The Everything Father-to-Be Book: A Survival Guide for Men

by Kevin Nelson

Overview

Congratulations, you're going to be a father! You're probably facing a wide range of issues -- from coping with your beloved's hormones to setting up the house to anxiously awaiting the big day. It all seems so overwhelming and exciting at the same time. If you feel nervous about the prospect of being a dad, or you are confused about your new role, The Everything Father-to-Be Book is for you. Packed with helpful information and experienced advice, this useful guide will help you survive the next nine months and be a better caregiver when your baby arrives. Whether this is your first child or your fourth, The Everything Father-to-Be Book contains all you need to be a super dad and the perfect partner.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781440574450
Publisher:	Adams Media
Publication date:	03/18/2014
Series:	Everything® Parenting Guide Series
Sold by:	SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:	eBook
Pages:	288
File size:	702 KB

About the Author

An Adams Media author.

Read an Excerpt

Chapter 1

The New World of Fatherhood

It is a brand new world for fathers today. Being a father now is far different than it was for your father. These changes bring greater challenges and responsibilities for men, but also immense rewards and joys. This chapter will prepare you for what to expect on the road ahead.

Becoming a Father

To state the obvious: Being a father is different than being a mother. You have a different role in the family, and a different job to do. You see things differently than your partner does. And you will have a different relationship with your child than her. Some of the most crucial differences between a father and a mother occur during pregnancy. The most dramatic, and visible, changes occur with the woman. Her body changes as the baby grows inside her. Along with these physical changes come a whole host of emotions.
A father, on the other hand, is an entirely different breed of cat. Although some men experience sympathy pains and other physical symptoms that we will discuss in Chapter 3, virtually nothing happens directly to him. His body does not expand and change. He's the same fella he always was except that, now, he is about to have a little rug rat crawling around the house. Yikes!
The unique challenge that men face is that they must come to terms with becoming a father almost solely on an emotional level, rather than a physical one. But the good news for fathers-to-be today is that there is an unprecedented level of support and a wide variety of resources available to them. Some of those resources are:

*This book and others like it that speak to men
*Father and parenting web sites on the Net
*Chat groups on the Net
*Other fathers
*Men's and father support groups
*Your partner and family

These and other resources are potentially useful to men, and will be discussed in greater detail as this book progresses. It is important for new fathers to realize that they are not alone as they embark on this journey.

The Internet is a boundless source of information that can help answer specific questions that arise. Some of this information is reliable, some not. On medical issues involving pregnancy, it is always best to follow a physician and your own common sense rather than the Net, your mother-in-law or any one else who may offer advice.

Today's Fathers: Greater Expectations, Greater Rewards

Today, more is expected of fathers than ever before. You are expected to be a good provider, but that is not all. Nowadays you are also expected to actively participate in the birth of your child, and take a hands-on approach in raising him. Additionally, your partner expects you to always be there for her in a loving, nurturing way. It's a lot to handle, no? At times it can seem overwhelming. But fatherhood is like a job and like any job, it helps to know what your responsibilities are and how you fit in. Here, then, is a general job description for being a father:

Job One: Provider-Protector

Despite all the changes that have occurred to fatherhood over the years, your primary role is the same as it was for the cave men and every father since then. You need to provide for your family, and protect them to make sure they are safe. The mother's primary focus will be inward, on the baby. Yours will be on creating a safe, secure place to raise your child.
Men are hard-wired for this job. It is not something that you will need to go to school to learn. Often the first thoughts a man has when he learns his partner is pregnant is, "How am I going to pay for this? Do I need to work more? What do I need to do to make this happen?"
All men have these thoughts or similar ones. They are normal and natural, an instinctive reaction to the promise and responsibility of childbirth. Being a good provider is the most fundamental way you can help your partner and child. Job Two: Participant
One of the biggest jobs a father has is as a birth coach, which will be discussed later in this chapter and in much greater detail in Chapter 14. But being a birth coach is only one aspect of a larger requirement for fathers today: They are expected to participate in all areas of family and household life. This is in part due to the fact that many women are themselves working outside the home, and need more help from their partners with the baby.
Being asked to participate more may seem like a negative at first. But it can be a positive. With greater responsibilities come greater rewards. Since you are around your child more-changing diapers, feeding her, walking her, or whatever-you develop a closer relationship with her. Which is what every father wants.

Table of Contents

	Acknowledgments	ix
	Top Ten Things Every Father-to-Be Should Know	x
	Introduction	xi
1	The New World of Fatherhood	1
	Becoming a Father	2
	Greater Expectations, Greater Rewards	3
	Birth Then and Now	5
	Dad as Birth Coach	6
	A Different Role for You	8
	The Changes Ahead	9
2	Conception and Pregnancy	11
	Planned and Unplanned	12
	Hearing the News	12
	Your Job Begins: Reassuring Her	14
	The Home Pregnancy Test	15
	The Blood Test	16
	Looking Ahead to the Due Date	17
	What Happens Now?	18
	Sharing the News	19
	Early Workplace Strategies	21
3	Riding the Pregnancy Roller Coaster	25
	The Stages of Pregnancy	26
	Morning Sickness	29
	Cravings	30
	Her Changing Body	31
	Sympathy Pains	32
	A Volatile Issue: Her Weight	33
	The Emotional Roller Coaster	36
4	Doctors and Medical Tests	39
	What's Involved?	40
	The Obstetrician	40
	Prenatal Doctor Visits	42
	Monitoring Progress	43
	Ultrasound Exams	44
	Boy or Girl?	46
	Surprise! It's Twins!	49
	Amniocentesis	50
	Threat of Miscarriage	51
5	Your Suddenly Expanding Family	55
	Your Shifting Social World	56
	Her Family	57
	Your Family	60
	Accepting Help	62
	Feelings of Isolation	62
	Coping Strategies	63
6	Common Fears	67
	Your Feelings Are Normal	68
	Passing Out in the Delivery Room	68
	Not Being Able to Provide	69
	Is It Really My Child?	71
	Aging and Mortality	71
	Becoming like Dad	73
	Will My Relationship Be Hurt?	75
	Concerns about Your Partner	76
	Concerns about Baby	76
	Getting Support	77
7	The Economics of Having a Baby	81
	Money Worries	82
	Money: It's a Family Affair	83
	The Emotions of Money	84
	Setting Your Priorities	86
	Strategies for Getting Money	86
	Baby Expenses	89
	Getting Help	90
8	Long-Term Financial Issues	93
	Why Your Perspective Is Valuable	94
	Buying a Bigger Vehicle	94
	Owning a Home	96
	Life Insurance	98
	Will and Estate Planning	100
	Saving for College	101
	Thinking about Retirement	102
9	Job, Work, Career	103
	Your Role as Provider	104
	Planning for When Baby Comes	104
	Steps to Take at Work	106
	Family and Medical Leave Act	107
	Paternity Leave	108
	Negotiating Time and Flexibility	109
	Other Job Options	111
	Her Job and Workplace	112
	Daddy Track and Mommy Track Concerns	113
	Getting a Better Job	115
	Working at Home	116
10	Health: Yours, Hers, and the Baby's	119
	Leading the Way	120
	Alcohol	120
	Cigarette Smoking	122
	Recreational and Over-the-Counter Drugs	123
	Eating Healthy	124
	Developing Healthy Habits	126
	Cooking	127
	Exercise	129
	Her Need for Rest	130
11	Sex During Pregnancy	131
	Sex and the Pregnant Father	132
	Understanding Your Partner	132
	Your Attitude	134
	Will Sex Hurt the Baby?	136
	Holding and Cuddling	138
	Finding a Comfortable Position	139
	Toward a New Intimacy	141
12	Making Sound Decisions	143
	Speak Up: It's Your Child, Too	144
	Naming the Little One	145
	How Much Do We Tell Other People?	147
	Home Birth versus Hospital	149
	Having the Birth You Both Want	150
	Developing a Birth Plan	151
	Circumcision	152
	Birth Control	154
	Diapers	155
13	Preparing Your Home and Car	157
	The Nesting Instinct	158
	Fixing Up the Nursery	159
	Building a Crib	160
	The Family Bed	162
	Babyproofing Your Home	163
	In the Event of an Emergency	164
	Staying in Touch: Cell Phones	167
	Car Seats	167
14	Birth Coach	171
	What a Birth Coach Does	172
	Childbirth Preparation Classes	174
	Supporting Mom Physically	175
	Providing Emotional Support	176
	The Lay of the (Hospital) Land	177
	What to Bring to the Hospital	179
	Having a Family Member Assist You	180
	Hiring a Professional Labor Assistant	181
15	The Big Day Arrives	183
	Getting Labor Started	184
	The Stages of Labor	185
	Early Signs of Progress	187
	Keeping Early Labor Moving Along	188
	Things You Need to Do	189
	The Best Place for Early Labor	192
	The Drive to the Hospital	193
16	Labor and Delivery	195
	Checking In	196
	Being Sent Home	197
	Birthing Room Procedures	198
	The Birth Team	200
	When Labor Stalls	202
	Pain Relief Options	203
	Pushing	204
	Congratulations! You're a Father!	205
	The Afterbirth	207
17	Real-Life Birth Scenarios	209
	Expect the Unexpected	210
	Premature Birth	211
	Emergency Roadside Delivery	213
	Medical Intervention	213
	Baby Is Late	215
	Cesarean Delivery	216
	Coaching a Cesarean Birth	217
	Recovery from a Cesarean	220
	Trusting Your Instincts (and Hers)	221
18	The Immediate Aftermath	223
	Taking a Moment with Your New Family	224
	Baby Wellness Tests	224
	Letting Everyone Know	225
	Other Jobs and Responsibilities	227
	Meeting Siblings	229
	Taking Pictures	230
	Shooting with a Camcorder	231
	Celebrating the Arrival	232
	Taking Mom and Baby Home	233
19	Baby Comes Home	235
	So What Do We Do Now?	236
	Introducing Baby to Your Pet	236
	Supporting Your Family	238
	The Breastfeeding Challenge	239
	Helping Out Around the House	242
	Caring for Your Child	243
	Getting Rest	246
	Emotional Highs and Lows	246
20	What's Ahead for You and Your Family	249
	Surviving the First Months	250
	The Work-Family Balance	250
	Exploring Other Options	252
	Finding Child Care	253
	The Battle for Sleep	255
	Time and Money Pressures	257
	You and Your Partner	257
	You and Your Baby	260
	Remembering to Enjoy	261
Appendix A	Suggested Reading for New Fathers	264
Appendix B	Web Sites for Fathers	265
	Index	267