The Mentor: A Memoir of Friendship and Gay Identity / Edition 1

Paperback (Print)
Buy New
Buy New from
Used and New from Other Sellers
Used and New from Other Sellers
from $1.99
Usually ships in 1-2 business days
(Save 95%)
Other sellers (Paperback)
  • All (21) from $1.99   
  • New (8) from $19.95   
  • Used (13) from $1.99   


Examine a moving, personal narrative about growing up gay in the south!

Students, teachers, and anyone interested in gay studies and experiences will find that The Mentor: A Memoir of Friendship and Gay Identity (a 2001 Lambda Literary Foundation Gay Male Biography/Autobiography Award finalist) delivers a captivating and honest look into the challenges of growing up gay through the context of firsthand experiences, revelations, and realizations. This unique book is an intelligent and personal narrative that considers the social, religious, and emotional aspects of what it is like to grow up as a gay male in the south and examines the enormous social changes regarding homosexuality that have taken place in America during the last half of the century.

Written to reveal the importance of the author's mentor in helping him form his self-identity and educating him about being gay, this book challenges the stereotypical idea that, unlike heterosexuals, gay men are not able to form nurturing, fulfilling bonds between themselves. The Mentor delivers an inspiring story about accepting and understanding your sexuality with the help and guidance of other men who have traveled the road to a successful gay identity.

This unique book offers the courage, strength, and support of a mentor to help guide you through the trials that many young gay men experience, such as:

  • recognizing the possibilities of exploitation by older gay men due to a lack of emotional and social experience
  • creating a loyal relationship with a man that does not include sex but which satisfies emotional needs that many gay men need and long for
  • discovering the importance of a mentor to gay youths, since there are few homosexual role models to learn from
Sincere and well-written, The Mentor provides insight into everything from the author's experience with intolerance of homosexuality by certain religions to struggles with fidelity and infidelity, illustrating the difficult yet universal challenges of life relationships. The Mentor contains suggestions that will help you recognize that your feelings of desire and love and your quest for human connection as a gay man are not the distorted reflections of a heterosexual image, but a healthy gay identity. With this unique book, you will discover how to make the shift from confusion to full acceptance of your gay identity, you will understand that you are not alone, and perhaps you will be encouraged to pass on the legacy of a mentor to other young gay men.
Read More Show Less

Editorial Reviews

Library Journal
While the title promises a study of the complex relationship between an older and younger gay man, it is clear after the first few chapters that the book is more about Quinn and his gay identity than his friendship with mentor Joe Riddick. The book could be titled The Mentee. The author draws detailed parallels between himself and Riddick, both "recovering Baptists" with complementary Southern family backgrounds, but there is little mentoring. Instead, Quinn treads the well-worn path of gay autobiography and fiction, featuring life in the hedonistic 1970s and 1980s, as he chronicles his experiences with licit and illicit drugs, his attempts at an artistic career, his manic-depressive episodes, and, above all, his sexual exploits. While Riddick never emerges as a flesh-and-blood personality, Quinn does, and an unappealing one at that. This book feels like a half-baked autobiographical novel puffed up with pop psychological and sociological background to make it relevant as nonfiction. Not recommended.--Richard Violette, Special Libs. Cataloging, Inc., Victoria, BC Copyright 2000 Cahners Business Information.\
Read More Show Less

Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781560239376
  • Publisher: Taylor & Francis
  • Publication date: 3/28/2000
  • Series: Insightout Book Club Selection! Ser.
  • Edition description: New Edition
  • Edition number: 1
  • Pages: 206
  • Product dimensions: 6.05 (w) x 8.41 (h) x 0.57 (d)

Table of Contents

  • Author's Note
  • Foreward
  • Introduction: Mentoring and Gay Identity
  • Chapter 1. A Short Queer History
  • Chapter 2. The Common World
  • Chapter 3. Family by Blood
  • Chapter 4. Recovering Baptists
  • Chapter 5. Mind Games
  • Chapter 6. Hunters and Gatherers
  • Chapter 7. The Importance of Dancing
  • Chapter 8. Lovers
  • Chapter 9. Family of Choice
  • Chapter 10. Tests and Trials
  • Chapter 11. Self-Storage
  • Chapter 12. Troth
  • Afterword
  • Suggested Reading  
Read More Show Less

Customer Reviews

Be the first to write a review
( 0 )
Rating Distribution

5 Star


4 Star


3 Star


2 Star


1 Star


Your Rating:

Your Name: Create a Pen Name or

Barnes & Review Rules

Our reader reviews allow you to share your comments on titles you liked, or didn't, with others. By submitting an online review, you are representing to Barnes & that all information contained in your review is original and accurate in all respects, and that the submission of such content by you and the posting of such content by Barnes & does not and will not violate the rights of any third party. Please follow the rules below to help ensure that your review can be posted.

Reviews by Our Customers Under the Age of 13

We highly value and respect everyone's opinion concerning the titles we offer. However, we cannot allow persons under the age of 13 to have accounts at or to post customer reviews. Please see our Terms of Use for more details.

What to exclude from your review:

Please do not write about reviews, commentary, or information posted on the product page. If you see any errors in the information on the product page, please send us an email.

Reviews should not contain any of the following:

  • - HTML tags, profanity, obscenities, vulgarities, or comments that defame anyone
  • - Time-sensitive information such as tour dates, signings, lectures, etc.
  • - Single-word reviews. Other people will read your review to discover why you liked or didn't like the title. Be descriptive.
  • - Comments focusing on the author or that may ruin the ending for others
  • - Phone numbers, addresses, URLs
  • - Pricing and availability information or alternative ordering information
  • - Advertisements or commercial solicitation


  • - By submitting a review, you grant to Barnes & and its sublicensees the royalty-free, perpetual, irrevocable right and license to use the review in accordance with the Barnes & Terms of Use.
  • - Barnes & reserves the right not to post any review -- particularly those that do not follow the terms and conditions of these Rules. Barnes & also reserves the right to remove any review at any time without notice.
  • - See Terms of Use for other conditions and disclaimers.
Search for Products You'd Like to Recommend

Recommend other products that relate to your review. Just search for them below and share!

Create a Pen Name

Your Pen Name is your unique identity on It will appear on the reviews you write and other website activities. Your Pen Name cannot be edited, changed or deleted once submitted.

Your Pen Name can be any combination of alphanumeric characters (plus - and _), and must be at least two characters long.

Continue Anonymously
Sort by: Showing all of 2 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 19, 2000

    Smart and sexy, earthy and erudite

    The process of acknowledging and accepting one¿s gay identity has never been easy¿at any time, in any place¿but it is frequently more difficult in the South, with its entrenched conservative familial, religious, and social strictures. THE MENTOR traces the path of one man, part-time surfer, part-time construction worker, full-time Southerner, as he recognizes, embraces, and ultimately balances the imperatives of his burgeoning gay identity with the values and demands of his Baptist upbringing on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. It¿s a difficult journey, marked by false starts, dead ends, and disappointments, but ultimately illuminated by the joy of self-discovery and self-acceptance.The word mentor originates in the story of Odysseus, whose son, Telemachus, was counseled by an old family friend, Mentor, during his father¿s absence. Throughout his personal emotional/sexual odyssey, author Jay Quinn finds wisdom and comfort in his relationship with an older gay man, Joe Riddick. He also takes solace from an extended gay family, a common occurrence in gay life, when gay friends replace the blood kin who have rejected gay offspring or siblings.These concepts¿an established gay man helping a younger one adjust to a sometimes troublesome sexual identity, a family of choice replacing a family of birth¿are not unusual in the gay world. What makes Quinn¿s narrative remarkable is his willingness to reveal himself completely¿to strip away the comfortable patina of political correctness to reveal his raw emotions, ravenous needs, and sometimes disquieting choices¿while detailing his pursuit of the things most ¿straight¿ people take for granted: love, acceptance, affirmation. For me, the pivotal scene in the book takes place in the chapter ¿Hunters and Gatherers,¿ when Quinn, now somewhat older and wiser, rejects the advances of a man in the parking lot of an all-night grocery store. He is obviously attracted to the man who sees him purely as sexual quarry¿that much is clear by his description¿but he has been down that road many times before and sees and understands it for what it frequently is: an erotic bonanza but an emotional dead end. And in that moment, he (and the reader) understands, viscerally and well as cerebrally, what it means to be a man, not a gay man, but a MAN, a human, a person of depth, character, complexity, and responsibility. That is Jay Quinn¿s personal homecoming, and it is one that many gay men will identify with and many more will yearn for. Quinn¿s writing is smart and sexy, earthy and erudite. He offers a window into his soul and, if we are smart enough to use it, a mirror into our own.

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
  • Anonymous

    Posted May 11, 2000

    Honest and Compelling!

    Jay Quinn's 'The Mentor' is an overwhelmingly intimate and revealing portrait of a gay man's path to a reasoned and mature adulthood. While southern in its setting, it is revelant to growing up gay anywhere in the US. BRAVO!!!

    Was this review helpful? Yes  No   Report this review
Sort by: Showing all of 2 Customer Reviews

If you find inappropriate content, please report it to Barnes & Noble
Why is this product inappropriate?
Comments (optional)