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God knows the problem is not a lack of Commies. There are more fuzzy-minded one-worlders, pasty-faced peace creeps, and bleeding-heart bed wetters in America now than there ever were in 1954. The redskis have infiltrated the all-important exercise-video industry, not to mention movies and TV. Academia, too, is a veritable compost heap of Bolshie brainmulch. Beardo the Weirdo may have been laughed out of real life during the 1970s, but he found a home in our nation's colleges, where hewhiles away the wait for the next Woodstock Nation by pestering undergraduates with collectivist twaddle when they should be thinking about better car stereos.
We need some means of persecuting neuterers, nutters, and screaming greenies, some way to abuse entitlement tramps, participants in Gorby orgies, men who think the government is their mother, and women who think government can do the mothering for them. Let's give a wedgie to the whiners, criers, and wet smacks in mortarboards. Let's soap the windows of those who would beggar achievement, vandalize the lawn ornaments of magical thinkers, and heave rotten fruit at haters of beef, gin, and cigars. Let's tell ghost stories to the mollycoddles who fear atomic power, military strength, and the very puissance of Western Civilization itself and turn the garden hose on the people who can't bear their freedoms, their selves, or their society and want to vent those pathetic loathings on us, the betters.
Excerpted from The Enemies List by P. J. O'Rourke Copyright © 1996 by P. J. O'Rourke. Excerpted by permission.
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|Pt. I||A Call for a New McCarthyism||1|
|Pt. II||The Readers Respond||9|
|Pt. III||The Readers Keep Responding||25|
|Pt. IV||Shoot the Wounded||53|
|Pt. V||Insult the Injured||81|
|Pt. VI||Commies - Dead but Too Dumb to Lie Down||93|
|Pt. VII||Enemies in the White House||123|
|Pt. VIII||100 Reasons Why Jimmy Carter Was a Better President Than Bill Clinton||137|
|Pt. IX||Why I Am a Conservative in the First Place||145|