The Inheritance of Shame: A Memoir

The Inheritance of Shame is the true story of author Peter Gajdics' six years in a bizarre form of conversion therapy that attempted to "cure" him of his homosexuality. Virtually imprisoned in a cult-like therapeutic house called the Styx with other heavily medicated psychiatric patients, they were all under the total authority of a violent, dominating rogue psychiatrist named "Dr. Alfonzo." Their treatment devolved into intense primal scream therapy, weekly injections of Ketamine Hydrochloride, a dissociate drug most commonly used as an animal anesthetic, and constant pressure to abandon their birth parents and form unquestioning bonds with surrogate parents - Alfonzo, as "Daddy," and a woman hired to act and nurture them as "Mommy." They learned not to question Alfonzo, and to prove their loyalty by complete obedience and unpaid servitude. The Inheritance of Shame details Gajdics' attempt to seek legal recourse, juxtaposed against his parents' histories of trauma: his mother's incarceration and escape from a communist concentration camp in post-World War II Yugoslavia, and his father's upbringing as an orphan in war-torn Hungary. Though culturally and politically dissimilar, the emotional undercurrents of each of their narratives converge at key moments throughout the memoir.

Largely chronological, The Inheritance of Shame begins at a key moment in then-23 year-old Gajdics' life when he prostituted himself in his hometown of Vancouver, Canada. The memoir flashes back to Gajdics' birth in 1964, the youngest of five children to Catholic immigrant parents, and touches on key moments from his childhood, including his own eventual understanding into his parents' traumatic histories in Europe during World War II. Most of the memoir, however, focuses on the nearly six years Gajdics spent in a bizarre form of primal therapy with psychiatrist Dr. Alfonzo, who tried to "change" his sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. Much of Gajdics' post-therapy years deal with his medical malpractice suit against Alfonzo, while attempting to repair key familial relationships-even in the face of their demise. Spanning decades and continents, Crossing Styx is about the dark forces of oppression and the will to survive; its themes are universal: generational shame, childhood trauma, powerlessness in the face of adversity, self-acceptance, resilience, and the recognition that we have within each of us a core essence that cannot be killed, or "changed."

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The Inheritance of Shame: A Memoir

The Inheritance of Shame is the true story of author Peter Gajdics' six years in a bizarre form of conversion therapy that attempted to "cure" him of his homosexuality. Virtually imprisoned in a cult-like therapeutic house called the Styx with other heavily medicated psychiatric patients, they were all under the total authority of a violent, dominating rogue psychiatrist named "Dr. Alfonzo." Their treatment devolved into intense primal scream therapy, weekly injections of Ketamine Hydrochloride, a dissociate drug most commonly used as an animal anesthetic, and constant pressure to abandon their birth parents and form unquestioning bonds with surrogate parents - Alfonzo, as "Daddy," and a woman hired to act and nurture them as "Mommy." They learned not to question Alfonzo, and to prove their loyalty by complete obedience and unpaid servitude. The Inheritance of Shame details Gajdics' attempt to seek legal recourse, juxtaposed against his parents' histories of trauma: his mother's incarceration and escape from a communist concentration camp in post-World War II Yugoslavia, and his father's upbringing as an orphan in war-torn Hungary. Though culturally and politically dissimilar, the emotional undercurrents of each of their narratives converge at key moments throughout the memoir.

Largely chronological, The Inheritance of Shame begins at a key moment in then-23 year-old Gajdics' life when he prostituted himself in his hometown of Vancouver, Canada. The memoir flashes back to Gajdics' birth in 1964, the youngest of five children to Catholic immigrant parents, and touches on key moments from his childhood, including his own eventual understanding into his parents' traumatic histories in Europe during World War II. Most of the memoir, however, focuses on the nearly six years Gajdics spent in a bizarre form of primal therapy with psychiatrist Dr. Alfonzo, who tried to "change" his sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. Much of Gajdics' post-therapy years deal with his medical malpractice suit against Alfonzo, while attempting to repair key familial relationships-even in the face of their demise. Spanning decades and continents, Crossing Styx is about the dark forces of oppression and the will to survive; its themes are universal: generational shame, childhood trauma, powerlessness in the face of adversity, self-acceptance, resilience, and the recognition that we have within each of us a core essence that cannot be killed, or "changed."

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The Inheritance of Shame: A Memoir

The Inheritance of Shame: A Memoir

by Peter Gajdics
The Inheritance of Shame: A Memoir

The Inheritance of Shame: A Memoir

by Peter Gajdics

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Overview

The Inheritance of Shame is the true story of author Peter Gajdics' six years in a bizarre form of conversion therapy that attempted to "cure" him of his homosexuality. Virtually imprisoned in a cult-like therapeutic house called the Styx with other heavily medicated psychiatric patients, they were all under the total authority of a violent, dominating rogue psychiatrist named "Dr. Alfonzo." Their treatment devolved into intense primal scream therapy, weekly injections of Ketamine Hydrochloride, a dissociate drug most commonly used as an animal anesthetic, and constant pressure to abandon their birth parents and form unquestioning bonds with surrogate parents - Alfonzo, as "Daddy," and a woman hired to act and nurture them as "Mommy." They learned not to question Alfonzo, and to prove their loyalty by complete obedience and unpaid servitude. The Inheritance of Shame details Gajdics' attempt to seek legal recourse, juxtaposed against his parents' histories of trauma: his mother's incarceration and escape from a communist concentration camp in post-World War II Yugoslavia, and his father's upbringing as an orphan in war-torn Hungary. Though culturally and politically dissimilar, the emotional undercurrents of each of their narratives converge at key moments throughout the memoir.

Largely chronological, The Inheritance of Shame begins at a key moment in then-23 year-old Gajdics' life when he prostituted himself in his hometown of Vancouver, Canada. The memoir flashes back to Gajdics' birth in 1964, the youngest of five children to Catholic immigrant parents, and touches on key moments from his childhood, including his own eventual understanding into his parents' traumatic histories in Europe during World War II. Most of the memoir, however, focuses on the nearly six years Gajdics spent in a bizarre form of primal therapy with psychiatrist Dr. Alfonzo, who tried to "change" his sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. Much of Gajdics' post-therapy years deal with his medical malpractice suit against Alfonzo, while attempting to repair key familial relationships-even in the face of their demise. Spanning decades and continents, Crossing Styx is about the dark forces of oppression and the will to survive; its themes are universal: generational shame, childhood trauma, powerlessness in the face of adversity, self-acceptance, resilience, and the recognition that we have within each of us a core essence that cannot be killed, or "changed."


Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781941932094
Publisher: Brown Paper Press
Publication date: 04/26/2020
Sold by: Barnes & Noble
Format: eBook
Pages: 360
File size: 436 KB

About the Author

Peter Gajdics (pronounced "Guy-ditch") is an award-winning writer whose essays, short memoir and poetry have appeared in, among others, The Advocate, New York Tyrant, The Gay and Lesbian Review / Worldwide, Cosmonauts Avenue, and Opium. He is a recipient of a writers grant from Canada Council for the Arts, a fellowship from The Summer Literary Seminars, and an alumni of Lambda Literary Foundation's "Writers Retreat for Emerging LGBT Voices." When not in Budapest, Hungary, his home away from home, Peter lives in Vancouver, Canada. This is his first book.

Read an Excerpt

In my grade nine sex-education class at my all-boys Catholic high school, I learned all about the "lifestyle of the homosexual," which sounded frighteningly similar to the life that I was already living. Like a revised Book of Revelation, the final chapter of our textbook explained it all, beginning with the homosexual's choice to act on an immoral and intrinsically disordered behavior and ending with their self-imposed misery, diseased body, and assured annihilation. There was no happy ending for the homosexual.
If I thought of anything during the endless hours of English, French, Mathematics, Catechism, History, and Social Studies, I thought only of how I could divide myself in two, like a wishbone, stray as far away from my desires as possible. Instead of homework each night, I lip-synched songs from my black Denon portable turntable: Elton John's "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" . . . Three Dog Night's "The Show Must Go On." The Rolling Stones scared me because [my sister] Kriska had listened to the Stones before she ran away from home. Maybe if I listened to the Stones then I, too, would end up like her: an outcast, unloved, a runaway. So I listened to Queen instead, alone in my bedroom after dinner, acting out the lyrics to "Bohemian Rhapsody."
Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality . . .
Despite my prayers the night before, the blinding light of day forced me up and out of the house each morning and back to school where facts and figures from all my classes flowed over me. Nothing stuck; nothing was absorbed. If the Catholic Brothers, each of them cassocked and clutching long wooden rulers, didn't mock me, make fun of my endless failed exams, my sixteen percents, then, when they read my grades aloud for all to scorn, they'd pronounce the first syllable of my last name like the severest of punishments.
"Let's see how poorly Mr. 'Gay-dicks' did on his French exam today, shall we?" Or else the other boys crowded 'round me during recess like crows around a carcass, chanting "Gay-dicks . . . Gay-dicks . . . Gay-dicks," as if my name were the worst thing I could be.

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