The Girls' Guide to Dating Zombies [NOOK Book]

Overview

Hattie Cross knows what you're thinking: Zombie sex? Ewwwww. But she also knows that since a virus turned 99.9999 percent of human males into zombies, it's statistically impossible to meet--let alone date--the remaining 0.00001 percent. So she writes "The Girls' Guide to Dating Zombies" to help her fellow single women navigate the zombie-relationship waters.

Her practical how-to impresses the CEO of the largest drug company in the world, and ...
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The Girls' Guide to Dating Zombies

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Overview

Hattie Cross knows what you're thinking: Zombie sex? Ewwwww. But she also knows that since a virus turned 99.9999 percent of human males into zombies, it's statistically impossible to meet--let alone date--the remaining 0.00001 percent. So she writes "The Girls' Guide to Dating Zombies" to help her fellow single women navigate the zombie-relationship waters.

Her practical how-to impresses the CEO of the largest drug company in the world, and before she knows it, Hattie, a reporter for a downmarket tabloid that specializes in conspiracy theories, is sitting down with the woman who single-handedly invented the zombie-behavioral-modification market. Granted access to the inner sanctum of zombaceuticals, she meets an actual, living, breathing M-A-N.

Now Hattie, the consummate professional, is acting like a single girl at the end of the twentieth century: self-conscious, klutzy and unable to form a coherent sentence without babbling. Worst of all, the human male appears to have impaired her ability to think clearly. Because all of a sudden she's convinced a conspiracy is afoot at the drug company and it seems to go all the way to the top!
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Product Details

  • BN ID: 2940014022644
  • Publisher: Potatoworks Press
  • Publication date: 2/9/2012
  • Sold by: Barnes & Noble
  • Format: eBook
  • Pages: 242
  • Sales rank: 938,037
  • File size: 2 MB

Meet the Author

Lynn Messina grew up on Long Island and studied English at Washington University in St. Louis. She has worked at the Museum of Television & Radio (now the Paley Center for Media), TV Guide, In Style, Rolling Stone, Fitness, ForbesLife, Self, Bloomberg Markets and a host of wonderful magazines that have long since disappeared. She mourns the death of print journalism in New York City, where she lives with her husband and sons. She is author of six novels, including the best-selling Fashionistas, which has been translated into 15 languages and is in development as a feature film.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4.5
( 7 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(3)

4 Star

(3)

3 Star

(1)

2 Star

(0)

1 Star

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Sort by: Showing all of 7 Customer Reviews
  • Posted February 19, 2014

    There is very few men left in the world after a virus turned all

    There is very few men left in the world after a virus turned all men into Zombies. Hattie Cross has written a book called The Girls' Guide to Dating Zombies to help other women into the new world of dating zombies. How to train them, what to do and not to do and what kind of drugs they may need. Her book gives her the chance to interview the CEO of the largest drug company in the world. There she meets something she didn't think she ever would. A real life man who isn't a zombie. Now the deeper she digs the more it seems there is something behind this drug company and the zombies. As she looks into it her life may be in danger as some may not want the men to come back but stay zombies.




    I love books about zombies and if I see one with them in it I have to read it. When I saw this one I figured it would be one of the funnier books and it does have several laughs in it. It also has a mystery which turned into more than I expected it would. Hattie is a reporter and while she wants to be more than just one for a tabloid she doesn't get many chances until her book gets a lot of notice. She is a loner and has been burned and betrayed by a friend in the past and while she writes books about dating zombies she hasn't dated one in a while. When she meets a real man she doesn't know how to act. She falls for him but doesn't know if he can trust him. As she looks into the drug company she finds a lot of info that leads her to wonder about his motives. I will say there was a few little twist  didn't see coming and wasn't expecting. If you like books with zombies you may enjoy this one. It isn't a horror zombie book but one with laughs and a lighter side.

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  • Posted February 13, 2014

    Rom com satire at it's finest. I love how this book pokes fun at

    Rom com satire at it's finest. I love how this book pokes fun at all the magazines and talk shows women have read and watched over the years. I found myself chuckling and shaking my head at several scenes. From the moment I saw this book, I knew I was going to love it and I was not disappointed. I highly recommend it to all those zombie fans out there and of course those girls that have been reading and watching rom coms their entire lives.

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  • Posted December 5, 2013

    I'll be honest, I got this book solely because of the blurb. It

    I'll be honest, I got this book solely because of the blurb. It sounded funny and so I had some vague hope it would follow through and actually be funny. I've never read a zombie romance before, because, well, ewwww. The fact that the author references the ewww factor in zombie dating hooked me in as much as the fact that it sounded funny.
    It was hilarious in many places. Hattie is so down to earth, matter of fact about the fact that there are no more men, having not met one since she was six and the men were wiped out. I loved the fact that the first time she meets Jake, the actual, human male referenced in the blurb, she pukes all over him. I'm sorry, it's gross, but it just kept the giggles coming because I totally believe it could happen. I'm nervous enough around guys and I've been around them my entire life!

    Hattie's practical attitude that ended up in her writing the Girls Guide to Dating Zombies carried her through the entire book. She was down in the dumps because her former boyzomb had been stolen by another woman, starts tentatively a new relationship with a new zombie who she names Joe. And all as she finally gets to meet her idol, the head of the biggest zombiesuetical (sorry, I can't spell, but think zombie and pharmaceutical) company, Geiser & Meyer for an interview that she hopes will finally vault her back into the world of being a real journalist as opposed to a writer for the equivalent of the Daily Tattler.
    The world building here was phenomenal. Ms. Messina goes into depth explaining how exactly the virus took out the men, gave serious thought to how the world might have changed if there were very few men around (48% of the surviving men became movie stars and thus were pampered, another hefty percentage became sperm donors and again were pampered ... you get the picture - life could sort of rock as a man). An entire industry rose up around the zombie issue, since the zombies weren't cannibals, but rather only wanted animal brains, not human ones. There were soooo many drugs, and you could tell what they'd been birthed from (Zombiagra, Zombialis, etc.) to deal with the typical zombie problems: stopping cellular decay, allowing a zombie to, er, get it up (if you get my drift), something so they wouldn't smell bad, and so on and so forth.

    The only problem I had with this book (besides the overuse of words including word "zombie" which I didn't mark down for in this 4.5-star review) was the pacing. The last third of the book is definitely fast-paced with a major "OMG, I gotta keep reading" factor. But the first two-thirds can be a bit dense at times (especially with all of the technical details about the virus). I kept going simply because the humor was good and I enjoyed Hattie's view on the world. But I wish the suspense and tension could have been wound through the entire book, not just the last part of it.

    So, anyway, 4.5 stars (I need to find a half-star .jpg somewhere) and I dearly hope to find more books like this one. Thanks Ms. Messina for an awesome read!

    Book provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted April 1, 2012

    from nyx

    Want to read it !.LoL

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  • Posted March 2, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    Laugh Out Loud Dating Guide!

    Okay. So, honestly? I was WAY iffy about reading this. But, then I thought, what the heck. So, I gave it a shot and signed up to review this book. Boy, was I ever in for a hilarious treat! SERIOUSLY!!!! Lynn Messina has topped the charts in my book with a laugh out hilarious "guide" for women who want to date.....zombies?! Yup. Zombies. And her compilation of information is informative. Truly. If I ever feel the need in say, 8-10 years to date a zombie, well then, I know where to turn! This laugh out loud book will take you on a hilarious look at what the world would be like if it was hit with a zombpocalypse. That's right. A zombpocalypse. Kinda like an apocalypse, only not. It's where the population of men are taking over by zombies. In the year 2000. And they don't eat people. No, they eat ANIMALS: squirrels, rabbits, birds....etc, etc. There are 99.9999 men in the US in 2020 and they are all zombies. Wow. How can you handle that? Lynn Messina creates Hattie Cross to help us with just that. She teaches us that with medication, it's okay to have sex with Zombies (seriously, it's in there.). She shows us that it's possible to have a meaningful (sort of!) conversation with a zombie. It's all rather interesting, if you ask me. But, then Hattie meets Jake Maddox. A rather handsome, NORMAL man, if you ask her. Or so she thinks. With a few added twists and turns along the way, Hattie's zombie adventure turns into a full out laughing fest for the readers. This is a 4 Book worthy novel and one that I would recommend to any zombie loving book-a-holic out there! Lynn Messina has a unique talent and I am hoping that this isn't the end for her "undead" reading guides! I'd love to see something like this on dating vamps or weres! Awesome job!!! This review originated at Reviews By Molly in part with a blog tour.

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  • Posted February 27, 2012

    more from this reviewer

    Loved It!

    A plague has decimated the world. Men are practically extinct, sort of. Those that have survived and aren't zombified live in the lap of luxury while the rest have been transformed into complete zombies. This has left every woman on Earth to take matters into their own hands in hopes of rebuilding the world as they know it.

    While doing so hasn't been easy, the survivors have been able to make do with they've got. They've also learned to co-exist with their zombie-ish friends, a fact made quite clear in Hattie Cross's book, The Girls' Guide To Dating Zombies. Sure, there's an extensive list of things to do in order to live peacefully with one of these beloved ghouls but I'm sure you're up to the task, aren't you? If Hattie can do it, then surely, so can we!

    Let's face it, the thought of being with a zombie might sound appalling, but there are now measures to counterattack their rapid decay. The myriad of drugs now available will allow you to slow that process down considerably. Can't stand the smell emanating from these reliving corpses? No problem! There are creams for that. Want to keep him happy? Let him watch football 24/7. Seriously, he's content to just sit in front of the tube and grunt right and left to his heart's content.

    Intimacy with one isn't a problem either as there are medications that make that possible between the both of you. Let's also not forget that by giving him a bite to eat of the occasional animal brain whenever he's hungry will make him appreciate you all the more. Of course, also learning their language ensures you'll have a successful relationship, as well. It's that simple, I swear!


    Hattie Cross never imagined she'd gain such notoriety when she decided to write the The Girls' Guide To Dating Zombies. She considers herself lucky when she inadvertently piques the interest of the CEO of the largest drug company around. Granted, Matilda isn't easy to get know because of her busy schedules and the little entourage that follows her around but Hattie is willing to give things a shot and see how they go. Who knows? Perhaps the woman will help her in getting ahead somehow.

    Her entire world is soon thrown into limbo when she meets Jake Maddox, the first healthy male she's ever seen in decades. The sight of him boggles her mind and sends her senses spinning as she finds herself drawn to him in more ways than one. Yet there's something about him and Matilda she can't quite put her finger on. Delving deeper into the mysteries surrounding the company and Jake himself, Hattie stumbles upon truths she wishes she'd never become privy to in the first place.



    This was such an awesome story. I enjoyed every minute of it. The comedic spin on several things from the real world was awesome and it leant credibility to how things could be if such a calamity were to actually arise one day. The characters were very likeable and the situations that Hattie occasionally found herself in were certainly relatable.

    Lynn did a beautiful job in building the environment for her story and the extensive research that must have gone into it certainly comes through. I definitely recommend this book to others for reading.

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  • Posted February 15, 2012

    See Zombies in a whole new light!

    What a fun book! I love how chapters of the Guide were mixed into the story itself. There are a lot of zombie books out there right now and this is a nice humorous twist on our favorite brain eating, foot dragging, reanimated humans.

    Know why you should pick up this book (besides the interesting plot, the humor and the good writing)? You should pick it up for the zombie sex. Yes, I said sex. S-E-X. With zombies. Zombies who are missing limbs. Zombies who might loose a finger during fornication. Zombies on....Viagra! Come on now. Comedy gold! You know you want to read about it!

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