The Essential Guide to Bullying: Prevention And Intervention


Headlines are filled with tragic stories of senseless murders and suicides that have resulted from child and teen bullying. As social networking and technology add to the ways that kids can be bullied, parents feel powerless against this insidious force that compels even "good" kids to participate in or enable bullying in schools, in extracurricular activities, online, and at home.

The Essential Guide to Bullying brings together the wisdom and experience of two people who have ...

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The Essential Guide to Bullying: Prevention And Intervention

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Headlines are filled with tragic stories of senseless murders and suicides that have resulted from child and teen bullying. As social networking and technology add to the ways that kids can be bullied, parents feel powerless against this insidious force that compels even "good" kids to participate in or enable bullying in schools, in extracurricular activities, online, and at home.

The Essential Guide to Bullying brings together the wisdom and experience of two people who have witnessed bullying's causes and tragic effects. School social worker Cindy Miller teams with Cynthia Lowen, the co-creator of Bully, to arm parents and teachers with the knowledge they need to:

  • Understand the societal and human forces that are causing bullying to escalate.
  • Discover who is most at risk for being bullied, being a bully, or not helping a bullying victim.
  • Target-proof their kids and teach them coping skills.
  • Identify even the most covert bullying situations.
  • Infiltrate the world of cyberbullying and head off its disastrous effects.
  • Intervene to stop a bullying situation.
  • Know what legal recourse they have to back up other anti-bullying efforts.
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Editorial Reviews

VOYA - Beth Norby
Bullying is currently a hot topic among educators, parents, and anyone who has a stake in the welfare of our teens. This guide is written by a school social worker and provides sections on how to recognize bullying, how to prevent bullying from occurring, and how to intervene once bullying is a problem. The author provides concrete examples of different types of bullying so they all can be recognized, including digital abuse and cyberbullying. The reader gains knowledge of how to recognize when a teen is being bullied or is taking an active role in the bullying. The section on prevention uses concise language that focuses on how to make the school environment one where bullying is unacceptable and not tolerated. The third section provides real world advice for intervening when various types of bullying occur and offers ways to help both the victim and the bully. This guide would be an excellent addition to a professional library for people who serve teens, but it is especially geared towards school educators and administrators. This guide provides realistic solutions for preventing bullying among teens and how to properly intervene to provide the best support for the victim. With such a focus on bullying prevention in education and schools, this guide offers easy-to-use advice from an expert in the field. Ages adult professional.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781615642069
  • Publisher: DK
  • Publication date: 9/4/2012
  • Pages: 304
  • Sales rank: 782,441
  • Product dimensions: 5.90 (w) x 8.90 (h) x 0.70 (d)

Meet the Author

Cindy Miller, LCSW, is a psychotherapist, school social worker, educator, and parent consultant. In addition to her private practice, she counsels children, adolescents, and families for the Paramus, New Jersey, Public School District and consults with administrators and faculty on multiple issues. She is an adjunct instructor in Sociology at Bergen Community College. She received her Master's degree in Social Work from Columbia University.

Cynthia Lowen is the co-creator, producer, and writer of Bully, a feature documentary film following five kids and families through "a year in the life" of America's bullying crisis. Following the film's 2011 premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival, it was acquired by The Weinstein Company and will be released in theatres nationwide in March 2012. Bully has been received with acclaim at festivals, winning the Brizzolara Family Foundation Award for films about conflict and resolution at the Hamptons Film Festival, and at the Bergen Film Festival it was awarded the Youth Jury Award. In anticipation of the impact Bully will have in catalyzing national change on this issue, the film's director, Lee Hirsch, was featured on Anderson Cooper's Town Hall on Bullying this past fall on CNN, as well as The Dr. Phil Show. In addition, Cynthia has presented the film in panels at the World Wide Conference on Human Values featuring the Dalai Lama, Silverdocs, and the Tribeca Film Festival. Cynthia is also an award-winning writer and the recipient of the Discovery Prize. Her work has been selected for inclusion in Best New Poets 2008, and she has been awarded a fellowship to the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown, Massachusetts; the Campbell Corner Prize; and the Tin House/Summer Literary Seminars Kenya Prize, among other honors. Her work has been published widely in journals, including A Public Space, Boston Review, Inkwell, Provincetown Arts, and Tin House, among others. From 2001 to 2006 she served as an editor at Four Way Books, and is currently developing a narrative drama series for television about the making of the atomic bomb.

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Table of Contents

Part 1 Twenty-First-Century Bullying 1

1 What Is Bullying? 3

Types of Bullying 4

Verbal Bullying 4

Physical Bullying 5

Emotional Bullying 6

Relational Bullying 6

The Bullying Triangle 7

Where Is It Happening? 8

At School 9

Online 9

And Beyond 10

Speaking the Same Language? 11

Teasing vs. Bullying 11

Conflict Is Normal 12

Bullycide 13

2 What's Behind Bullying Today? 15

The Changing Family 16

The Social Networking Generation: How Bullies Use Technology 18

The Anonymity of the Internet 18

Virtual Friendships 19

Social Isolation 20

The Acceptance of Violence 21

Video Games: Kill for the Thrill 21

Today's Media 23

Role Models Gone Wild 23

Lack of Accountability 25

3 Understanding Bullies 27

Who Uses Bullying Behaviors? 28

Low-Status Bullies 29

High-Status Bullies 30

Socially Marginalized Bullies 30

Characteristics That All Bullies Share 31

How Gender Affects Bullying 32

Boys Use Direct Forms of Bullying 32

Girls Employ Indirect Forms of Bullying 33

Why They Do It 34

When the Home Is Run by a Bully 34

When Bullying Gets You What You Want 35

When Bullying Is Okay 36

Underdeveloped Coping Skills 37

Low Tolerance for Frustration 37

When Aggression Is Hard-Wired 38

When Behaviors Don't Grow Up, but People Do 39

4 Understanding Targets 41

Who Are the Targets? 42

Passive Targets 43

Provocative Targets 44

Indirect Targets 45

How Kids Signal Their Distress 45

Nature vs. Nurture 46

The Nature Part of the Emotional Equation 46

The Nurture Part of the Emotional Equation 47

When a Child Is "Different" 49

Why Targets Don't Tell 50

Where Does the Anger, Hurt, and Pain Go? 52

When Targeted Kids Grow Up 54

5 Understanding Bystanders 57

Who Are Bystanders? 58

The Silent Majority 58

Bystanders Who Enjoy the Show 59

Sidekicks and Wannabes 60

Why They Don't Get Involved 60

The Bystander Effect 61

Diffusion of Responsibility 62

Adults Are Bystanders, Too 63

If You're Not Part of the Solution 64

Part 2 Prevention 67

6 Target Proofing Our Kids 69

Assertion Is Not Aggression 70

"Just Right" Responses in Social Situations 71

Using Body Language and "I" Statements 72

Body Language 72

"I" Statements 73

Teaching Conflict Resolution Skills 74

Teaching Problem-Solving Skills 76

Teaching Kids to Advocate for Themselves 77

Building Relationships 77

The Need to Belong 78

Connecting Comes Naturally 78

Kids Want to Contribute 79

Encouraging Courage 80

Building Academic Competence 82

Interests, Talents, and Self-Confidence 83

7 Creating Kid-Friendly Schools 85

What Schools Must Do 86

A Comprehensive, School-Wide Approach 87

Acknowledging That There's a Problem 87

Gathering Information 88

Putting Policies and Programs in Place 88

Kick-offs and Other Events 88

Educating Students 89

Keeping Parents Involved 89

Maintaining a Safe Environment 89

Physical Safety 90

Social-Emotional Safety 91

What School Counselors Can Do 91

What Teachers Can Do 92

In the Classroom 93

Consistent Consequences 94

Effective Classroom Management 95

Encouraging Children to Report Concerns 96

The Student-Teacher Relationship 97

When Teachers Are Bullies 99

8 Making Kids Cyberwise 101

The Cybergeneration and Bullying 102

Where Is It Happening? 102

Who's Doing It? 105

Who Are the Targets? 107

Who Are the Bystanders? 107

Understanding the Effects of Cyberbullying 108

What Parents Can Do 108

Engage Other Parents 110

Report It to the School 110

Take It to the Police 111

Prevention = Knowledge + Boundaries 111

For Parents 112

For Kids 113

9 Social-Emotional Learning and Character Development 115

Acceptance vs. Tolerance and Appreciation of Others 116

Caring, Forgiveness, and Generosity 117

Be a Good Citizen 119

Empathy and Social Awareness 120

Everyone Needs Friends 121

Be a Good Sport! 122

Respect for Self and Others 123

Self-Assertion 123

Self-Awareness 124

Self-Control 125

Trustworthiness, Honesty, and Responsibility 125

School Programs 127

Part 3 Intervention 129

10 Assessing and Reporting 131

Federal Laws: The Office for Civil Rights 132

Bullying Prohibited by Title IX 132

Who Is Responsible for Upholding Title IX 133

All State Laws Aren't Made Equal 134

Professional Development Requirements and Curriculum 135

Enforcement from State to State 136

State Laws and Youth with IEPs 136

Cyberbullying Laws Have Teeth 138

Bullying in the News and New Laws 139

School Reporting Requirements 140

The Bullying Specialist 140

The Safe Schools Improvement Act 141

11 Getting Help from Your Child's School 143

How to Talk to Kids About Telling 144

Kicking Off the Conversation 145

Listen Before You Act 146

The Who, When, and How of Telling 147

When to Tell: Problem Solving Together 148

How to Tell 148

When It's Time for Parents to Get Involved 149

How to Make a Report 150

Preparing for the Meeting 150

What Will Happen 152

Taking Things to the Next Level 153

Engaging the Bully's Parents or Guardian 153

When Your Child Is the Bully 154

12 Helping the Target 157

The Long-Lasting Scars of Bullying 158

Who Can Help 159

Family Is Vital 159

Coaches and Mentors 160

Faith Communities 161

Special-Needs Communities 161

Other Parents and Peers 162

How to Help 163

Recognizing and Addressing Stress Signals 163

Putting Your Child's Safety First 164

Enhancing Friendship Skills 165

Teaching Stress Management 166

Fostering Resilience 166

Practicing Situations 167

More Ways That Schools Can Help Targets 168

Counseling 169

13 Helping the Bully 171

Zero-Tolerance and Tough Love Policies 172

At School 173

At Home 175

Family Involvement and Support 177

My Child Would Never 177

Breaking Through Denial 178

Raise and Discuss Your Concerns 180

Setting Expectations and Increasing Accountability 180

Replacement Behaviors 183

Interventions at School 185

14 Turning Bystanders Into Upstanders 187

Who Can Stand Up, and How? 188

Upstanders on the Front Lines 188

Targets as Upstanders 190

How Parents Can Stand Up 190

School Staff Are Upstanders, Too 192

School Climate Surveys 194

The Importance of Buy-In 195

Upstander Behaviors Take Many Forms 197

15 When More Help Is Needed 199

Family Problems 200

Divorce and Separation 200

The Death of a Parent or Guardian 201

Illness in the Family 201

Job Loss, Poverty, and Homelessness 202

Substance Abuse or Mental Illness 202

A Violent Life 203

Learning or Achievement Difficulties 204

Inattention, Disorganization, and Impulsivity 205

Limited Social Skills 208

Anxiety 209

Tourette's Syndrome 212

Depression 212

Handling Risks 214

Suicide 214

Threatening Others 216

Part 4 Moving Beyond the Triangle 217

16 Rethinking Bullying and Prevention 219

What Makes Attitudes Change? 220

Civil Rights and Bullying 220

Workplaces Demand New Skills 221

Bullying and Public Health Concerns 223

What Kids and Families Are Facing 223

What Kids Are Saying 223

Parents' Concerns 225

What Works, What Doesn't Work 226

The Whole-School Approach 228

17 Sharing School Perspectives 231

Little Things Add Up 232

Face Time Matters 233

Dealing with Mixed Messages 233

The Pleasure Principle 234

Changing Bad Habits 235

Educators Taking the Lead 236

School Counselors 237

Teachers Care About Kids 239

The Wheels on the Bus 240

Teachers and Counselors Weigh In 242

18 A World Without Bullying 247

A Whole New World Online 248

It Gets Better Project 248

Social Networking Sites 249

Getting Support on YouTube 250

Grass-Roots Campaigns 250

Role Models Taking Action 253

Professional Organizations and Teachers Unions are Standing Up to Bullying 254

Education Support Professionals Are Crucial 255


A Sample Antibullying Pledges and Letters 257

B Resources 265

Index 275

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