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Introduction: The Crisis of Our Shared Destiny xiii
Part 1 The Conversation Begins
1 Man in the Mirror 3
2 What We Say, Mean, and Do 15
Letters from Don and Robin 23
3 He Say/She Say: Who's to Blame 32
4 What Brothers Want 42
Men Speak I 52
5 What Sisters Want 62
Sisters' Soiree Chat I 65
Part 2 Mr. and Mrs. Butta Worth
6 Will Mr. Right Please Stand Up? 75
7 The Language of Men 82
Fishing for Compliments 86
Dropping Hints 87
8 Checking Baggage: The Lightness of Being 95
9 Status vs. Potential: Looking at the Obamas 102
Part 3 Trying Not to Sleep in the Bed You Made
10 Commit-Men-t 111
Men Speak II 114
11 Eros vs. Sex/Lust vs. Love 119
Premarital Sex 127
Sexual Experimentation and Compatibility 131
12 Cheating: Reindeer Games 136
Men Speak III 145
13 Complicating Matters 149
Dating a Divorcé 150
Dating with Kids 152
14 Going, Going, Gone: Crossing the Color Line 158
Sisters' Soiree Chat II 166
Men Speak IV 175
Part 4 Pulling Up the Roots
15 E-Race-ing the Rules 181
16 Mad Money 188
17 Anger, Forgiveness, and Learning to Let Go 196
Men Speak V: Marriage from a Man's Perspective 202
Part 5 The Way Forward
18 The Conversation Party 211
The Morning-After Debriefing 234
19 Man Up! 236
20 Three to Be Free 246
Addendum: Conversation Questions 260
Posted January 19, 2011
I enjoyed this book in its entirety! He is by NO MEANS a relationship expert, but he does offer thoughts (not suggestions) for being more open to having effective conversation. As a teacher, I often see that our children are not being taught basic social skills-communication. These children often will display inappropriate emotions and actions that are socially unacceptable. I had a senior in high school cry because someone moved her backpack across the room as a joke (this is only an example). These children often grow into adults with poor communication skills. And guess what ladies? We get to date these men (and vice versa for the men). Could you imagine dating a woman like this?
The book almost gives you (me) confidence to ask questions that are on your mind and be open to responses from your partner. And I don't just mean intimate partnerships, I would include family and friends as well. This was the first book that I purchased for my Nook (my new boyfriend) and I could not put it down. I read the book over Christmas Break. I would often lean over to my boyfriend (the real one) and just ask a question and actually get a thoughtful response.
The approach is the key when dealing with intimate relationships. For example: women are often light hearted when having any type of conversation with their friends-but when they have a conversation with their partner they approach it as a boring dull process. Why not, try just communicating in the same light hearted way with your partner? Don't make it mundane, confrontational, boring, meaningless, etc. Just, "hey, what do you think about.?" See how it goes. The book was great! At the end of the book he also offers "conversation questions" for a party-plan to do that this summer with some lively folk!
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Posted October 10, 2009
This book placed me in an optimistically cheerful mood. It was tremendously insightful. Most relationship books speak to one gender. This book spoke to both. Despite being written by a man; the book's point of view was balanced. It didn't have a masculine slant. Both men and women can appreciate this book. Every page was packed with theories, ideas, comments and thoughts that help conceptualize feelings about the opposite sex, marriage, family, and love. It was also clever of Harper to weave a tender love story in the fabric of the pages.
I loved the Conversation.
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Posted July 19, 2013
Posted November 21, 2012
I am a little late reading this book as I have been out of the loop when it comes to relationship books. Lets just say I lost faith in real-ationships....but this is just what I needed. An open, honest book about what we truly feel and need to discuss in relationships. I have to say that coming from an African American male, this book has the capability to touch the hearts of other races if they have an ear to hear. This is much needed in the black community and I have to say that it has caused me to change my perception of who I may entertain as company in my life in the future. Bravo and thanks to Hill Harper for opening his life and heart to us in a book that would make a great movie!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted May 18, 2012
I thought this book was honest, and enlightening. It definately made me open my eyes to some of my current and past situations and really think. I would definately recommend this book, nomatter what your race.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted May 12, 2012
Posted May 10, 2012
The title of this book is self explanatory and its true. Please start the conversation amongst yourselves about the personal relationships that you have. Discuss where you see it going. The author lets you into his own personal relationship with Nicholle. I think that is a good way of starting it. And then he also has questions that I actually answered some of them. I didn't post them but I wanted too. Those questions help you see where you might be already in that conversation or where you may want to go. I think we all could use some of what he says in there as just truth and a barometer of the truth.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted December 8, 2011
Posted November 17, 2011
I have not yet read this book. But I am excited to read it. So far I have not seen one negative comment. Which increases my curiousity. I like the way Hill communicates his thoughts. The lauguage he uses is easy to follow and understood. He also has a knack for chosing applicable topics.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted November 15, 2011
Although Hill Harper doesn't say anything we do not already know it was still a good read. It was great to see how all his different friends reacted to his questions. I also learned some morenthings about myself and to me that was worth the read.
Posted July 17, 2011
Posted July 5, 2011
This book was very insightful. I now have a more positive outlook on my abililty to ignite the conversation with both men and women. I understand from a broader perspective and this book also reminded me of the power of ones words....thanks Hill.....Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 12, 2011
I really enjoyed this book. It offered wonderful chapters that opened the door for discussions with my husband and friends. I appreciate Mr. Harper for taking the time to write such an amazing book.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted March 29, 2011
I just finished reading this book and I feel so enlightened about my new relationship. I completely understand black men and can relate to how my sisters and I play a role in building a positive relationship. This is a must read and I am planning my own Conversation Party!
Great job HIll!!!!
In Love and Happy Forever
Posted December 3, 2010
I am in a interracial marriage and although this book is geared towards African-American marriages and relationship I believe that it fits for all backgrounds.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted July 4, 2010
When I first started reading this book I didn't know to think about it. But I continued to read and was surprise at how this story was wrote by the author to help relationships across the board. It didn't just look at relationships from one side (meaning just from the males view or the females view). It give information from both sides which was helpful and easy to understand. Another great thing I love about this book was that it wasn't trying to point out what your partner isn't doing for you but it makes you think about yourself and how you as a person can better your relationship and work with your partner as well. I would recommend this book to couples who are really trying to make their relationship work. I started reading the book first, now my partner has started reading the book as well and it has been very helpful to our communication skills together. So couples come to the table with an open mind and watch how things change in your relationship just by a new level of communication.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted June 27, 2010
This book was and excellant read. I really appreciate how Hill Harper takes the information that he learned through his research of Black men and woman and their wants and needs and put it all together as a guide to keeping us together. I do believe that the glue that once held our black relationships together is no longer sticking because of the contents in which it is made now-a-days. We have tried to perfect what was already perfect;by changing ingredients like support, confidence, love (real Love) hearing( not just listening) to each other. Let's go back to the original recipe black people! We will be a much happier, less stressful people. Let's not forget what a joy it would be for our children to say that mommy and daddy brought me to school today; and my whole family had dinner lastnight together.Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted April 18, 2010
Posted February 4, 2010
I bought this book a few weeks ago via Ebooks and it didnt take me along time to finish it! Hill Harper bought a few things that I didnt know about men and women to my attention. I would recommend all people read this book, married, single, divorced, etc. It will be an eye opener. He had some questions at the end of the text that are very important in building relationships!!Was this review helpful? Yes NoThank you for your feedback. Report this reviewThank you, this review has been flagged.
Posted February 16, 2011
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