The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People

by Rachel Wilkerson Miller

Overview

A revolutionary guide to friendship and self-care for those who feel alone

When it comes to adult friendships, we’re woefully inept: We barely manage to show up for our own commitments, let alone maintain our relationships. What’s more, we’re living in an uncharted social landscape with new conventions on how to relate—one where actual phone calls are reserved for Mom (if anyone), “dropping in” is unheard-of, and “flaking out” is routine.

The Art of Showing Up offers a roadmap through this morass to true connection with your friends, your family, and yourself. Author Rachel Wilkerson Miller teaches that “showing up” means connecting with others in a way that makes them feel seen and supported. And that begins with showing up for yourself: recognizing your needs, understanding your physical and mental health, and practicing self-compassion. Only then can you better support other people; witness their joy, pain, and true selves; validate their experiences; and help ease their burden.

When “showing up” for others, it’s not the grandest gesture that matters most—it’s how close you come to meeting your loved ones where they really are.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781615196616
Publisher:	The Experiment
Publication date:	05/12/2020
Pages:	304
Sales rank:	116,766
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 7.90(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Rachel Wilkerson Miller is the editor-in-chief of SELF and author of The Art of Showing Up and Dot Journaling—A Practical Guide. Previously, she was a senior editor at BuzzFeed and Vox and a deputy editor at VICE. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, Huffington Post, and SELF, and she’s been a guest on NPR, the Today show, and Good Morning America. She lives in Brooklyn with her girlfriend.

Table of Contents

Hello! 1

Part I Showing Up for Yourself 9

Chapter 1 Getting to Know Yourself 11

Chapter 2 Making Space 35

Chapter 3 Showing Up for Your Body 74

Chapter 4 Showing Up for Yourself Every Damn Day 95

Chapter 5 Showing Up for Yourself When Shit Gets Hard 112

Part II Showing Up for Others 141

Chapter 6 How to Make Friends 143

Chapter 7 The Care and Keeping of Friends 163

Chapter 8 The Art of Noticing 190

Chapter 9 When They're Going Through Hard Shit 202

Chapter 10 So, Somebody Fucked Up 248

Final Thoughts 287

Notes 290

Further Reading 293

Permissions Acknowledgments 296

Acknowledgments 297

About the Author 298

Editorial Reviews

03/09/2020

Miller (Dot Journaling), deputy editor of Vice’s Life vertical, provides digital natives an easy, entertaining guide to adult friendships. Her stance that “self-knowledge is at the core of showing up” forms the basis of her instructions—outlined in the first section, “Showing Up for Yourself,”—on identifying one’s own values, preferences, emotions, needs, and boundaries. Miller litters her advice with exclamation marks and asides, creating a sincere tone that feels like speaking with a close confidante. Filled with many spirited aphorisms (“You—yes, you!—can do these things! They may feel hard, but they are good and fine!”), the book’s second section, “Showing Up for Others,” is less charming but more instructional and provides readers with scripts to navigate a variety of social encounters, strategies for making new friends, and advice for “when they’re going through hard shit.” Miller starts each section with brief general principles, then relies heavily on lists and action steps, which will make for easy reference and perusal, and her charismatic voice will appeal to any reader of self-help. Those looking for help braving the social unknown will want to take a look. (May)

Publishers Weekly

"Rachel has this great emotional intelligence *and* the ability to translate it into accessible tips on cultivating meaningful relationships."

BuzzFeed Books

"Rachel Wilkerson Miller has given us a toolbox for strengthening our relationships with one another and with ourselves. This book is the resource that twenty-, thirty-, and fortysomethings were missing—and that we didn’t know we absolutely needed."

Caroline Moss

"The Art of Showing Up is as pragmatic as it is inspirational . . . [these days] stylish and accessible guides to showing up as our best are more appreciated than ever."

Parade.com

"[Miller] charts a course to kinder, more thoughtful, and more fulfilling relationships."

New York Public Library

"Journalist Rachel Wilkerson Miller gives great advice about being honest when people ask how you're doing, plus a detailed guide to how to show up for people in small and large ways."

NPR’s Life Kit

"Rachel’s advice is smart, straightforward, and empathetic. The Art of Showing Up offers a roadmap to becoming a better friend and happier person. Read this book!"

Alison Green

"Miller has penned a fresh, wise, practical, modern guide for figuring out how to be true to yourself while also meaningfully connected to others. An important contribution to the larger, complicated project of solving loneliness."

Priya Parker

"Wilkerson Miller’s discussion of friendship goes beyond answering texts on time, building healthy adult friendships, and other easily palatable topics. Instead, she gets frank with her audience about the moments that impact our friendships most."

Bitch Media

"Rachel Wilkerson Miller’s The Art of Showing Up covers almost everything you need to know about forming and maintaining adult friendships while also taking care of yourself."

From the Publisher

"In a time when we’re more physically disconnected than ever, this book is a must-read and all of Rachel’s methods and tips translate to connection online and not just in real life."

Hitha Palepu

"The millennial’s Chicken Soup for the Soul."

Fortune

"The Art of Showing Up offers so many useful scripts and ideas for how to make and be there for your friends . . . but humbly asks you, as a reader, to spend the whole first half of the book dealing with some of your own shit before you get to the part where you start thinking about your existing or desired friendships."

Anne Helen Peterson

"This is an incredibly practical book full of easy, yet meaningful, ways to develop more friendship and love in your life. Through steps that anyone can do, Rachel helps us find the support that we all crave in our lives and leaves us feeling ever more hopeful!"

Shasta Nelson

★ 05/01/2020

Miller, senior lifestyle editor at BuzzFeed, defines showing up as the core of creating and maintaining strong meaningful bonds with friends, family, coworkers, and internet pals. She begins by suggesting a set of values to uphold when showing up for yourself, such as developing intuition, self-awareness, and vulnerability, and proceeds to provide ways to make and keep connections with others, such as being generous with one's attention, supporting others' goals, and making time for family and friends even though our lives are busy. Advice that is particularly sound includes the "dos and don'ts" of what to say to a friend going through a big life event and how to have a difficult conversation with a friend. VERDICT Excellent tips for forging relationships with others and becoming an even better "old" friend.

Library Journal