Men and women exhibit distinct, innate, and acculturated sex differences in their verbal and nonverbal communication styles. In the work environment, the difficulties and misunderstandings generated by these differences not only reduce productivity and efficiency but also lower morale. In this book, the authors show through empirical research and extensive anecdotal evidence—garnered from fifty years of combined corporate work experience, research, gender seminars, coaching and consulting—the specific verbal and nonverbal behaviors men and women employ that define our sex roles' expectations yet paradoxically often ultimately result in barriers to effective inter-gender communication.
Exercises and Tables xi
Preface xv
Acknowledgments xix
The Authors xxi
Introduction 1
CHAPTER 1 Getting Started: Are Men and Women Just Born Different or Do They Learn to Be Different? 7
Learning Objectives 7
Introduction 8
Section 1: Introduction to Gender: It’s Complicated 10
Section 2: What Do Women and Men Really Think of Each Other? 19
Section 3: Transcending Gender: The Androgynous Answer 23
CHAPTER 2 He Speaks, She Speaks: What Different Things They Say 35
Learning Objectives 35
Introduction 36
Section 1: Talk the Talk: Facts and Fiction About Sex Differences in Speech Communication 37
Section 2: Different Speech Styles, Outcomes, and Missed Connections 48
Action Steps for Men 62
Action Steps for Women 63
CHAPTER 3 Gender Conversation Technicalities: Interruptions, Overlapping, and Other Turn-Taking Dilemmas 65
Learning Objectives 65
Introduction 66
Section 1: How He and She Interrupt and Overlap Their Talk 67
Section 2: Women’s and Men’s Perspectives: Other and Self 77
Action Steps for Men 85
Action Steps for Women 86
CHAPTER 4 Women, Men, and Unspoken Messages 87
Learning Objectives 87
Introduction 88
Section 1: Unspoken Gender Messages 88
Section 2: Gender Touch and Power at Work 101
Section 3: Space: The Final Gender Frontier 115
Section 4: Something in the Way She and He Move: Women’s and Men’s Gestures and Movements 123
The Voice’s Message 130
Action Steps for Men 132
Action Steps for Women 133
CHAPTER 5 How She and He Listen 135
Learning Objectives 135
Introduction 136
Section 1: Listening Between Him and Her 137
Section 2: Women and Men Do Listen Differently 149
Section 3: Improved Listening Skills for Women and Men 160
Action Steps for Men 169
Action Steps for Women 170
CHAPTER 6 Men, Women, and Conflict: Take It Like a Man Versus Nice Girls Don’t Do Conflict 171
Learning Objectives 171
Introduction 172
Section 1: The Playground as Battleground 173
Section 2: Nice Girls Don’t Do Confl ict 188
Section 3: Play Fighting 190
Section 4: The Anger Advantage 194
Rule Makers and Rule Breakers: Is There a Double Standard in Expressing Anger? 202
Section 5: Crying as a Female Trademark 205
Action Steps for Men 215
Action Steps for Women 216
CHAPTER 7 He and She Wired 217
Learning Objectives 217
Introduction 218
Section 1: He and She: The Smiley Face Dilemma 219
How and Why He and She Use Emoticons 223
Section 2: E-Mail Showdown: One Sentence Versus One Paragraph 228
Section 3: Why Can’t He Be Nice? 232
Section 4: Can E-Mail Level the Playing Field for Women? 236
Action Steps for Men 239
Action Steps for Women 240
CHAPTER 8 Final Thoughts on Reaching
Across the Gender Divide 241
Learning Objectives 241
Introduction 242
Options for Closing the Training Program 242
Action Plan and Next Steps 256
CHAPTER 9 Example One-Hour Program 263
Learning Objectives 263
Introduction 264
Example 1: Conquering Conversational Collisions Between Men and Women 264
Example 2: Talk Remedies for Communication Between Men and Women 267
CHAPTER 10 A Half-Day Program 271
Learning Objectives 271
Introduction 272
Example 1: Conquering Conversational Collisions Between Men and Women 272
Example 2: Talk Remedies for Communication Between Men and Women 276
CHAPTER 11 A Full-Day Program 281
Learning Objectives 281
Introduction 282
Example 1: Conquering Conversational Collisions Between Men and Women 283
Example 2: Talk Remedies for Communication
Between Men and Women 289
Additional Instruments and Training Tools 297
Recommended Resources 305
References 307
Index 313
Overview
Men and women exhibit distinct, innate, and acculturated sex differences in their verbal and nonverbal communication styles. In the work environment, the difficulties and misunderstandings generated by these differences not only reduce productivity and efficiency but also lower morale. In this book, the authors show through empirical research and extensive anecdotal evidence—garnered from fifty years of combined corporate work experience, research, gender seminars, coaching and consulting—the specific verbal and ...