The Kids' Guide to Working Out Conflicts: How to Keep Cool, Stay Safe, and Get Along

Overview


From taunts and teasing to physical assault, many kids face difficult, even dangerous situations at school, at home, and in the community. How can they avoid conflict and defuse tough situations? Written by a well-known expert on conflict resolution and peacemaking, incorporating the results of a nationwide survey of kids ages 10–15, this book offers practical, realistic answers.

Author Naomi Drew describes common forms of conflict, the reasons behind conflicts, and positive ...

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Overview


From taunts and teasing to physical assault, many kids face difficult, even dangerous situations at school, at home, and in the community. How can they avoid conflict and defuse tough situations? Written by a well-known expert on conflict resolution and peacemaking, incorporating the results of a nationwide survey of kids ages 10–15, this book offers practical, realistic answers.

Author Naomi Drew describes common forms of conflict, the reasons behind conflicts, and positive ways to deal with difficult circumstances. Through self-tests and exercises, young people discover whether they are conflict-solvers or conflict-makers. They learn how to stand up for themselves without getting physical, and how to deal with people who don’t want to resolve conflicts in a peaceful way. Includes tips for countering bullying, calming down, lessening stress and tension, letting go of anger and resentment, and eliminating put-downs and other hurtful language.

Describes common forms of conflict, the reasons behind conflicts, and various positive ways to deal with and defuse tough situations at school, at home, and in the community without getting physical.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

"An outstanding contribution. It is not a stretch to believe that if this book were translated into the world's many languages and disseminated all over the globe, today's youngsters would be tomorrow's peacemakers.  It is highly recommended."—Voice of Youth Advocates

"Will help youngsters to develop more mature coping skills."
School Library Journal

“Naomi Drew has written a wonderful book for kids on how to deal effectively with anger, conflict, stress, and bullying in order to lead a more satisfying, peaceful, resilient life. Her ideas are presented in an easy-to-read style and her suggestions are very practical and achievable. Not only will kids find this book an invaluable resource, but so too will their parents and other caregivers.”—Dr. Robert Brooks, faculty Harvard Medical School, and author of The Self-Esteem Teacher and coauthor of Raising Resilient Children

“Kids will love this approachable book, and guidance counselors will find it the perfect tool to introduce conflict resolution activities.” —Library Media Connection

“Gives kids the skills they need to take much of the sting out of those tender years.”—Teaching K–8

National Parenting Publication Award (NAPPA) Children’s Resources Winner

Honor Award, Skipping Stones Multicultural Magazine, Winner

iParenting Media Awards, Winner

Library Media Connection
Kids will love this approachable book, and guidance counselors will find it the perfect tool to introduce conflict resolution activities.
Children's Literature
The author uses a humorous and empathetic tone to engage her young audience in a dialogue on conflict and the flashpoints of adolescence. Drew, an expert in conflict resolution who has worked with thousands of middle school children, moves skillfully through the material, introducing important concepts early in the book then cycling around to them again several times in later chapters. Instead of pointing fingers, she appeals to the best side of her readers, challenging them to be strong enough to put their ideals into action in their daily lives. Then she gives them tools which will enable them to do just that. Utilizing amusing drawings, quotations from kids she has worked with, written exercises, role playing, and sample interactions (both positive and negative), Ms. Drew gives step by step instructions on how to deal with conflict, from deep breathing training to tips on stress reduction to keys to being a better listener. The book has an almost lighthearted yet very informative feel, somewhat similar to "The Complete Idiot's Guide" series for adults. In fact, it could be used successfully with high school students, and even adults, because it is never condescending. While the book is entertaining enough that kids might read it on their own, it would also be an excellent text for a course dealing with any aspect of bullying, anger management, peacemaking, or conflict resolution. 2004, Free Spirit Publishing, Ages 10 to 14.
—Dawn Elizabeth Hunt
VOYA
Drew, a nationally recognized conflict resolution and peacemaking consultant, gets right to the point. In clean, respectful language, she offers youth a highly doable eight-step plan to overcome anger issues. By applying her simple techniques, youth of all ages can resolve conflicts in their own lives and demonstrate to others the importance of speaking out to settle differences peacefully. Drew uses the responses from more than 1,000 ten- to fifteen-year-olds to her survey on the conflicts that they experience at home and in school. The thoughtful encouraging tone of this important book, heavily peppered with relevant quotes from her respondents, embraces children all along the conflict spectrum, from tortured victims of bullying to those who endure sustained stress and from moderate levels of conflict to full-blown bullies. She reassures without condescending. Victims can learn to strongly and peacefully face down attacks, bullies can change their ways, and everyone can use her seven-day action plan-which includes reflective listening, journaling, deep breathing, and affirmations-to redirect the knee-jerk escalation of angry conflict into a more low-key opportunity for productive dialogue and improved understanding. All along the way, she includes the safety-valve option of adult intervention when necessary. Given the modern-day dangers stemming from uncontrollable adolescent rage that could hit any school at any time, conflict resolution courses should be mandatory starting in the middle school grades, if not sooner. School administrators need look no further for a textbook than Drew's outstanding contribution. It is not a stretch to believe that if this book were translated into theworld's many languages and disseminated all over the globe, today's youngsters would be tomorrow's peacemakers. It is highly recommended. VOYA CODES: 5Q 4P M J (Hard to imagine it being any better written; Broad general YA appeal; Middle School, defined as grades 6 to 8; Junior High, defined as grades 7 to 9). 2004, Free Spirit, 160p.; Index. Illus. Source Notes. Further Reading., Trade pb. Ages 11 to 15.
—Beth E. Andersen
School Library Journal
Gr 6-10-Drew presents effective tools for improving conflict-resolution skills. Survey responses from more than 1000 middle school students provide the basis for her analyses of conflict issues. Scenarios are presented with tips on how to keep calm and become a problem solver. The author encourages readers to identify personal-conflict triggers and practice anger-management techniques that will result in the reduction of stress and a growth in confidence. Common problems, such as misunderstandings and teasing, are addressed, as are the more serious issues of bullying and sexual harassment. Tools such as visualization, relaxation, exercise, and repeating empowering statements build a framework for improving self-control. Boxed facts from cited works and quotes from the survey support the text. An annotated list of print and Web resources, a reproducible "Conflict Solver's Action Plan," and a comprehensive index are helpful features. Cartoon sketches appear throughout. This book would be useful for libraries and for peer-mediation programs. It will help youngsters to develop more mature coping skills and refines the concepts introduced in Gershen Kaufman's Stick Up for Yourself! Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power and Positive Self-Esteem (1999) and Trevor Romain's Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain (1997, both Free Spirit).-Sharon A. Neal, Immaculata University, PA Copyright 2004 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781575421506
  • Publisher: Free Spirit Publishing, Inc.
  • Publication date: 3/15/2004
  • Pages: 160
  • Sales rank: 654,753
  • Age range: 10 - 14 Years
  • Product dimensions: 7.00 (w) x 9.00 (h) x 0.30 (d)

Meet the Author


Naomi Drew is recognized around the world as an expert on conflict resolution, peacemaking, and parenting. Her work has been instrumental in introducing the skills of peacemaking to public education and has been recognized by educational leaders throughout the country. United Nations staffer Michiko Kuroda has praised her work saying, “Naomi Drew has adapted the techniques of negotiation to the needs of children.”

People of all ages have attested to durable changes in their relationships after applying the principles outlined in her books and workshops. Her work has been featured in magazines and newspapers, and on radio and national TV, including, NBC, The New York Times, Time Magazine, Parents Magazine, and Child Magazine. She has served as a parenting expert for “Classroom Close-ups,” an Emmy-winning public television show.

Naomi is a dynamic speaker who has inspired audiences around the country. She serves as a consultant to school districts, parent groups, and civic organizations and is a registered provider with the NJ State Department of Eduaction Character Education Network. 

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Table of Contents

Introduction: How This Book Can Help You 1
Step 1 Open Your Mind 6
What Starts a Conflict? What Makes It Grow? 7
Conflict Triggers 8
Willingness Lets You Put the Brakes on Conflict 11
What Happens When You're NOT Willing to Work Out Conflicts? 12
What Are Your Willingness Blocks? 13
What Happens When You ARE Willing to Work Out Conflicts? 15
Basement or Balcony--Your Choice 16
Step 2 Decide to Become a Conflict Solver 20
What Conflict Makers Do 20
What Conflict Solvers Do 22
Where Do You Stand? 23
When the Other Person Isn't Willing 25
Fake It Till You Make It 26
Team Earth Needs Your Help 27
"Yes, But" Questions 28
What to Do When Your Friends Have Conflicts 33
Are You Ready to Be a Conflict Solver? 34
Step 3 Become a Better Listener 36
NOT Listening Fuels Conflicts 37
Listening Is Your Path to Personal Power 37
Check Out Your Listening 39
Try the Bad Listening/Good Listening Game 41
Listen So You Really Understand: Reflective Listening 43
Play the "Sounds Like ..." Game 45
Using Reflective Listening When There's a Conflict: Two Examples 47
Good Listening Builds Good Relationships 49
Step 4 Use Win/Win Guidelines 50
1. Cool off 52
2. Talk the problem over using I-messages 52
3. Listen while the other person speaks, and say back what you heard 56
4. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict 57
5. Brainstorm solutions and choose one that's fair to both of you 60
6. Affirm, forgive, thank, or apologize to each other 62
Putting It All Together 63
"Yes, But" Questions 65
Be a Role Model 67
Step 5 Manage Your Anger and Gain Control 68
What Are Your Anger Pitfalls? 68
Why Do So Many People Have Trouble Managing Anger? 69
Three Secrets to Getting a Handle on Anger 70
Decide Not to Get Hooked 75
Make Yourself Zinger-Proof 77
Protect Yourself from Other People's Angry Vibes 80
When Anger Leads to Physical Fighting 81
Take Control 83
Step 6 Learn to Manage Stress and Stay Calm, Cool, and Confident 84
Do You Know Your Stress Signals? 86
What's on Your Mind? Find the Calm Confidence Within You 88
More Ways to Stay Calm and Cool 92
De-Stress with Yoga and Meditation 95
Choose Calmness 98
Step 7 Be Smart About Bullying 99
Teasing versus Bullying: What's the Difference? 100
Eight Ways to Stop Teasing 102
Why Do People Bully? Is It Really Such a Big Problem? 104
Self-Check: Are You Bullying or Harassing Anyone? 105
What to Do If You've Bullied Others 106
What to Do If Someone Is Bullying You 108
"Yes, But" Questions 113
Bullying and Sexual Harassment 115
Choose to Be a Peacemaker 117
Step 8 Build Yourself Up from the Inside Out 118
Follow a Day-by-Day Plan 118
Strengthen Your Courage Muscle 119
Strengthen Your Forgiveness Muscle 121
Observe Yourself 123
Observe Others 124
Believe in Yourself 125
Resources for You 134
Working Out Conflicts Survey 137
References 139
Index 141
About the Author 146
List of Reproducible Pages
My Conflict Triggers 19
Conflict Log 35
Conflict Solver's Action Plan: Day 1 127
Conflict Solver's Action Plan: Day 2 128
Conflict Solver's Action Plan: Day 3 129
Conflict Solver's Action Plan: Day 4 130
Conflict Solver's Action Plan: Day 5 131
Conflict Solver's Action Plan: Day 6 132
Conflict Solver's Action Plan: Day 7 133
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