Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top

Manual: A True Bad Boy Explains How Men Think, Date, and Mate--and What Women Can Do to Come Out on Top

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by Steve Santagati

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How many times have you and your friends asked one another these questions without ever coming up with any good answers? Your girlfriends just tell you what you want to hear. At the end of the day, the only person who can give you insight into man problems is—that’s right—a man! But guys have hidden agendas. What guy would give up all his dating


How many times have you and your friends asked one another these questions without ever coming up with any good answers? Your girlfriends just tell you what you want to hear. At the end of the day, the only person who can give you insight into man problems is—that’s right—a man! But guys have hidden agendas. What guy would give up all his dating advantages by spilling the goods?

Steve Santagati would. A self-confessed serial dater and Bad Boy, Steve is telling all for the benefit of womankind. Every guy is at least part Bad Boy, and in The Manual, this prime specimen reveals what every woman needs to know to counter Bad Boy tactics, both amateur and professional. Steve is never condescending or callous, but honest, perceptive, and street-smart. His guidance is straightforward and his insights are dead-on, giving women tools they can immediately put to work.

Discover what you may not want to know but need to know about:

•The Heart of the Bad Boy (i.e., the nature of the beast)
•The Male Mind: how he sees you and how you can make this worko your advantage
•Guys on the Hunt: the male modus operandi, from the grocery store to Home Depot
•When Boy Meets Girl: how to handle dating, from flirting to “sext” messaging to learning his weaknesses
•Mating: so you’ve got him . . . should you keep him?

Why learn from a Bad Boy instead of, say, a psychologist? Because there’s no replacement for “in the field” experience. You’ll benefit from (and laugh at) stories of real things Steve has done in relationships with women as well as of women turning the tables on him when he least expected it. The book also includes a question-and-answer section, in which Steve explores some of the toughest dating issues.

To understand Steve is to understand the Bad Boy, and that will take you a long way in understanding all men. Find out how much more fun dating can be when you get the upper hand on Bad Boys . . .
for good.

From the Hardcover edition.

Editorial Reviews

Self-described "Bad Boy" Steve Santagati never aspired to stale monogamy. Over the past three decades, this former model has been a confirmed, confident serial dater, eager to please women -- and himself. As a regular guest on the Today show and the Tyra Banks Show, he offers his expert commentary on men's hidden agendas and unspoken needs. In The Manual, he spills the beans on what men really think and how they really act in relationships.
From the Publisher
“Steve Santagati has done it again! He brilliantly shares the secrets men don't want women to know about them. It's like having a cool, best guy friend in your back pocket. This book is a MUST have for any woman who wants to know how men think, and, more importantly, have the upper hand in winning over the man of their dreams.”
—Dr. Robi Ludwig, author, psychological commentator, and host of TLC's One Week to Save Your Marriage
“Steve is definitely a man's man! I've seen him in action, and he knows what he's talking about when it comes to dating and relationships. I’m sure The MANUAL will become every woman's mible (a Bible on men)!”
—Rachael Ray, #1 New York Times bestselling author and TV personality
“Steve has opened a real can of worms with The MANual. It's going to be much easier for women to traverse the dating world after they read this…and much tougher out there for the bad boys!”
—Molly Sims, star of the hit show “Las Vegas”
"[Santagati's] short, easy-to-digest chapters make a perfect way to browse away an afternoon, gain some perspective and try narrowing the age-old gap between the sexes."
—Publishers Weekly

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Chapter 1

Who Is a Bad Boy?

Admit it, you want to date Bad Boys. Despite what your mother may have told you, we make the best boyfriends. We're fun, we love women, and we know how to turn you on. Let me explain.

Bad . Boy (n.) A charming, funny, overtly confident guy who is sexy, in good shape, and great in bed (like I said, overtly confident). He is unapologetically "male," loves women, maintains many female friends, and does not kiss and tell. Romantically, he gets away with murder, with an alibi of a wink and a smirk. He's noncommittal by choice, not by fear. Most important, he thrives on being naughty.

I'd be sugarcoating the definition, however, if I didn't explain the "bad" part. He's bad because he's "got your number," knows how to manipulate you, and might not view female casualties as a problem. He doesn't always see you as a person, but instead as a challenge or a case study. For many Bad Boys, the chase is more important than the catch. The outcome? Hearts are broken, your need for closure is ignored, and he's off to his next "mark," remembering you only as an experience. If that's not bad, what is?

Examples: Great Hollywood Bad Boys have included Colin Farrell, George Clooney, Jack Nicholson, Johnny Knoxville, Jude Law, Snoop Dogg, Warren Beatty, Vince Vaughn, and (yes, really) John Mayer. (The sensitive guitar players are brilliant; you'll never see them coming.)

My point is that Bad Boys come in all shapes and sizes. I used to think that only tough guys were Bad Boys, but I was wrong; they're often the earthy types, the businessmen, and the boys next door.

You know when a Bad Boy enters a room: His confidence and past success with women are revealed in his unflinching eye contact, his slow, definite pace, and the glaring looks he receives from other men. Meanwhile, the women in the room perk up like deer at a water hole. He is automatically king of whatever domain he enters, and he doesn't feel the need to prove himself. He just is.

Dedication to the Cause

A Bad Boy studies women with the same passion and dedication that Nobel laureates pursue academia. A Bad Boy receives equally impressive rewards . . . albeit not in the form of medals and plaques. Instead, he gets something better, something every man on the planet desires: an undeniable ability to seduce women based solely on who he is. Women are attracted not to his status, bank account, or intellect; instead, he can woo women strictly based on himself. (Why? We'll get to that in the next section, "Why You Have No Choice but to Like Us.") For a man, there is no bigger ego boost than having a woman fall weak in the knees because of his effect on her. It's our most primitive quest.

Most true Bad Boys are born or reared as such. On occasion, a lucky few stumble and accidentally fall into behaving badly as a route to success with the opposite sex, summoned to a life spent pursuing the understanding of women. Either way, we leave no stone unturned when it comes to girls. We want to know everything, from why you get edgy during PMS to why you enjoy sex, as well as what makes you laugh, what your weaknesses are, how to build you up and how to knock you down a few pegs, and what makes you happy.

Why You Have No Choice but to Like Us

There have been all sorts of studies done on why women are attracted to this "naughty" element in men. To us Bad Boys, this is all just scientific chatter. However, I have taken the time to examine sociological and anthropological research on the topic, and it comes down to this: A desire to propagate is rooted deep within our species. Along with that desire, we have biological traits that guide us in choosing the right mate. Women have the best chance at propagating if they choose only the strongest alpha males, and men have the best chance of propagating if they can attract many females. You see this in nature all the time.

But humans have reached a level of civilization that doesn't admire the male side of that equation. Polygamy went out with the corset, hence the conundrum in dating. Bottom line? You like me, want my romantic attentions, and want me to date you monogamously. And there's nothing you can do to keep me from playing the field. Or is there?

Keep reading, because even if you think you don't like full-blown Bad Boys, every woman needs a guy with an edge to keep her heated up. The following pages will help you keep that fire burning--and under control.

Chapter 2

Who He's Not

I hear the word player tossed around a lot to describe men who seek out hordes of women. This is accurate. But I'm here to break it down for you, and tell you that Bad Boys and players are not the same thing. Let me explain:


Bad Boy

Brags about his conquests

Is very secretive, and will rarely talk about his private life

Cares deeply about his


Enjoys exploring many "types"

of women

Has a sleazy air

Is confident

Makes a sport out of getting

women's phone numbers

Absolutely loves women

Has a shallow understanding of

women, and cares to know only

enough to get them into bed

Most of his ex-girlfriends are still his friends and not wishing for his untimely death

In a nutshell, a player sees women as notches on his bedpost. He doesn't really like them, or care to understand them. A player prefers to get women drunk and take advantage of them. He doesn't care how a woman is seduced, as long as she goes to bed with him. He sees women as something of a sport. Most players are wealthier men who prey on gold diggers, drunk girls, or unsuspecting women. But a player can easily be the unemployed loser down the block--Lord knows he has the time. If you want to know what to look for in order to avoid this guy, pay attention here.

How to Spot a Player

. He has more male than female friends.

.He may have cash and fancy "props": watches, cars, and clothes.

.He's a name-dropper.

.He makes promises he never keeps.

.He begins touching you--your back, your arm, anywhere--from the moment you meet, in ways that might strike you as far more intimate than your relationship warrants.

.You'll think something about him is sleazy, even if you can't put your finger on it. Should you put your finger on it, please wash with hot, soapy water.

Players can eventually be turned into good guys, but it's better to know what you're dealing with from the get-go. Chances are, though, you aren't going to be the one to change him, so move on quickly if you want to avoid the heartache.

A Word on Misogynists

A misogynist is a man who dislikes women. I'm not a psychologist, so I can't give you a clinical character description, but suffice it to say, this is a man who fundamentally doesn't respect the opposite sex. These losers often have disturbing pasts, for one reason or another, whether it was a childhood trauma or merely how they were raised.

Misogynists work many of the same moves as players. But the line between a player and a misogynist is a thick one. When meeting a man, look for the distinct sense that he doesn't like you even though he's attracted to you; he may also make negative comments about female family members. You'll know it when you sense it. Some misogynists can also be abusive--any man who is verbally or physically abusive, whether he harms you or threatens to do so, is to be avoided. Players may be derogatory at times, but your feminine instincts won't tip you off to danger the way they will if you're with a woman hater. These idiots do not deserve your pity and should be avoided at all costs. It is these violent, derogatory, sexist pigs who are a disgrace to our species. As much as I don't think players are cool, even they don't sink to a misogynist's level.

Be careful out there, and trust your instincts! If you're out on the town and meet a man, take a ladies'-room break and review the situation. Be honest with yourself, and you'll know exactly what kind of guy you're dealing with. The player will check out your girlfriend, and the girl behind her, when he introduces himself. The misogynist will come on way too nice, and you'll get a creepy feeling. He will most likely offer to buy you a drink (something he can drug). The Bad Boy, however, will start talking to you as if he knows you--with a calm self-assuredness--and you won't even know he's trying to pick you up until you're leaving his apartment the next morning with your panties in your purse.

Chapter 3

The Myth of the Nice Guy

I can hear you disagreeing with me. "But, Steve," you say, "I don't like Bad Boys. I really don't."


If only the world were perfect. Nice girls would fall in love with nice boys, and everyone would live happily ever after. (Insert record scratch here.) Nothing could be further from the truth. Odds are you'll never fall for a plain old nice guy.

That's not to say that you won't meet an edgy guy who is nice to you. Or that you won't become attracted to an extremely courteous guy. But, inevitably, the je ne sais quoi about him that makes you want to jump his bones is not his habit of helping you on with your coat. You prefer his overt confidence when he's helping you off with your skirt.

In that world called reality, every guy has a little Bad Boy in him, and women wouldn't have it any other way.

There's Nothing Nice About Nice

A nice guy is the boy you want to pat on the head like a puppy, saying, "Aww, aren't you sweet." He's probably the friend whom you adore but would never date. Nice guys can't get you hot. Nice guys can't even "get" you. Nice guys, as far as women are concerned, may as well have welcome stamped across their foreheads, because you use them as doormats. Which is sad, because a lot of nice guys would make great boyfriends, except for one thing: They don't make you feel safe. Or excited.

The same reason nature instructs you to go for an alpha male is why you can't be attracted to "nice." In nature, nice equals weak, and weak equals danger. Women want to feel that they're protected and safe. Even if you're a powerful woman, you still want to be with someone who's got some balls. No?

But I'm Over Bad Boys

Maybe you say you're over Bad Boys. You say that you want to settle down and meet someone nice. What, you can't sleep? You need someone around to bore you into a deep slumber? Predictable nice guys can have that NyQuil effect.

Come on, sweet cheeks, you don't want that. Wanting a nice guy is the number one sign that you're settling, and not looking for the best you can get! But if you agree with me on that, now you're really stuck. You don't want nice and you don't want bad. What to do?

Here's how to zero in on a guy with just the right amount of Bad Boy-ishness.

1. Date different types of guys from various walks of life: business types, creative, athletic, outdoorsy, etc. (but don't sleep with any of them . . . unless one of them is me. . . . Joking, sort of.)

2.Especially date outside of what you would consider your normal "type," and start to form an idea of what you like and don't like; keep a chart, if it helps. Ask yourself what qualities are most important to you. Is he polite? Is he funny? Is he edgy, responsible, a good kisser?

3.If a guy makes you hot, definitely keep dating him, but don't get too emotionally involved right away. Stand back and ask yourself, "What is making me want him so badly?"

4.Compare the men who make you hot with the men you consider nice guys. (Be prepared to LOL.) As a bonus, feel free to use the nice guys in your life to keep you occupied so that you're not too available for the "hottie" you really like. Sounds mean, but it's not. Let me explain: You don't have to do a man's "homework" for him. He should be able to win your heart, and if he can't, then he's not worthy of you. Nice guys won't learn to be naughty by your being nice to them; you're doing them a favor!

5.Finally, chances are that if he turns you on he's a "real guy." Let him know (without actually saying it!) that you understand his desire to be male. This "acceptance," if you will, will separate you from 90 percent of the female population. Meaning, if he's a little rowdy sometimes, if he's got a hobby--a motorcycle, for example--or a sport he "just has to spend time on," then embrace it, but let him know you won't play second fiddle all the time. This way, you're not there as filler in between his "guy time" and work. You are part of his guy time.


Q: I've already dated Bad Boys, and now I want a nice guy. Do I do the same things you advise with any guy?

A: I don't believe you will never be attracted to a completely and totally "nice guy." However, that doesn't mean you want a Bad Boy, either. But by understanding Bad Boys, the man who does heat you up will be easier to deal with. So, yes, keep in mind the strategies and concepts you read in this book, even if the man you choose doesn't seem all that bad. Most women want a good man with an edge, and that, my friend, comes in many packages.

The fact that you're reading this Manual means that you are actively seeking information that will make you better able to understand guys, and therefore have more fun with the kind of man who gets you hot . . . but not so hot that he burns you. You're on your way! If you listen to the advice in The Manual, I promise you'll be able to handle the kitchen no matter how high the temperature.

Chapter 4

Do You Like Bad Boys? A Quiz

Although you might still be denying it, there is no doubt that almost all women love some degree of Bad Boy.

From the Hardcover edition.

Meet the Author

Steve Santagati has appeared as a relationship expert on Today, Rachael Ray, Fox News, CNBC, VH1, The View, and The Tyra Banks Show. He has modeled for companies such as Swiss Army, the GAP,
J. Crew, Armani, and Gillette; has appeared in more than seventy national and international television commercials; and has been seen on television as a host on Extra! and a guest judge on America’s Next Top Model. He has been a contributor to Men’s Journal and Jane, and has written or been quoted in numerous magazine and newspaper articles on dating and relationships, including in Us Weekly, Star, New York magazine, and Life & Style. He has also dated a lot of women. Visit Steve online at

From the Hardcover edition.

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The Manual 4 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 50 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I bought this book about 2 months ago, and just didn't get around to reading it earlier. Man, I wish I had! At the time I started the book, I was dating a 'nice guy', and very interested in a 'bad boy'. I've realized what makes me attracted to the 'bad boy', and how I will never get what I need from the 'nice guy', so I was able to move past the 'nice guy' and move into seeing the 'bad boy.' And goodness, Steve's book was like a window into this guy's soul. Steve would describe actions of the bad boy that I would recognize in my own bad boy, and he would explain what the goal is from those actions. Further, Steve then went on to explain how women who understand these actions can play the same game as the bad boys... making it a very fun hunt for all involved! The book was light and humorous, but spot-on. If you glance through and recognize any of the behaviors that Steve is talking about, then I would highly recommend a thorough reading of this book..... you'll probably learn more than you thought!
Guest More than 1 year ago
Steve gives honest and to-the-point advice on dating from a guy's perspective while remaining tasteful and fun. The book is a must for women who just can't seem to find 'a good guy' and encourages them to go out and have fun and let guys worry about finding them!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I am so impressed. Finally. A man who loves, respects, and admires women enough to write a book for us girls. Steve is blunt about the mysteries that constantly run through a man's head, adds a bit of witty, flirty humor, and made me feel one more step ahead of the game. He tells us things we need to hear, want to hear, and wish we didn't hear. I recommend this book to any girl out there who is single, is not willing to settle, and who truly loves/wants a REAL man.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Gives you a male perspective on how they like woman. Good example - women dress usually for women (perfectly matained highlights, designer shoes), when you should be dressing for a man if you want a man. Example - natural looking haircolor, and heels that make your legs and butt look great no matter what the brand. Although seeming sexist - it is definatly not. A man wants a woman with respect.
Guest More than 1 year ago
If you're willing to accept and apply some hard truths about men , this is the book for you. Bulls eye! If you like/or want to compete you have to know the rules, right? Read the play book! Do I have your attention yet! I'm a recently divorced 44 yr.old woman. I spent my entire adult life with (1) man, and blinders on to all other men. If your like me, your time will be well spent/invested in reading this book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
The Manual is not usually the kind of book I would purchase, but I am so glad I did! It has changed my life! Steve has helped to restore my confidence and given me an insight into how I can be pro-active in dating 'espeically bad boys, which I love' His advice was spot on, and shared in a light hearted approach, which made me laugh from start to finish. It is a must read on so many levels and should be shared with every sinlge female out there!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I was skeptical about this book, but bought it anyway, and wow, I'm glad I did. Steve's advice reads like a more charming version of what your brother might tell you, if your brother weren't afraid you'd beat him up for saying it. Yes, it's politically incorrect, but no, the author isn't trying to promote a Neanderthal vision of relations between the sexes. If you've ever wanted to know why guys try to get away with well, everything, and what you can do to stop them, it's all here. And it's refreshing for a man to come out and admit to the simple, biological truth that men like women who make the most of their looks.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I enjoyed this book and believe that Mr. Santagati is sincere in his desire to give women a 'heads up'......he is to be applauded for caring and for leveling the 'playing field'!!!!
Guest More than 1 year ago
I devoured this book! For once I really felt like I was given the inside scoop into the mind of man who is attractive, fun, and successful with women (which is the type of man that appeals to most women--ladies admit it). Steve is honest and blunt, and although I found myself cringing at times the tone of the book is fun and not condescending. A must-read for single women who want an edge on the dating scene.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read The Manual in one day that's how good it was. Steve gave out many secrets women have been trying to figure out. He's like our own private spy. Steve's sense of humor throughout the book made it fun to read. And it was like he was directly speaking to you individually. I would highly recommend this book.
Guest More than 1 year ago
What a breath of fresh air--anyone who is offended or irritated by this book needs to lighten up and face reality--they're obviously single and bitter. He isn't sexist or a player. (There is a difference between a player and a bad boy). And his description of a bad boy is the epitome of why I love men--it goes beyond the stereotype of a motorcycle and leather jacket and treating a woman like arm candy--it isn't that at all! It is about real men who love real women, love a challenge and refuse to wax their eyebrows (why some men do that is beyond me--gross). Steve is right, nothing beats in-field experience. He delivers his revelations with candor and in a straightforward nature. There are times I laughed out loud, and times I bit my tongue, but in reality, everything he had to say is worthwhile to read. It was a pleasure, and an enlightenment. I read it from cover to cover in one sitting.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I have this boyfriend named Justin he claims he's the bad boy type but acts like the nice guy, now I can finally understsnd how he really thinks, Steve is amazing!!! Im so gonna have to buy this book ~Camara
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I like how it says you can preview the book but when you click on it, it says the publisher hasnt allowed any pages be available, Im so glad I learned so much from the copyright page!
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ZAKZAK More than 1 year ago
I never thought im goin to read this kind of book but when i get in to it i felt all women pain and suffering steve is totaly saying truth facts about men and relationships i leard alot intersting thing tha i didnt know and how women can control men and made him fall in love ...
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