The North Beach Diet: Add Belly and Hip Fat Instantly with Batter Fried Twinkies and More . . .

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Over 60 high-calorie recipes made with lots of butter, refined sugar, white flour and chocolate.

Virtual exercises: NordicSnack, Pie-lates, "Relaxin To the Oldies.

Stop dieting & start living. Make up the rules as you go!

"I gained 145 pounds in just six months, became emotionally insulated, and allowed food to control every aspect of my life . . . now you can too." ?The ...

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The North Beach Diet: Add Belly and Hip Fat Instantly with Batter Fried Twinkies and More

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Over 60 high-calorie recipes made with lots of butter, refined sugar, white flour and chocolate.

Virtual exercises: NordicSnack, Pie-lates, "Relaxin To the Oldies.

Stop dieting & start living. Make up the rules as you go!

"I gained 145 pounds in just six months, became emotionally insulated, and allowed food to control every aspect of my life . . . now you can too." ?The North Beach Diet author Kim Bailey


"I've been on just about every diet there is, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Dr. Phil, Richard Simmons, No Fat, All Fat, No Carbs, All Carbs, you name it, I've tried it . . . nothing worked . . . I kept losing weight. Finally! The North Beach Diet! I increased 2 dress sizes in just 10 days. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! ?Susan Merrill

"Krispy Kreme Donuts, Caramel Popcorn, Sara Lee Pound Cake with Ben & Jerry's Triple Chocolate Cookie Crunch . . . it was darn tough for us to make up our minds which of these favorites to consume while watching late night TV. The North Beach Diet showed us how we could get them all in by simple planning." ?Bill and Susan Kynes, personal fitness trainers.

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Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly
"Every day is like Thanksgiving Day on the North Beach Diet," proclaims Bailey's enthusiastic introduction. But readers well-trained in (but sick of) calorie counting and carb cutting may wonder how that's possible. Well, it's pretty easy, actually, since the point of the North Beach Diet is to become as fat and lazy as possible. (It's for those who "dream about what it would be like to be ogled admiringly by people as you sashay down the beach with a giant-size bag of Nutter-Butters in one hand and a large Frosty in another.") Sample advice: plan meals in advance to make sure you're getting the most calories you can, curtail your exercise program and carry high-fat snacks with you wherever you go. Recipes include Medicinal Chocolate Cake with Vanilla Butter Cream Icing; Batter Fried Twinkies; and Pulled Pork Butt So Good, You'll Want to Kick Yourself. As far as humor writing goes, this volume is a one-trick-pony; on the other hand, some of the recipes are pretty scrumptious, and no one will ever be able to argue that this diet, if followed correctly, doesn't live up to its fat-making promises. (Jan.) Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
Library Journal
If all the above makes you long for a potato chip and mayonnaise sandwich, you'll find the recipe here! This spoof of The South Beach Diet is a total hoot.Susan Hagloch, now retired director of the Tuscarawas County Public Library in New Philadelphia, OH, is a longtime reviewer for LJ. Copyright 2005 Reed Business Information.
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Product Details

  • ISBN-13: 9781401602161
  • Publisher: Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
  • Publication date: 1/13/2005
  • Pages: 176
  • Sales rank: 1,324,885
  • Product dimensions: 6.02 (w) x 9.02 (h) x 0.47 (d)

Meet the Author

Robert Kim Bailey is the author of many corporate manuals on Marketing, Management, and Operations for Seminars he conducts, The North Beach Diet is his first published book. Kim has struggled with weight just about his whole life, and is poking gentle fun at both himself and the marketing approaches of the diet industry…which he knows intimately.

He speaks fluent French cuisine, and lives in Tampa, Florida, surrounded by many fine restaurants. He loves all food, Gourmet to Meat and Three.

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Read an Excerpt



Rutledge Hill Press

Copyright © 2007 Kim Bailey
All right reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-40160-216-1

Chapter One


If you are like me, in the past, I'd buy or join a new weight gain program and go right to what I could eat. Often I wouldn't even read the program; and when I did, I wouldn't follow it. Since I'd been on so many programs, I knew all the answers and was interested only in the "quick fix."

If someone told me that I'd have to plan my eating, "Go fly a kite" would be my typical response, for I knew all the answers. I'd start a new program time and again and do the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Now how crazy is that? Can you identify with me? I bet you can.

Today is the time to change. Not tomorrow. Start now. We've all played the "if only" game far too many times. Forget the past, or at least vow not to repeat it. Before you begin, however, there are a few things you should do to better guarantee your success these next thirty days. In order of importance, they are:

1. Read the whole thing. Read the entire program, page by page, at least once before you begin. Complete the Support Journal daily, for the next thirty days.

2. Find some partners. Find three chubby accountability partners to follow this program with you for the next thirty days. Find like-minded people who need to gain approximately the same amount of weight and are close to the same non-athletic level as you. Make sure they are just as committed to following this program.

Family, friends, and business associates are the best source, but if no one is available, distribute flyers in your neighborhood (much like a yard sale) or put a small classified ad in your local paper. Here is a sample ad:

GAIN WEIGHT, 30-DAY PROGRAM Female (or male) Fat Partner wanted for eating, weigh-ins & holding each other accountable.

Mention the area of town you live in because you want people close by for the convenience of meeting daily for Virtual Exercise. Also, make sure they invest in this program, just as you did. This is important because you want them to take it seriously. If you can only find one or two others, that's okay, but we've found that a group of four is best. If you can find no one, go ahead and follow the program solo but keep looking. Having a partner or two will increase your chances of success significantly.

3. Review menus. As we've discussed, if you eat out a lot, get menus from local restaurants you frequent and review them to determine the highest calorie items on the menu, so you can decide what to order in advance. If they serve large portions, make sure they will accommodate you by serving at least twice as much of the high carbohydrate foods such as corn and potatoes. If you cannot finish all the food, put the remaining in a take-out container and try to eat it on the way home.

4. Plan meals in advance. Plan every single meal you are going to cook and eat, at home or not, in the office or out, seven days in advance. Carry high-fat, high-calorie snack foods (preferably Little Debbie's, Sara Lee, or Hostess) with you everywhere. Go no place without snack food nearby. Don't ever get caught off guard. It's in your control.

5. Curtail that exercise. Most people think that exercise gives them a license to eat more. It's true. I've seen so many people become disillusioned by exercising diligently and not gain any weight, or worse, lose weight. They just didn't increase their eating to a level outweighing the expenditure of calories. If you are serious about gaining weight, you've got to expand your portion sizes, and stop walking.

6. Keep a journal. Keeping a journal is a great way for you to get in touch with the emotions of why you eat the way you eat. Knowledge is power and understanding what stresses and motivates you will help reshape your day and consequently reshape your body to a new, much rounder you.

Short-Term Thinking for Long-Term Results

In addition to journaling and maintaining a log of your eating, there are other formulas guaranteed to produce success in your desire to gain weight. And they are not at all difficult to follow. We are not telling you that to be successful you will have to do everything we suggest. You can be assured of one thing, however: The more closely you follow the program, the more weight you'll gain in the shortest amount of time.

Be assured too, that if by this time next year you are ten pounds more than you are now, that is success, especially if your history is losing or staying the same weight year after year. When reading this section, an OB-GYN doctor friend of mine, Dr. Mark Cooper, suggested that most people who need to gain a great deal of weight (including me) would not view a ten-pound weight gain in a year as success. I agreed, even though I'd like to think I would.

What I'm trying to get to here is if we are trying to gain too much too quickly, we often will not be successful unless bingeing methods are imposed. I've done that too, and sometimes it works, but often it doesn't work for the long term. Whether it's a hundred pounds a year or ten, the true measure of success should be if you met the goal you established for yourself and if you feel comfortable with that benchmark and your effort. If not, do something different, such as following our program.

The best way to gain weight is to eat massive amounts of food constantly throughout the day, without binge eating.

Too often we are inflexible and rigid in our demands for immediate weight gain. Hence, we fail because we feel we failed, so we say, "Aw, the heck with it." That thinking, my friends, is "stinkin'-thinkin'," to quote a not-so-close friend of mine.

What is a realistic weight gain goal for you? Write it down. Be realistic and think short term. For the next thirty days what would you like to accomplish? Answer the following questions:

How much weight do I want to gain in thirty days?

Is this a realistic goal?

What is my realistic Virtual Exercise goal?

Is this a realistic goal?

What obstacles could challenge me in achieving my goal?

What is my plan when I am faced with these obstacles?

You'll notice that we didn't ask how much weight you wanted to gain overall. Begin to think in thirty-day spans (even in seven-day spans), and one day at a time in that thirty-day period. I would often say my goal is to gain a hundred pounds. No time frame, but just as quickly as I could. There should be no surprise that failure was on the horizon. When I began to think short-term, the struggle seemed much less daunting, much more achievable.

Gaining two or three pounds a week, eight to twelve pounds in thirty days: Is that possible for you? Or are you trying to gain thirty pounds in thirty days for some special event? If so, this is not the program for you. Become a short-term thinker for long-term results.

If you really follow our suggestions, the first week a woman on our meal plan will probably gain ten pounds and a man will gain twenty. It takes women longer to gain real fat weight-often, much of their gain is water-weight. So take that into consideration as you set your goal. If your goal is to gain ten pounds in thirty days, but you know you're going to gain half of that, or more, in the first seven days, adjust your goal if you wish. Think it through, and be realistic.

In a Single Day You Get 86,400 Seconds 1,440 Minutes And 24 Hours Make Every One of Them Count

Plan, Focus, Then Execute

This program can be just what you've been looking for. Do you have trouble believing that it can work for you? Can't quite summon the enthusiasm to start yet again on your goal toward lasting weight gain? Read on for tips to help you throughout the program.

Have You Lost Hope?

Have you lost hope of ever finding a solution to your battles with weight gain? All of us have lost hope at one point or another. In this program, countless people have found the hope needed to propel and motivate them to change-to make lasting significant weight gain. You can too. The time to begin is now.

But to succeed you must begin to think differently about yourself, and you must begin to think differently about food. You must begin to think differently about exercise as well. New rituals need to replace the old ones. To think and act differently, you must develop positive mental tapes to replace the current negative ones you play over and over again in your mind.

Has weight loss controlled you? Has being thin kept you from achieving your life goals? If so, close your eyes and visualize yourself at three hundred pounds, rolling around the living room floor with your kids, having strangers show little acts of kindness by helping you out of your mini-van. Visualize the new you daily, hourly, until those negative tapes are replaced forever. Success breeds success. Make visualization a ritual. Success will come, and hope will spring forth once again.

Motivation for Change

What's your motivation for choosing our program? Is it a reunion, a wedding, a cruise, a vacation, or even an anniversary? Whatever your motivation, do it for you. "Living large" no longer has to be a slogan. Think of our program as a new way of life-one day at a time-not just a way to get you to a larger size for some special event, then trimming back down afterward. That was your old way. Today, right now, you're going to start thinking differently about food. Food is your friend, your companion, your new social outlet ... you'll never have to be alone again.

Feel Dynamic in Just Seven Days

Our Seven-Day Quick-Gorge Program is designed to jump-start you to success in breaking the habit of consuming fruits and vegetables without sugar and butter. By following our innovative step-by-step approach to food and virtual exercise, you'll feel absolutely dynamic in just seven short days. Think about it: You've been the giver all your life. Now you'll force people to give to you. They'll be the ones stooping over to pick up your car keys and lifting you in and out of your car.

And if you have a lot of weight to gain like I did (I gained 145 pounds on this exact same program), the safe quick weight gain you'll experience the first seven days will catapult you into a new way of thinking about food for long-term success. You'll be somebody to reckon with in no time. No one will be able to push you around anymore ... literally.

Our awesome tasting recipes in the Robust Gourmet section are designed to take you from day eight to the hefty self-indulgent body you always desired. Robust Gourmet excludes no food. If you want a piece of chocolate cake, enjoy it! But don't stop at one piece; eat the whole darn cake-and throw in a half gallon of ice cream. Robust Gourmet will provide you with literally dozens of great-tasting recipes, testimonials, and easy-to-follow tips allowing you to change negative eating patterns for life. No longer will high-fat, high-sugar, great-tasting foods be the enemy. With Robust Gourmet, food becomes your best friend.

Been There-Done That

Sometimes it just helps to know that you aren't alone. Countless millions have felt your frustration, anger, and hurt. Millions have struggled with seemingly unconquerable obsessions to lose weight. I have walked the same road. Here is my story.

Weight has always been an issue for me. As far back as my mind's eye extends I was lean, thin, slight, and gaunt. In my family, I was taunted as the "athletic one," as if I wasn't good enough for the rest of them.

It seemed as though my metabolism ran too fast for fat tissue to adhere to my lanky frame. I was adiposely challenged. My mom would bring platters of spaghetti and meatballs to the table-but no matter how much I ate, it was never enough to gain blubber mass. My brothers and sisters would gain all the weight ... it was truly a difficult time for me.

My parents met with the administrators of my junior high school to try and figure out the problem. After a few weeks of observation, they discovered that I traded my peanut butter clusters and Fritos for apples and oranges. For some reason I just liked fruit.

After much counseling and advice seeking, my mom and dad developed a plan of action, which excluded sports and included a great deal of television watching. My new plan was to return home from school and immediately sit in front of the TV and snack until dinner. Admittedly, at first, it was tough-I wanted to be out running, jumping, and playing with the other kids in my neighborhood.

But after only a few short weeks of lying in front of our large-screen Panasonic, dunking my Cheetos in Dr. Pepper and ice cream, my new regimen paid off. My stomach began to hang over my belt ... just a bit at first, but by tenth grade, I was up to 260 pounds. My parents were so proud. Admittedly, I was too. Finally I fit in.

You may very well guess what happened with my children. My youngest son Buddy exhibited some of the same habits that I did as a child. You know what they say, "The chips don't fall too far from the bag." Buddy was a fast swimmer, and even made the swim team-his mother and I were worried. Buddy and I began to spend more time together as I coached him in some of my old tricks from my youth, such as using heavy cream instead of milk to make milkshakes. It was a bonding time for us both.

We soon hit pay dirt when we invested in a Play Station. Now he never moves from the video screen. You parents-if you find your kid playing sports all the time, our hearts go out to you. My advice is to cheese nip it in the bud as soon as possible.

Now, instead of swimming, Buddy wades in the shallow end of the pool. And you know what? He's the team manager.

My struggle with weight has left scars that run clear to my soul. It also has given me a great compassion for others, an intolerance for prejudice (even against thin people), and a tremendous appreciation for life's little joys ... like a warm homemade carrot cake, topped with macadamia nut ice cream, hot fudge, Marshmallow Fluff, Cool Whip, and chocolate sprinkles (recipe on page 51).

In life, we have many choices. I choose not to be that skinny, underweight, sports-minded athlete anymore. I choose to seize each day and make weight gain my own. I choose to live my life as intended-stuffed and happy-and I invite you to join me.


Excerpted from THE NORTH BEACH DIET by KIM BAILEY Copyright © 2007 by Kim Bailey. Excerpted by permission.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents


Part I - Getting Started Chapter 1 What This Diet Can Do for You....................1
Chapter 2 The Smart Start: Our Seven-Day Quick-Gorge Program....................25
Chapter 3 The Slow Start: Let Your Fork Point North....................31
Part II - Robust Gourmet Chapter 4 Gaining Weight Has Never Tasted So Good....................37
Chapter 5 Our Sandwich Bar....................77
Chapter 6 Vegetables: How They Should be Eaten!....................83
Chapter 7 The Main Course....................99
Chapter 8 When You're Home Alone....................111
Part III - Living the North Beach Way Chapter 9 Everyday Life on the North Beach Diet....................121
Chapter 10 Virtual Exercise: Good for Mind and Body....................131
Chapter 11 Journaling: Your Key to Success....................139
About the Author....................165
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Customer Reviews

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Sort by: Showing all of 2 Customer Reviews
  • Anonymous

    Posted April 20, 2007


    I think this is a great idea. I, too, am tired of hearing about 'dieting.' If you look up the word 'diet' in the dictionary you will find that a diet is whatever you eat. That is your 'diet.' If you choose to eat less meat, or carbs, or fat then that is your diet. If you choose to eat more of it then THAT is your diet. Don't let anyone tell you that you SHOULDN'T read this. It's all about perception.

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  • Anonymous

    Posted March 20, 2007

    This is DANGEROUS

    I have know idea what kind of person would do this 'diet'. This is a fast track to a very early grave. Save your self depression and obesity. I do not think this is funny.

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