| Note to the New Edition | ix |
| Introduction: Navigating the Journey of Lesbian Parenting | 1 |
| Section 1 | Our Lives as Lesbian Families | 7 |
| 1 | We're Here to Stay: Our Unique Families | 9 |
| What's It Like Being a Lesbian Family? | |
| Structure and Language | |
| Coming Out | |
| The Strengths of Our Families | |
| A Challenge to Sexism | |
| Egalitarian Arrangements | |
| More Room at the Table | |
| A Wide Support Network | |
| A Broader Perspective | |
| Our Evolving Families | |
| 2 | Starting Out: Alternative Insemination, Foster-Parenting and Adoption | 19 |
| Children--To Have or Not to Have? | |
| Pregnancy via Alternative Insemination | |
| An Insemination "Prep Talk" | |
| A Word About HIV and AIDS | |
| The Great Lesbian Sperm Chase | |
| A.I. with a Known Donor | |
| Romancing the Syringe: At-Home Insemination | |
| Getting Pregnant the Old-Fashioned Way | |
| When You Can't Conceive | |
| Foster-Parenting | |
| Loving and Letting Go | |
| Adoption | |
| Crossing Ability, Cultural and Racial Lines | |
| Agency Adoption | |
| Foster-Adopt Programs | |
| Independent Adoptions | |
| International Adoptions | |
| How Do I Know If I Like Having Children in My Life? | |
| 3 | Branches on Our Family Tree: Partners, Fathers, Siblings and Others | 41 |
| What's in a Name? | |
| Beyond Our "Job Descriptions" | |
| Fathers and Other Men in Our Lives | |
| Fathers via Marriage | |
| Donors: Anonymous or Known? | |
| Fathers via Chosen Family | |
| Father Fantasies | |
| Male Role Models | |
| Changing Relationships | |
| Extended Family: From "Goddess-Parents" to Grandparents | |
| The Significance of Siblings | |
| New Visions | |
| 4 | Coming Out to Our Children and Families | 61 |
| Defining Our Terms: Coming Out, Heterosexism and Homophobia | |
| The Advantages of Coming Out to Our Children | |
| Intimacy vs. Secrecy | |
| Open Communication | |
| Self-Esteem | |
| The Risks of Coming Out to Our Children | |
| How to Come Out to Children | |
| "But What's a Lesbian?": Coming Out to Young Children | |
| "What If She Hates Me?": Considerations with Adolescents | |
| Coming Out to Adult Children | |
| Coming Out Transgendered | |
| Navigating in the World: Our Children's Issues | |
| Full Circle: Coming Out to Our Family of Origin | |
| When Lesbian Becomes Parent | |
| When Parent Becomes Lesbian | |
| 5 | Engaged Parenting: Communication and Conflict Resolution | 86 |
| Caring Communication | |
| Listening So Children Will Talk | |
| Talking So Children Will Listen | |
| Setting Limits | |
| Resolving Conflicts Constructively | |
| Parents as Models | |
| Resolving Conflicts with Young Children | |
| Sibling Rivalry | |
| Resolving Conflicts with Adolescents | |
| The Tradition of Family Meetings | |
| When to Get Help | |
| 6 | Helping Our Children Through Loss and Divorce | 112 |
| The Stages of Grief | |
| Supporting Your Child Through the Grieving Process | |
| Helping Your Child Face Death | |
| Death of a Child | |
| Divorce | |
| Navigating Divorce: The Challenges for Parents | |
| What Divorce Does to Kids: Short Term | |
| What Divorce Does to Kids: Long Term | |
| Telling Your Child About Divorce | |
| Lesbian Divorce | |
| 7 | Confronting Racism and Building Rainbows | 132 |
| How Racist Are We? | |
| Defining Our Terms | |
| How Racism Affects Individuals | |
| How Racism Affects Families | |
| Thinking About Adoption and Race | |
| Living in an Interracial Adoptive Family | |
| "You Picked Me Out!": How Children Perceive Race and Adoption | |
| Interracial Couples with Children | |
| Raising Bias-Free Children | |
| Building Self-Esteem and Positive Racial Identity | |
| Confronting Racist Comments | |
| When Your Child Practices Racism | |
| When Your Child Experiences Racism | |
| Walking Our Talk | |
| 8 | Celebrating Our Lives: New Family Traditions | 153 |
| Reclaiming Rituals and Building Traditions | |
| Everyday Rituals | |
| Earthly Delights | |
| Holiday Celebrations | |
| LGBT Pride Holidays and Celebrations | |
| Spur-of-the-Moment Gatherings | |
| Birthdays and Rites of Passage | |
| While We're Apart | |
| Death | |
| Creating Your Family Traditions | |
| Section 2 | Parenting Our Children as They Grow | 167 |
| 9 | At the Very Beginning: Pregnancy and Childbirth | 169 |
| Great Expectations | |
| A Pregnancy Preview | |
| Getting Support | |
| A Word for Adoptive Parents-to-Be | |
| Days in the Lives of Pregnant Lesbians | |
| Childbirth | |
| Getting Quality Prenatal Care | |
| Birthing Issues for the Pregnant Mother | |
| ... and Her Partner | |
| Labor Preparation: From Birthing Classes to Popsicles | |
| Giving Birth at a Hospital | |
| At a Birthing Center | |
| A Home Birth | |
| Miscarriage and Stillbirth | |
| 10 | Your New Baby: The First Eighteen Months | 186 |
| Development Guideposts | |
| Newborn to Six Months: Pee, Poop, Tears ... and Smiles | |
| Six to Eighteen Months: Learning Through Movement | |
| Parenting Issues | |
| Who Does What? | |
| Family and Friends: Help or Hindrance? | |
| Out in the World | |
| Child-care Choices | |
| Safety | |
| 11 | Parenting the Toddler: Eighteen Months to Thirty-Six Months | 203 |
| Development Guideposts | |
| Physical Skills | |
| Cognitive Advances | |
| Psychological | |
| Social Development | |
| Parenting Issues | |
| Becoming Independent | |
| "I Go Potty!" | |
| The Gentle Art of Discipline | |
| She Said ... She Said: Being Consistent as a Couple | |
| Support Groups and Play Groups | |
| Out in the World | |
| Toddler "Outings" | |
| Out at Work | |
| Couple Time | |
| 12 | The Emerging Child: Three to Six Years | 220 |
| Development Guideposts | |
| Spirals of Change | |
| Physical Skills | |
| Cognitive Advances | |
| Emotional | |
| Social Development | |
| Gender and Sexuality | |
| Parenting Issues | |
| Moms as Mirrors | |
| The "Why" Years | |
| Out in the World | |
| Structured Environments: Preschool and Kindergarten | |
| Safety | |
| Religious Groups | |
| International and Interracial Adoptions | |
| Time Out for Relationships | |
| You and Your Partner | |
| Educating Your Extended Family | |
| 13 | Logic and Rules; Fairness and Morals: Six to Ten Years | 239 |
| Development Guideposts | |
| The Logical Child | |
| Rules and Moral Reasoning | |
| Emotional | |
| Social Development | |
| Physical Skills | |
| The Playing's the Thing | |
| Parenting Issues | |
| Playing by the Rules | |
| Values--Yours, Mine and Ours | |
| Vacations Without the Kids | |
| Out in the World | |
| Sports | |
| School | |
| Sex Education | |
| The World Wide Web | |
| Moving and Making Friends | |
| 14 | The Journey of Adolescence: Not Necessarily a Nightmare | 259 |
| Four Myths About Adolescence | |
| Adolescent Development: An Overview | |
| Early, Late or on Time | |
| Skills: Now You See Them, Now You Don't | |
| Raising Boys ... and Raising Girls | |
| The Damaging Messages Our Daughters Hear | |
| Putting Your Own Adolescence in Perspective | |
| Keeping Adolescents Safe | |
| Shifting the Parenting Gears | |
| Engaged Parenting ... Adolescent-Style | |
| 15 | On the Road to Adulthood: Ten to Fourteen Years | 277 |
| Development Guideposts | |
| Physical Changes | |
| Sexual Awakening | |
| Intellectual and Moral Development | |
| Emotional Growth | |
| Is This Problem Serious? | |
| Depression | |
| Suicide | |
| Eating Disorders | |
| Parenting Issues | |
| Separation and Independence | |
| School and Social Life: Get Involved or Steer Clear? | |
| 16 | Independence and Identity: Fourteen to Eighteen Years | 303 |
| Development Guideposts | |
| Intellectual and Moral Development | |
| Emotional Growth | |
| The Social Scene | |
| The Golden Age of Friendship | |
| Parenting Issues | |
| Is Your Teen's Having a Job Good or Bad? | |
| Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll | |
| Is This Problem Serious? | |
| Drug and Alcohol Problems | |
| The Academic Slide | |
| Other Behavior Problems | |
| 17 | Stepping into New Roles: Our Adult Children | 330 |
| The Launching Years | |
| Family Occasions: Fun or Fearful? | |
| Meeting Your Child's Partner | |
| The Challenge of Weddings | |
| From Moms to Grandmoms | |
| Hey, Mom, I'm Home Again | |
| Resources | 347 |
| Appendices | 352 |
| A | Second-Parent Adoption | 352 |
| B | Alternative Insemination and Infertility Workups | 354 |
| C | Sample Parenting Agreement | 358 |
| D | The Test of Twelve | 360 |
| Notes | 361 |
| General Bibliography | 369 |
| Selected Bibliography | 386 |
| Index | 394 |
| Acknowledgments | 402 |
| About the Authors | 405 |
