The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up

The iConnected Parent: Staying Close to Your Kids in College (and Beyond) While Letting Them Grow Up

by Barbara K. Hofer, Abigail Sullivan Moore
     
 

View All Available Formats & Editions


"Just let go!"
That’s what parents have been told to do when their kids go to college. But in our speed-dial culture, with BlackBerries and even Skype, parents and kids are now more than ever in constant contact. Today’s iConnected parents say they are closer to their kids than their parents were to them—and this generation of families…  See more details below

Overview


"Just let go!"
That’s what parents have been told to do when their kids go to college. But in our speed-dial culture, with BlackBerries and even Skype, parents and kids are now more than ever in constant contact. Today’s iConnected parents say they are closer to their kids than their parents were to them—and this generation of families prefers it that way. Parents are their children’s mentors, confidants, and friends—but is this good for the kids? Are parents really letting go—and does that matter?

Dr. Barbara Hofer, a Middlebury College professor of psychology, and Abigail Sullivan Moore, a journalist who has reported on college and high school trends for the New York Times, answer these questions and more in their groundbreaking, compelling account of both the good and the bad of close communication in the college years and beyond. An essential assessment of the state of parent-child relationships in an age of instant communication, The iConnected Parent goes beyond sounding the alarm about the ways many young adults are failing to develop independence to describe the healthy, mutually fulfilling relationships that can emerge when families grow closer in our wired world.

Communicating an average of thirteen times a week, parents and their college-age kids are having a hard time letting go. Hofer’s research and Moore’s extensive reporting reveal how this trend is shaping families, schools, and workplaces, and the challenge it poses for students with mental health and learning issues. Until recently, students handled college on their own, learning life’s lessons and growing up in the process. Now, many students turn to their parents for instant answers to everyday questions. "My roommate’s boyfriend is here all the time and I have no privacy! What should I do?" "Can you edit my paper tonight? It’s due tomorrow." "What setting should I use to wash my jeans?" And Mom and Dad are not just the Google and Wikipedia for overcoming daily pitfalls; Hofer and Moore have discovered that some parents get involved in unprecedented ways, phoning professors and classmates, choosing their child’s courses, and even crossing the lines set by university honor codes with the academic help they provide. Hofer and Moore offer practical advice, from the years before college through the years after graduation, on how parents can stay connected to their kids while giving them the space they need to become independent adults.

Cell phones and laptops don’t come with parenting instructions. The iConnected Parent is an invaluable guide for any parent with a child heading to or already on campus.

Read More

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
"Some of the real life stories you'll read in The iConnected Parent are jaw-dropping, some simply eye-opening, and all of the advice is practical and easy to apply. Buy this ground-breaking book as a present for yourself when your child graduates from high school. It's a sound investment in your son's or daughter's future self-reliance."
—Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

“Every parent of a college-bound high school student should read this book! Hofer and Moore provide a realistic view on technology-enhanced parenting with a sincerity, humor, and wit that is uncommon in other books on this topic. Whether we like it or not, the days of the weekly phone call home from college - usually on a Sunday night after waiting in line for the pay phone - are long over. The authors provide sound advice for parents in considering appropriate boundaries for contacting their college students via e-mail, text messaging, instant messaging, and the ever present mobile phone/device, while encouraging students to advocate for themselves.”
—Beverly Low, Dean of First-Year Students, Colgate University

“The road to adulthood is longer than ever, and in some ways more challenging than ever for emerging adults and their parents. This book provides excellent information and insights about how parents can help their emerging adults navigate this road—but also about what the limits should be and how parents can learn to let go.”
—Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, Clark University, author of Emerging Adulthood: The Winding Road from the Late Teens Through the Twenties

“[A] thoughtful and accessible guide that examines a new reality... Thanks to technology, many parents and children are in constant, daily communication. (The authors, Middlebury professor Barbara Hofer and journalist Abigail Sullivan Moore, provide compelling statistics to back up their point.) They also offer sensible guidelines about how to navigate this unprecedented access to your child’s life in college. They point out why certain behaviors — providing a last-minute edit on a term paper, intervening with a dean because your child says her roommate is mean — can damage your college kid’s ability to solve problems without you, a key element in becoming an adult.” —USA Today

“[A] thoughtful and accessible guide that examines a new reality... Thanks to technology, many parents and children are in constant, daily communication. (The authors, Middlebury professor Barbara Hofer and journalist Abigail Sullivan Moore, provide compelling statistics to back up their point.) They also offer sensible guidelines about how to navigate this unprecedented access to your child’s life in college. They point out why certain behaviors — providing a last-minute edit on a term paper, intervening with a dean because your child says her roommate is mean — can damage your college kid’s ability to solve problems without you, a key element in becoming an adult.” —USA Today

Library Journal
There are many good titles on the negative effects of helicopter parenting, but this distinctive book focuses on the technological aspects of parenting and how the electronic tether of instant communication is undermining young adults' abilities to problem-solve effectively. Drawing on two studies exploring students' contact with parents, the authors mined findings that many readers will view with incredulity, including the statistic that today's college students and their parents communicate an average of 13.4 times weekly. With so much communication going on, young adults have little reason to develop either self-regulation or appropriate help-seeking skills. This excellent snapshot of how technology is changing family dynamics is highly recommended for all collections. . —"Parenting Short Takes", Booksmack!, 12/16/10.

Read More

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9781439154182
Publisher:
Atria Books
Publication date:
08/10/2010
Sold by:
SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:
NOOK Book
Pages:
288
File size:
3 MB

Meet the Author

Barbara K. Hofer, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology at Middlebury College who conducts research and teaches about adolescence and the transition to adulthood. The parent of a daughter and son who recently completed college, she  knows the issues of parenting this generation firsthand.
Abigail Sullivan Moore has been a regular contributor to the New York Times, writing about high school, college, and university issues. She is the parent of two boys--one in college, the other in middle school--and faces her own iConnecting challenges daily.

Customer Reviews

Average Review:

Write a Review

and post it to your social network

     

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

See all customer reviews >