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The Noble Art of Seducing Women
My Foolproof Guide to Pulling Any Woman You Want
By Kezia Noble
John Blake Publishing LtdCopyright © 2012 Kezia Noble
All rights reserved.
Master seducers are not the men who hope for chemistry
ROMANTICISM VERSES PRACTICALITY
WHEN IT COMES to the subject of seduction, I initially really struggled with this. Does personal chemistry really exist? Can it be taught? Are you born with it? Or is it just a fanciful word we use to describe certain feelings we get when we meet someone we're attracted to? If so, does chemistry only occur by chance? Is it a force so great that we are unable to control it? Or is chemistry the compound result of certain factors that we have varying degrees of power over – such as the timing, knowledge, logistics and attitudes that may create an almost perfect series of events?
Understating the role of an immeasurable force like personal chemistry is like ignoring the power of oxygen: oxygen is invisible to the naked eye, yet its power is so great that we need it in order to stay alive. So to disregard the chemistry of attraction, feelings and emotions is like saying that oxygen is not a scientifically measurable chemical which can be broken down and explained in intricate detail, but simply a form of magic!
This is the type of ignorance that can hold back your game. In time I began to understand the causes and factors which create the requisite chemistry, how they work, why they work and, most of all, how they can be controlled, manipulated and used for your benefit. Possessing this knowledge will ultimately free you from such ignorance forever; it will separate you from the defeatists who believe personal attraction is simply a form of magic and that there is no real control over it – and no way of creating it.
Throughout history, many women and men have argued that there is no way to create an attraction, that the personal chemistry for it either exists or else it does not. I beg to differ. I consider these people to be hopeless romantics who either get lucky or spend their lives waiting for that unexplained magic to just happen one day. If and when it doesn't happen like the fairytales promised them, they become bitter and consequently blame everyone and everything – except themselves.
I totally believe that you can posses the same power as those men out there who can have practically any woman they want, but you need to accept the first rule of pickup: taking control.
This first step will guide you through taking control in relation to your state of mind, your body language, your self-image and your conversation skills. Without understanding the power of control, you will not be able to fulfil the other two elements of pickup which will be introduced to you later.
The successful seducer has learned that the outcomes of his interactions are very much in his control, and without control he will rely on only the fickle game of chance.
The following are two example of how the sensation of chemistry can be built up; the first demonstrates the slow build-up and the second demonstrates the rapid build-up. Each of these examples are taken from my personal experiences, and hopefully by sharing them with you I can explain the importance of taking control and adopting a practical viewpoint rather than a romantic (i.e. less realistic) one.
SLOW BUILD-UP OF THE 'CHEMISTRY SENSATION'
I was working in an office a few years back, it was a typically grey environment with 15 other people. Nothing exciting ever happened; lunch would be either at our desk or in the café down the road, and the drinks after work on a Friday were invariably at the Red Lion pub opposite. Amongst my fellow colleagues there was a man who worked a few desks from mine named Carl. He was average looking, not really my type, and from what I knew of him it appeared his interests differed from mine too. He was also from an older age group.
For one year I was as indifferent to him as he was to me. If I was off work for a few days he'd be the last to realise, and often I'd forget to even say 'hello' to him in the morning.
One day, whilst standing by the office photocopier, me and Carl were having our usual uninteresting chit-chat. But this time he said something that made me laugh; it was a little odd, very dry and hit my personal funny bone right on target. (Gambler always says I have a Clockwork Orange sense of humour, whatever that means!) I laughed with him for a few minutes until we realised our giggles were disturbing others in the office. Although at the time I thought nothing of it, there was something very small happening on another level. I had begun to look at him slightly differently; it was an extremely delicate shift in my perception of him, but nonetheless that tiny shift would cause ripple effects.
We began to share more conversations together, mainly humorous ones. I noticed that people began rolling their eyes when we laughed together, as our interactions had become very private and exclusive. The conversations eventually became more serious and we began to get to know each other better, finding more in common than we could ever have anticipated. But if you had asked me there and then if I fancied him, I would still probably have said 'no'. Although my subconscious was very aware of what was developing, my conscious mind was still oblivious.
As time went on I found myself looking forward to lunch breaks more than before, solely so that we could spend that precious hour talking to each other. Even those previously tedious drinks at the Red Lion were looked forward to with anticipation.
A few weeks later Carl had to go away for a week, just as he'd often done in the past, except this time I remember feeling sad rather than indifferent. Whilst he was away I would stare absentmindedly at his empty desk; going for drinks and lunch breaks seemed less important. Even the upkeep of my appearance was temporarily put on hold, at least for work. I remember clearly the day when he came back – I gave him a huge hug and felt incredibly warm inside.
A few weeks later I got into an argument with one of the newer office workers. This man was a nasty piece of work, and the argument became very heated; he became intimidating and I felt myself backing down. Carl had witnessed the argument and, before the man had even finished his tirade of abuse, he intervened. He stood between me and the bully, his back facing me, and told the man in no uncertain terms that, if he didn't back down and stop the abuse, then Carl's fist would be going through his head and hitting the wall behind him. The man was momentarily about to turn his anger straight onto Carl, but when he saw how serious he was he backed down almost instantly.
Carl turned to me and asked if I was okay. I remember his voice was strong yet sincere; as I nodded in the affirmative, he gently touched the side of my cheek with the back of his hand. Only at that moment did I admit to myself that I was extremely attracted to this man, and wanted to be with him.
So, let's break down this series of events and see what happened in order to create that 'chemistry sensation'.
The moment Carl told me that joke, he created a seismic shift in my perception of him. I was instantly propelled into a positive frame of mind. However brief the moment, it was still powerful enough for me to associate him with that positive sensation every time I saw or thought of him from thereon. When we start to associate positive feelings and events with another human being, we are prepared to overlook their faults and become more eager to recognise their positive attributes.
Now, maybe if Carl had not stood up for me against the bully that day and had instead chosen to be a coward, turning a blind eye, then that subsequent small event could have ultimately jeopardised that earlier all-important moment in my mind which had positioned me between friendship and love. However, he chose to take control and seize the moment. But if Carl had never told me a joke which made me laugh for ten minutes, I'd never have seen him as anything else but 'the man that sits three desks away from me'.
The main point I'm making here is that the attraction I felt for Carl was not built on chemistry. In actual fact, it came out of a series of events which created two ideally synchronised frames of mind; as a result of that, the attraction was created, and the chemistry was a by-product of the attraction.
This story can be regarded in either one of two ways: firstly, it can be written off as just another 'office romance', which came about after two people had become attracted to each other through a deep-rooted chemistry; alternatively, it can be unromantically broken down into extremely fine detail and explained rationally.
Always adopt the second perspective.
To say that any of your past relationships or sexual conquests were built on chemistry can ultimately make the memory more romantic, but it also makes it unexplainable and therefore impossible to learn from – or to replicate.
You might be thinking, "Well, that's all very well, but what about other situations where people see each other across a darkened dance floor? The raw heat of animal attraction rips through them and, within an hour, they are in bed, ripping each other's clothes off. That can only be chemistry, right?"
It is exactly the same as before, but on a shorter timescale. I see it as rapid build-up of the 'chemistry sensation'. It still possesses all the ingredients of the above story, such as the synchronised frames of mind and a near-perfect series of events: in this case, at least one person taking some form of control. The dance-floor scenario is only different in that it contains the 'natural advantage' factor, which is when someone possesses the physicality that appeals to the woman he wants.
We will be addressing the latter point further on in the book. Until then, here is another story of the chemistry sensation, but this time it happened within a much more rapid timeframe.
RAPID BUILD-UP OF THE 'CHEMISTRY SENSATION'
I remember going out one Thursday night when I was 21. I was feeling great, I'd just had a great week away on vacation and I was with a friend who I hadn't seen for ages. My spirits were high and I happened to look fabulous that night – thanks to a new haircut and a glowing tan.
We went to a club I'd never been to before, as my friend said it was great. It was fairly new and based in central London. From the outside it looked like a huge glass elevator, with fluorescent neon lights creating strange shapes around the main entrance, making it seem like a set out of Star Trek.
After we walked in and absorbed the general ambience of the place, it could not have been more than ten minutes before I noticed a man at the bar who was very much my physical 'type'. Judging by the way he looked at me, I was his type too. After a little flirtatious eye contact, and the old routine of looking away and back again, he eventually introduced himself. I remember clearly that his aftershave wasn't very nice, it was musky and woody whereas, like many young women, I prefer a fresher scent. But he seemed confident and, like me, he was in a positive frame of mind.
We had a few drinks together and some light conversation. It turned out he was very much an Alpha male – he knew what he wanted and he knew how to get it. He asked me what my favourite song was; I told him and he laughed, saying it was an unusual choice for a girl ('Theme from Ghostbusters' – hey, it was said as a joke!), but since the DJ was his friend he arranged to have it played. As we danced to my favourite song I felt incredibly turned on by him, and by the moment. We kissed, and the rest of the night will remain my own private business.
Many people would say this is a classic case of chemistry. But, in actual fact, what we have here is literally two people whose eyes met across a busy room and, before they knew it, they were overtaken by uncontrollable passion, almost as if their bodies had taken control of their minds. Of course, this is once again an over-romanticised version of events. As you know by now, the realistic version is far more helpful – and usually far more accurate!
So, let's break this down again. First of all, at the start of that night I was already in a positive frame of mind before even encountering this man. Most likely, if I'd been in a bad mood or was feeling stressed, it would have undoubtedly come across in my face and body language, instantly making me less attractive – with or without that tan and haircut! It's important to recognise that 'state' is nearly always a more important factor than physical appearance.
Now, the second part of the story is where 'natural advantage' plays its role. If, like Carl, the man had not happened to be my type, then yes, he would have gone relatively unnoticed. But in this case he was my type and this advantage was compounded by my state of mind. And if he had been in a negative state of mind, it would have been game-over from very early on. (Remember Leo, who was not physically my type and therefore didn't have the natural advantage factor – but he still created chemistry within a rapid timescale!)
I've seen some absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous men, but if their attitude stinks, or they are on a low, or have a negative state of mind, then they automatically become like a Venus flytrap – nice to look at, but I wouldn't touch it with a bargepole!
So, whereas Carl had needed to create that shift in my mind with his sense of humour, the man in the club had done the same job on a much more rapid timescale, thanks to his natural advantage (his physicality) and the positive state of mind he oozed that evening. As you'll recall, I mentioned not liking his aftershave – I can also remember that he didn't have very nice hands either, and as for his shoes, I really hated them! But in spite of all of this, I overlooked his flaws and focused on his attributes, what he offered as opposed to what he didn't.
However, it's important to note that the evening could have turned out completely differently, regardless of whether I was in a great mood or whether he was physically my type or not. At any point during the evening, either one of us could have broken the rapport which had been building up. For example, he could have become sulky when other men tried to dance or talk with me; he could have gone too far with his cockiness, and his witty remarks could have slowly turned to insults; he could have flirted with other women; he could have got drunk; he could even have got cold feet and bottled out at the last minute! These are just a few examples of mistakes which could have jeopardised the final outcome.
Instead, however, he took control of the situation. He was the one who had my favourite song played; knowing he was logistically in the great position of knowing the DJ, he took full advantage of the fact. By taking direct action and actively creating a 'moment', he maximised his chances of escalating the interaction. When my song was playing, he kissed me – which was refreshing, because in the past a lot of men I've danced with wanted to kiss me, and the moment had been nothing short of perfect, but in the end they were too scared to make their move.
So, as you can see from this example, every interaction can be broken down and explained in a cold, almost clinical manner, and this is precisely how it should be done. Don't be tempted to recollect your conquests with vague, romanticised ideas of 'love at first sight' or 'uncontrollable chemistry'. These notions, while they might make fantastic material for a Jackie Collins novel and make you feel excited about yourself ('magic' usually does), won't help you in the long run to understand how attraction can be built and replicated.
You must from this moment on learn to become practical. I want you to learn what works and what doesn't; I want you to learn how to read people, how to become free from fear, how to take full advantage of situations or events; I want you to learn how to maximise your chances with any type of woman, how to become socially intelligent – and how to produce those fantastic opportunities, rather than waiting for them to happen.
Excerpted from The Noble Art of Seducing Women by Kezia Noble. Copyright © 2012 Kezia Noble. Excerpted by permission of John Blake Publishing Ltd.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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