The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig

Overview

Political satirist O'Rourke is still calling 'em as he sees 'em--this time on the politics of bachelor housekeeping. His attitudes on cooking, grocery shopping, yard-work, and the like won't necessarily help keep a bachelor's affairs in order; it may, in fact, make them become even more stubbornly proud of their messes. As O'Rourke says: "This is a book about cooking, cleaning, and housekeeping for people who don't know how to do those things and aren't about to learn."

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The Bachelor Home Companion: A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig

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Overview

Political satirist O'Rourke is still calling 'em as he sees 'em--this time on the politics of bachelor housekeeping. His attitudes on cooking, grocery shopping, yard-work, and the like won't necessarily help keep a bachelor's affairs in order; it may, in fact, make them become even more stubbornly proud of their messes. As O'Rourke says: "This is a book about cooking, cleaning, and housekeeping for people who don't know how to do those things and aren't about to learn."

Reissued after an 80,000-copy first printing, this hilarious look at life from the perspective of a single man comes from the author of two #1 bestsellers in a row--Parliament of Whores and Give War a Chance.

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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780871136862
  • Publisher: Grove/Atlantic, Inc.
  • Publication date: 3/28/1997
  • Series: O'Rourke, P. J.
  • Pages: 176
  • Product dimensions: 5.48 (w) x 8.21 (h) x 0.56 (d)

Read an Excerpt

The Bachelor Home Companion

A Practical Guide to Keeping House Like a Pig
By P. J. O'Rourke

Grove Atlantic, Inc.

Copyright © 1993 P. J. O'Rourke
All right reserved.

ISBN: 0-87113-686-4


Chapter One

Bachelor cooking is a matter of attitude. If you think of it as setting fire to things and making a mess, it's fun. It's not so much fun if you think of it as dinner. Fortunately, baloney, cheeseburgers, beer, and potato-chip dip provide all the daily nutrients bachelors are known to require. I mean, I hope they do. I have several specialties. Instant coffee is one. Simple omelettes are another. My recipe: Add contents of refrigerator to two eggs and cook until everything stops wiggling. A bachelor friend of mine has an interesting variation. Mix last night's Chinese take-out food with your scrambled eggs. (Remove fortune from cookie first.) He calls it Egg Foo Breakfast. I also make a delicious stew. I put meat, beef bouillon, potatoes, celery, carrots, onions, and a splash of red wine into a large pot. When it begins to simmer I go watch football games until all the ingredients boil down to a tarry mass. Then I phone out for pizza or Chinese. * * * How often does a house need to be cleaned, anyway? As a general rule, once every girlfriend. After that she can get to know the real you. * * * To give a woman the impression that your house is clean, use Pledge. Don't use it onanything, just squirt some in the air. This makes it smell as though you've dusted.... Now spill something fresh on the floor because a slippery floor is much more like a clean, waxed floor than a sticky floor is. * * * Every kitchen should be equipped with a dishwasher, preferably a cute one wearing her apron and nothing else. * * * Sheets can be kept clean by getting drunk and falling asleep with your clothes on.

(Continues...)



Excerpted from The Bachelor Home Companion by P. J. O'Rourke Copyright © 1993 by P. J. O'Rourke. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews
  • Posted February 16, 2011

    A funny weekend read.

    I wish I found this book maybe 9 years ago. Solidifies the notion that true bachelorhood is not a social condition but a frame of mind that brings about the Macguyver and survivor in us all. "'Easy to use' on a home repair product is always a lie. Not matter how easy it is to use, it will never be as easy as not using it."

    O'Rourke is quickly becoming my favorite author.

    Note: The NOOKbook version has some errors, including at least one missing page.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 19, 2006

    PJ's Housekeeping Advice for Guys

    P J O'Rourke is best known for his acerbic political columns for Rolling Stone magazine, most of which have been complied into books (the best of which are listed below). But a couple of his early books, such as The Bachelor Home Companion and Modern Manners, are lighter fare -- witty parodies of etiquette books that are amusing reminders of a gentler era gone by. The Bachelor Home Companion is obviously meant for a single man's point of view, and includes such useful advice as 'you can't put your Visa bill on your American Express Card,' and 'taping pictures directly to the wall saves framing expenses.' Some of the material is laugh-out-loud funny, and some is merely amusing, and unlike most other PJ books, nothing is truly thought-provoking. In other words, it's PJ Lite, with half the laughs and none of the bittersweet political perceptions. This book's not bad for a chuckle (and a brief one too, at only 145 pages, including pictures) but I'll stick with the fully caffeinated version, thanks anyway.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted October 13, 2010

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted October 29, 2008

    No text was provided for this review.

Sort by: Showing all of 4 Customer Reviews

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