The Butterfly's Thighs: Mildly Provocative Poems on Sex, Purity, Legalism, and Lawlessness

by C.C. Brighton

Overview

This book is a provocative tale of one burning, passionate woman (C.C Brighton) who grappled murderously with her humanity, her faith, lust and some demons. Her love for God explodes on the pages in equal proportions as the memories of sexual encounters drip from the pages. Will she conquer the demons that she fights or not?

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781456700980
Publisher:	AuthorHouse
Publication date:	05/16/2011
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
File size:	271 KB

Read an Excerpt

The Butterfly's Thighs

Mildly Provocative Poems on Sex, Purity, Legalism, and Lawlessness

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By C.C. Brighton

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 C.C. Brighton
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4567-0097-3

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Chapter One

        Acceptance


    When I came to Christ my soul was bleeding;
    I was cut by life's pains like a lamb that is bleating.

    I got radically saved; it was a glorious day.
    I got real confused though along the way.

    I was running madly on fire for Jesus Christ;
    I never took a breath; what I really needed was His life.

    I did works and more works every second of the day;
    It was obey the law or else you will pay.

    I was overseas with lepers; I was in the prisons teaching English to
    thieves.
    I was the poster child for suffering; I wanted to be martyred and grieved.

    I volunteered to do everything night and day it was my life;
    I knew nothing of rest or grace just legalism with all of my might.

    I lived in condemnation and self hatred if I fell into sin;
    Could not forgive myself; I was going around the bend.

    I did not know that I struggled with perfection;
    I did not know that I was bipolar and I really just needed God's
    affection.

    Finally I crashed after many warnings from loving Pastors;
    I ran to the other side of lawlessness where the flesh lives in gratification
    and laughter.

    Every day I was sick and thought God would kill me for my adulterous
    ways;
    I was tormented living these extremes when all He wanted to do was bathe
    me in His grace.

    His love, His Hosea love is all we need to fill us;
    It is His presence that will keep us far from the gutters.

    There is a highway that we can walk full of Abba's love and acceptance;
    It is not a pathway of perfection but one where humanity kisses the cross
    and walks in true repentance.

    There is a way to live without the self righteous acts and the lustful
    deeds;
    But be ever mindful that He longs to forgive and He knows our hearts
    creed.

    Please do not judge with all of the brimstone from below;
    You will have no room to love others and into Christ's likeness you will
    never grow.


    Soak in His presence, in the Holy Spirit's embrace;
    If you feel that bondage coming back, just seek hard after His face.


         Apple

    My God, my God why this torment inside?
    I feel like Samson, keep my God given power alive.

    I am so human as I long for strong drink and men on every side;
    How do I keep this anointing from God from burning out I cry?

    I do not know the way of grace as of yet;
    I am self righteous or lawless, oh I forget.

    On any given day it changes as the bipolar seems to have me swing;
    I run to my Beloved and He wraps me in His arms since He is the King.

    Whatever I do.. it is not right;
    It is all self; can't I just hide in the night?

    I have made you so small and on a throne I have sat;
    I have been lord of my life and about myself chewing the fat.

    I have run on feelings and been impulsive with each decision;
    I know much of this is the illness but I need a God collision.

    You, it's You who threw the stars in the sky.
    It's beautiful You who call us the apple of your eye.

    You parted the red sea and wrote us a love letter;
    Earthly lovers and exotic drinks are no match for You are far better.

    When the rain falls all around and I am under the covers reading Song
    of Songs;
    I feel You warmly spill over me as deep calls to deep and Your Presence
    longs.

    It longs to come and flood my being with all that I need to keep
    breathing;

    There is so much more that God has to offer through His Spirit I am
    seeing.

    It is fine to be in an earthly romance, just keep God in the midst.
    Listen to convictions sweet words and keep it as pure as you can without
    risks.

    It is all about Him and what He has done and does;
    We all have sinned and sin but He covers us in love.

    Do not listen to condemnations punitive voice when you fall;
    We are under grace now so do not crawl up in a ball.

    Cherish yourself and look at who He is as you move on to the next step
    of the course;
    He has such a marvelous plan for your life; ride off into the sunset on His
    mission with force!


        Arms

    I am in anguish over this life that I am suddenly leading;
    Drinking and naughty behavior, I have been cheating.

    Myself out of a life that is holy as I once knew for so long;
    I am hurting God's heart and this waywardness needs to be gone.

    It kills me these two sides that I have, this madness is relentless;
    I crush God after all He has done for me, I live condemned I must
    confess.

    I know there is no condemnation for me in Christ;
    But the shame that I feel and sorrow that steels is a heist.

    It takes all of my strength so why do I return;
    I am lonely but I must fall in God's arms and learn.

    That these wantings can be redirected;
    And I can be collected.

    Back from the place where worldliness reigns;
    Back from the edge where I dangle by a string.

    I cannot flirt with these spirits anymore;
    I must return to my beautiful Love and receive much more.

    He makes me melt feeling all of the love and care He has shown;
    He has walked beside me and carried me through the years as I have
    grown.

    I will return and find healing again;
    I will not be double-minded but faithful to the end.


        Blossom

    That sin is like a noose;
    It just will not let you loose.

    Just say no to that sin;
    And to all of its friends in the den.

    They need to go;
    And each time you say no..

    They will get weaker, they will go away.
    They will no longer come out to play.

    Those strongholds will lose their grip;
    They won't give you any lip.

    Jesus will empower you to live above it;
    It doesn't always happen overnight and you might have a flesh fit.

    But as you say no you will grow and it will go;
    Your walk will blossom and many seeds you will sow.


      Brighter

    When you have a black hole;
    Way down deep, deep in your soul.

    A cavernous space so vacuous;
    You will fill it with something for that is a must.

    Your counselor tells you that you are looking for a father;
    Been filling that hole with men but you are a woman now and not their
    daughter.

    When you have a hole in your soul it will drive you to the darkest of
    places;
    You will fall in love in a second and come undone in the night with many
    faces.

    It is lethal to walk around so empty and so love deprived;
    You are a target for scoundrels who think they have arrived.

    You have no boundaries and are wooed away by unsafe men;
    The counselor says he may not be able to help you but soon you find hope
    from within.

    It is so sad to think that even with Jesus and the Holy Spirit you can still
    fall away;
    Even with the strongest conscience and conviction you still go back to
    the fray.

    You know in your heart Jesus is the answer but you get so weak and it gets
    so tough;
    You give sex to get love in order to fill that void then you hate yourself and
    it gets rough.

    You lived for God for so long and it was ministry and more ministry every
    day of the week;
    Just like an addict, you switch addictions while you continue to seek.

    Jesus has been the Lover of my soul;
    I have tasted His goodness and at times I feel whole.

    Sometimes I hate to be alone and hear the thoughts in this confused
    head;
    So I run back to the things I hate ... hurting God and myself and then I
    feel so dead.

    I must believe that with God all things are possible;
    He will heal this abyss in my soul and I will be full.

    I will never give up but will fight to the end;
    With God on my side these familiar sinful patterns won't win.

    I am victorious even now ... that I must say;
    There is always hope with Jesus for brighter days.


        Canary

    I am taking a break from all the men that I have sought;
    I have over stepped my bounds and God I have fought.

    My brilliant obsession burns in the night;
    I have returned to my Beloved and I am enjoying the light.

    He is my hearts longing and deepest cry;
    He is my Husband unlike any others I sigh.

    I will gaze upon His splendor and beauty as He fills every hole in my
    soul;
    I need not wonder for He alone can bring me back from the cold.

    He is my adoring Companion once again;
    My heart is undivided and that makes me grin.

    I feel happy and free with the simplicity of just Him and me;
    I feel content living out the Song of Songs with the King I see.

    I will let Him lavish His esteemed and dazzling presence on me;
    It makes me feel warm and it makes me feel free.

    He is inspiring me to be the woman of God He created me to be;
    It is a divine adventure we are going on and in the end we will dine and
    have tea.

    We will look back over our honeymoon and I will laugh and I will cry;
    I will finally be at peace in my own skin without a guy.

    My darling Jesus will keep me merry like fairy dust or a dancing canary;
    Then if it is truly His desire for me way down the road, I will marry.


         Coo

    My soul was God obsessed for nearly fourteen years;
    Spirit filled extremist who burned out and found solace in wine and
    shedding tears.

    Yoke of oppression; a stranglehold of the law;
    Looks so godly but under such weight all you can do is crawl.

    I was the superstar Christian of the entire town;
    I worked myself to the bone an inwardly wore a frown.

    The praise was so nice because I lived in self condemnation land;
    Anytime there was a need ... I always lent a hand.

    So empty inside filling the void with fruitless acts and the addiction of
    religion;
    Traded one vice for another and acted wild for a summer; thus, thinking
    I deserved a dungeon.

    Many woes I felt and much burning inside;
    Many nights I gripped my bed staining the pillows thinking I was going
    to die.

    Crying for Daddy up in the sky;
    But I came to realize that He was right by my lacerated side.

    It was not perfection He was after but a heart that is willing indeed;
    No need to work like a slave and then get exhausted and turn for the
    streets.

    He has a place of grace where His spirit lives through me;
    I do not have to strive or fill the void with the perversions and temptations
    that I see.

    What is started in the flesh must be maintained in the flesh which we were
    never meant to do;
    What is started in the spirit will be maintained in the spirit then I will be
    drunk in His love and like a dove I will coo.


       Delight

    It comes to consume and it will eat you for dinner;
    You will become emaciated and get much thinner.

    It will tear the flesh off your bones;
    You will crumble like a scone.

    It whispers in your ear and dances on your shoulder;
    It taunts you with empty promises that will only leave you older.

    You will feel old and frail as you give into that thing;
    It is a monkey on your back and oh does it sting.

    Let go and let God take you out of the drought;
    If we but knew His love, obedience would be easy to carry out.

    It is all about His love, that is the key;
    To a life of wonderment and such possibilities.

    Why do we settle for a picnic in the slum?
    Why do we allow ourselves to come undone?

    We feast on trash that is burning rubble;
    Why do we backslide, why do we stumble?

    God offers us such grandeur such delight;
    So why do we hunger for that one thing that might.

    It might kill you if you let it;
    God distinctly said it was off limits.

    So much that is good right at our fingertips;
    But we cry and we wail for what is not on the list.

    The list is a sheet of all the good treats;
    We are allowed that will benefit us and not deplete.

    Our soul of the spirit that God has filled us with;
    Keep being obedient to Jesus and receive all of His gifts.


        Desire

    The pull is too great;
    I cry in the night.

    Want strong arms to hold me;
    Feel so lonely down to my knees.

    Father please satisfy this ache so deep inside;
    I am very human and I know You do not want my desire to die.

    Take my desire and let it burn bright for You;
    Win this lascivious battle ... that is what I need You to do.

    We have been intimate in our walk;
    So why am I being wooed away with seductive talk?

    I feel like I am burning and at any turn I will be derailed;
    Never fought so hard, I just want to sail.

    Past this wanting and past this craving for something that is vacuous;
    I will dive for Your ankles and will not get caught up in the lust.

    You are far better than any touch or any earthly exchange;
    Many vices will seek to own you so think it not strange.

    It is so hard to be virtuous in such a raw, x-rated place;
    Need to be under Your wing, need a sacred space.

    Let me not turn away from Your love so deep;
    It is something that I always want to keep.

    Do not want to trample Your grace under my feet;
    I do not want to be left abandoned to sleep on the street.

    My flesh wants to take a summer to be as bad as I dare;
    My body aches to have a love affair.

    This will never satisfy me to the core like Jesus can;

    Please do not be taken away by some wayward man.

    The hour is drawing nigh;
    The moon is rather high.

    Do not let yourself become addicted or succumb to such a temptation;
    Let God rid you of its grip then be an example to the nations.


        Destiny

    You have been so good to me;
    Yet I am fearful of trusting You in what I cannot see.

    Want to know my future; want to make my own plans;
    Need to lay them down, need to put them in Your hands.

    Must surrender and have a thankful heart;
    Want to enter into Your rest, I know that is the place to start.

    Be still, be still my child is what You always say;
    I will be calm and gentle, in Your arms I will stay.

    I will be patient and let You guide me each day;
    I will take You by the hand and go slow listening to all that You say.

    Must choose You above all the earthly distractions;
    Yearn for You to fill these aching voids and heal all of my soul's
    fractions.

    Cry out to You each hour of the night;
    Must take it one day at a time to reach the summit and walk on the
    heights.

    You are the Lover of my soul and You have promised life in abundance.
    Help me to obey Your loving statutes and take hold of goodness letting
    go of chance.

    I will trust that You will take care of me and do more than I could ever
    dream;
    You know what is best; I will relax and stop trying so hard for I have run
    out of steam.

    God is in control and we need but say yes to Him and to His will;
    Say no to what competes for His affection and find yourself filled.

    He has a destiny waiting for each child of His in the world today;
    So live according to His word and watch your life become over the moon
    amazing ... far better than just okay ...


        Divine

    So hard to turn from earthly affection;
    Back to your Kinsmen redeemer the Son.

    Especially when that man is a dream;
    Respectful, charming, with very high self esteem.

    He is so attentive and such a gentleman;
    But each time you are with him, you fall into sin.

    In the end he does not know You, so you must guard your heart;
    Flee if you must so you do not fall prey, move on and get a brand new
    start.

    It is harder this time because the last one was so cold;
    Thus, it is easy to rationalize this passion, I am nearly sold.

    He is healthy, wealthy, and wise and so attractive to the eye;
    But I tell myself that I will not be enticed as I let out a sigh.

    I know in my heart that what the Lord has is greater;
    We will be equally yoked even if I must wait until later.

    I will trust God to be all that I need;
    He satisfies me wholly and I can feel fulfilled in Him I see.

    The life of a divine romance is one of rapture and dare;
    I will let the Lord be everything to me and wait for one that is more fare.

    God has fashioned someone from the beginning of time for me;
    I will stay the course, turning away from sin for that is the key.

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from The Butterfly's Thighs by C.C. Brighton Copyright © 2010 by C.C. Brighton. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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