The Half-Lived Life: Overcoming Passivity and Rediscovering Your Authentic Self

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Overview

"So this is my life? What happened to the person I thought I might be at this stage of the game? Where did that person go? Why am I feeling like I'm just treading water, trying to stay one step ahead of my bills and obligations. Anyway, I'm just too tired at this point to try to figure out where that other person went. But I sure expected to be living a different life than this one."Most people in their forties, fifties, and beyond catch themselves saying something similar to this. Everyone has a mental image of the person they want to be, but ...

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Half-Lived Life

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Overview

"So this is my life? What happened to the person I thought I might be at this stage of the game? Where did that person go? Why am I feeling like I'm just treading water, trying to stay one step ahead of my bills and obligations. Anyway, I'm just too tired at this point to try to figure out where that other person went. But I sure expected to be living a different life than this one."Most people in their forties, fifties, and beyond catch themselves saying something similar to this. Everyone has a mental image of the person they want to be, but few of us actually fulfill these wishes. Once people realize they are living a completely different life than they'd envisioned, they often think it is too late to change and carry on with the same old habits. Too many people settle for a half-lived life. Best-selling author John Lee has long been addressing the fallacy of this attitude in talks and workshops—and now he sets this program into book form. In The Half-Lived Life, he introduces and explains how passivity holds us hostage to old ways of doing things—and provides solutions on escaping this paralyzing state of mind, body, and spirit while increasing our emotional intelligence (EQ). He also shows the freedom to be gained via compassionate assertiveness—an outgrowth of setting boundaries and enforcing limits. Just as Lee's seminars have successfully led many to find their authentic self in the second half of their life, so too will this book.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
Lee (The Flying Boy) has written several books on well-being, self-actualization, and emotional development for men. Here he hopes to help individuals assert themselves over the full course of their lives, particularly in the latter stages. His major recommendations are to stop engaging in self-sabotage or denial, cease self-blame when others are at fault, start articulating exactly what you want and, above all, to end passivity. Lee wants readers to understand healthy anger as opposed to unproductive rage, channel their energies towards pursing their dreams and build healthier, more rewarding relationships. While a great deal of this advice is undeniably worthwhile, Lee makes some spurious claims that will have readers questioning their overall value, for example, that a couple experiencing trouble having children would be able to do so once the man got over fears of being like his father. Formative childhood experiences and abandonment issues are another focal point, and though Lee has some good points, none are particularly unique. Perhaps readers of his other books will find this enlightening, but those familiar with self-help texts will find little new to inspire them. Agency: Manus & Assoc. (Dec.)
From the Publisher
"If you want to understand why you are so unsatisfied and disappointed with your life, this is the book for you. John Lee is a contemporary wise man sharing wisdom about our pain and how to get beyond it to a renewed life. The Half-Lived Life is must reading for all of us on The Quest!" —Robert L. Moore, PhD, author of Facing the Dragon "If anyone can create a path of transformation for your life, John Lee can and will in this book. He has lived the pages and now passes the personal power on to you." —Pat Love, EdD, author of Never Be Lonely Again "John Lee mentions that 'very little has been written about passivity in men.' Men are always assumed to be hard-drivers, but they live out their passivity in a disguised way. This book will help both men and women see that." —Robert Bly, poet and author of Iron John
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780762772520
  • Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, Inc.
  • Publication date: 12/20/2011
  • Edition description: First Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 224
  • Sales rank: 411,808
  • Product dimensions: 5.80 (w) x 7.60 (h) x 1.00 (d)

Meet the Author

John Lee is a best-selling author of seventeen books with more than 500,000 copies sold to date—including The Anger Solution and Flying Boy. He has been featured on Oprah, Dr. Oz, 20/20, The View, CNN, PBS, and NPR, and has been interviewed by Newsweek, the New York Times, and the Los Angeles Times. Among the organizations and health facilities he has consulted on issues of emotional well being are the Betty Ford Clinic, Cleveland Clinic, and the New York Open Center. He also teaches workshops and give lectures worldwide, appearing in more than forty cities each year. The Anger Solution (Da Capo Press, Sept. 2009, 978-0738212609; 2,294 RTD); The Missing Peace (HCI, June 2006, 1,590 RTD)Growing Yourself Back Up (Three Rivers Press, Jan. 2001, 7,997 RTD)Writing from the Body (St Martin's Griffin, Nov. 1994, 1,677 RTD)Facing the Fire (Bantam, June 1993, 5,343 RTD)At My Father's Wedding (Bantam, Oct. 1992, 24 RTD)Recovery: Plain and Simple (HCI, Oct. 1990)The Flying Boy (HCI, Feb. 1989, 3,137 RTD) Self-Published Books:The Secret Place of Thunder (Sept. 2004)Doctor, I'm Scared (Sept. 2004)Courting a Woman's Soul (Nov. 2003)

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Table of Contents

Introduction: Your Authentic Life Awaits ix

Part 1 Solving the Problem of Passivity 1

Identifying Passivity

What Passivity Is Not

Men and Women Under the Influence

The Symptoms of Passivity

Three Types of Passivity in Children

Causes of Passivity

Passivity in Men

Passivity in Women

Part 2 The Solutions 51

Remembering Who You Wanted to Be

Infidelity of the Heart

Silencing the Detractors and Ceasing the Distractions

Overcoming the Five Great Fears

Stopping the Lying

Solving the Abandonment Problem That Leads to Passivity

Rage as a Form of Passivity

Grieving: A Four-Step Model to Treat Abandonment

Working with Abandonment Issues in Therapy

Now for the Good News About Abandonment

Active Loving as a Solution to Passivity

Further Thoughts on Active Loving: The Four Forms of Love

Authentic Contact

Compensating Actions Versus Inspired Actions

Active Thinking

Enhancing Emotional Intelligence

Setting Boundaries

Finding Your Limits

Part 3 Becoming Compassionately Assertive in the Second Half of Life 145

Becoming Compassionately Assertive

Getting Rid of the Word You

The Four Compassionately Assertive Statements

Detaching Versus Disconnecting

Regression and Regressive Behaviors

The Brain and Regression

Emotional Regression

Part 4 What Now? 177

Where Are You Going?

What Are You Going to Do When You Get There?

The Five Things to Do While Discovering Your Authentic Self

Who Are You Going With?

What Are You Waiting For?

Making a Miracle List

Going into the Future with Gratitude

Conclusion: Being Who You Really Are 194

Acknowledgments 201

Index 202

About the Author 207

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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing 1 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 4, 2015

    Wake up!

    I am 73 years old and having had a relatively rewarding life, i had no idea how passive, the incapacity to address issues, i actualy am.
    This book has opened doors that have led to a life full of adventure and highly unexpected rewards.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
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