The Mom Book: 4,278 of Mom Central's Tips...for Moms, from Moms

Overview

SMART SOLUTIONS ABOUT ALMOST
EVERYTHING FOR MOMS, FROM MOMS

Created by hundreds of contributing mothers from the MomCentral.com community and Stacy DeBroff, The Mom Book features lists, tips, stories, and defining principles for everything from hiring a nanny to setting up a home office to surviving a rainy day at home. Here are answers to on-the-spot questions about fussy eaters, tantrums, starting school, work-family balance, and the thousand...

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Overview

SMART SOLUTIONS ABOUT ALMOST
EVERYTHING FOR MOMS, FROM MOMS

Created by hundreds of contributing mothers from the MomCentral.com community and Stacy DeBroff, The Mom Book features lists, tips, stories, and defining principles for everything from hiring a nanny to setting up a home office to surviving a rainy day at home. Here are answers to on-the-spot questions about fussy eaters, tantrums, starting school, work-family balance, and the thousand and one other skills needed to thrive as a mom. After all, who better than experienced mothers to share insider parenting advice?

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Editorial Reviews

From Barnes & Noble
Covering such topics as breastfeeding, medical emergencies, how to get organized, and what to do about dinner, The Mom Book is chock-full of ideas that will help keep family life moving smoothly.
From the Publisher
Jane Seymour, O.B.E. Actress, artist, author, mother What an incredible resource, for new and experienced moms! With tips for single mothers, working mothers, mothers of special needs children, and yes, mothers of twins, The Mom Book has something for every mother.

Kathy Peel Author and founder of Family Manager Inc. The Mom Book is an excellent resource for every family manager. It's full of practical, tried-and-true information from highly qualified experts moms across America. I highly recommend it.

Mimi Doe Author of Busy But Balanced and 10 Principles For Spiritual Parenting Stacy DeBroff has given moms the ultimate resource book for parenting. Gathered within The Mom Book are hundreds of tried and true tips from the experienced wisdom of other moms. This is a must have book—a true masterpiece. Moms everywhere are saying 'Thank you Stacy...you are the tip goddess.'I love this book!!

Jennifer Moses Author of Food and Whine I wish I had had The Mom Book when my own children were young—-I would have kept it on my bedside table, right next to Dr. Spock and whatever novel I still hadn't had a chance to read, because who the hell has a chance to read when all you do is nurse and change diapers? But The Mom Book would have provided solace for my soul, as well as practical, upbeat, usable advice not only on all the basics, but also on every other thing I could possibly have conceived of in the motherhood department. It's an indispensable, soup-to-nuts guide for the modern mother, conveyed with the straightforward warmth of your best friend. The Mom Book is so good I'd almost be willing to go for yet one more bundle of joy.

Neale S. Godfrey Author of Mom, Inc. and Money Doesn't Grow on Trees What a great book! It's chock-full of easy-to-read tips from parents. The book empowers you to learn from moms like you who have been there, done it, and gotten the 'I'm trying to be a supermom' T-shirt. A must for all who are and about to be moms. It's an easy reference book that should be kept on your night table.

Publishers Weekly DeBroff, founder and president of the online community Mom Central, knows the day-to-day maternal routine. In this comprehensive guide, she offers commonsense hints on raising kids...in a straightforward, encouraging style. Her text is accompanied by suggestions from Mom Central contributors, covering everything from how to dress a toddler who wants to wear his pajamas to school to dealing with an older child's jealousy of a new sibling. A solid addition to a parenting bookshelf."

The Larry Silver Radio Show As any parent will tell you, there's no more difficult or rewarding job than raising children. And they don't come with bundles of instructions. The Mom Book is the most comprehensive book on child care since Dr. Benjamin Spock put pen to paper.

publication
Kathy Peel Author and founder of Family Manager Inc. The Mom Book is an excellent resource for every family manager. It's full of practical, tried-and-true information from highly qualified experts moms across America. I highly recommend it.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9780684871462
  • Publisher: Free Press
  • Publication date: 1/8/2002
  • Edition description: Original
  • Pages: 704
  • Sales rank: 1,195,069
  • Product dimensions: 7.30 (w) x 9.10 (h) x 1.50 (d)

Meet the Author

Stacy M. DeBroff is President and Founder of Mom Central and co-author of Mom Central: The Ultimate Family Organizer. Prior to becoming a parenting author, she founded the Office of Public Interest Advising at Harvard Law School and directed it from 1990 to 1998. She has been nationally recognized for her contributions as a lawyer by such media as The American Lawyer, The National Law Journal, and National Public Radio. The mother of two, she lives in Chestnut Hill, Massachusetts.

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Read an Excerpt

Introduction

A typical day in my home office: The kids come in from school, and my son Brooks heads straight for the couch, hoping to watch TV. I plant myself between him and the set, cajoling him to confide a morsel or two of information about first grade, and reviewing options of things to do besides watch TV. An hour before her soccer practice, Kyle walks in holding her stomach. It's the third day in a row she's been complaining of a stomachache, so I call the pediatrician's office. The nurse tells me what I fear: I should bring Kyle in immediately. But I'm in the middle of honing the Defining Principles for the first chapter of this book, and I'm on an editorial roll. It comes down to Pediatrician vs. Book, and the pediatrician wins, hands down. Kyle, it turns out, has strep throat.

This everyday emergency encapsulates both my life as a working parent (though my stay-at-home friends tell me how much they can relate) and the complexities of parenting. The crises and parenting issues seem to repeat themselves with stunning regularity. Such moments are what truly make this The Mom Book. In between karate practice, sick days, pottery lessons, summer vacation, family vacation, and stolen moments at the gym that I rely on for my sanity, I've written this book. When homework and spelling tests loom, fall weekends beckon, and my babysitting help evaporates, I find myself negotiating, minute by minute, the daylong effort of taking care of my kids' needs and making sure they feel loved and attended to. In the meantime, I'm writing away, interviewing moms, selecting tips moms have e-mailed, and editing chapters.

Once upon a time, when I was in law school, my ambitions ran toward being a senator. Now I'm happy to manage seven hours of sleep and help the kids get their homework done on time. How could I have known that the negotiation over the six sentences Brooks must compose for this week's homework would run longer and more passionately than any debate on the Senate floor? The frightening thing is, my life, though overwhelmingly overbooked at times, is not unusual. In fact, I feel extraordinarily lucky to have found a way to pursue a career and stay home — no matter how imperfect the balance may be at times.

Prior to focusing professionally on the issues that consume most moms' lives, I worked at Harvard Law School for nine years. I founded and directed the Office of Public Interest Advising. While there, I counseled thousands of students in their twenties on how best to structure their professional careers and embrace public service work. A substantial portion of our conversations centered on how to find a confluence between professional goals and personal values, accommodate dual careers, have a personal life, and raise a family. For the women I advised, the work-family dilemma was foremost on their minds. And for me, as I aged from twenty-nine to thirty-eight and had two children, my perspective shifted radically.

I started off thinking of balancing work and family as completely doable. Yet as my kids grew older and became more eloquent in their pleas for mom time, and as my husband's career heated up, even my part-time schedule didn't cover the gaps. I found myself in a profound state of angst. How could I reconcile my strong ambition with the needs of my family? How could I find the time to create the sanctuary I wanted our house to be? How could I provide my children with hands-on mothering? I have come to recognize that it's an ongoing struggle to simultaneously be a devoted, attentive mother and embrace a professional drive to excellence.

For the vast majority of working and stay-at-home moms, the challenge of primary parenting responsibility consumes our waking moments. Yet we seldom share with each other the details and logistics of everyday parenting, household, and organizational dilemmas. Often we stumble about, hoping to arrive at a quick answer to our parenting-related problem of the moment, be that getting homework done or changing a squirming child's diaper. In the midst of our hectic and active lives, we look for solutions to practical parenting dilemmas that others discovered long before us. This book comprises the best pragmatic thinking of hundreds of moms and helps you master the logistics of parenting without constantly re-inventing the wheel.

To tackle the ambitious content of this book, I spent hundreds of hours talking with and interviewing moms, gathering their solutions, stories, and reflections. Scores of others shared their expertise and experiences via E-mail and on our Mom Central Web site, www.momcentral.com. What I looked for were smart ideas that make you go, "Aha! I've got to try that," and stories that illuminated the various aspects of raising kids and running a household. The voices of these women are woven into the tapestry of the text, not only as Mom Quotes, but as ideas offered in the individual sections.

Because the book incorporates the collective wisdom of so many moms, the Mom Quotes sometimes express contradictory opinions. What worked perfectly for one person may have proved futile for another. And while this book primarily addresses parenting a child from birth through age eight, much of the practical advice applies all the way through your child's teenage years.

I, along with Jill Martyn, my senior editor at Mom Central, and a handful of energized interns, spent thousands of hours searching the Internet to absorb what moms think about, worry about, need solutions for, and share ideas about. I was amazed and daunted by how much time it took just to wade though hundreds of posted messages. I was also discouraged by having to read through lengthy paragraphs of text in parenting books just to get to the point. So we did the homework for you, enabling you to find the practical answers you seek without having to do hours of extensive research, surfing, or talking with hundreds of moms yourself. I arrived at the bullet format to help you access clever ideas quickly, making the book a tool you can use whenever a parenting dilemma presents itself.

We had many laughs along the way, testing out suggestions offered by moms, from edible peanut butter play-dough (a big hit that inspired artistic creativity) to the frozen pea bag that doubled as an ice pack for a visiting playdate who got a bad bump. Then we had the rejected ideas, like the orange peels we baked to make the house smell more homey, but drove everyone crazy with food cravings.

As I wrote this book, my eight-year-old daughter, Kyle, would pop into my office with dozens of hints of her own. "I've got a Mom Central hint for you!" she would exclaim. Her hints have ranged from telling all of you to buy "no tears" shampoo, to have visiting cousins name their favorite toy so they always feel welcome, and to pack lots of chocolate milk boxes for long car rides. Her chiming in with her own suggestions and reflections has been very much a part of the book's creation for me and captures in many ways the heart of parenting and the fundamental brainstorming process that went into this book. Of course, there was also six-year-old Brooks, who before going to play with his friend Carey after school declared indignantly, "If you weren't working on that book, you would have the time to drop my Gameboy off at his house!" Sometimes as a mom, you just can't win.

Each chapter starts with ten Defining Principles to give you an overview of a topic before delving into the pragmatics. Simply for the purposes of clarity, some chapters use "he" and some "she" when referring to your child. I have also referred to "child" in the singular, while recognizing that you may have a larger family.

I believe that we still face several generations of transition before we will see a dramatic shift in parenting roles, with responsibilities divided more equitably between men and women. In the meantime, as we wait for the generational tide to change, I address this book primarily to moms, though its advice clearly applies to dads as well.

I have chosen to refer to your significant other as your "partner" throughout the book, rather than husband, boyfriend, ex-husband, lover, and so on. I have done so in recognition of today's diverse family configurations, given that many parents no longer raise children within traditional nuclear families. Moreover, "partner" captures the hopeful attitude I believe best for the team effort in running a home and parenting a child. For single moms, I have interspersed suggestions aimed at helping with the significant extra burdens you absorb and struggles you face as a parent. I have used the phrase "working moms" to refer to women who have jobs and work for money simply for purposes of clarification. That all mothers work goes without saying, and I want to emphasize this point.

Some contributing moms have requested that their identities be kept private for personal reasons or to enable them to speak candidly about difficult topics. Still other moms contributed tips electronically, via E-mail or posting on our Mom Central Web site, giving no further contact information. As a result you will read some anonymous quotes sprinkled through the book (you'll also see some quotes from me, indicated by my name). Wherever possible, I have added children's names and ages to personalize each mom's remarks, to help you contextualize the experience of the mom quoted, and as a tribute to all our children, without whom none of us would have anything to say!

Approach the book's text much as you would a cookbook, looking up recipes for solutions to the everyday parenting and household issues you encounter. Refer to the detailed table of contents or the index to zero in on a current concern or problem you need to tackle. Use the thousands of ideas in this book as a springboard for creative solutions of your own, experimenting to discover what works best, given your child's temperament and your unique family situation. I also invite you to come to www.momcentral.com for additional resources and links to parenting resources.

Copyright © 2002 by Mom Central, Inc.

From Chapter 3: Medical Concerns, Childproofing, & Safety

10 Defining Principles

• Pick a pediatrician with whom you feel that both you and your child can build a relationship based on mutual trust and respect. Ask for recommendations from friends and other parents, and take the time to interview pediatricians until you find one with whom you feel comfortable. Your pediatrician should not make you feel intimidated about asking anything on your mind concerning your child's well-being. Consider your pediatrician an important partner in caring for your child.

• Participate actively in your child's health care. Even before routine office visits, think through questions and observations ahead of time. Make sure you fully understand your pediatrician's concerns, advice, or prescription instructions before you walk out of the office. Ask as many questions as you need to clarify things. You know your child best and can serve as his most passionate advocate.

• If your baby suffers from colic, take heart that it will almost certainly end after three months, and hunker down for the duration, recognizing that your best efforts may not pacify his crying. Go easy on yourself, as consistent crying wears every parent down. Trade off with your partner each evening or every half an hour during your child's bouts of colic. Give yourself an outlet from time to time before it becomes too much for you. If you feel yourself losing composure when you are alone with your crying baby, simply put him down in his crib for a few minutes and step out of the room to give yourself a brief, guilt-free respite. While your baby's crying can make you feel terrible, it's no reflection on your competency as a parent.

• Go to a pediatric emergency room instead of a regular emergency room if you have a choice, as the whole staff will be geared toward kids and will have pediatric specialists on duty. Consider your options before rushing to an emergency room. Call your pediatrician if you are not sure whether your child's illness or injury qualifies as an emergency. She will often be able to provide you with better and faster service. Patients who arrive by ambulance and patients with serious injuries take precedence over stitches, sprains, and sometimes even broken bones, especially in large, urban hospitals, which are notorious for long waits of several hours or more. Your pediatrician can help you triage the situation by either seeing you on a sick call at the office or meeting you at the emergency room.

• If you do find yourself in the ER, try to stay calm, comfort your child, and clarify any medical information you don't understand in the chaos that may surround you. Don't be embarrassed to ask detailed questions to help you better understand what a doctor says, and always ask for a second opinion from the attending physician if you question or disagree with a proposed course of medical action for your child. If your child needs a procedure that leaves you faint of heart, such as stitches, don't feel guilty about stepping out for the duration to allow the medical staff to work, and returning a few minutes later as the comforting, heroic parent.

• When your child needs hospitalization, stay calm, positive, reassuring, and hopeful. As always, your child will take his cue from your emotions. Let your child know what's going to happen. Be honest and forthcoming about what he should expect — hospitals are scary enough without lies and surprises. If your child's behavior regresses while he's hospitalized, allow him this comfort. Avoid losing your temper with him if he becomes overly frightened as a result of his experience. Console him as much as he needs it, and let him draw from your strength.

• Balance childproofing with watchfulness and teaching your child about safety. Don't trust even a thorough childproofing job to keep your child completely safe without your supervision. Keep an eye on him as he explores your house, and teach him to stay away from potential hazards, such as climbing or putting things from the floor in his mouth. Approach childproofing as a never-ending process, as you strive to keep up with your child's increasing mobility and developing skills.

• Your baby's fascination with small objects, coupled with his ability to move toward them and put them in his mouth, makes choking a prime safety concern. Prepare for the worst. Learn how to perform the Heimlich maneuver on an infant or child. Be especially vigilant about what you leave around for curious little fingers to find. Any object smaller than an inch and a half in diameter can lodge in your baby's airway. If a toy passes easily through a toilet paper roll tube, it's small enough to pose a choking hazard.

• When supervising your child near any source of water, give him your full attention. Do not talk on the phone, read, or engage in any other distracting activity. A drowning child makes no noise. Monitoring a child from another room or within hearing distance does not ensure that you will be able to save or protect your child. If for any reason you discover that your child is missing, check your bath, pool, or hot tub first, as every second counts.

• Talk through your child's fears of real disasters, and reassure him of steps you have taken to protect him. Discuss what each of you would do in case of his specific fear, whether of a fire, a hurricane, a burglar, or of getting picked up by a stranger. Not only will you help him prepare for the unlikely event, you'll also make him feel more empowered and reassured that you've taken steps to prevent this from happening

Copyright © 2002 by Mom Central, Inc.

From Chapter 3: Medical Concerns, Childproofing, & Safety

PEDIATRIC CARE

Selecting a Pediatrician

• Though this chapter refers to finding a pediatrician, your choices also include a family physician, doctor and nurse practitioner team, or a pediatric nurse practitioner to take care of your child.

• Make a list of possible pediatricians, based on recommendations by:

  • Friends with young children
  • Family members
  • Obstetrician
  • Colleagues at work
  • Lactation consultant
  • Health plan

• To shorten your list, call the office of each recommended provider and ask basic make-or-break questions, such as:

—Is the pediatrician accepting new patients?

—Does the practice have convenient office hours, such as Saturdays, evenings, or first thing in the morning?

—Is the office located somewhere convenient for you?

—What are the fees, and how much is covered by your insurance?

• Ask about each pediatrician's educational background, training, board certifications, and experience.

• Check out both large and small practices. Though a small practice may feel more hands-on, a large practice with plenty of staff may afford your doctor and her co-workers more time to attend to you and your child.

• Meet with your top two choices. Some pediatricians will charge for this introductory visit, and insurance rarely pays for it, but it's worth it to find the right person.

Check out the Facility

• Is the doctor part of a larger practice? If so, under what circumstances would other doctors in the practice see your child?

• What is the role of the nursing staff?

• How far in advance do you have to schedule a well-child visit?

• How does the practice manage calls outside of office hours? Will you talk to a doctor or a nurse first? Who returns calls and answers follow-up questions?

• How many people are in the waiting room when you arrive?

• Are there toys for the kids?

• How do the receptionist and staff treat you?

Interview the Doctor

• How long has she been practicing?

• Where did she attend medical school and do her residency?

• Does she have any specialized training?

• Does she teach pediatric medicine? (Pediatricians who teach have to stay current with the latest research and treatments.)

• Is she a parent herself?

• How are sick visits scheduled?

• What is the typical length of time before a parent's after-hours call is returned?

• Who responds to telephone calls during the day?

• How does she handle referrals to pediatric specialists?

• In an emergency will she meet you at the hospital?

• With which hospital is the practice affiliated?

• How does the doctor conduct exams? Can your baby or toddler stay in your lap for the duration?

• Will the doctor come to see your baby in the hospital in which you will be giving birth? When should she be contacted after the birth?

• Will she be present for the birth at your request?

• Who will examine the baby after the delivery?

Reflect on Your Meeting

• Is she attentive, respectful, and helpful?

• Do you feel comfortable talking with her?

• Does she take plenty of time to answer your questions? Do you feel rushed?

• Does her philosophy of treating your child match your needs? Would you prefer someone who gives you options and asks your opinion when choosing treatment for your child, or would you rather have a more decisive, authoritative doctor?

• Does the doctor's child-rearing philosophy match yours? How does she feel about issues important to you, such as breastfeeding, toilet training, vegetarianism, the use of antibiotics, or alternative medicine? How supportive is she of working moms, if you are one?

• Does the pediatrician have the kind of temperament to which you respond best?

• Does the pediatrician have in-depth knowledge of the local medical community and the ability to recommend excellent pediatric specialists?

Ongoing Care

• Schedule well-child visits far in advance so you can pick the times most convenient for you and your child.

—Ask for the first appointment of the morning or the first one after lunch, as at these times your doctor will most likely run on time.

—Don't bring your child to the doctor during his normal nap times.

—A pediatrician's busiest stretch generally falls after school, which makes this the worst time for you to call with routine questions or to schedule an appointment.

• To prepare for a well-child visit:

—Bring a pad of paper and pencil to the visit to jot down instructions or information.

—Ask about giving your child Tylenol before he receives immunization shots to lessen the reaction.

—Dress your child in clothing that's easy to get on and off.

—Bring small toys, crayons, and paper to keep your child occupied during what could be a long wait.

—Bring crayons into the examining room: your child can color the paper on the examining table or his paper robe. Have your child draw a picture to surprise the doctor.

—If your child is very fearful, bring a doll to the doctor's office and ask the doctor to do some of the procedures first on the doll and then on your child. Suggest something your child can look forward to afterward, like a snack or an outing.

—Do not try to squeeze a question about a second child into one child's visit. You run the risk of their both receiving rushed and inadequate care.

—For babies, wait until the doctor arrives to fully undress your baby, instead of waiting with a shivering and fussing infant. Bring a waterproof pad for yourself, as you may find yourself holding your naked baby for most of the visit.

• Remind the receptionist when you are visiting the doctor with a sick child. If your child has something highly infectious, like chicken pox, ask if they prefer you use another entrance.

• When scheduling a sick-child visit, ask to meet with your pediatrician, as opposed to another doctor in the practice, for continuity and relationship building.

• Ask your pediatrician if she can call a prescription into your pharmacy (bring the number with you) instead of writing it out, so you do not have to wait in the store while your prescription is filled.

Calling After Hours

• Trust your instincts. Do not feel afraid to call the doctor's office if your child's illness worries you.

• Pull out your medical records so you have your child's medical history, as well as a record of drugs he has taken in the past, adverse reactions, and what your child seemed to respond to best. When you do have to call your doctor late at night or after hours, you'll get faster, more accurate care if you have basic medical information about your child on hand.

• Remind the physician on call of recent sickness, injuries, or shots.

• Know if your child has a fever and what his temperature reads.

• Have ready the number of an all-night pharmacy where your doctor can call in prescriptions.

• Do not get off the phone until you and your doctor have arrived at a plan that makes sense to you. This may mean taking your child in for treatment, calling in a prescription, scheduling an appointment, or monitoring him at home for the next day or two.

Keeping Medical Records

Keep a record of your child's health handy in case you have a medical emergency or you see a specialist who is unfamiliar with your child. Include in it:

• Names and addresses of all doctors and specialists your child sees

• Immunization records, along with your child's current height and weight

• Major illnesses and injuries, treatment, complications, and healing time

• Allergies to food or medication

• Medication your child is taking or has taken recently, duration, strength, and his reaction to it

• Family medical history, including allergies and illnesses, cancers, diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, or osteoporosis. Include the causes of death for your parents or grandparents

• Your pregnancy history, including medication you took, illness you had while pregnant, or difficulties at birth

When to Change Pediatricians

When to find a new doctor:

• If you feel your pediatrician has become patronizing, acts impatient, resists your questions, or belittles you or your child.

• After multiple visits she fails to establish a rapport with your child.

• She fails to fully inform you about possible side effects of medications prescribed.

• You experience tremendous delays in getting after-hours calls returned or in scheduling a sick-child visit.

• You spend inordinate amounts of time waiting to be seen every time you bring your child to the office for a scheduled appointment.

• Your sick child isn't getting better, yet your pediatrician does not change her plan of action.

• You do not feel comfortable about your relationship, and you do not agree with or trust her advice.

Copyright © 2002 by Mom Central, Inc.

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Table of Contents

CONTENTS

Introduction

1

CLEAN, CLOTHED, & WELL RESTED

10 Defining Principles

Diapering

The Basics • Keeping Your Squirmer Entertained • Dealing with Diaper Rash • Protection Against Nighttime Leaks • Keeping Diapers on Your Child • Saving Money

Toilet Training

Getting Underway • On the Road • At Night

Clothing

Buying Clothes • Shoes • Pajamas • Making It Easy for Your Toddler to Dress Himself • Ending Clothing Battles • Dressing for School • Patching, Buttons, & Repairs • Outgrown Clothes

Bathing & Grooming

Sponge Bathing Your Newborn • Baby Bath • When Your Child Dislikes Baths • Make Yourself Comfortable & Productive • Get Creative • Splashing • Getting out of the Tub • Summer Bath • Bath Safety • Nails • Hair

Dental Care

Care of Baby Teeth • Teething Relief • Brushing • Flossing

Sleep

Bedtime Routine • Night Owls & Early Risers • When Your Child Refuses Naps • Nighttime Fears • Family Bed

2

FEEDING YOUR CHILD

10 Defining Principles

Breastfeeding, Bottlefeeding, & Weaning Breastfeeding

Advantages • Getting Started • Latching onto the Breast • When Your Baby Refuses to Nurse • Prevention of & Relief for Sore Nipples • Cost-Saving Nursing Pads and Bras • Pumping • Breastfeeding & Travel for Work

Bottlefeeding

Advantages • Formula • Nipples • Feeding Your Baby Her Bottle • Warming Bottles • Nighttime Bottles

Burping

Weaning

Weaning from the Breast • Weaning to a Cup • Weaning off a Pacifier

Introducing Solids

Signs Your Baby Is Ready for More Textured Food • Getting Started • Spoon Feeding • Order of Introduction • Allergens • Baby Food • High Chair • Bibs • Finger Food • Choking • Teaching Your Toddler to Pour Her Own Drinks • Cleaning Up

Feeding Your Fussy Eater

Eating Well • Making Food More Fun • Ways to Get Your Child to Eat Vegetables & Fruit • Not Hungry at Mealtimes • If Your Child Refuses to Eat Breakfast • School Lunch Ideas

Feeding Your Overeater

In the Kitchen Tips

How to Make Dinner Without Going Crazy • Meal Planning • Cooking Ahead for Meals • Using Your Freezer • Time Savers • Family Dinners

3

MEDICAL CONCERNS, CHILDPROOFING, & SAFETY

10 Defining Principles

Pediatric Care

Selecting a Pediatrician • Ongoing Care • Calling After Hours • Keeping Medical Records • When to Change Pediatricians

Emergencies & Hospitalization

Emergency Room Visits • Hospitalization

Colic

Home Medical Care

Giving Your Child Medicine • Cold & Flu Season • Comforting Your Sick Child • Booboos • Bites, Stings, & Insects • Nosebleeds • Rashes, Chicken Pox, & Poison Ivy • Protection from the Sun • Allergy-Proofing

Childproofing & Safety

Utilities & Appliances • Doors • Windows • Stairways • Furniture & Knickknacks • Baby Equipment • Toys • Bathroom • Kitchen • Decks, Porches, & Balconies • Backyard • Garage • Car • Bicycle • Accidental Poisoning • Lead Poisoning

Disaster Precautions

Fire Safety • Water Safety • Disaster Survival Kit • Preventing Abduction

4

SOCIALIZING YOUR CHILD

10 Defining Principles

Discipline

Alternatives to Saying No • Time-Outs

Behavioral Challenges

Tantrums & Bad Moods • Interruptions • Thumb Sucking • Aggression & Biting • Lying • Whining

Siblings

Siblings & a New Baby • Getting Along

Friendships

Playgroups • Playdates & Friends • Sleepovers

Teaching Manners

Getting Started • Table Manners • Thank-You Notes

5

GETTING ORGANIZED

10 Defining Principles

Organizing Your Home

A Place for Everything • Getting Rid of Clutter & Junk • Your Child's Bedroom • Toys • Artwork & School Projects • Kitchen • Emergency Telephone Sheet • Bathroom • Closets • Storage • Backyard & Garden

Prioritizing & Keeping Track

Weekly To-Do List • Calendar

Organizing Paper

Mail • Working Files for Daily Use • Family Filing System • Household Warranties

Establishing Family Routines

Mastering the Morning Launch • Family Meetings • Family Goal Setting

Personal Time & Relationships

Time for Self • Time with Your Partner • Logistics Around Divorce • Keeping in Touch

Moving with Kids

Making the Transition Easier • Gathering Information About Your New Community • What to Open, Close, Return, Retrieve, & Transfer • Packing It Up • Saying Goodbye • Getting Acclimated

Surviving a Home Renovation with Kids Underfoot

Legal Issues

Your Will • Nominating a Guardian for Your Child

6

HOME CARE & HOUSEKEEPING

10 Defining Principles

Engaging Your Partner's Help

How to Involve Your Child

Starting Your Child on Chores • Chores for Your Toddler • Chores for Your Older Child • Using a Chore Chart • Inspiration Along the Way • Allowance & Pay for Extra Chores

Housekeeping & Cleaning

General Cleaning Tips • Kitchen • Stain Removal & Damage Repairs Around the House • Laundry • Hiring Housecleaning Help

Running Errands & Shopping

Pets & Your Child

7

WORK & FAMILY BALANCE

10 Defining Principles

Negotiating Maternity Leave

Announcing You're Pregnant • Your Office's Policy • How Much Leave to Take • Arranging for Coverage During Your Leave • Weeks Leading up to Your Leave • When to Start Your Leave • While on Leave • Returning to Work

Revising Your Work Schedule

Evaluate Your Situation • Work Structure Options • Working at Home: Telecommuting • Making Your Request to Your Employer • Negotiating Your Salary • Leave Room for Change

Managing Your Work at the Office

Structuring Your Work Time • Using the Wizard of Oz Technique • Minimizing Interruptions • Fielding Overtime & Off-Hour Requests • Forming a Network of Working Moms

Travel for Work

Pacing Your Travel • Coordinating with Your Partner • Managing Your Household While You Travel • Sharing Information with Your Child • Keeping in Touch • Taking Your Child Along • Explaining to Your Child Why She Can't Join You • Bringing Back Surprises

Managing the Home Front

Using Breaks at Work for Errands • Staying Connected to Your Child • Sharing with Your Child What You Do at Work • Arriving Home in an Upbeat Mood • Unwinding After Work

Working from Home

The Mom-trepreneur: Running a Home-Based Business • Setting Up Your Home Office & Work Schedule • Telecommuting • Dealing with Clients • Fielding Interruptions • Combating Loneliness

Becoming a Full-Time Mom

Deciding to Stay at Home • Financial Planning • Leaving Your Job • Culture Shock & Self-Esteem • Finding Other Stay-at-Home Moms • Returning to the Work Force

Managing Volunteer & Outside Commitments

8

CHILD CARE

10 Defining Principles

Hiring a Nanny or Au Pair

Finding a Nanny • The Hiring Process • Arriving at a Written Agreement

Family Day Care & Day-Care Center

Family Day Care • Day-Care Center • Selecting a Provider

A Relative or Friend as Your Child-Care Provider

Factors to Evaluate in Making a Decision

Managing the Ongoing Relationship

Orienting Your Nanny or Au Pair • Dealing with Separation Anxiety • Communication & Showing Appreciation • Assessing How Well a Situation Is Working • Ending a Relationship • Arranging Backup Child-Care Coverage

f0 Part-time, Evening, & Weekend Baby-sitting

Finding a Baby-sitter • Orienting Your Baby-sitter • Forming Baby-sitting Co-operatives or Swapping with Friends

9

SCHOOL & EDUCATION

10 Defining Principles

Choosing a Preschool

Investigating Schools • Paying a Visit • References

School Preparations

Beginning in a New School • Before School Starts • Getting to School • The First Day of School

Getting Your Child to Talk About His Day

Being Involved in Your Child's School

Homework

Set a Regular Time • Designate a Homework Place & Eliminate Distractions • Help Your Child Structure Work Habits • Your Involvement • Dealing with Struggling or Mistakes

Communicating with Your Child's School

Parent-Teacher Conferences • Advocating for Your Special Needs Child

Showing Appreciation to Teachers

Home Schooling

Celebrating the End of the School Year

10

OUTINGS & ACTIVITIES

10 Defining Principles

Outings, Day Trips, & Excursions

Advance Planning • Things You Need • Diaper Bag: Newborn to Five Months • Six Months & Older, Add to the Bag • Keeping Your Baby Happy in the Car • Outdoor Excursions • Indoor Excursions • Museum or Historical Sites • The Theatre • Athletic Events

Dining Out as a Family

Choosing a Restaurant • Seating • Ordering Food • Entertainment While Waiting

Indoor Activities

Arts & Crafts • Creative Games • Reading • Growing Seeds & Indoor Plants

Outdoor Activities

Beating the Rainy or Snowy Day Blues • Backyard & Sidewalk Activities • Outdoor Gardening • Evening Activities

Classes, Sports, & Structured Activities

Choosing Classes or Activities • Picking a Sport • Summer Camp

TV, Computers, & Electronic Games

TV Management • Computer & Electronic Games

11

MEMORIES & CELEBRATIONS

10 Defining Principles

Birthdays

Ways to Make the Day Special • Your Birthday Party Budget • Timing of the Party • Invitations • Party at Home • Having the Party Outside of Your Home • Cake Ideas & Alternatives • Photography Tips • Siblings • Gifts • Party Manners • Party Favors • Celebrations at Day Care or School • Attending Birthday Parties

Holidays

Start Your Own Holiday Traditions • Hosting a Holiday Meal • Advanced Preparation for the Holidays • Gifts & Holiday Cards • Involve Your Child in the Spirit of Giving • Chanukah • Christmas • Storing Holiday Decorations • New Year's Eve • Valentine's Day • Halloween

pard

Preserving Memories

Photographs • Videotaping Your Kids • Other Ways to Preserve Memories

Family Rituals & Traditions

CONCLUSION

Selected Bibliography

Index

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Introduction

Introduction

A typical day in my home office: The kids come in from school, and my son Brooks heads straight for the couch, hoping to watch TV. I plant myself between him and the set, cajoling him to confide a morsel or two of information about first grade, and reviewing options of things to do besides watch TV. An hour before her soccer practice, Kyle walks in holding her stomach. It's the third day in a row she's been complaining of a stomachache, so I call the pediatrician's office. The nurse tells me what I fear: I should bring Kyle in immediately. But I'm in the middle of honing the Defining Principles for the first chapter of this book, and I'm on an editorial roll. It comes down to Pediatrician vs. Book, and the pediatrician wins, hands down. Kyle, it turns out, has strep throat.

This everyday emergency encapsulates both my life as a working parent (though my stay-at-home friends tell me how much they can relate) and the complexities of parenting. The crises and parenting issues seem to repeat themselves with stunning regularity. Such moments are what truly make this The Mom Book. In between karate practice, sick days, pottery lessons, summer vacation, family vacation, and stolen moments at the gym that I rely on for my sanity, I've written this book. When homework and spelling tests loom, fall weekends beckon, and my babysitting help evaporates, I find myself negotiating, minute by minute, the daylong effort of taking care of my kids' needs and making sure they feel loved and attended to. In the meantime, I'm writing away, interviewing moms, selecting tips moms have e-mailed, and editing chapters.

Once upon a time,when I was in law school, my ambitions ran toward being a senator. Now I'm happy to manage seven hours of sleep and help the kids get their homework done on time. How could I have known that the negotiation over the six sentences Brooks must compose for this week's homework would run longer and more passionately than any debate on the Senate floor? The frightening thing is, my life, though overwhelmingly overbooked at times, is not unusual. In fact, I feel extraordinarily lucky to have found a way to pursue a career and stay home — no matter how imperfect the balance may be at times.

Prior to focusing professionally on the issues that consume most moms' lives, I worked at Harvard Law School for nine years. I founded and directed the Office of Public Interest Advising. While there, I counseled thousands of students in their twenties on how best to structure their professional careers and embrace public service work. A substantial portion of our conversations centered on how to find a confluence between professional goals and personal values, accommodate dual careers, have a personal life, and raise a family. For the women I advised, the work-family dilemma was foremost on their minds. And for me, as I aged from twenty-nine to thirty-eight and had two children, my perspective shifted radically.

I started off thinking of balancing work and family as completely doable. Yet as my kids grew older and became more eloquent in their pleas for mom time, and as my husband's career heated up, even my part-time schedule didn't cover the gaps. I found myself in a profound state of angst. How could I reconcile my strong ambition with the needs of my family? How could I find the time to create the sanctuary I wanted our house to be? How could I provide my children with hands-on mothering? I have come to recognize that it's an ongoing struggle to simultaneously be a devoted, attentive mother and embrace a professional drive to excellence.

For the vast majority of working and stay-at-home moms, the challenge of primary parenting responsibility consumes our waking moments. Yet we seldom share with each other the details and logistics of everyday parenting, household, and organizational dilemmas. Often we stumble about, hoping to arrive at a quick answer to our parenting-related problem of the moment, be that getting homework done or changing a squirming child's diaper. In the midst of our hectic and active lives, we look for solutions to practical parenting dilemmas that others discovered long before us. This book comprises the best pragmatic thinking of hundreds of moms and helps you master the logistics of parenting without constantly re-inventing the wheel.

To tackle the ambitious content of this book, I spent hundreds of hours talking with and interviewing moms, gathering their solutions, stories, and reflections. Scores of others shared their expertise and experiences via E-mail and on our Mom Central Web site, www.momcentral.com. What I looked for were smart ideas that make you go, "Aha! I've got to try that," and stories that illuminated the various aspects of raising kids and running a household. The voices of these women are woven into the tapestry of the text, not only as Mom Quotes, but as ideas offered in the individual sections.

Because the book incorporates the collective wisdom of so many moms, the Mom Quotes sometimes express contradictory opinions. What worked perfectly for one person may have proved futile for another. And while this book primarily addresses parenting a child from birth through age eight, much of the practical advice applies all the way through your child's teenage years.

I, along with Jill Martyn, my senior editor at Mom Central, and a handful of energized interns, spent thousands of hours searching the Internet to absorb what moms think about, worry about, need solutions for, and share ideas about. I was amazed and daunted by how much time it took just to wade though hundreds of posted messages. I was also discouraged by having to read through lengthy paragraphs of text in parenting books just to get to the point. So we did the homework for you, enabling you to find the practical answers you seek without having to do hours of extensive research, surfing, or talking with hundreds of moms yourself. I arrived at the bullet format to help you access clever ideas quickly, making the book a tool you can use whenever a parenting dilemma presents itself.

We had many laughs along the way, testing out suggestions offered by moms, from edible peanut butter play-dough (a big hit that inspired artistic creativity) to the frozen pea bag that doubled as an ice pack for a visiting playdate who got a bad bump. Then we had the rejected ideas, like the orange peels we baked to make the house smell more homey, but drove everyone crazy with food cravings.

As I wrote this book, my eight-year-old daughter, Kyle, would pop into my office with dozens of hints of her own. "I've got a Mom Central hint for you!" she would exclaim. Her hints have ranged from telling all of you to buy "no tears" shampoo, to have visiting cousins name their favorite toy so they always feel welcome, and to pack lots of chocolate milk boxes for long car rides. Her chiming in with her own suggestions and reflections has been very much a part of the book's creation for me and captures in many ways the heart of parenting and the fundamental brainstorming process that went into this book. Of course, there was also six-year-old Brooks, who before going to play with his friend Carey after school declared indignantly, "If you weren't working on that book, you would have the time to drop my Gameboy off at his house!" Sometimes as a mom, you just can't win.

Each chapter starts with ten Defining Principles to give you an overview of a topic before delving into the pragmatics. Simply for the purposes of clarity, some chapters use "he" and some "she" when referring to your child. I have also referred to "child" in the singular, while recognizing that you may have a larger family.

I believe that we still face several generations of transition before we will see a dramatic shift in parenting roles, with responsibilities divided more equitably between men and women. In the meantime, as we wait for the generational tide to change, I address this book primarily to moms, though its advice clearly applies to dads as well.

I have chosen to refer to your significant other as your "partner" throughout the book, rather than husband, boyfriend, ex-husband, lover, and so on. I have done so in recognition of today's diverse family configurations, given that many parents no longer raise children within traditional nuclear families. Moreover, "partner" captures the hopeful attitude I believe best for the team effort in running a home and parenting a child. For single moms, I have interspersed suggestions aimed at helping with the significant extra burdens you absorb and struggles you face as a parent. I have used the phrase "working moms" to refer to women who have jobs and work for money simply for purposes of clarification. That all mothers work goes without saying, and I want to emphasize this point.

Some contributing moms have requested that their identities be kept private for personal reasons or to enable them to speak candidly about difficult topics. Still other moms contributed tips electronically, via E-mail or posting on our Mom Central Web site, giving no further contact information. As a result you will read some anonymous quotes sprinkled through the book (you'll also see some quotes from me, indicated by my name). Wherever possible, I have added children's names and ages to personalize each mom's remarks, to help you contextualize the experience of the mom quoted, and as a tribute to all our children, without whom none of us would have anything to say!

Approach the book's text much as you would a cookbook, looking up recipes for solutions to the everyday parenting and household issues you encounter. Refer to the detailed table of contents or the index to zero in on a current concern or problem you need to tackle. Use the thousands of ideas in this book as a springboard for creative solutions of your own, experimenting to discover what works best, given your child's temperament and your unique family situation. I also invite you to come to www.momcentral.com for additional resources and links to parenting resources.

Copyright © 2002 by Mom Central, Inc.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted January 22, 2002

    Wonderful Resource

    The Mom Book is a smart and easy-to-use resource for moms or anyone who fills a mom role in his/her household. Stacy DeBroff has gathered advice from moms of all types -- those with many children; those with one child; those with grown children and young children, and those with children who have special needs. DeBroff isn't telling anyone how to be Martha Stewart, but sharing clever suggestions from other moms on the ideas that made their lives a little bit easier. Topics range from everyday things like meals and cleaning, to keeping holidays special but sane. I find that I can read an entire chapter or just turn a page and learn a new mom idea. That makes it convenient to keep on the kitchen counter to page through when I'm on hold, or on the nightstand to read a few ideas before bed. A wonderful find!

    1 out of 1 people found this review helpful.

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