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The 28th AmendmentWho is the Village Idiot?
By N.O. Slak
iUniverse, Inc.Copyright © 2010 N. O. Slak
All right reserved.
Chapter OneFreedom of Speech
It appears we are losing our freedom of speech, which is one of our most cherished rights. The root cause of this is due to the media and political correctness. Although some people make comments that may offend others, there is no reason to have stories whipped into a froth like an overpriced latte at Starbucks. We must maintain our beloved freedom at all costs and quit listening to people who feel they were a victim of a comment. Ask a person in a burn-unit what's more painful, their injury or listening to Al Sharpton defending a victim of an alleged racial slur. That may be an unfair question, because both are equally as painful and ugly.
Certain groups do not want normal people to use the word God, let alone see His name in writing. Yet, these same people do not mind spending US currency. Other people have chosen their life's work to defend alleged racial remarks or make it their duty to ruin my Christmas. These types of people annoy me like a rash growing on an open wound.
One of the biggest gripes by the minority of citizens in this country is to have the name God stricken from anywhere it appears. The ACLU wants it removed from public schools and cites the constitution as its argument. Atheists want the word God removed, but they are not sure who to blame or how to argue their logic. I want the ACLU to disappear, not God.
The word God does not appear in our constitution, yet His name is in the Declaration of Independence. It states, "Laws of Nature and Nature's God entitled." The same document states, "We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." It ends by stating, "And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor."
Where does it say the words, monkey, flying saucer, or any other idol that some people prefer to worship? Do our far-left friends and other lunatics understand the words divine providence? Yet, the beautiful part about our country is anybody can worship what he or she wants. If you want to pray to a tree, monkey, or even a wrench, then knock yourself out. I do not care what anybody believes in spiritually, yet I wish the vocal minority would keep their whining to a minimum.
God is not in our constitution, but neither are the words, Separation of Church and State. Those words do not appear in any amendment or our constitution, but you get an earful of that crap everyday, do you not? The people that whine about us having the word God on our money are the same imbeciles who would cash the winning lottery ticket faster than light propulsion.
The term Separation of Church and State came from a twisted US Supreme Court ruling in1947. The name of the infamous case was Everson v Board of Education of Ewing Twp., New Jersey. Everson thought his taxes should not have to support buses transporting children to a Christian school and the court decided by a 5-4 vote to rule in his favor. Interestingly, we had a previous KKK member, Hugo Black; author the opinion for the court.
This Justice was all over the map like a blue-line on several of his opinions, let alone this one. Justices Jackson and Rutledge authored far more compelling and eloquent dissents. Do you think Justice Black was on narcotics, when he wrote, "The establishment of religion clause of the First Amendment means at least this" and then proceeds to author his opinion as though it were fact?
Everson v Board of Education was nothing more than a disgruntled taxpayer, yet the court's decision opened Pandora's Box. My taxes not only help to pay for school buses, both the long and short versions, but also city buses, airport buses, prison buses, special needs buses, transit buses and even VIP buses. Do you hear me whining Everson? Hello, where are you Everson? I do not know if he is alive or dead, but so far, he has not yelled back. Perhaps somebody shoved him in front of a bus.
We would be doing ourselves a service by not listening to the constant snivelers about what normal people say. We are politically incorrect if we say Merry Christmas as opposed to Happy Holidays, because we may infringe on others' beliefs. Some city officials started banning Christmas trees in public places.
The City Manager of Eugene Oregon did this in the year 2000 citing separation of church and state. I already knew Oregon was a den of iniquity, because it borders California, but what was this person thinking? Is he an interpreter of the Constitution as well? In fact, it has become so ridiculous; we call Christmas trees Holiday trees. A pine tree adorned with lights and ornaments standing in or outside of a structure around the December time period is a Christmas tree! Notwithstanding, approximately 76% of our population are Christians, but if you include the Mormons, then it would be 78%, or 225 million people.
There are approximately four million people, or 1.3% of the population who celebrate Judaism. I do not call their Menorah a Holiday candle.
The 1.3 million atheists are probably just glad to see twinkling lights on a Christmas tree in any town and pray they will see another one the following year.
There are approximately 2-million Mormons. The men probably have two of their wives cut down the Christmas tree, while they drink whisky and coffee, and give one of their daughter's friends a well-needed rest.
The 1.4 million Agnostics acknowledge a tree with twinkling lights, but they have no personal knowledge of how it got there.
The 78,000 Scientologists are miffed, because I think the FAA put a ban on lit Christmas trees inside spaceships while in flight.
The 875,000 Unitarians huddle in amazement at the sight of a beautifully adorned Christmas tree. They are not sure which God to thank.
I do not care how you do the math; it is overwhelmingly acceptable to call a Christmas tree a Christmas tree. No matter what the percentages are, people are always going to upset somebody, but I personally do not care and why should I? The math proves the majority of people in the US believes in Christmas, but is afraid to offend others accidentally. Based on religious statistics, there is only a one in ten chance that you will annoy someone and I will take those odds any day.
Furthermore, why do companies promote Holiday Parties, yet have a Christmas tree? I have never been to a company sanctioned Holiday Party, where I saw a Christmas tree, Menorah, spaceship, monkey and a separate table adorned with a Kwanzaa candle. Most importantly, if I wish someone a Merry Christmas and he or she responds by saying, "Happy Holidays", I do not become offended. This is one of several examples where we become victims to the vocal minority.
The minority amount of any group has a right to express their beliefs and opinions, but why do they have to share it outside their tribe? Why do normal people have to decipher their hidden agendas and listen to their monosyllabic diatribes?
Our most beloved freedoms, especially the freedom of speech is paramount for our existence. Unfortunately, it comes with a price. We had to listen to Sally Field's gobbledygook after she won her 2007 Emmy. However, most of us got lucky and only heard her whiny pitched voice ending with, "If the mothers ruled the world" before she was cutoff like a drunk. If the mothers ruled the world, we wouldn't have any children to carry on, so what was she trying to say? I should not have to listen to some invective diatribe from a celebrity. I wonder how many wars her sons endured. Naturally, somebody had to cry censorship the following day.
This was not an example of censorship. This was merely a moment in the spotlight for Sally to thank those for her award and get off the stage. Citizens watch the Emmys to see who is going to win an award, not listen to Sally's rant. This was not the right place or time for her to spew her opinion about the war in Iraq or her views about war. Does anybody think Sally can answer a double-jeopardy question correctly if the topic was about war? Sally, what year was the Battle of Hastings? I rest my case.
According to one poll taken shortly afterwards, only 37% of the respondents care what celebrities think about societal issues in general, yet another poll (Los Angeles Times) indicated that 80% of its respondents indicated it was a form of censorship by FOX Television. We all know how liberal The Los Angeles Times is, so I wonder how many times their employees voted. I want to hear Sally espouse her same ideology at a VFW on Memorial Day and not when she is at the Shrine Auditorium. Well, the Shrine Auditorium is not in the nicest place in the world, because it is located in an area of Los Angeles where you need bodyguards for your bodyguards.
Common sense should dictate our privilege of freedom of speech. Flag burning is infrequent, because the twerps with their Bics finally realized there is no free dentistry, yet it remains an impassioned topic. The US flag symbolizes everything we stand for, including freedom of speech, so why burn it. In 2006, the House of Representatives passed the Flag Protection Act that would become an amendment to our Constitution. This would allow each state to write their own laws and punishments for burning or desecrating the US flag. This would overturn the US Supreme Court's decision in 1989 in which it heard Texas v Johnson. On the other hand, it never passed in the senate. Thirty-four senators voted no, including Barbara Boxer, Joseph Lieberman, Joseph Biden, Barack Obama, Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, and Hillary Clinton, or simply known better as the usual suspects.
We have never had complete freedom of speech, nor should we. Legally, we should not commit libel, slander, perjury, or make certain verbal threats. You will not go to jail for making a racial slur, but I would not want to be the poor sap who calls Mike Tyson the N-Word or makes fun of his lisp. Mike's decorative swirl on his face, along with his mug shots, is funny enough. However, if I ever meet you Mike, my twin evil brother wrote this portion of the book. It is always better to think twice before you punch somebody outside the ring.
If it were a criminal offense to make a racial slur, then Michael Richards and Dog Chapman would be in a cell. The sight of Dog Chapman crying on national TV was priceless, yet watching Michael Richards on Youtube.com was pitiful at best. It is bad enough when the audience walks out on your routine, but now Michael ruined any chance for himself to star in Harlem Nights, part II.
Chapter TwoJesse Jackson and Al Sharpton - Racial Divide or Dumb and Dumber?
Michael Richards immediately apologized to Jesse Jackson after his debacle and Jesse accepted his apology, but Jesse does not speak for all people. Although he offered his services for the alleged rape victim at Duke University in 2006, he should have traveled one state south while he was there. He could have tackled the alleged sexual abuses at the Citadel, as reported by the school.
Prior to the Duke incident, Jesse referred to Jews as Hymies and New York City as Hymietown in 1984. I am glad he raised that point, because I was shocked at how many Jews I saw in the audience when I was performing at the Apollo theatre. After my performance, I repeatedly said, "Rav todot", but the audience merely stared at me. It was not until I shouted, "Peace" that I received my usual standing ovation. Oh, and the amount of Jews in Harlem is simply staggering. I never said shalom more times in my life. The folks in Harlem were kind, polite and openly wept as they told me, "Hitgaagati eleykha."
After that brilliant remark, which at first he denied, he then went on to say that Nixon's top advisors were German Jews. So, what is your point Jesse? My grandmother is Jewish. If you are tired of hearing the word Holocaust, we are even, because, I am tired of hearing about slavery and oppression. Do we have a deal?
According to an AP-AOL Black Voices Poll in 2006, Jesse received 15% of the votes as the most important black leader. Well, that translates to the fact that 85% of the people who took the poll did not feel that way. I think Grady from Sanford and Son would have garnered more votes.
Jesse- If you care to respond by radio, make sure your microphone is off-air. I would hate it if you called me white trash or any other disparaging remark behind my back. Be careful next time, because those microphones are touchy instruments. Unbelievably, something similar happened to me, but I dodged the bullet.
After a recent interview about my newly acquired island, I told a joke that was insensitive to poor people. I thought the interview was over when the reporter asked, "Why did you really buy a 50-acre island in the tropics?" I replied by stating the obvious, "Because I can." She uttered a sarcastic remark when I decided to retaliate by saying, "Yo Mama's so poor, she waves a Popsicle stick around and calls it air conditioning."
The following morning, I told the press that what I said was, "If your Mama and Papa are sick, I will make sure they have air conditioning." It only cost me a few thousand, but the positive press I received was immeasurable.
Eventually, we need to get together and trade Yo Mama jokes. Who doesn't like those silly and juvenile jokes? The only people that do not laugh are the hearing-impaired.
If you beat me, I will donate to your charity and if I win, you have to caddy for me at Augusta the next time I play. Regardless of who wins, this will demonstrate that blacks and whites can have fun, crack on each other's Moms and you would not know a 9-iron from an eggplant.
Al Sharpton annoys me like warm beer. As we all recall, he did not fair too well on the Tawana Brawley case in 1987. In 1991, shortly after the Crown Heights Riots, I do not think he did himself a favor by referring to Jews as diamond merchants. He allegedly said, "If the Jews want to get it on, tell them to pin their yarmulkes back and come over to my house." Oh Al, you really scare me. If I showed up at your house, you would crap in your pants and curl up in the fetal position. (Do not get your thong in a wad, because that was not a threat) Oh sweet Jesus! I need to take a break. I now have a vision of Al in a thong.
In 1995, he expressed his regrets by calling a Jewish tenant at Freddie's Fashion Mart a white interloper. I was actually shocked to hear Al use a four-syllable word. People can change their vocabulary, but they can never change their true character. I will ask my readers if Al fuels the flames in our racial divide. Sorry Al, they already answered yes.
In 2001, Al trespassed on US military territory. This little incident took place in Vieques, Puerto Rico. While spending his 90 days in jail, he decided to fast. I would not fast for anybody, even if I had his gut. However, we need somebody to help the illegal Mexicans who pick produce all day for below minimum wage. Can anybody imagine what Al's coif would look like after working in a lettuce field all day? I think it would look like a Jheri Curl, complete with activator.
In 2007, Al spoke to Don Imus on his radio show regarding Don's comments made on his radio show about the Rutgers women's basketball team. Al told Don, "Nappy is racial." Don replied, "Yes Sir. That is true."
I believe diamond merchant and white interloper fall into the racial index, so does that make Al a hypocrite or just plain stupid? At this very moment, I am receiving a response from my audience via my telepathic prowess. Sorry Mr. Sharpton, but my audience thinks you are a hypocrite and stupid. Wait, I am receiving more signals. Wow, they are also sending me signals that you are pathetic, lonely and dumb. I apologize Al, but I need to put on my earphones so I do not hear any more of this outlandish rubbish.
On January 4, 2008, Golf Channel broadcaster Kelly Tilghman and Nick Faldo were discussing how to stop Tiger Woods. Kelly said, "Lynch him in the back alley" and giggled. Al Sharpton's goal was to have her fired. Although the Golf Channel suspended her for two weeks, Al thought that was not good enough. Tiger Woods stated that Kelly and he are friends and the remark did not offend him. He considered this an open and shut case.
However, Al claims this is not about Tiger and it is about the civil injustice directed towards all African Americans, blah, blah, blah. Kelley did not commit a transgression Al! Tiger admitted his transgressions, albeit it pertained to a different story. I thought the only tiger that did something appalling in my lifetime was the one who almost ripped Roy's face off during his magic show.
In 2009, Al gave a eulogy at Michael Jackson's memorial and said, "Wasn't nothing strange about your Daddy. It was strange what your Daddy had to deal with. But he dealt with it anyway." Al, were you talking about the same Michael Jackson I know? The guy who made the Thriller album, right? You do not think he was strange. Hmm, the guy who wore one glove, slept with kids, had a house called Neverland and dressed like Captain Crunch? I think he was strange. It is always better to call a spade a spade, because beating around the bush has a completely different connnotation.
Excerpted from The 28th Amendment by N.O. Slak Copyright © 2010 by N. O. Slak. Excerpted by permission.
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