The Lie: A Novel

( 34 )

Overview

With the publication of The Average American Male — and the release of the shocking viral videos that made it a water-cooler sensation — Chad Kultgen became one of the most talked-about authors of recent years. Now, with The Lie, Kultgen returns with an even more salacious — yet also more searching — novel that reaches deeper into the craven inner workings of some of most depraved minds in America: college students.

His subjects are Brett, the rich hedonist whose appetite for ...

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The Lie

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Overview

With the publication of The Average American Male — and the release of the shocking viral videos that made it a water-cooler sensation — Chad Kultgen became one of the most talked-about authors of recent years. Now, with The Lie, Kultgen returns with an even more salacious — yet also more searching — novel that reaches deeper into the craven inner workings of some of most depraved minds in America: college students.

His subjects are Brett, the rich hedonist whose appetite for sex is matched only by his contempt for women; his best friend, Kyle, the brooding science geek whose good intentions lead him to one disastrous decision; and Heather, the social-climbing sorority girl who has the power to destroy them both. As this devil's triangle plows through four years of college, Kultgen offers a astonishing take on the wild and amoral universe of college today: a frathouse world where sex is social currency, status means everything — and winner takes all.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

This new novel from Average American Male author and YouTube icon Kultgen continues his testosterone-fueled fiction with this unapologetically sleazy campus romp. College freshman Kyle is more innocent and bookish than his best friend and BMOC Brett, whose endless appetite for women mirrors his bottomless bank account, and the scheming, promiscuous Heather, whom Kyle falls for, not realizing that Heather is only using him to get to Brett. Told in alternating points of view, the unsurprising plot follows them through four years and eventually revolves around the lie that Brett and Kyle concoct to teach Heather a lesson. Kultgen has a fluid narrative style and is an excellent mimic of college kid speech patterns (perhaps too well-"like" has never been so, like, overused); he can sling bawdy humor and the banal details of daily life, though his chops are less refined when he focuses above the waistline. Readers who got a kick out of Kultgen's first book will get a bang out of this. (Mar.)

Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780061657306
  • Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
  • Publication date: 3/3/2009
  • Pages: 432
  • Sales rank: 304,970
  • Product dimensions: 5.31 (w) x 8.00 (h) x 0.97 (d)

Meet the Author

Chad Kultgen

Chad Kultgen graduated from the USC School of Cinematic Arts. His novels include The Average American Male; The Lie; Men, Women & Children; and The Average American Marriage. He lives in California.

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Read an Excerpt

The Lie
A Novel

Chapter One

I fucking loved her like no guy has ever loved a girl. I know every guy has thought that about some girl, and that's exactly why I'm saying it. I'm also saying it because it was true.

We met about two weeks into our freshman year at SMU. I was majoring in biological sciences with the intent of getting into a good med school and she was getting a bachelor's degree in elementary education—she wanted to be a teacher. That seemed so sweet to me at the time. She was actually going to college to learn how to be a good teacher. I had a few teachers I liked along the way, but I'll never forget overhearing Mr. Campbell, my high school history teacher, telling Mrs. Baude, my high school calculus teacher, that he started teaching because it was the only job he could get and twenty-five years later it was the only job he could keep. I always kind of figured that's how most teachers became teachers, but she was actively pursuing the career. It was almost noble.

Classes had just barely started. I got a few syllabi, but I still hadn't even gone to some first classes yet because the hadn't been held. I was sitting in my dorm room in McElvaney, talking to my roommate, Dave, about some stupid bullshit like how he couldn't wait to get back home for Christmas so he could get some of his mom's cooking or some other inconsequential crap. Actually, maybe he was talking about which frats he wanted to try to get into the following semester. I had no interest in joining a frat, which he tried to convince me was the biggest mistake I would ever make. Later I found out he was a born-again Christian, and when he found out I didn't go to churchor subscribe to any religion he tried to convince me that burning in hell was almost as big a mistake as not getting into a frat. Anyway, whatever we were talking about got interrupted when we both heard a thud followed by some whimpering in the hallway outside our door. We went out to see what in the hell was going on and there was Heather. She was shit-faced beyond recognition.

Heather had apparently been too drunk to walk and had used her friend as a human crutch as they both stumbled back to McElvaney from whatever party they were at. Once they were in the hallway, her friend passed out, they both fell down, and Heather smashed her head against the wall. She had a small cut on her forehead and she was kind of crying or moaning—just making weird low noises, really. I remember genuinely feeling bad for her.

I asked her if she was okay and she said, "I need to lay down, I think."

She was hot as hell, there's no question about that. But there was something about her, something beyond just looking good, that attracted me to her almost immediately. I had a few girlfriends in high school I thought were cute or whatever, but not like this. I know it's gay, but it was her eyes or something. I don't know. Maybe it was just seeing her completely out-of-control drunk, too. But there was some kind of immediate attraction that wasn't like anything I'd ever felt. So, seeing a hot chick in need of aid, I did what any normal guy would have done. Actually I did what any pussy-ass chump would have done. I helped her up and asked if I could take her back to her room, with no intention of making any kind of move on her.

She said, "What floor are we on?"

I said, "Third."

"I think my room is on two. I can't really walk anymore. Where's your room?"

I said, "Right here."

As Heather went into my room I tried to get her friend up off the floor, but when I reached down and touched her arm she started yelling, "Get your fucking hands off me, asshole." Then she launched a halfhearted punch at my balls that kind of glanced off my thigh. I looked back to Heather to see if she was going to offer me some help in wrangling her friend, but she was already in my room, on my bed. Not wanting to risk another nut-shot, I just left her friend there, assuming she'd sober up and find her way back to her room.

I essentially could have done anything I wanted to Heather that night, but it didn't even cross my mind. I took off her shoes, went down the hall and ran some warm water over a washrag in the bathroom, came back, cleaned the blood off her forehead, put a Band-Aid on the cut, pulled up the covers, and—get this shit—I went to sleep on the fucking floor so she'd be more comfortable.

I remember Dave just pretending to go to sleep. At the time I really didn't know why, but after I found out about how Christian he was I thought it might have had something to do with breaking some rule against God or something by having a girl in our room. Who knows? He was a weird guy.

The next morning was awkward at best. Heather woke up before I did. She nudged me and then we introduced ourselves.

She said something like, "Hi. I'm Heather."

I said something like, "I'm Kyle."

"Did we . . . I hate having to actually ask this, but did we have sex last night?"

"No."

"Oh, I thought we . . . Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Positive. I think I would have remembered."

"I thought we were both drunk, though. I just want to make sure in case we didn't use any protection, you know, so I can get a morning-after pill."

This was our first official conversation and she was basically telling me that she was so slutty that standard operations for her involved being unable to remember having sex with a guy five hours after his dick was in her followed by eating morning-after pills like they were daily vitamins and this didn't even tip me off at all that this chick was bad fucking news.

The Lie
A Novel
. Copyright (c) by Chad Kultgen . Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.
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Customer Reviews

Average Rating 4
( 34 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star

(15)

4 Star

(8)

3 Star

(4)

2 Star

(3)

1 Star

(4)

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See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 34 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted June 21, 2009

    Unbelievable in so many ways

    This book was seriously amazing. The characters were so well developed, their flaws brought so perfectly to the surface. I was constantly amazed at how stupid Kyle could be to keep wanting Heather; disgusted by how manipulative and selfish Heather could be. Brett was honestly a huge jerk from the start, and his behavior was both shocking and completely amusing at the same time. The ending is a twist I definitely didn't expect, and I was thinking about it for days after reading.

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 8, 2013

    Awesome, awesome book! I couldn't put it down until the very end

    Awesome, awesome book! I couldn't put it down until the very end! And my mind was COMPLETELY BLOWN!! Throughout the whole book I couldn't imagine what had happened that was supposedly so 'terrible' to the characters, and I had never in a million years imagined what unfolded in the end. It is definitely not a book for the faint of heart as it is filled with more profanity and disgusting sexual acts than I could even imagine, much less describe, but I think that is what I loved about it the most. It was so raw and just open that it made me feel that much closer to the characters. This was my first Chad Kultgen book, and I will definitely be going back for the rest of his works. I just hope that they are at least close to as good as this one was!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 15, 2013

    No no no no no no no

    Distgusting book and it takes alot for me to say that. Please dont waste your time reading this trash of a book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted February 1, 2013

    Horrible Ending!!!

    I am definitely a fan of this author and his writing style, but this book seriously has the worst ending of all time! Its ok for a book to end without a happy ending, but this book makes you literally want to hold a gun up to your head and pull the trigger. Spare your frustration and do not read this book. I hope his next book will be better... I loved "Average American Male."

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 20, 2013

    Impossible to Put Down

    There is nothing better than finding a new author thats writing is thoroughly enjouable. After the first twenty pages, there was no putting this boor down. The story and caracters are all well developed. And of course, the college life is right on the money,from greek life, dorm like andd expectations.
    However, this book may come off as offensive to some. To me, it is a purely enjoyable work off fiction with some twists along the way. It comes with the perspective of the shy academic type, the shallow sorority girl and the rich frat guy. I will be looking out for more of this author's work in the future!

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  • Posted January 6, 2013

    Wow!!!

    Wow!!!

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 3, 2013

    Awful

    Don't do it!

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 31, 2012

    Wonderfully Shameless Page-Turner

    If you're looking for a book with pure entertainment value, then look no further. If you are easily offended however, stay far, far away. This book holds nothing back as it details the protagonist's transformation from a hopeless romantic into a misogynistic pig thanks to the emotional roller coaster that is his three year college romance. Cringe-worthy yet impossible to put down, this book is a highly recommended, thoroughly entertaining journey into the mind of three uniquely twisted college students.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted December 31, 2011

    Not good

    Waste of time unless your an 18 year old boy with NOTHING else to do

    0 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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  • Posted March 1, 2011

    hilarious satire of the Americam college experience; Do not send your daughters to a college with greek life!

    much better developed than his earlier 'average american male', The Lie is the story of three friends whose lives are inextricably intertwined. Admittedly vulgar, though i found the vulgarity added great value and humor. Told through alternating first person accounts from the three main characters. Its a shame that a lot of what is embellished here about college life is in fact not far off base. Brings clarity to the mantras: no girl is important enough to ruin a friendship over; and most importantly, Hell hath no fury like (even a vapid) a woman scorned... Fun read. I will never send my daughter to a college with greek life after reading this book...

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  • Posted January 15, 2011

    Lovee Chad Kultgen

    His second book is awesome! I love it! Cant wait till he comes out with another. If you love Average American Male, then you'll def. love The Lie.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Posted April 4, 2010

    more from this reviewer

    Dirty

    Loved it. Read the book in two days. Now to go find a used copy of his first book.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted July 13, 2009

    I Also Recommend:

    This book could be a lesson for a lot of people

    This book is genius. In the beginning of the book, Brett introduced himself by saying the reader would hate him. In reality, I really enjoyed his character. He was truly revolting at times because of the acts he demanded to be performed, but it was actually for a good cause. The way he viewed girls was mostly true. Although I don't think all girls are useless beings that are only interested in material possessions, I do think A LOT of girls are like that. What's shocking is I'm a girl and I agree with him for the most part. Slutty girls, like those in this book, could really learn something from this character if they read into it.

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  • Posted April 14, 2009

    more from this reviewer

    I Also Recommend:

    New Favorite Author

    This was my first Kultgen book that I read. After finding more about the author, I had some big expectations and he did not let me down. It definitely brought me back to college and he wasn't far off the mark with the attitudes of college kids. In a way reading this book was very real to me. I knew many shallow girls like Heather. I knew lots of jaded guys like Brett. I also watched train wrecks like Kyle unfold before my very eyes. I laughed out loud several times and I cringed quite a few times during this book. I was horrified at some of the characters/events but I never wanted to put it down. It was a mix between Apathy and Other small victories by Paul Neilan and I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max.

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  • Posted April 1, 2009

    Still a bit over the top...

    After recerntly finsishing the average american male, I was intrigued to read the Lie. While the story contains many of the same language and even similiarities with characters, I found this novel to be a much better told story. The plot was interesting and had many turns I didn't see coming. I found myself compelled to keep reading just to see what horrible occurence the 3 narrators kept referring to. I enjoyed the style, the vocab and the vehicle the author chose to tell his story. Not the most high brow book but worth a read none the less.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted January 6, 2013

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted March 27, 2013

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted May 18, 2011

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted February 10, 2013

    No text was provided for this review.

  • Anonymous

    Posted August 20, 2009

    No text was provided for this review.

See All Sort by: Showing 1 – 20 of 34 Customer Reviews

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