The Neurotic Parent's Guide to College Admissions: Strategies for Helicoptering, Hot-housing & Micromanaging

The Neurotic Parent's Guide to College Admissions: Strategies for Helicoptering, Hot-housing & Micromanaging

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by J.D. Rothman
     
 

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Admissions rates of 6%? Kids applying to 32 colleges? Sixteen-year-olds with more impressive resumes than Fortune 500 CEOs? Has the nation lost its mind?

Why yes, it has! The college admissions process now sucks approximately 1250% more time, money and psychic energy than it did when today's parents were going through the same process. Thank God author J.D. Rothman

Overview

Admissions rates of 6%? Kids applying to 32 colleges? Sixteen-year-olds with more impressive resumes than Fortune 500 CEOs? Has the nation lost its mind?

Why yes, it has! The college admissions process now sucks approximately 1250% more time, money and psychic energy than it did when today's parents were going through the same process. Thank God author J.D. Rothman is here to shine a light on the insanity with laugh-out-loud wit and incisive anthropological observations.

The Neurotic Parent Reveals It All!
* Frightening Statistics, Shocking Pie Charts, Depressing Bar Graphs
* Kumon Tips for Preschoolers
* College Confidential: The Scariest Place on the Internet
* Facebook Facelift
* Why Your Teen Needs to Be a Transgendered Albanian from North Dakota
* Most Obnoxious Question Asked by a Parent at an
Information Session
* What to Expect When They're Rejecting
* Haikus for the Neurotic Parent
* Bed Bath & Bye-Bye
* How to Cash in That Ivy League Degree for a Sweet Barista Job

Woven in between these and many more hilarious bits of advice and cultural insights are the best of the Neurotic Parent's blog posts, which detail the anxiety-ridden quest for college homes for his/her children. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll pack up and move your family to Australia, where getting into college is reputedly just like it was in the United States in 1972.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher
"If you need a good laugh at how crazy the college admissions process has become, this is a book for you. Rothman, a television comedy writer, subtly weaves good advice about encouraging students to strike a healthy balance, find their passion and communicate that to colleges." -- Charlotte Observer

Product Details

ISBN-13:
9780983459415
Publisher:
Prospect Park Books
Publication date:
03/01/2012
Pages:
256
Sales rank:
696,951
Product dimensions:
5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.80(d)

Read an Excerpt

Orientation to College Angst

Back in the day, before the existence of the expression "back in the day,” you took the SAT once. When you got a 1260, your relatives thought you were a genius. That was when the most difficult high school class was trig, a "B” meant "good,” and the initials AP stood for Associated Press. Your main extracurricular was sitting with a sun reflector on the beach. You filled out applications for three colleges and didn't bother to visit any. Even if you were lucky enough to know your guidance counselor, it never would have occurred to you to ask her to proofread your application, which you sent in by registered mail.

You can barely remember why you selected the college where you ended up, but it probably had something to do with where your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend was or wasn't attending. Then, when it was time to leave, your parents dropped you off at a train station with a duffel bag, and that began your college career.

At the Neurotic Parent Institute, we have followed the trends carefully. We can say definitively that everything has changed. Today's kids need to begin prepping for college by age 2, when they get admitted to a selective Mommy and Me group, which leads to the right preschool. Then, starting at age 5, they need tutors, coaches, and homework helpers. In their spare time after that, they must choose 20-hour-a-week activities that will become their passions by middle school. If they're actually having fun rather than excelling, there's something wrong.

This guidebook presents our findings about today's college process. It will prepare you for the fourteen standardized exams, 39 essays and 27 supplements that your sons or daughters will tackle-and all the money you will spend making sure they're on target. If you're reading this when your child is a junior or senior in high school, we're sorry to let you know that you have started agonizing way too late, and we suggest you supplement this experience with a strong cocktail or an Ativan.

We will also present popular blog entries by the Neurotic Parent, which follow the journey of her older son, Cerebral Jock (CJ), during the period when he was ultimately accepted early decision to a top-ten school. This anxious blogger is now in the middle of overseeing the application process of her younger son, Good Conversationalist (GC), so if you happen to be a college admissions officer at one of the schools on his list, please promise not to be offended.

Meet the Author

J.D. Rothman is keeping his/her identity a secret until son #2 matriculates at the college of his choice. S/he might be a private admissions counselor in New York. Or a television writer in Los Angeles. Only time will tell. We can say that s/he is the writer of The Neurotic Parent (www.theneuroticparent.com), a favorite blog of exhausted admissions counselors and sanity-seeking parents across the country. The Neurotic Parent's blog was excerpted in I'm Going to College-Not You! (St. Martin's Griffin, 2010). S/he is a lively speaker who makes for an excellent interview.

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The Neurotic Parent's Guide to College Admissions: Strategies for Helicoptering, Hot-housing & Micromanaging 3.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 3 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It's really funny-- a rare mixture of humor and actual information. Although it's a humor book and not a real college guide, you'll learn a lot about the craziness of the process these days by reading. But mostly you'll laugh.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
It's a funny blog, but the book is boring and so poorly edited for the Nook that it's amnoying to read.
Modadunn More than 1 year ago
If you've ever had a child go through the college admissions process or ever hope to survive it, you must read this book.* My review is simple. "The Neurotic Parent's Guide to College Admissions" should be required reading for every parent out there who has any dreams of their children attending college, even if you've already been thru it before! I only wish I'd had this little gem on my nightstand long ago for constant referral. In reading this book, I've laughed, I've cried and I've realized that I've failed my children miserably on just about every level! Incredibly funny and chalk full of sarcasm, wit and a wealth of worthy information, The Neurotic Parent's Guide shares what every parent should know about the college search AND their role in their children's lives. It takes to task the ridiculousness of the college admissions process and offers us a good laugh at some of what may never change, but has no rhyme or reason that allows mere mortals to understand. I LOVE this book.. and am incredibly jealous of its sure fire success. *For those who believe that college admissions is no joking matter, I understand. And is why it's even more important for you to read this book! Seriously. Go. Buy. Now!