed that only 35 percent of couples using it improved their marriages.

What's behind our success? We believe it's the science. The tools we've developed--and that you'll see real couples using in this book--aren't based on our beliefs or whims about marriage. They are grounded in decades of work John and his colleagues have been doing at the Family Research Laboratory, originally located at UW and now part of our Relationship Research Institute in Seattle. The Love Lab--as we've come to call it--is a research facility where husbands and wives...

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