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That's Not What I Meant is a unique new guide to remedying relationships with easy-to-understand explanations of how we say what we say.
I Linguistics And Conversational Style 15
1 The Problem Is The Process 17
2 The Workings Of Conversational Style 29
3 Conversational Signals And Devices 45
Part I Conversational Signals 47
Part II Conversational Devices At Work 54
II Conversational Strategies 63
4 Why We Don't Say What We Mean 65
Part I Why We Won't Say What We Mean 66
Part II Why We Can't Say What We Mean 71
5 Framing And Reframing 82
6 Power And Solidarity 101
III Talking At Home: Conversational Style in Close Relationships 119
7 Why Things Get Worse 121
8 Talk In The Intimate Relationship: His And Hers 133
9 The Intimate Critic 152
IV What You Can And Can't Do With Conversational Style 175
10 Talking About Ways Of Talking 177
Posted November 19, 2002
That's Not What I Meant! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships. Deborah Tannen explains how something very small we said can turn a whole conversation upside down, bringing the opposite result of what we expected. Be it between friends, lovers, or even diplomatic ambassadors, she shows how the way we talk, anything from the tone we say a word to a single finger's gesture can change completely the meaning of our talk, and gives advice and suggestions on how to talk better and have more successful communication with everyone around us. What Tannen does in this book is show how some of the common communication differences between men and women in relationships have their basis in fundamental differences in the way men and women perceive each other and relationships in general. And furthermore, that these fundamental differences, often hidden below the surface, can have profound, and often negative, effects on all kinds of relationships throughout a person's life, unless they are brought into the light of day. In effect, what Tannen is trying to do is to get people to be more aware of how they habitually communicate, the possible reasons why they communicate in those ways, and how the things they say and do may affect others. I strongly recommend this book for both men and women in ongoing close relationships. Once you have read it, you will never see communication in your relationships in quite the same way.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 27, 2010
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